Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[blueshark217]

Game Over. You lost. The best thing I can Come up with is stay with her, you dont wnat your kid to go Eminem on your ass. Lastly, stay in school if you're still in and wait to graduate so you can get a high paying job. Then you marry her.

 

[Arenari]

abstinince - the only way to make sure your not the father

Dude just man up and raise the kid but you can honestly say that you'll never do that again

and people wonder why I stay a virgin

Lack of Charm and surplus of social awkwardness?

uh...NO
I choose not to that still is a viable option in this world

No, you confused him with me. Try not to do that again.

 

[Plazmatic]

[/quote]

cool story bro

^^^ this all the way

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely. theres a very low chance that this actually happened, especially considering that the OP has posted here so much, its doubtable he has a real good social life and was able to even get a girl friend.

Also, though he may have tried to address it the first post, why the hell did he need to tell us about it here?

I'm not sure about you guys, but I know that if this really happened to me, I would not be seeking advice from escapist posters. Maybe it would be better if he seeked guidance elsewhere instead of with a bunch of young adults and a few midways.

 

[bloodychimp]

Step 1. Find baseball bat/staircase/captain falcon/egg beater.
Step 2. ????
Step 3. PROFIT

 

[Zyxx]

First things first: get a paternity test the second you can. Doesn't matter if she swears up and down that it's yours - make sure. I think there are some they can do prenatally now.

Second, this chick sounds crazy. With any luck, her folks will realize this and take the kid. If they don't, start saving up for child support, particularly if you can't see yourself marrying/living with her (and I wouldn't blame you.)

And hey, if it's yours, I'd suggest seeing the kid or writing him/her a letter from time to time. I know a number of folks who might've turned out better if they'd at least known that their dads cared about them.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Take it as you will. I wish you both fortune and wisdom.

 

[Actual]

If you don't want to raise the child there's no reason you should.

It sucks that the woman has all the power in this situation, if she wants to keep it, abort it, give it up for adoption, you just gotta roll with that. The one choice you get to make is, if she keeps it do you take a role in it's life. And you really don't have to.

You will likely be expected to pay what you can to help with it's upbringing but that's survivable, go to college, enjoy yourself. Get a reasonable job and you'll be OK.


Also, I'm not certain she's actually pregnant. This could all be a massive ploy to trap you. Just exercise caution here, she sounds nuts.

 

[Actual]

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely.

I don't understand, you make it sound hard to get pregnant. Women can only get pregnant one month out of the year? This is news to me.

 

[Eggsnham]

-Le Dramatic Snippity-

Can I be the godfather?!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I don't know what your situation is like, because I know about condoms, but if I were you, I'd take the responsibility (if the kid is actually yours). Of course, that's easier said than done. No matter what happens, I wish to you the best of luck.

 

[Actual]

****SNIP**** after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again.

Gave it up kind of fast didn't she? Maybe a little one isn't the only surprise you are in for....

Ooooooooooooh aaaaah yeeeeaaaah. May wanna get yourself to the free clinic pronto.

 

[BakaSmurf]

snip

She manipulated you and is attempting to take advantage of you.

Fuck her.

You owe her nothing, if she tries to demand Child Support in court demand that she provide proof that the kid is yours, actually, demand proof that she's actually pregnant right now, if she isn't leave and never talk to her again, trust me, the kind of people that are willing to do this kind of thing to someone are NOT the types of people you want to have a relationship with.

If she turns out to be pregnant, and the kid is, in fact, yours, pay the child support and continue on with your life, as I said, you owe her nothing, she told you she was taking the pill even though she wasn't, you can NOT simply 'forget' to take the pill for a week. CANNOT.

Don't throw your life away for a kid that you didn't even want.

 

[JohnDoey]

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

Well you should have used a condom and gotten to know better,but she might still be able to abort.

 

[OpiateChicken]

This thread is tl;dr. But I read your post, OP. I always make sure my gf is fucking vigilant about it, I made her take it at a time when I can usually watch her take it.

But regardless, you are now in this hole, one I'm sure most guys are really afraid of falling into. In your original post you didn't say how old you are. I'm assuming you're 18-23 or something. So you knocked up a girl. Believe me, you really don't want to pay child support, but this girl sounds like a fucking psycho too. You can get back with her if you want, so you can be there for the kid, or you could take her to court and try to make it so you get to have the kid around you after breastfeeding.

Alternatively, I'm not sure but I think if you went to court you could probably convince everyone that she's fucking insane and unfit to be a mother at all--what kind of sane person tricks you into getting her pregnant, because she sure as hell didn't "forget" to take those pills, and she lied to you--and maybe that way you could force an abortion or an adoption.

Fuck, man, I just don't know. But don't pay child support, the kid will grow up wondering who the fuck you are--and hating you--and (s)he and your future children (from another wife) will end up maybe not liking each other.

Most importantly, you have to realize that this marks the end of adolescence, and the beginning of manhood. This child is yours, and you have to be its father, at least until a viable solution is found; be the best one you can be. Finish school ASAP, get a decent job, and try to help out with things as much as you can. Your life may seem fucked up, but you gotta make the best of it, somehow.

 

[Pokenator]

Assuming that things went down exactly as you told them (I am usually wary of hearing stories from one side) there are a few things I am wondering.

1- What is her motivation for not wanting to adopt/abort. If this was truly a terrible accident, in which case the pill thing sounds sketchy, girls are typically MORE vigilant when they're sexually active, why doesn't she want an abortion/adoption? Parental pressure/religion/social pressure? Or did she want to get pregnant? It would help to know how old you are, is this girl 16 or 30?

2- What was going through each of your heads when this happened, you liked her, we established that (and we promised we won't berate on the quality of decisions) but what was her motivation? One night stand? Making your friend jealous? Genuine interest?

3- Do you honestly think she intended for this to happen or is it a way of justifying the outcome and passing off some blame for a bad situation? The pill forgetting thing does sound dodgy I admit.

If she does give birth, you really have two main options,
a) Get together for the baby's sake, I definitely do not recommend this.
b) Pick up an extra job and pay child support, and forget it ever happened. This option will mean you have less free time but in a few years down the track, will probably not affect you too badly other than being slightly poorer. If you cannot convince her to adopt it out, then there's not much you can do, involving yourself emotionally will probably just cause all sorts of heart ache in the long run, this includes seeing the baby or taking on a pseudo fatherly role. I suggest, failing to convince her to adopt, you should have a good long discussion with her about what you both want out of this, it is unrealistic of her to expect you to become a loving father after a one night stand, especially since its HER decision to keep it, but you need to take some responsibility if it is in fact half yours (make sure you get a paternity test just in case) and pay child support.

You never know, you might strike it lucky and she will miscarry...

1) Religious views, and she was adopted, so she doesn't to put the potential child through that.

2) I thought it was genuine interest.

3) I'm still not sure, the forgetting the pills thing is AWFULLY sketchy, and another thing is, her family (I know this from witnessing it) is not a very supportive family, and her adoptive parents are fairly mean sometimes. On the other hand, my family is incredibly supportive and kind, and who wouldn't want to be in a family like that?

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

Nope impossible. If she skipped the pill two days in a row then her period would have started. It's female hormones. Keep taking the pill and she'll never get a period. So even if she did forget, after two days she would have been reminded in a very unpleasent way. Periods will stop two days after taking the pill again (even if it's just started - it's pretty unhealthy). You'll also be pretty much safe from pregnancy two days after you start taking the pill again. Though it should always be noted that no form of contraception is 100% safe. I'm just saying that she couldn't have forgotten for a whole week. Absolutely not possible.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

You cannot have a "period" whilst pregnant. There can be some bleeding but it's not a period. It will be very light and only last for a day maybe two. It also happens only in early pregnancy. I don't know how old you kids are but most women would assume it's not right.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

The other thing is most girls don't just take the pill for a week when they plan on having sex so I would assume she continued taking it after that time when you got her pregnant? If that's the case taking the pill is extremely harmful to developing babies. It dramatically increases the chances of birth defects. That's something that might be worth talking to her about. She could be the full time carer for the child for the rest of her life. Not quite as appealing as the idea of a cute baby that will grow up and love her for ever and ever.

Pregnancy breaks plenty of couples up. If you don't want to be with her don't be with her. But you should still care about the child. It's not it's fault.

Well then, I legitimately have NO IDEA what's going on. She said she got her period, albeit a few days late. Also, the alleged period was only a few days after we had sex. So, it could have been the "light bleeding" you mentioned.

Belvedere is 100% right on all the pill related stuff. If there is truly nothing you can do, the best thing would be to be supportive of her, pay your child support, but try not to get too involved unless you honestly want to be a father. It is probably easier for a baby to have just one parent they are sure of than one distressed parent in a relationship that was never meant to be with a not-really-there other parent. You both really need to talk to each other about your expectations of each other, whether or not they are realistic (again, you = instant loving fatherly figure is not a realistic expectation under this circumstance). Do you know what she wants from you or out of this? Maybe she just wants to be a single mum, some people do.

 

[muffincakes]

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely.

I don't understand, you make it sound hard to get pregnant. Women can only get pregnant one month out of the year? This is news to me.

Oh, you didn't know? Women can only get pregnant during the month of Skorion, and even then all twelve moons must be aligned and it must be during the cycle of the green sun, not the cyan or golden sun. Oh, and if she hasn't been performing the ritual of rebirth by regularly sacrificing her eldest family members as offerings to the soul demon, there's a chance that the child (if conceived) will be possessed by the archdemon and destroy the world.

Sheesh. I though we were teaching you kids about all of this in school. Maybe you should learn to pay more attention in your demonic realm of childbirth class so that you won't have to ask these kinds of questions.

 

[Luftwaffles]

CONGRATULATIONS you are gonna be a dad!!!!!

 

[Yureina]

Damn.

That's really all I have to say about that.

 

[Angryman101]

Now I'm not exactly a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's impossible.

Can't you get some sort of test done to make sure?

Or at least get on Jerry Springer?

Hahaha! I actually think Maury would be more appropriate in this situation.

Spoiler

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

I think I'm going to be the first here to un-ironically congratulate you. As much as it is ingrained into the male brain that having children is something to be feared, it can also be the most rewarding and beautiful experience you will ever have. I personally got into a similar situation, and after much panicking, I realized that I wanted to raise and love the child I had illegitimately sired. Unfortunately, the woman did not agree and got rid of him or her.
Life rarely goes as planned, and I'm sure this is going to be a fun and rewarding adventure for you that I honestly envy.
(this is of course assuming that it is yours and she isn't faking etc. etc.)

 

[Actual]

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely.

I don't understand, you make it sound hard to get pregnant. Women can only get pregnant one month out of the year? This is news to me.

Oh, you didn't know? Women can only get pregnant during the month of Skorion, and even then all twelve moons must be aligned and it must be during the cycle of the green sun, not the cyan or golden sun. Oh, and if she hasn't been performing the ritual of rebirth by regularly sacrificing her eldest family members as offerings to the soul demon, there's a chance that the child (if conceived) will be possessed by the archdemon and destroy the world.

Sheesh. I though we were teaching you kids about all of this in school. Maybe you should learn to pay more attention in your demonic realm of childbirth class so that you won't have to ask these kinds of questions.

Thank you! I feel educated and entertained!

I will also make sure to always kill the grandparents of every woman I sleep with. I want them to know I'm sharing the responsibility.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

Assuming that things went down exactly as you told them (I am usually wary of hearing stories from one side) there are a few things I am wondering.

1- What is her motivation for not wanting to adopt/abort. If this was truly a terrible accident, in which case the pill thing sounds sketchy, girls are typically MORE vigilant when they're sexually active, why doesn't she want an abortion/adoption? Parental pressure/religion/social pressure? Or did she want to get pregnant? It would help to know how old you are, is this girl 16 or 30?

2- What was going through each of your heads when this happened, you liked her, we established that (and we promised we won't berate on the quality of decisions) but what was her motivation? One night stand? Making your friend jealous? Genuine interest?

3- Do you honestly think she intended for this to happen or is it a way of justifying the outcome and passing off some blame for a bad situation? The pill forgetting thing does sound dodgy I admit.

If she does give birth, you really have two main options,
a) Get together for the baby's sake, I definitely do not recommend this.
b) Pick up an extra job and pay child support, and forget it ever happened. This option will mean you have less free time but in a few years down the track, will probably not affect you too badly other than being slightly poorer. If you cannot convince her to adopt it out, then there's not much you can do, involving yourself emotionally will probably just cause all sorts of heart ache in the long run, this includes seeing the baby or taking on a pseudo fatherly role. I suggest, failing to convince her to adopt, you should have a good long discussion with her about what you both want out of this, it is unrealistic of her to expect you to become a loving father after a one night stand, especially since its HER decision to keep it, but you need to take some responsibility if it is in fact half yours (make sure you get a paternity test just in case) and pay child support.

You never know, you might strike it lucky and she will miscarry...

1) Religious views, and she was adopted, so she doesn't to put the potential child through that.

2) I thought it was genuine interest.

3) I'm still not sure, the forgetting the pills thing is AWFULLY sketchy, and another thing is, her family (I know this from witnessing it) is not a very supportive family, and her adoptive parents are fairly mean sometimes. On the other hand, my family is incredibly supportive and kind, and who wouldn't want to be in a family like that?

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

Nope impossible. If she skipped the pill two days in a row then her period would have started. It's female hormones. Keep taking the pill and she'll never get a period. So even if she did forget, after two days she would have been reminded in a very unpleasent way. Periods will stop two days after taking the pill again (even if it's just started - it's pretty unhealthy). You'll also be pretty much safe from pregnancy two days after you start taking the pill again. Though it should always be noted that no form of contraception is 100% safe. I'm just saying that she couldn't have forgotten for a whole week. Absolutely not possible.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

You cannot have a "period" whilst pregnant. There can be some bleeding but it's not a period. It will be very light and only last for a day maybe two. It also happens only in early pregnancy. I don't know how old you kids are but most women would assume it's not right.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

The other thing is most girls don't just take the pill for a week when they plan on having sex so I would assume she continued taking it after that time when you got her pregnant? If that's the case taking the pill is extremely harmful to developing babies. It dramatically increases the chances of birth defects. That's something that might be worth talking to her about. She could be the full time carer for the child for the rest of her life. Not quite as appealing as the idea of a cute baby that will grow up and love her for ever and ever.

Pregnancy breaks plenty of couples up. If you don't want to be with her don't be with her. But you should still care about the child. It's not it's fault.

Well then, I legitimately have NO IDEA what's going on. She said she got her period, albeit a few days late. Also, the alleged period was only a few days after we had sex. So, it could have been the "light bleeding" you mentioned.

Belvedere is 100% right on all the pill related stuff. If there is truly nothing you can do, the best thing would be to be supportive of her, pay your child support, but try not to get too involved unless you honestly want to be a father. It is probably easier for a baby to have just one parent they are sure of than one distressed parent in a relationship that was never meant to be with a not-really-there other parent. You both really need to talk to each other about your expectations of each other, whether or not they are realistic (again, you = instant loving fatherly figure is not a realistic expectation under this circumstance). Do you know what she wants from you or out of this? Maybe she just wants to be a single mum, some people do.

I'm fairly sure she's not after the whole single mother thing. After we "officially" stopped going out, she pleaded with me to get back together. It took a while for her to realize I really was not interested in a relationship at that moment. And as horrible as it may sound, I'm hoping against hope for a miscarriage.

On the bright side, this might be my most active thread ever.