Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[Eggsnham]

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely.

You do realize that ovulation happens once a month females, don't you?

A herp a derp derp. Somebody didn't do too well in Health class...

 

[Canid117]

Well you sir have been royally fucked over from the sound of things. The first thing I would do is have a paternity test unless there is no doubt that the kid is yours. If it is yours then I am going to have to agree with the "Man up and raise the kid" opinions. It may not be entirely your fault but it is still your responsibility. Sorry buddy but the world isn't fair sometimes.

 

[Therumancer]

Well, I have mixed opinions about situations like this. It's not a good thing for either of the people, which is one of the reasons I believe people should be very careful about birth control during recreational sex. She might have forgotten her pills, but you also were not apparently using a Condom.

That said, you need to seriously discuss the issue with her, her parents, and your parents. If your lucky you might find that your parents are willing to raise the kid for you (or hers in that case). That's not something to rely on, but it DOES happen in the cases of young parents who aren't ready or able to raise kids.

Then of course there is the issue of pushing for an abortion or whatever. I am pro-choice despite my general political leanings. I do not think Abortion should be done casually, but honestly the world is overpopulated to begin with, and frankly if the parents aren't capable of dealing with the kid I think an Abortion is (sadly) better than bringing another person into the world who will be broken by parents who simply aren't ready to parent (which is where a lot of society's problems come from). I am not a big fan of the adoption/child services system, so while that is an option I think not having the kid is a better idea
than that, since it's akin to having bad parents in many cases to begin with.

At any rate, all I can say is that you should bring the extended family into it and see what happens.

Also no big deal discussing things like this on internet forums, heck I do stuff like that myself. A social network is a social network, and it's a decent place to vent. Relative anonimity has it's advantages.

Apologies if my opinion/advice offends anyone.

Also, I'll be honest in saying that I will never have kids because I'm afraid I'd pass my problems on to them. Simply put I have no idea if the brain damage that is responsible for my problems came from a mistake dealing with a problem when I was born (head was closing up, they had to put in a plate, and later remove it), is genetic (my mother has some serious issues it turns out), or both. I can barely deal with this, and feel nobody should have to. As a result I have put very little thought into the idea of raising a family and have made sure I would not have to deal with your specific situation, even when I was considerably younger and my problems seemed to be getting better.

Thus, as someone who has decided they will never have a family, I can hardly be considered an expert.

 

[Paksenarrion]

cool story bro

Lol.....dick.


OT: Have you made her prove she's pregnant with a test? If she was a liar before maybe she's lying again now. I've had something like this happen to me before, and she turned out to by lying about it. I found out the truth when I threw down three pregnancy tests in front of her and told her to get a peein'.

Also......always.....ALWAYS, use a condom....always. The only time I never used one was with someone I really trusted.

Yes, this. Always this.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

All this could have been avoided if we could all just accept and remember the time honored birth control method of staying home alone and playing video games. I ain't never got no kidnapped princess knocked up, I can tell you that.

In all seriousness, sucks to be you. Blame your wiener. It has no concern for your future, other than the 1-3 minutes it could possibly be spending in a hole somewhere.

Welcome to statistic-land.

 

[Pokenator]

Assuming that things went down exactly as you told them (I am usually wary of hearing stories from one side) there are a few things I am wondering.

1- What is her motivation for not wanting to adopt/abort. If this was truly a terrible accident, in which case the pill thing sounds sketchy, girls are typically MORE vigilant when they're sexually active, why doesn't she want an abortion/adoption? Parental pressure/religion/social pressure? Or did she want to get pregnant? It would help to know how old you are, is this girl 16 or 30?

2- What was going through each of your heads when this happened, you liked her, we established that (and we promised we won't berate on the quality of decisions) but what was her motivation? One night stand? Making your friend jealous? Genuine interest?

3- Do you honestly think she intended for this to happen or is it a way of justifying the outcome and passing off some blame for a bad situation? The pill forgetting thing does sound dodgy I admit.

If she does give birth, you really have two main options,
a) Get together for the baby's sake, I definitely do not recommend this.
b) Pick up an extra job and pay child support, and forget it ever happened. This option will mean you have less free time but in a few years down the track, will probably not affect you too badly other than being slightly poorer. If you cannot convince her to adopt it out, then there's not much you can do, involving yourself emotionally will probably just cause all sorts of heart ache in the long run, this includes seeing the baby or taking on a pseudo fatherly role. I suggest, failing to convince her to adopt, you should have a good long discussion with her about what you both want out of this, it is unrealistic of her to expect you to become a loving father after a one night stand, especially since its HER decision to keep it, but you need to take some responsibility if it is in fact half yours (make sure you get a paternity test just in case) and pay child support.

You never know, you might strike it lucky and she will miscarry...

1) Religious views, and she was adopted, so she doesn't to put the potential child through that.

2) I thought it was genuine interest.

3) I'm still not sure, the forgetting the pills thing is AWFULLY sketchy, and another thing is, her family (I know this from witnessing it) is not a very supportive family, and her adoptive parents are fairly mean sometimes. On the other hand, my family is incredibly supportive and kind, and who wouldn't want to be in a family like that?

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

Nope impossible. If she skipped the pill two days in a row then her period would have started. It's female hormones. Keep taking the pill and she'll never get a period. So even if she did forget, after two days she would have been reminded in a very unpleasent way. Periods will stop two days after taking the pill again (even if it's just started - it's pretty unhealthy). You'll also be pretty much safe from pregnancy two days after you start taking the pill again. Though it should always be noted that no form of contraception is 100% safe. I'm just saying that she couldn't have forgotten for a whole week. Absolutely not possible.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

You cannot have a "period" whilst pregnant. There can be some bleeding but it's not a period. It will be very light and only last for a day maybe two. It also happens only in early pregnancy. I don't know how old you kids are but most women would assume it's not right.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

The other thing is most girls don't just take the pill for a week when they plan on having sex so I would assume she continued taking it after that time when you got her pregnant? If that's the case taking the pill is extremely harmful to developing babies. It dramatically increases the chances of birth defects. That's something that might be worth talking to her about. She could be the full time carer for the child for the rest of her life. Not quite as appealing as the idea of a cute baby that will grow up and love her for ever and ever.

Pregnancy breaks plenty of couples up. If you don't want to be with her don't be with her. But you should still care about the child. It's not it's fault.

Well then, I legitimately have NO IDEA what's going on. She said she got her period, albeit a few days late. Also, the alleged period was only a few days after we had sex. So, it could have been the "light bleeding" you mentioned.

Belvedere is 100% right on all the pill related stuff. If there is truly nothing you can do, the best thing would be to be supportive of her, pay your child support, but try not to get too involved unless you honestly want to be a father. It is probably easier for a baby to have just one parent they are sure of than one distressed parent in a relationship that was never meant to be with a not-really-there other parent. You both really need to talk to each other about your expectations of each other, whether or not they are realistic (again, you = instant loving fatherly figure is not a realistic expectation under this circumstance). Do you know what she wants from you or out of this? Maybe she just wants to be a single mum, some people do.

I'm fairly sure she's not after the whole single mother thing. After we "officially" stopped going out, she pleaded with me to get back together. It took a while for her to realize I really was not interested in a relationship at that moment. And as horrible as it may sound, I'm hoping against hope for a miscarriage.

On the bright side, this might be my most active thread ever.

Have you actually seen her since she told you this and seen the pregnancy test? She could just be a really messed up crazy ***** who is lying. There are a whole lot of factors in your story (starting with unprotected sex with your ex's friend outside a relationship during high school years) that point to crazy *****.

 

[Paksenarrion]

cool story bro

^^^ this all the way

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely. theres a very low chance that this actually happened, especially considering that the OP has posted here so much, its doubtable he has a real good social life and was able to even get a girl friend.

HOW IS BABBY MAED?!?!?!

They need to do way instain> mother who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back?

it was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had kill her three kids. they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest
my pary are with the father who lost his chrilden ; i am truley sorry for your lots

 

[Cody211282]

Wow so you might have knocked up your friends ex(well I hope she is, because if she isn't then I feel even less pity for you) sucks to be you, that's why you use one of these you moron

until you get into a loving a trusting long term relationship.

Also I hope you know how to take care of a kid because the crash course will suck.

 

[Plazmatic]

This is a very unlikely story, theres a 1 in 12 chance you were even in the right month for her to get pregnant, second there are other complications that make pregnancy even more unlikely.

I don't understand, you make it sound hard to get pregnant. Women can only get pregnant one month out of the year? This is news to me.

Oh, you didn't know? Women can only get pregnant during the month of Skorion, and even then all twelve moons must be aligned and it must be during the cycle of the green sun, not the cyan or golden sun. Oh, and if she hasn't been performing the ritual of rebirth by regularly sacrificing her eldest family members as offerings to the soul demon, there's a chance that the child (if conceived) will be possessed by the archdemon and destroy the world.

Sheesh. I though we were teaching you kids about all of this in school. Maybe you should learn to pay more attention in your demonic realm of childbirth class so that you won't have to ask these kinds of questions.

Thank you! I feel educated and entertained!

I will also make sure to always kill the grandparents of every woman I sleep with. I want them to know I'm sharing the responsibility.

Well while its true women can get pregnant in most months, the likely hood is so low in those months, you might as well not even count them, in specific months (its different for every woman) the chance is amplified greatly in this month, if you do have sex during this month, there's probably a 90% chance you just got her pregnant. When you count in all probabilities of the months, its a 1/12 chance, however, there are several other factors (hormone dips etc) that effect whether or not you will get pregnant, and thus will make that chance even lower. This is the reason why you will have couples trying for a very long time in order to make a baby, while others only have to go for a month or so before they see they are going to have a baby.

Look it up if you want, also I got this from the Web MD.

 

[WolfMage]

I'm gonna go with the fiscally responsible argument of abort the kid and cut your losses.
Cause really, you won't have that college dream after a kid gets into the picture.
Seriously, your best option here is to tuck and run.

Actually, the college thing is definitely viable.

My father's GI Bill is passing on to me for college, and the Navy is paying for my entire education. So I'm still going to college.

Fair enough.
Then take the good of the people/world/child route and abort it so it doesn't grow up in this world, with that situation. Besides, you need to live a while before ruining your future possibilities be having a kid.

 

[Kunzer]

yeah, the best part about this entire thread is that the OP's name is "ruzzian roulette"

Looks like you tried to play russian roulette with a semi-automatic.

Do I have unprotected sex with my girlfriend? Yes, it is true. Before we started doing that madness, though, we had been together for 9-10 months and we formed a foundation of trust.

I do feel sorry for you, though, and you were definitely played by a deceitful woman.

 

[BonsaiK]

Now, I've never been the most attractive guy, but I've always been sort of a hopeless romantic, looking for that one girl that'll love me more than anything. Well, a few months ago, I thought I had found her, albeit she was a friends girlfriend at the time (something I'd rather not get into), and after a few weeks of late-night texting and hanging out after school, we became close. Really close. So close that one day, when her parents were gone, she took me up to her room, and boots were a'knockin.

Now, I realize that situation in itself was a mistake, I mean, we weren't even a couple yet, and we had already had sex. We went waaaaay too fast,something I never plan on doing again. She had told me on the pill (PEELZ!), and I trusted her, I had no reason not to, right? She said she loved me (a real first for me) and I was completely sure she was telling the truth.

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

And yes, our parents know, everybody in our school knows (I HATE small towns) and I go away to college in a year. I don't want to hear your lectures, but I know I'm gonna get them anyway. So bring it on. I love you guys/girls.

Tl;Dr? Fuck off, this is a real problem.

EDIT: For godsakes, I've talked to a countless number of people before this. I just decided to post this on here because I felt like it.

EDIT2: My friend and the girl had broken up beforehand, before we ever hooked up.

Discussed in the Relationship Problem Thread, at the following link: ---> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=34#6230110

 

[TheMightyImp]

Stop being sad, and start being awesome.

Wow, that's a pretty big whole you've dug yourself into. I'd say just wait it out, see what happens. That's pretty much my motto in life, and it's done me pretty well so far

 

[Bernzz]

cool story bro

Don't be a dick.

OT: Wow, man. That is quite a situation you got yourself into. I'm not gonna be a dick and say shit like "You're an idiot." or whatever, but it is your fault. You don't need me saying that, of course.

I know the allure of sex is hard to resist, especially if it's someone you like/love a lot, but you probably should have taken that a tad slower.

Obviously, if girls don't just "forget" to take the pill one week, she intended this to happen. Maybe she intended to scare the shit outta you for some fuckall insane reason, and the pregnancy was an unwanted side effect? Maybe she isn't pregnant and this is all just something to fuck with you?

I'm not being sexist, but girls can be insane, and girls can be real headfucks some times. So can guys, btw (no sexism here).

But whatever the reason, this girl might be a bit crazy, or she could be as innocent as you. But you did get yourself into this. If the pregnancy thing is true, you will have to man up and look after the kid. If she's fuckin' with ya, never, ever, speak to her again. Ever.

Because if she's messing with you, she's insane/crazy, and you don't need those types of girls around, especially being a "hopeless romantic", as you said. So if you find out she's messing with you, no redemption. At all.

 

[Sojaus]

Couple points;

1 - Condoms are you're friend
2 - Should learn how to pull out (Even if you're wearing a condom), unless you're a minute man (Then you're screwed, more figuratively then literally).
3 - Get her to take a paternity test, but go to a doctor for this. Over the counter ones, while the do work aren't the greatest tool in the shed.
4 - If infact she is pregnant then be prepared to buck up and be a man about it. If you're not prepared to do so then you're a weak weak little man and shouldn't be involved in the kids life.
5 - If all other options fail .. FALCON .... PUNCH!

 

[ryanxm]

oh...shit...umm...sorry to hear that...

 

[Hashime]

There are plenty of parents who would love a child, and cannot have one on their own. Consider giving the child up for adoption.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

I dunno if anyone's mentioned it, but maybe she got pregnant by someone else, then bagged you to make it look like you're the dad to keep her family from finding out she was pregnant from a crack dealing, one-armed rapist or something.

 

[Actual]

[
Well while its true women can get pregnant in most months, the likely hood is so low in those months, you might as well not even count them, in specific months (its different for every woman) the chance is amplified greatly in this month, if you do have sex during this month, there's probably a 90% chance you just got her pregnant. When you count in all probabilities of the months, its a 1/12 chance, however, there are several other factors (hormone dips etc) that effect whether or not you will get pregnant, and thus will make that chance even lower. This is the reason why you will have couples trying for a very long time in order to make a baby, while others only have to go for a month or so before they see they are going to have a baby.

Look it up if you want, also I got this from the Web MD.

OK, I'm still doubtful, but interested. Can you link it?

 

[Tarmon'gaidin]

Dude I'm afraid you don't have alot of options if she won't abort or consider adoption there's not much you can do about it. Maybey you could talk to her with yours and her parents present, but I don't think that would be of much use.
So I gues what I'm trying to tell you is this; go to college and get a job on the side pay childsupport and try to be involved in the kids live. You (and her to) are having a hard time ahead of yourselfs so try to make the most of it.
Oh and as far as the lying goes that doesn't really matter right now because it won't change anything, you should just file that on deathbed discussions or something.

And to the people talking about slipping her a pill or something to abort........ Are you out of your fricking goddamn mind you're seriously considering drugging another person without there consent. You seriously disgust me.