DnD stories

[Altorin]

my most interesting D&D stories...

Let's see.. a couple friends and I were playing 3 player D&D (basically 2 players, 1 DM). I was playing a Cancin Sorcerer (Basically the Chaos Variant of the Aasimar or Tiefling), and my friend was playing a Kenku (Crow-Man) Soulknife (Basically.... Jedi >.>).

We started on a small ship when we were waylaid by lizard-folk pirates. We kill the pirates, but not before one of the weaker willed pirates lets slip that they were pirating to collect bodies to appease their god, a mighty kraken. So we sail off on the pirate's ship, heading towards the closest dry land, which happened to be the Pirate's home island.

So I'll say now, to start off with, my character sheet was Chaotic Good, and my friend was True Neutral. I mention alignment now because we're about to commit our first atrocity. Anyway, we get attacked by the kraken, and literally slay our guide to feed to the kraken, without even a second thought. Honestly, this seemed like the solution to the puzzle for us. One tick for Evil.

We land on the island, and find a small encampment of humans hiding out from the lizard-folk pirates. We spend several sessions exploring the various lizard-folk temples and whatnot on the island, and research the roving pirates. We bring all of the weapons of the lizardfolk back to the humans, but for some reason the humans were completely apathetic.

Eventually, we came to the point where we're like 'Ok, we've been trying to help these fucking pissants for like 4 sessions.. but this is getting crazy.. they're like apathetic pansies that don't want to fight for their own freedom.. they want us to just run around and save them.. so toss them'

We sneak our way into the lizard-folk pirate base. By this time, I had been embracing my Red Dragon Heritage, and had some scales (through the use of feats). So I snuck in with my crowman jedi companion, and met with the leader of the Lizard-folk, who happened to be an Ogre, named Ugu. Ugu is a recurring character in our games, and once I recognized him (I had created him about 5 games earlier), I laughed.. We basically joined sides with the lizard-folk and ended that game slaughtering a bunch of stupid helpless villagers that we had been trying to help, officially setting our alignments to Chaotic Evil and Neutral Evil respectively.

That was basically the end of our game (It only lasted about 5 sessions), but it's still my favorite game of all time.

 

[NeutralDrow]

In response to an anonymous tip, I will tell the story of my people this one time. It was in old World of Darkness rather than D&D, but eh.

I was playing as the ST for a certain story crossing over Werewolf and Mage, and my friend was playing one of both (there were only three of us, so we each had multiple characters). His werewolf character met with a Russian mob boss who he'd done jobs for in the past and called on that prior working relationship to ask for information. He gets it, and both of his characters leave, with a note to give to the boss' right-hand man and squad of mooks outside that they were to leave unharmed. He specifically says that his character swaggers out, with the note in hand but doing nothing with it...while staring in the face of eleven men with submachine guns.

After several subtle hints on my part that he should hand over the note as quickly as possible, I finally get pissed off and have the entire squad start firing. Eleven men, all wielding submachine guns, full-auto, point-blank range. It was a difficulty four roll, capped at 70 dice (we didn't have the full 154 10-siders).

They miss.

Every one of them.

Me: "...WHAT?!"
Him: "YES! Walking through the valley of the shadow of death, baby!"

Meanwhile, his other character, the one who couldn't regenerate, is pinned to the wall with bullets, alive but wishing otherwise...

 

[FastFoot92]

I have a sense of pride and dignity, so I don't play DnD.

Better get my flame shield ready, because I'm about to be trolled by every virgin to ever register an account to this forum.

Wait...was there really a point to posting if all you are going to do is troll people? Bad form, man.

And here's our first virgin of the day.

And you must be the fist fag

 

[Optimus Hagrid]

My friend's stepdad once killed God on the first turn. He had to roll 1/28 or something like that, I don't remember.

 

[Darmort]

Level 1 Party enters dead wood.

ME: My Druid's going to look for signs of animals.
GM: Nothing. It's a dead wood, no signs of life other than the odd mushroom. *passes me a note*. *Mushrooms turn out to be Mushrooms I've used before that knock people out for three days.*
ME: Right... okay, I'm leading the way. I'm telling everyone to walk exactly where I walk and don't touch anything. *At night party makes camp. Three Party Members decide to investigate the mushrooms*
Bender: I'm taking a handful of mushrooms to eat.
Brodie: Me too!
Hilton: Might as well have some food in this place.
Me: FUCK! No!
GM: All three of you fall unconscious.
Me, Seb and Jack: *Shake our heads, then decide to laugh at them*
GM: First night, you're fine while these guys are still unconscious. Second night, you hear howls.
Me: I hide the unconscious guys.
Seb: I hide.
Jack: I fail my hide...
*Werewolf comes along* *Bites Jack* *Sniffs a mushroom*
Me: I behead the Werewolf while it's unconscious, then hide the body.
GM: Fine, Werewolf's dead. Another Werewolf is approaching.
Me: I hide again and pick up some mushrooms?
GM: It finds you, and you can pick up the mushrooms since you recognise them.
Me: Balls. I bluff it and tell it that we found this Werewolf dead here and were burying the body, only my companions were stupid enough to go mushroom picking.
GM: The Werewolf doesn't believe you, claiming you killed his mate.
Seb: You're fucked, dude.
Me: No shit... I throw the mushrooms at it. *Rolls dice*
GM: The Werewolf is knocked unconscious.
Me: I behead it and bury it with the other Werewolf.

The GM was an evil git. Werewolves for a Level 1 party...

 

[Super_Nintendo_Chalmers]

How very odd. This thread was started in 2008.

 

[The Fork of Truth]

I remember being in a corridor full of treasure that was gradually filling with water. What the GM hadn't anticipated was me playing a Wizard with Ray of Frost. The tragedy was that it didn't work, but he gave me extra XP for it anyway.

In a more recent game, our Paladin (within the first 10 seconds of the whole campaign) fell through a bridge and spent the majority of the following encounter floating downstream and trying not to drown.

 

[CJ1145]

In my most recent 3.5e campaign, we were playing after the apocalypse. Half the gods were dead, and most civilization had disappeared. All we found were hobgoblins, and they were EVIL.

We snuck (I know it's sneaked, but that sounds weird) into the mountains, where we went into a cave to rest. Around the corner, we spotted 5 cave trolls sitting around a fire. We all said that we should just leave, as we hadn't been spotted; but then, of course, our idiot Gnome Rogue hopped around the corner and shouted "Avast ye, who are ye and why do ye live in this 'ere cave?" (Pirate voice is another story) Obviously, the cave trolls were surprised to find a midget shouting at them, and the leader asked if she was for eating. For reasons unbeknownst to the rest of us, she for once in her life shut up. Since she didn't speak, the trolls assumed she was for eating, and pulled a big-ass iron pot from the corner of the cave to cook her in.

Now, throughout the campaign she has managed to piss off both characters I've played to the point that I should not want to help. But for some reason, I did. I jumped out and flipped on the roleplaying switch. I managed to convince them she was not for eating, and that we were just explorers trying to get away from the hobgoblins (which they called grubs.) I got them to spill the beans that apparently the Grubs had killed all humans over 500 years ago, and that Bugbears had not been seen for a while as well. We asked them what was on the other side of the mountain, and they told us it was a bunch of orc tribes, which hired trolls a lot to fight the Grubs, since the trolls loved to eat Grubs.

THEN, one of the trolls in the back grabbed a club and said he was going hunting. He turned the corner, and found the rest of my party; they were still hiding. I acted fast, and told him that they weren't for eating either. He believed me, and since he wanted some sport he left them alone.

I turned back to the others, and wished them well as we were about to leave. But then I had a stroke of genius. Two levels ago, I'd taken the Leadership feat, and used it to convince the oldest and strongest troll, Bull, to come with me as my cohort.

Thanks to my desire to not see the Gnome Rogue eaten, I managed to befriend some trolls, gain some history of the world, found a destination (the orc tribes) and even got a Troll cohort to join us! It was awesome.

 

[Tiny116]

Well me and my friends (And my sister) started playing 4e recently 9We don't play much seeing everyones at Uni and I don't have time to prepare the encounters) However when we were playing our first adventure my firends were reluctant to do any actual "Role playing" so being the book whore that I am I quoted directly from the Dm's guide "Quote films or books or anything" anyhow My sister takes her turn, charging a Kobold and screams
"Yippee-ki-yay, ************!"
Needless to say it put my friends and I into fucking Histerics and embarressed my sister (Shes not used to being found funny). Unfortunately i don't think she killed the Kobold...that would have taken the cake!

 

[MrSnugglesworth]

Playing a new Campaign, we have a Wild Elf Barbarian (Me), Human Rogue, Dwarf Paladin, and an Adept(This is the DM's player character)


So we find ourselves in a Lighthouse. Its presumably been abandoned, because it hasn't been lit in a while. So we go in, and find the stairs going up, and a room with 2 doors on the right and left (Going in a circle), and a closet with 4 pairs of shoes, going from small to large. (A Family of 4 lived here, Father, Mother, Son, Daughter) and a table with 5 chairs. Kitchen Area has largely been cleaned out. This floor has nothing else note worthy. We start walking up, with me in front. Second floor, What looks like a family room with two doors to the right and left, nothing note worthy besides a fire that looks like its been used recently. We wonder about it, then head into the left door. We are instantly hit by a terrible smell. Its what looks like a big Bedroom. There are two Wardrobes right next to each other on the left side of the room. We all roll dice to see who open them. I roll a 14, and lucky me, my friends decide to all roll 20's in a noncombat roll. So I open the door, and roll a 3 to throw up. Its a head, with no chest, arms, and legs. Its Torso is totally missing.

I slam it shut, and then break the doors so they fall off and we see it anyway.

I roll low again, but refuse to open it, so the Paladin goes in to open it and... its a torso. He rolls high enough to not throw up, and then he just closes it gently. By this time I had quite enough of the lighthouse, and just wanted to leave (My Barbarian has a Phobia of Corpses, due to Backstory reasons I don't want to explain right now) But we pushed forward into the next room, and closed the door behind us. The room smelled oddly nice, had a big chair facing away from us looking at a fire. I know there is something behind it, so I take out my Orcish Double Axe and slice the chair in half. The DM busts out laughing at this point, because I just killed the father who had a silence spell on him. I freak out, and run out of both rooms to the stairs. I proceed to abandon my team to walk to the top to get some air.

I have no idea what was in the next set of rooms, because I left the basement we were playing in because I wasn't with the party when they checked it out. I was going to ask, but the DM interrupted me to tell us that there was a huge fireball heading towards us.

I sat there and said "Oh ok, thats ju- WHAAAAATT?!?!?!?"

So I freak out, sprint down the steps, and make out in time, the Dwarf Paladin and the Human Rogue make it out fine, but the DM's Adept made it out, but the fireball split the building in two, and the top piece fell on him.

I laughed and laughed. I hated the Adept (In game he was racist to all but Humans and Dwarves)

It was great.

 

[Mr.Squishy]

Me and my group had our first 3.5 session last night, having played 4th ed. before. We're...not terribly good at following the books to the letter, but holy hell do we manage to make it fun. I'm oftenmost the DM, so I get to create oh-so many awesome moments. Yesterday had quite a few, but there was one that really stuck. The guys had a level 1 half-elf fighter and a level 1 half-orc monk. True neutral and lawful neutral, respectively.

The characters had just come out of a crypt full of undeads and sahuagin (if this sounds familiar, you've probably played DDO). They were about to clear up the rewards for clearing out the crypt with the mayor (who was more than a bit eccentric), when a bomb (a black orb with fuse, think tom & jerry style) was dropped from the roof of the crypt. Turned out there was someone there, a classical "mysterious hooded figure kind of person", who turned out to be a priest of the devourer...who also happened to have a level in monk. He/She/It retreated farther back, leaving behind a note. The monk, who, clumsily enough, failed the climb check once, picked it up and read it. Turns out it had a minor case of explosive runes on it, and being that the monk had a rather high wisdom score and the int to not be illiterate, he read it. It blew up in his face, although it didn't kill him.

The fighter followed, and both approached the figure. The figure, being exceptionally athletic and all that (although not out of the reasonable...for us, anyway) and charges the monk, attacking with a fly kick, but he manages to miss and land behind them, before trying to escape by jumping back down and run. The fighter follows him and manages to get in a couple attacks, stopping him and almost killing him (leaving him at 1 hp). The monk's turn is up. He decides to return the favor, and charge towards both the fighter and the figure, doing a double fly kick over the fighter with Flurry of blows. He misses the first kick(to hit the fighter. Had to determine that. Else he might as well go through him), but then rolls a natural 20 on the second kick! We do the logical thing and roll to see what happens, or rather, what happens to the fighter. Cue two natural 20's(we were kind of unsure about what to do, so we chalked those up to see if the enemy was hit. Needless to say, we were playing more for fun than accuracy. Anywho, we determine from the rolls that the fighter is launched at the enemy. Being that there was 3 natural 20's, I rule as DM that the fighter is launched a number of squares in the direction of the enemy. So, as is natural in the middle of the night, I decide that the fighter flies THROUGH the enemy, sort of exploding him (the fighter was also wielding a trident, which he had already stabbed the enemy with) in a shower of cloth, blood and flesh.

The fighter lands just by the edge, his trident falling down into the ground and embedding itself there. The mayor(who has puked and repeatedly shit himself by now) decides to pour gold on the trident and make it a statue (and possibly the base for a fountain). The fighter lumbers back into the crypt to loot another trident from a slain sahuagin. We had to end the game there due to laughing our asses off.

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Well. About 2 weeks ago, me and some friends of mine decided to try DnD over Skype.....we spent 2 hours on demon squirrels and about a half hour on the GIANT WOLF that was meant to be the final boss for the night.

 

[Durz O'Blint]

we started out a 3 man group arriving at oakhurst sounds like o cursed if said fast, i was a changeling rogue, we had a human fighter and and a psionic fighter, idk what exacly. we met a half elf druid in a tavern and began a quest. My first time ever, we get to a crevice and decide to climb down, so the DM, my friends brother, makes us roll a move silent. Me, the druid, and the human make it. the othr hits a 2, so he decides to drop the last 30 ft in full plate armor, it's pitch black and we are suddenly hit by a group of dire rats, cut to epic fight. Later, we are trying to knock out a white wyrmling when the same guy rolls a 1 with a 97 percent. luckily, the DM was nice, unfortunately, he snapped his morning star, his only weapon besides a crossbow.so he was useless, we gained two npc clerics and contiued on,(i almost died when two goblins with slings crit hit me in the head) and we get to the boss. its 3 goblins, 4 hob goblins, a goblin king and a cleric. our npc uses beckon to let us hit the hob goblins, destroying them, the good fighter cleaves one in half with a bastard sword crit, thanks to my caltrops, and the king almost kills the druid when the same fighter hits a crit and flank, one hitting the boss, a reacurring theme for us. The best moment was when we hit a dire rats nest, filled with loot. we determin spoils by the international dibs law, and the morning starless fighter killed the mother rat with a sword he got, it was actuall of a fail, causing the rat to crush him, so as i steal all the loot, the other two are trying to move the dead rat. i found a glass like whistle called the nightcaller,which the druid was against me using, so i used it anway. natural 20 on a slight of hand total 27 vs a spot check lets just say the druid lost. but the whistle did nothing, turns out its a necromancy spell that will give me two minions if i blow it over a graesite, wonder why the druid was pissed. LAst, id like to say that, the DM had to giive us a kobold guide to read all the draconic we encounter so it was annoying when he left. The DM applied the rule that, since i can speack Dwarven, i can read and understand goblin since they use the dwarven language. So, i found out later th, by speaking Auren, language of flying creatures which uses the draconic alphabet, in turn i can read draconic. So, the whole time, ive been an idiot

 

[deadpoolhulk]

So our party has a monk that, due to feats and what not (not my character so i never bothered to understand the details.) if he rolls higher then 15 he auto avoids enemy attacks.
So we're in a cramped tunnel and a dragon is kicking our ass, mostly because his fire breath fills the entire area.
And the monk then rolls 17.
How do you dodge something that is quite literally EVERYWHERE? eventually we decided that he jumped straight up and went through the roof like a rocket and ended up outside again.
And there was much loling by all.

 

[JageshemashFTW]

This story was made possible by the joint effort of a very lenient dm and a very charming Bard. So, we had this one guy in our group, let's call him Bob, who had a bard character. And, true to form, his bard was a real ladies man. This guy would seduce anything with a y-chromosome. But here's the thing: He never seduced willy-billy. He didn't seduce tavern maidens simply because they were there. He did 'tactical seducings'. He only seduced when it benifitted the whole group like, for example, we were hired by a halfling woman once to help procure an artifact and we weren't entirely sure she was on the up and up, y'know? But in comes Bob to the rescue, he seduces the halfling to increase her disposition towards him so she would tell him some secrets and, sure enough, she planned on screwing us over. Another example is when we were being held captive by a horde of orcs. So Bob seduces their Queen or something like that, I don't remember, but he seduced her to get leniency for the group. But the absolute greatest example of Bob seducing for the good of the many was when we were in a dungeon searching for some fabled treasure. And when we get to the treasure room, what should be guarding it but two dragons. So we're all freaking out. How are we supposed to fight two dragons. But then Bob finds one of the dragons... Is female. And we all see the gleam in eyes and were all just going "No Bob, please! It isn't worth it!". But it's too late. He is going to seduce that dragon. Now our dm is a very very lenient dm. Everytime we get some crazy hairbrained scheme, he will let us do it, maybe even bend the rules a tiny bit because he, and I quote, 'want's to see if it will actually work.' So Bob does his thing and the dragon, again quoting the dm here, 'cooes approvingly, beckoning Bob with her tail'. So Bob goes to 'seduce' the dragon which works for us cause now we only have one dragon to fight. So we beat the dragon, get the treasure and, as an added bonus, the she-dragon enjoyed Bob's 'seducing' so much it was know loyal to him! We now have a dragon at our beck and call because Bob will chase anything that moves.