Dude looks like a lady!

[Loop Stricken]

​

So.

Let's say I have this friend... no, this isn't one of those kinds of threads, there actually is a friend. Anyway. I've known him for the best part of a decade, he's been a good friend, sometimes been a right bastard who I've thought about just cutting all ties with.

Now this being my friend, I met him on the webby-webs, so he might as well be living on a different planet. but we talk often enough, or so I thought.

Anyway, not so long ago we get to talking aaaaaand... it turns out he's a she now. Seems quite out of the blue to me, almost like it happened overnight.
I've seen pictures of her, and... well, who'da thought a massive chap like him could end up looking so cute? Sure she's kinda chubby but she looks like she's the kind of girl who is meant to be, you know? How some girls just look like they were made to be larger than average.

And I've kinda sorta started finding her attractive. Anyone think this might be a bit weird?
And yes I know I'm usually the one telling anyone who'll listen to just do whatever they think feels right, but I suppose it's different when the shoe's on the other foot, or something.

 

[recruit00]

​

So.

Let's say I have this friend... no, this isn't one of those kinds of threads, there actually is a friend. Anyway. I've known him for the best part of a decade, he's been a good friend, sometimes been a right bastard who I've thought about just cutting all ties with.

Now this being my friend, I met him on the webby-webs, so he might as well be living on a different planet. but we talk often enough, or so I thought.

Anyway, not so long ago we get to talking aaaaaand... it turns out he's a she now. Seems quite out of the blue to me, almost like it happened overnight.
I've seen pictures of her, and... well, who'da thought a massive chap like him could end up looking so cute? Sure she's kinda chubby but she looks like she's the kind of girl who is meant to be, you know? How some girls just look like they were made to be larger than average.

And I've kinda sorta started finding her attractive. Anyone think this might be a bit weird?
And yes I know I'm usually the one telling anyone who'll listen to just do whatever they think feels right, but I suppose it's different when the shoe's on the other foot, or something.

I think that would just fall under the whole concept that you don't date friends. She's your friend and dating or attraction would make things awkward. Also, it could probably just be a bit of aftershock from the change?

I don't know. I have never even run into a transgender person before. Even at my urban campus, I don't even run into LGB that much either. We're pretty diverse too.

 

[Vault101]

have you know her IRL? or is it just an online thing?

I don't know. I have never even run into a transgender person before. Even at my urban campus, I don't even run into LGB that much either. We're pretty diverse too.

how do you know somones LGB? aside from sterotypical traits? (which do not apply to everyone)

 

[recruit00]

have you know her IRL? or is it just an online thing?

I don't know. I have never even run into a transgender person before. Even at my urban campus, I don't even run into LGB that much either. We're pretty diverse too.

how do you know somones LGB? aside from sterotypical traits? (which do not apply to everyone)

Actual conversations with them and discussions. Ironically the first lesbian I ran into was stereotypical.

 

[Loop Stricken]

have you know her IRL? or is it just an online thing?

Yeah, just online. The whole geography thing makes it very difficult to meet in real life. She might as well be on another planet.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

​

So.

Let's say I have this friend... no, this isn't one of those kinds of threads, there actually is a friend. Anyway. I've known him for the best part of a decade, he's been a good friend, sometimes been a right bastard who I've thought about just cutting all ties with.

Now this being my friend, I met him on the webby-webs, so he might as well be living on a different planet. but we talk often enough, or so I thought.

Anyway, not so long ago we get to talking aaaaaand... it turns out he's a she now. Seems quite out of the blue to me, almost like it happened overnight.
I've seen pictures of her, and... well, who'da thought a massive chap like him could end up looking so cute? Sure she's kinda chubby but she looks like she's the kind of girl who is meant to be, you know? How some girls just look like they were made to be larger than average.

And I've kinda sorta started finding her attractive. Anyone think this might be a bit weird?
And yes I know I'm usually the one telling anyone who'll listen to just do whatever they think feels right, but I suppose it's different when the shoe's on the other foot, or something.

Are you attracted to her because she looks female? Then no. Not weird in the sexuality sense. Gender is a state of mind and all that, an external thing.

Weird in the friendship sense? I imagine I'd feel weird too.

 

[an annoyed writer]

So.

Let's say I have this friend... no, this isn't one of those kinds of threads, there actually is a friend. Anyway. I've known him for the best part of a decade, he's been a good friend, sometimes been a right bastard who I've thought about just cutting all ties with.

Now this being my friend, I met him on the webby-webs, so he might as well be living on a different planet. but we talk often enough, or so I thought.

Anyway, not so long ago we get to talking aaaaaand... it turns out he's a she now. Seems quite out of the blue to me, almost like it happened overnight.
I've seen pictures of her, and... well, who'da thought a massive chap like him could end up looking so cute? Sure she's kinda chubby but she looks like she's the kind of girl who is meant to be, you know? How some girls just look like they were made to be larger than average.

And I've kinda sorta started finding her attractive. Anyone think this might be a bit weird?
And yes I know I'm usually the one telling anyone who'll listen to just do whatever they think feels right, but I suppose it's different when the shoe's on the other foot, or something.

I thought I might cash in on the subject here, being in the same boat as your friend and all(fellow transwoman here). First of all I'll say that these days, we're pretty capable of looking fairly natural. Hormone Replacement Therapy and various cosmetic surgery techniques get the look down pretty nicely. Hell, you people have probably seen a few of us around, but just haven't recognized us as such because our doctors handled our cases so well.

The fact you've found her attractive is not too unusual at all (we generally look indistinguishable from our cisgendered counterparts, aside from minor things like individual part size and the like). The fact that she's your friend though? Look, if you're one of those people who is willing to take this kind of thing to another level, go right ahead if you so desire. I generally stick to a "don't date friends" rule though, but that's just me. Keep in mind, however, we do have our baggage like any other person, and if you can't deal with that then stay far away. Also keep in mind that in terms of sexual tastes we are all across the board, so don't get too bummed out if she's not into you.

I will say I'm glad you accept your friend for who she is. From where I'm at that isn't the most common thing, so it's heartwarming to hear such a story. Good luck with your conundrum, and if you have any other questions I might be able to help with, I'll answer them as best I can.

 

[Preston_r]

The fact that you are attracted to her isn't weird. I consider myself straight, but an extremely feminine crossdresser would still turn my head. This doesn't mean that I'm gay, it just means that I am not 100% straight. But sexuality isn't a black and white yes or no question.

There are a lot of shades of grey. More than 50, I am sure. I would, for example, classify myself as 95% straight. Or 5% gay. I know someone who is a lesbian who is absolutely in love with her boyfriend. Weird? Maybe. But she's 99.9999etc% gay, and 1 guy out of the billions on the planet makes her heart melt. Doesn't make her straight.

As for being attracted to a transgender person... You are friends with them, and now you find them physically attractive. That's not weird. Its the same thing if you saw a friend from highschool who, over time, changed in such a way as to make them more physically attractive (or if your tastes had changed such that you now found them attractive). We grow and we change.

The question is - do you want to risk your friendship now that he is a she and a cute she? Are they interested in you?

My answer, is be supportive. Be honest. But don't be pushy. Let things happen naturally. If she is into you too, then great. If not, be her friend.

She may need one.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I've seen pictures of her, and... well, who'da thought a massive chap like him could end up looking so cute? Sure she's kinda chubby but she looks like she's the kind of girl who is meant to be, you know? How some girls just look like they were made to be larger than average.

And I've kinda sorta started finding her attractive. Anyone think this might be a bit weird?
And yes I know I'm usually the one telling anyone who'll listen to just do whatever they think feels right, but I suppose it's different when the shoe's on the other foot, or something.

I don't think it's weird at all. If you find someone attractive, then you find them attractive. Nothing weird about that.

I notice you say she seems to look like she was "meant to" (and yes, I realize that was about her weight, but still). I'm sure she feels like she's finally in the body she was meant to have as well. Go with that.

Like you yourself say - do what feels right. If you find her attractive, she's attractive. What more is there to say on the matter?

I think that would just fall under the whole concept that you don't date friends.

Say what? Since when do you not date friends? That was the basis of my entire love life.

My spouse was a platonic friend for three years before we tried dating. We've been married for seven years and recently had a child. Friendship is the best basis for a romantic relationship.

 

[cerealnmuffin]

^^ Hormones have wonderful results. I transitioned years ago and I live my life as a girl without anyone thinking differently. As for dating a friend, I feel that the best relationships come from being friends first. Now if you are attracted to them because of the allure or tabooness of someone being trans, then you should really reconsider. -_- Also that song, ugh, I've never met a trans person who likes that song; I find it to be rather insulting.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

If you're not willing to date friends you're gonna have a bad time. Friendship is a fundamental building block for a romantic relationship.

Grats to the OP on not being an ass. Transphobia seems to be one of the few remaining culturally acceptable forms of bigotry. Refreshing to get 8 posts into a thread on the subject and not have someone flying off the handle.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Ok I'm confused as to where your topic title comes from because if I'm reading this right, the person you've been chatting with is legitimately a female, it's just it never came up in conversation and thus you assumed you were chatting with a guy and only recently found out that wasn't the case through the exchange of pics. So did I miss something.

In any event I'd avoid a long distance relationship if I were you, those can be quite hard on both parties emotionally. I have very little experience with relationships, but that is one thing I do know from experience. However if that's not a concern for you, then go nuts.

 

[Meatspinner]

Why didn't pick the Blur song?

"Take your chances looking for
Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they´re girls
Who do girls like they´re boys
Always should be someone you really love"

Way more apropos and sorta, kinda answers your question. Depending on your interpretation of course.

I'd say, go taste the rainbow. Transgenders I've found out can be very giving and fun to be with.

 

[Zoe Castillo]

--

 

[an annoyed writer]

Also that song, ugh, I've never met a trans person who likes that song; I find it to be rather insulting.

I add another one to the bunch. To call that song insulting is to say that the sky is blue or that water is wet.

Anyway, I'm glad to see another of us around here. Each time I see that it's like a small victory, that another made it out of the living hell and managed not to die. I know it sounds like I'm being a bit pessimistic but where I live I've rarely met another of my kind and I've seen those who are homosexual get chased out of state by mobs throwing insults, death threats, and at one point a Molotov Cocktail. In those conditions, it's not hard to become jaded, scarred, and frightened.

 

[Elois]

Its totally normal to be attracted to her, sexuality isn't black and white like most people think. Its several shades of grey really.

Your friend is so brave for going through with the changes, its a harsh world for transgender people. I'm MtF myself (have yet to start on the treatments or the hormones) so if you have any questions at all feel free to send me a PM.

^^ Hormones have wonderful results. I transitioned years ago and I live my life as a girl without anyone thinking differently. As for dating a friend, I feel that the best relationships come from being friends first. Now if you are attracted to them because of the allure or tabooness of someone being trans, then you should really reconsider. -_- Also that song, ugh, I've never met a trans person who likes that song; I find it to be rather insulting.

Is that you in your pic? I may have to send you a PM with questions, I'm trying to understand what I'm getting into myself. You look really good.

 

[Nemu]

It's no more weird than being attracted to anyone else. You can't HELP who you find attractive, it just happens.

I would only question whether or not you are willing to risk taking the current relationship further, as this is someone you previously thought of as only a friend. You are actually in a rather comfortable situation, since you already know each other well. I suppose you could flip a coin as to whether you let the relationship go as it will or if you just blurt out in a moment you will inevitably be embarrassed about (in either a good or bad way).

Good luck, in either case. Seems to me like you have a pretty decent friendship, because your friend trusted you enough to reveal herself (and as a lesbian, I KNOW how difficult it is to come out to people you are close to).

 

[Something Amyss]

Also that song, ugh, I've never met a trans person who likes that song; I find it to be rather insulting.

Pleased to meet you. No Rolling Stones reference there.

I grew up on Aerosmith, which probably impacts my fandom. I don't find it insulting because I find Aerosmith to be fairly juvenile, period. Their latest album involves the line "if you want a little nookie, cookie."

4 realz yo.

Its totally normal to be attracted to her, sexuality isn't black and white like most people think. Its several shades of grey really.

I'm not sure where shades of grey come in here. She's female, he's heterosexual. The usual stigma comes in when people look at a transwoman and say "ugh! He's a dude!"

One can be completely secure in their sexuality (even monosexuality) and still like transfolk.

 

[Elois]

Its totally normal to be attracted to her, sexuality isn't black and white like most people think. Its several shades of grey really.

I'm not sure where shades of grey come in here. She's female, he's heterosexual. The usual stigma comes in when people look at a transwoman and say "ugh! He's a dude!"

One can be completely secure in their sexuality (even monosexuality) and still like transfolk.

I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. I didn't mean to imply that she wasn't female.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

No, it's not weird finding a friend that you originally believed to be a boy that has now transitioned into a girl attractive. Perhaps you could think of it in terms of finding a friend's sister attractive. For example, my best friend's sister looks a lot like him, but I still think she's smoking hot. And, if the treatment's good, with most trans women, you can barely tell the difference from a cisgender woman.

If you want to date her, ask her out. Just keep in mind that long-distance relationships - like, ones where you don't actually see your partner in person - can be difficult, to say the least.