Escape to the Movies: A Nightmare on Elm Street

[Cosplay Horatio]

Thanks to you MovieBob I now know who's behind all them crappy horror movie remakes. I was thinking that even with Jackie Earl Haley this movie would be bad. I'm not feeling too bad cuz I'm stoked for the Iron Man 2 review.

 

[sargeant15]

Micheal Bay! Doing a Halo movie!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! That's a horrible idea.

Anyways, this movie didn't look that great to me to begin with. I'm not surprised that this movie turned out to be crappy.

 

[stickmangrit]

ever read the Halo books? come back and say that, once you have.

Honestly if they made Halo: Fall of Reach a movie and bay being the director would be bad, the book has its cool action scenes but for alot of it, its just talking and stuff. I would love a Halo: Fall of Reach movie made by a good director but the reason it wont ever be made is becuase it would make them have to finally reveal what Master Chief looks like as he doesnt have the MJOLNIR armor till like 3/4 of the way in the book.

true, there's that. there's also the fact that you'd have to reveal the Earth forces as fascistic bastards who kidnap and torture children in order to create supersoldiers to "quell rebellions"(i.e. a private army of Jack-Booted RoboCops), and then present that same military force that does that fucked up shit as the heroes of the franchise without a shred of irony or moral ambiguity. this is all in addition to greenlighting a shitty third-rate Ender's Game knockoff for a movie adaptation before making an actual Ender's Game movie. and that's terrible.

 

[stickmangrit]

For all the people saying that Halo is not amazing because it is just a solid game with a weak story. See: Avatar. Heck, it is still a must see movie.

Halo is amazing. just admit it. It dethroned Goldeneye on the N64 as the best FPS. No simple feat to be certain.

And get off of that high-horse you seem to be so happy about. Story can only take a game so far. One of the best games ever made is Super Mario Bros. 3. You know the story there? Save the princess.
Why? because. Who cares. just save her. Admit it, you didn't even care about the story because the game is fun to play.

You have to give credit where credit is due.

personally i'm happy to give credit where credit's due. as someone upthread commented, Halo: Combat Evolved revolutionized multiplayer and pioneered the console FPS control scheme that damn near everyone else would follow from there on out. these are massive accomplishments in gaming, and Bungie's legacy is secure behind them alone. that said, the story is shit, the universe really isn't all that interesting, and they've managed to royally fuck up a new gameplay aspect with each successive sequel. i could give a shit less about the franchise at this point, and have absolutely no desire to ever purchase any new entries in the series, or tickets to any film adaptation.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

Robert Englund is still a better Freddy then the new guy will ever be, so that's one bad thing about the new guy

 

[aaronmcc]

i was kinda holding out hope this would be good. The Fri13th remake was indeed terrible. Especially the ending. Possibly the second worst ending of a film ever, after Babylon AD.

 

[stickmangrit]

i was kinda holding out hope this would be good. The Fri13th remake was indeed terrible. Especially the ending. Possibly the second worst ending of a film ever, after Babylon AD.

what ending, the ending where something jumps out and grabs the final heroes, just like in parts 1, 2, and 3 of the original franchise? that ending?

 

[Enigmers]

I only know about Nightmare on Elm Street because of that time the Simpsons parodied it.

 

[Elesar]

I have no problem with Michael Bay. I loved Armageddon and BOTH Transformers.

Are you gonna tell me I have bad taste in movies? No, you aren't because there's no such thing. Movie opinions are subjective. Even the most lauded film critics on the planet are, at their core, nothing more special than any average Joe/Jane, going to see a movie. Their opinions are not somehow magically more valuable or credible than mine or yours. It seems to me that most of them read far too deeply into films looking for undertones and subtle themes of one thing or another (did anyone ever stop to consider that maybe the filmmakers weren't going for some deep, social commentary, and MAYBE just had an idea for a cool movie and made it?). The only thing different about professional critics is that they get paid to share their opinion. And I think we lose sight of the fact that, despite their being paid to do what they do, their words are still just THEIR opinion, and not necessarily fact.

Again, I liked Transformers, and I'm frankly getting sick of the Michael Bay bashing. Its starting to sound a lot like the Uwe Boll bashing, which, though Boll hasn't made a single movie that I enjoyed, is starting to get a little old an annoying.

In conclusion, bad movies don't exist. There are simply movies that more people found unenjoyable.

Good movies don't exist, there are simply movies that less people found unenjoyable.

[endrant]

To respond briefly: Bullshit.

To respond at more length: Good and bad movies do exist. Yes, fine when you say you enjoyed Transformers 2, you're not wrong.
Doesn't stop the script and story from being tripe, the acting being pathetic, the directing ranging from poor to average, the characters being either annoying or perfunctory and the action from being confusing. Yes you can LIKE films that are considered bad. I like oh say, Boa vs. Python and that was a TERRIBLE movie. But there are ways of measuring a films quality, and if it doesn't meet those measurements, it is a bad film.
So to summarize: Bullshit.

 

[Metallgoth]

I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone thought that they would see cinematic genius come from this movie. The original was terrible when it came out. The only good thing was that it started Johnny Depp's career. I saw this remake today not expecting much, and it managed to exceed my expectations. I went mainly to see Jackie Earle Haley. Yes, he was good. Yes, I've seen more gore on CSI. Yes, the plot is horribly predictable. But, I don't know why you'd expect anything more from this. It's a remake, and historically speaking, that's never a good thing no matter the source material. If nothing else the higher production budget puts this movie way above the original. Plus, hearing other people in the theater shriek when Freddy appears is hilarious.

 

[aaronmcc]

i was kinda holding out hope this would be good. The Fri13th remake was indeed terrible. Especially the ending. Possibly the second worst ending of a film ever, after Babylon AD.

what ending, the ending where something jumps out and grabs the final heroes, just like in parts 1, 2, and 3 of the original franchise? that ending?

yeah, however they decide that after jason has murdered all these people that they will dump his body in the lake? i mean, forget about all the retarded stuff they do before that to get themselves up shit creek and everybody else killed, why would they throw his body in the lake? So hypothetically the police arrive a bit later and they say that all these people were murdered by a 7foot tall, brick shit house psychopath.
Yeah? So, where is he?
Well officer I woodchipped his head then threw him in the lake.
Hmmmm. Why?
Cuz he can jump out at the end and scare us! Duh!
Oh I see, even though his head was put in a wood-chipper and was half shredded into pulp?
Of course!

Fucking pissed me off so much. I mean I sat through all that crap and then they just basically put a sign up at the end saying HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FAITH IN THIS YET? NO? WELL HERE WE GO.

 

[batuea]

Is there some clause in the Escapist contracts that require you critics to take potshots at Halo?

No Halo being a horrible series of games requires everyone to take pot shots at it.

 

[stickmangrit]

i was kinda holding out hope this would be good. The Fri13th remake was indeed terrible. Especially the ending. Possibly the second worst ending of a film ever, after Babylon AD.

what ending, the ending where something jumps out and grabs the final heroes, just like in parts 1, 2, and 3 of the original franchise? that ending?

yeah, however they decide that after jason has murdered all these people that they will dump his body in the lake? i mean, forget about all the retarded stuff they do before that to get themselves up shit creek and everybody else killed, why would they throw his body in the lake? So hypothetically the police arrive a bit later and they say that all these people were murdered by a 7foot tall, brick shit house psychopath.
Yeah? So, where is he?
Well officer I woodchipped his head then threw him in the lake.
Hmmmm. Why?
Cuz he can jump out at the end and scare us! Duh!
Oh I see, even though his head was put in a wood-chipper and was half shredded into pulp?
Of course!

Fucking pissed me off so much. I mean I sat through all that crap and then they just basically put a sign up at the end saying HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FAITH IN THIS YET? NO? WELL HERE WE GO.

or, seeing as how they'd been pretty loyal to the formula of the film series that defined formulaic tripe in modern horror up until that point, they were saving the "everything past head in woodchipper(which if i remember correctly cut us from rainy night to bright sunny afternoon) was just a dream as she's being loaded into the ambulance before Jason kills them both in the pre-credits sequence of the sequel."

i'm sorry, i'll not say it was a great film, i won't even say it was a good film, but the Friday reboot was the exact same flavor of forgettable, mildly entertaining tripe as every single other Friday the 13th movie that came before it, and at least it delivered on the body count and decoy final survivors(cop and love interest). saw it opening night in theaters and laughed my ass off along with everyone else there.

[edit] also, Camp Crystal Lake visitors have a rather long and storied history of being functionally retarded. and really, is dumping Jason's corpse in the lake any dumber than "He just wnated his machete back?" Friday's not like Nightmare where you have a few stinkers, a few greats, and a few flawed but ambitious failures. Friday oscillates from pure horse-shit to guilty pleasure. no remake should be made unless it can match or exceed the quality of what came before it, and the bar for Friday wasn't exactly stratospheric.

 

[Darks63]

Well its either bey or bolle that does the halo movie so take ur pick


Great review bob even with Jackie Earle Haley i knew this film would be another bad remake that kills another of my fav film series from my youth.

 

[NovaStalker]

I think he's just against michel bay.

With good reason.

 

[Colonel-Cuban]

Bob, I resepct your opinion as a fellow critic, but i gotta stop you when you say that the new amityville horror was bad. I freaking loved it.

 

[mapguru]

I agree with MovieBob 100% to the nth power about Bay, take Transformers from him and give him Halo to play with! Hell give him anything but the next Transformers, and let someone who has a good understanding and respect of the original take the helm. I'd even settle if they had gotten new writers, instead of keeping the one that has written nothing good. see: Ehren Kruger.

I'd even be satisfied if three things happened with the next movie, 1) write out the twins, or just don't show them at all. They're unfunny and offensive. 2) (and this is more important then anything ever) NEVER EVER MENTION ROBOT BALLS OR SCROTUMS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. EVER EVER AGAIN. They're robots. You know how they made more? THEY BUILT THEM! Heck in the old show they built the dinobots themselves.

Finally 3) Less humans, more robots. The humans yes can be a good plot device, but we didn't care when Shia la ***** went to college, and I sure as hell don't care if he and what's her face go off and get married or whatever. Again just quietly write them out and don't mention them again. Bring in someone new if necessary but really, (and it's a crazy idea) let the title characters be the focus. It's called Transformers, not crappy actors with worse jokes and dialog.

 

[philosophicalbastard]

Is there some clause in the Escapist contracts that require you critics to take potshots at Halo?

Innovations in multiplayer gameplay and standardizing the controller setup aside, what exactly has Halo done with storytelling that can't be found in a canned-plot movie?

And what has your post done on innovating Halo hating? The main elements in Halo's story may have been cliche to the point of ridiculousness (with the zombies, aliens, robots, super weapons, and ancient aliens in one neat package), but I thought Bungie did a good job of crafting all these things together to create an interesting universe, albiet cliche.

OT:I was never planning to see this anyway, because I don't find horror movies interesting.