Escape to the Movies: Centurion

[captain awesome 12]

So liking a movie because "IT HAS TITS AND BLOOD" is better than liking a movie because it has a big name cast and explosions? Tell me which is worse again? How can you possibly expect to gain any respect for your critical opinion when you stereotype anyone that liked Expendables as an explosion loving douchebag fratboy sheep and then turn around and praise Piranha 3D for christ's sake because it has naked girls and blood? That's incredibly hypocrisy there. If you're going to review the movie review the damn movie. I'm sure if Piranha 3D had been a success you'd hate it for the very same reasons you're praising it in this review. Everyone would be a sheep, and it would be the fratboy's fault because of their addiction to blood and tits.

I'm sorry Bob, I've always respected your opinion and enjoyed your thorough reviews. Lately however, the quality bar has been dropped. Instead of reviewing the movie you're simply stating your opinion without any explanation other than subjective statements that contradict each other week to week.

On another note, your review of Centurion was fine, but compressing it into the last portion of the video made you have to rush. I would have liked to hear a completely in depth review on it from you.

 

[Tinybear]

I think people just raged because bob had the balls to say that the top movie that everyone "knows" is good by default (because of the actors), actually is just shit. I have not seen this, as my country has a 1-2 month delay before I can see whatever he reviews. However, fact is, he says ALL THE TIME in this video: 'If you're going to see a "bad movie", go for one that actually is entertaining'. He says it straight out, pirahna is a bad C movie with only blood, guts and tits, but it does that well. It is a guilty pleasure, whereas, he found expendables to just be a bad movie without any enjoyable moments. It's the difference between saying 'oh f***, this movie is so bad it's funny' and saying 'come again?'.

And to be honest, to all you saying that he "didn't review the expendables", I think he did. He simply said it very quickly: It is just another bad 80's flick.

I agree full heartedly with bob. If I am to sit down and spend 2 hours on a crappy movie, it better have gore and hotties in it, because then there is something to distract you from the fact that you're watching a really bad movie.

 

[Shadefyre]

Didn't Piranha come out 30 years ago... under the name Jaws?

Actually it came out in 1978 as the movie Piranhas. And again as Piranha's 2:The Spawning in 1981. And again as Piranha in 1995, a remake of the 1978 movie. I'm surprised Bob didn't at least take a break from poking at the people who watched(not even liked) the Expendables to mention that Piranha is another 2000's shitty remake of a sub-par horror movie from the 70's-80's. Which I'll probably go see, because bad horror is very entertaining to me,for the laughs. As for Centurion, I liked Dog Soldiers/The Descent/Doomsday so I'll probably see it, though it's unfortunate that this "review" is the first place I've heard of it.

I think this whole "Bob's on his high horse, just being a douche to people who don't agree with him" thing was summed up really well way back on one of the first reviews of a movie he didn't like (don't remember which one, probably Transformers). He simply sucks at reviewing movies he doesn't like. This is because instead of breaking them down into their components and discussing said components like he does in reviews of movies he likes (when they aren't just excited fanboy squealing *cough*Scott Pilgrim*cough*) he just picks randoms things that he doesn't like and labeling as made by stupid people, for stupid people/jocks/fanboys/etc. I understand that he's a critic, and is payed to speak his mind, but it would be nice if he could try to be a little bit objective, to get some facts across once in a while, rather than just repeating that the movie is bad/stupid/pointless and going all nerd rage on it. At least Yahtzee (I hate to bring him into this, but the two fill a comparable role for games/movies) occasionally attempts to the good bits of an otherwise bad game. Bob just needs to grow up a little, maybe meet a lady friend to fix his almost juvenile fixation on boobs and lesbians, and try to act a bit more like a critic by doing some actual criticizing.

On a side side note, how did the Escapist devolve so much in the year or so since I last posted? Flame wars, white knighting, spelling/grammar equivalent to the average Youtube commenter, and #sters seem to run rampant throughout the threads on the site. Maybe people used to think we Escapists were a bit elitist, but there is a big difference between being an elitist and having some common standards.

Oh, and I have no interest in seeing the Expendables, nor did I before Bob whined about how bad it was. So I'm not just being verbosely butthurt about being one of the people his insults were directed at, FYI.

 

[Tonimata]

Well I just came back from watching Centurion, and I honestly don't know why Bob said it was good.

Unless of course The Expendables has lowered his standards and expectations THAT much...

 

[Warachia]

Didn't Piranha come out 30 years ago... under the name Jaws?

Actually it came out in 1978 as the movie Piranhas. And again as Piranha's 2:The Spawning in 1981. And again as Piranha in 1995, a remake of the 1978 movie. I'm surprised Bob didn't at least take a break from poking at the people who watched(not even liked) the Expendables to mention that Piranha is another 2000's shitty remake of a sub-par horror movie from the 70's-80's. Which I'll probably go see, because bad horror is very entertaining to me,for the laughs. As for Centurion, I liked Dog Soldiers/The Descent/Doomsday so I'll probably see it, though it's unfortunate that this "review" is the first place I've heard of it.

I think this whole "Bob's on his high horse, just being a douche to people who don't agree with him" thing was summed up really well way back on one of the first reviews of a movie he didn't like (don't remember which one, probably Transformers). He simply sucks at reviewing movies he doesn't like. This is because instead of breaking them down into their components and discussing said components like he does in reviews of movies he likes (when they aren't just excited fanboy squealing *cough*Scott Pilgrim*cough*) he just picks randoms things that he doesn't like and labeling as made by stupid people, for stupid people/jocks/fanboys/etc. I understand that he's a critic, and is payed to speak his mind, but it would be nice if he could try to be a little bit objective, to get some facts across once in a while, rather than just repeating that the movie is bad/stupid/pointless and going all nerd rage on it. At least Yahtzee (I hate to bring him into this, but the two fill a comparable role for games/movies) occasionally attempts to the good bits of an otherwise bad game. Bob just needs to grow up a little, maybe meet a lady friend to fix his almost juvenile fixation on boobs and lesbians, and try to act a bit more like a critic by doing some actual criticizing.

On a side side note, how did the Escapist devolve so much in the year or so since I last posted? Flame wars, white knighting, spelling/grammar equivalent to the average Youtube commenter, and #sters seem to run rampant throughout the threads on the site. Maybe people used to think we Escapists were a bit elitist, but there is a big difference between being an elitist and having some common standards.

Oh, and I have no interest in seeing the Expendables, nor did I before Bob whined about how bad it was. So I'm not just being verbosely butthurt about being one of the people his insults were directed at, FYI.

you can speak your mind without insulting your audience, what he did was more: "you know that great big movie that you went to see and might have enjoyed/hated? Well it's shit, and you are so much brainless cattle for seeing it wether or not you enjoyed it, and if you have a problem with me saying this, then you are defending the movie." WE are insulted by seeing how far down Bob sank, that is why there are all the posts.

Edit: the Escapist might not have de-evolved, so much as we are upset at a great reviewer/critic de-evolve

 

[esperandote]

A bad action movie with lots of tits and blood isn't necesarely better (or worse) than a mild(er) action movie if you're the type of person that doesn't enjoy gore or senseless nudity (if the nudity with sense exists) or if you're going to the theater with your girlfriend. I guess that The expendables at least offer a couple of fight scenes.

 

[AvsJoe]

I have never heard of Centurion. Sounds great! I'll check it out if I can.

You are now the second critic I follow to give Piranha 3D a big thumbs up. I guess I have to go see this movie now.

 

[ProtoChimp]

People for fuck sake will you stop harping on about the expendables, it's done, it's over, get over yourselves and move the fuck on.

I might go and see Centurian before I go back to school. Looks good and I loved Doomsday.

 

[SirPumpkinLongshanks]

Wow people get easily offended.

So many people want to see movies and games as art and they argue endlessly about how it can be done and what it would look like etc. and then they go out and support a piece of shit like The Expendables and they're surprised when another person within the geek community gets on their case for feeding the machine? I'll bet you anything a lot of the people who are offended over this have insulted, directly or indirectly, the audience of something that they didn't like.

While perhaps they expect Bob to hold to a higher standard the thing we're forgetting is he's just a guy who happens to review movies. Critics say this kind of stuff all the time and right or wrong, they're human. They don't owe it to us not to violate our sensibilities. In fact one of the things I find so refreshing about Bob is that he comes out and says what he thinks, period. It's the same reason I like Yahtzee so much. Yeah he goes for comedy but there's more truth in what he says than in many professional reviews, and though he slathers his insults with a good dose of wit he's still insulting his audience at many turns.

As for the "boobs, blood, etc." comments... Seriously? He didn't give reasons for why he liked Piranha? Attractive people sell movie tickets. Even with porn we're hardly immune to the pull of attractive people doing their thing on screen. That's not a reason to see a film in itself but when we're talking about B movies it is one of the perks. More often than not it isn't a good B movie without it. The same goes for the blood and gore. That's what those movies are about. When it's well done and you don't consider those good reasons to see a movie then B movies (at least that kind of B movie) obviously aren't for you.

 

[M. Morgan]

One of my favorite movie lines comes from the Ruroni Kenshi O.V.A. series more commonly labeled as Samurai X here in America.

"It is foolish to listen to anyone who will not listen to you."

And that's what we have here. You Did Not Listen To Your Viewers. You pitched a hissy fit because they didn't go see the movie you wanted them to, called them names in the most obscene childlike manner available to you, and this week you had the audacity to explain why it's okay for you to act like an adolescent brat because the movie ... didn't have more fake blood and naked women?

You know, for someone who talks a lot about women in film and mutual respect, when was the last time you qualified any actress you liked other than how 'hot' she happened to be.

I really wanted to give you another chance, but I'm done. I'll see you around the Game Overthinker Show but I can do without your opinions on movies. You have discredited your profession and yourself.

 

[Shale_Dirk]

you can speak your mind without insulting your audience, what he did was more: "you know that great big movie that you went to see and might have enjoyed/hated? Well it's shit, and you are so much brainless cattle for seeing it wether or not you enjoyed it, and if you have a problem with me saying this, then you are defending the movie." WE are insulted by seeing how far down Bob sank, that is why there are all the posts.

Yes, those are the exact words that Bob said, and you're not exaggerating in the slightest to try and fortify your slanted opinion.


OH HEY, HERE'S WHY PIRANHA 3D IS GOOD AND THE EXPENDABLES ISN'T:

People went to see The Expendables, expecting a good movie with high production values.
People went to see Piranha 3D expending a comically terrible B-movie.

Expendables failed, Piranha succeeded.

 

[Shale_Dirk]

One of my favorite movie lines comes from the Ruroni Kenshi O.V.A. series more commonly labeled as Samurai X here in America.

"It is foolish to listen to anyone who will not listen to you."

And that's what we have here. You Did Not Listen To Your Viewers. You pitched a hissy fit because they didn't go see the movie you wanted them to, called them names in the most obscene childlike manner available to you, and this week you had the audacity to explain why it's okay for you to act like an adolescent brat because the movie ... didn't have more fake blood and naked women?

Seriously?

Ok, Bob never said "You. My fans. The people that regularly watch this internet program", he said, "You, the general movie-going public who buys this crap up". Furthermore, the sales of The Expendables has nothing to do with whether or not Bob "listened to his viewers". I swear to god you people must be smoking something wonderful, else this whole boycott and rage bs would be over now (as if it should have ever started). Just because you people can't figure out who Bob is talking about we're still having this discussion.

 

[TheEnglishman]

I wonder if Bob is thrilled with the high view and comment rating he's been getting over the last few weeks. I bet the Escapist is to. It's all good here.

 

[nightwolf667]

One of my favorite movie lines comes from the Ruroni Kenshi O.V.A. series more commonly labeled as Samurai X here in America.

"It is foolish to listen to anyone who will not listen to you."

And that's what we have here. You Did Not Listen To Your Viewers. You pitched a hissy fit because they didn't go see the movie you wanted them to, called them names in the most obscene childlike manner available to you, and this week you had the audacity to explain why it's okay for you to act like an adolescent brat because the movie ... didn't have more fake blood and naked women?

Seriously?

Ok, Bob never said "You. My fans. The people that regularly watch this internet program", he said, "You, the general movie-going public who buys this crap up". Furthermore, the sales of The Expendables has nothing to do with whether or not Bob "listened to his viewers". I swear to god you people must be smoking something wonderful, else this whole boycott and rage bs would be over now because you people can't figure out who Bob is talking about.

But he did insinuate that anyone (including his viewers) who chose to go see The Expendables over Scott Pilgrim were steroid pumping, inbred, douchebag morons. He basically insulted anyone who even found the premise of the movie fun and then threw an entire hissy fit over Scott Pilgrim losing out at the box office to the Expendables, rather than reviewing the movie. Oh yes, and all the while making straw-man arguments and at some points out and out lying about it's lacking of blood or having memorable fight scenes.

Then, and this is what I'm angry about, he said that Dead or Alive was a more worthwhile movie because at least it had "tits". Just like Piranha 3D. Combining that with his Salt review, where he basically masturbates over Angelina Jolie for most of the video, and the fact that he commonly complains about the use of said humor in Hollywood movies? Well, he comes off as a bit hypocritical. People aren't angry because he dissed their favorite movie. They're angry because he comes off as lacking in professionalism and that his reviews increasingly have the flavor of a bottom dwelling mouth breather who never got out of his mother's basement. It's creepy and it should probably stop.

 

[kibayasu]

Yes, those are the exact words that Bob said, and you're not exaggerating in the slightest to try and fortify your slanted opinion.

You're right.


He called everyone who went to see it and liked it "sheep," not "cattle."

 

[Shale_Dirk]

But he did insinuate that anyone (including his viewers) who chose to go see The Expendables over Scott Pilgrim were steroid pumping, inbred, douchebag morons. He basically insulted anyone who even found the premise of the movie fun and then threw an entire hissy fit over Scott Pilgrim losing out at the box office to the Expendables, rather than reviewing the movie. Oh yes, and all the while making straw-man arguments and at some points out and out lying about it's lacking of blood or having memorable fight scenes.

Do you really think it would have been better if he had said "Everyone in the world who watched this movie on opening weekend, excluding my viewers of course because they are educated enough to know better..." The blanket statement was a necessity, and you people are nitpicking it as though he meant you and only you.

It's not just about Scott Pilgrim losing to The Expendables. It's about The Expendables succeeding at all. For all artistic and critical reasons, it sucked. It should have been a testament to the fact that a shitty movie with big-names trying to not be shitty should NEVER EVER BE MADE AGAIN. But in three months there will be another, because you asked for it with your wallets.

 

[Starke]

One of my favorite movie lines comes from the Ruroni Kenshi O.V.A. series more commonly labeled as Samurai X here in America.

"It is foolish to listen to anyone who will not listen to you."

And that's what we have here. You Did Not Listen To Your Viewers. You pitched a hissy fit because they didn't go see the movie you wanted them to, called them names in the most obscene childlike manner available to you, and this week you had the audacity to explain why it's okay for you to act like an adolescent brat because the movie ... didn't have more fake blood and naked women?

Seriously?

Ok, Bob never said "You. My fans. The people that regularly watch this internet program", he said, "You, the general movie-going public who buys this crap up".

Seriously? Bob never said "You, the general movie-going public who buys this crap up", he did however say "you're probably the worst sort of person."

In fact, no one (I've seen) said anything even vaguely similar to what you're attributing to people. Please try to elevate yourself above Bob's tantrum and, you know, participate in discussion.

Furthermore, the sales of The Expendables has nothing to do with whether or not Bob "listened to his viewers".

Or, you know, this argument. What the sales of The Expendables is relevant to is Bob's infantile tantrum he threw last week while equating his audience with "the worst sort of person" for enjoying it. Let's think about this for a moment. Bob's saying, quite literally, that if you enjoyed the Expendables you're the worst kind of human being? Seriously? Nothing worse? Really? Huh.

I swear to god you people must be smoking something wonderful, else this whole boycott and rage bs would be over now (as if it should have ever started).

Except, like a small child, Bob hasn't learned not to pick at scabs. This would have been a dead issue this morning, the other thread ran up to last night, but it was mostly dead by that point, and then Bob comes back and decides that the people who don't dutifully follow in his footsteps like mindless sheep mewing his praises must be jocks... Right...

Just because you people can't figure out who Bob is talking about we're still having this discussion.

I'm sorry, you seem to have made a slight error here. It should be "just because Bob can't figure out who he's talking to." You see, there's a lot of people who come to this site, or did, to watch Bob's reviews. Between masturbating for most of a review, and then throwing a puerile tantrum, a lot of those people are flat out gone. Gone. They aren't making money for the site anymore, they won't come back, ever. They know who Bob was talking about when he threw a fit.

Seriously, Bob threw a tantrum because a film with a major ad budget and a nation wide release out preformed a limited release film with a, quite frankly, shitty lead actor, whose previous work included Year One... Right... You put this opposite a cavalcade of recognizable actors and who's surprised when it sinks like a stone? And yet, Bob decides, rather than to deal with this like a rational adult, what he needs to do is throw a tantrum. Yes, the rational mature thing for him to do is behave like an eight year old who just found out his favorite film isn't everyone else's favorite. In so doing he pissed off a lot of people who'd mistaken him for an adult with rational critical abilities. That he called them names in the process doesn't help.