Escapist Tug of War. May 2010 [Set? GO!] [ENDED: STAY TUNED FOR ROUND 2]

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When in doubt, read the manuel
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Further Evil (Advice on Fortress Construction):
A stock of mysterious old equipment is also useful for chasing off intruders. Studies have shown that most secret agents will flee as soon as a few large and imposing items begin to emit sparks and smoke. An additional "it's about to blow" warning siren will cause more than 90% of international counterintelligence agents to run out the nearest exit without checking to see whether the smoking equipment is part of the evil plot they were trying to foil.
 

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Advice for the Bad Auxiliary Character (Evil Cult Member):
Never play strip Tarot.
 

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Advice for the Bad Auxiliary Character (Legion of Doom Troops):
If your unit's name contains words like "Imperial", "Elite", "Supreme", "Tactical", "Storm" or "Special", request a transfer as soon as possible. These guys always get clobbered first when the Heroes attack.
 

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Further Evil (Advice on Ultimate Weapons/Spells):
I will never attend an auction of an Ultimate Weapon. If it's truly as good as advertised, the auctioneer would already be the Evil Overlord.
 

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Advice for the Evil Overlord:
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
 

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Also

Advice for the Good Auxiliary Character (Innocent Bystander):
Do not run back to get your teddy bear or puppy.
 

Shanaar

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Advice for the Evil Overlord:
I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.
 

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Advice for the Evil Overlord:
If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps of my complex they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.