Escapists and marriage

[Andalusa]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday? No and no. I'm not opposed to the idea of marriage, if people want to get married then fine, they can. Personally, I don't want to prove my love to someone by spending a lot of money on a dress I'll wear once, I don't want to prove my love to someone by declaring it and making promises to a god I don't believe in. If I love someone, I will tell them and they should know it and believe it from my words, not a ring or a party or repeating words from someone else.
-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event? N/A
-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit? Divorce is fine, but I think people should think more about how things might change by being married. It's not somehting to take lightly.
-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not? Yes, there's nothing wrong with same sex marriage.
-Anything else you might want to addNothing more to add

 

[Sovereignty]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
No, but it's because I don't think I could stay with one person forever and not get bored. And considering I take commitments seriously it'd create a real issue for me morally. But I know my current girlfriend is really keen on the idea. So ehhh.

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
I'd prefer small. For cost reasons. Why spend fifty thousand dollars on a single night of your life that might end up being a bad choice? This is especially true of relationships where people get married on holidays. Nice work fcking up new years for ya if you ever divorce.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
I think they should be allowed to terminate the marriage anytime, but that being said I think both parties involved in the divorce should be SEVERELY taxed. People need to not jump into things and be taught lessons. If you divorce? Well welcome to debt mofo.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
It should be. If you argue this, well piss off.

-Anything else you might want to add.
Marriages is treated to casually these days. It was once a sacred vow, then it became the 'right' way to courtship, and now it's just a social event.

Why women need a piece of paper to make them feel better about the relationship is beyond me, and why anyone needs a lavish event to celebrate a combination of lives is ridiculous. I don't support marriage in general, but so long as it exists everyone should have access to it.

 

[Lizmichi]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?

As of now I'm not married and I don't see my self married for some time now. Maybe by the time I'm 26 I'll be married but not now. I do want to get married and I don't agree with not getting married and saying that love is enough. However, if someone feels that way I won't make them get married, just not something I agree with.

Hmmmm for the ceremony I've never really thought of it. Something unique, nice and still lavish I guess would be what I'd want. Though something small wouldn't be bad ether.

I think divorce should be allowed but people are still taking marriage to lightly. When I marry it's with someone I know I can be with for years to come.

Same sex marriage well why the hell not.

 

[Nimcha]

Interesting points on divorce. Some people seem to be of the opinion people should try to avoid divorce by any means possible. This really confuses me, if you're not compatible anymore for whatever reason why should you work to keep an unhealthy relationship?

 

[Berethond]

I will probably get married at some point.
The wedding will include bow ties and converse.

And a swing band.

It will be the best wedding of all time ever.

 

[daftalchemist]

-I'm not married yet. I do hope to someday marry my current boyfriend, but we don't have the money for that right now.
-It's going to be small, and the reception will likely be a backyard barbecue. Nice and easy and cheap. Very cheap. Fake flowers cheap.
-I think people take marriage too lightly. They get married because they see it as the next step in a relationship instead of a lifelong commitment. I think divorce should only be used after legal separation and couples therapy have already been tried and failed.
-Same sex marriage should absolutely be possible.
-I think people who spend ridiculous amounts of money on weddings, and especially engagement rings, are really, really dumb. I already picked out my engagement ring, and it's $20 on Amazon. If my boyfriend bought me a ring that was hundreds or even thousands of dollars, I would get extremely pissed and make him take it back.

 

[Marik2]

...

*sigh*

Im tired of people having this mentality of marriage...

Love, commitment, and being with that special person IS marriage.

I blame the way that people of this generation have cheapen it with their ego, with as you said "just show to the world you like someone and for financial security."

And just how is marriage more "Love, commitment, and being with special person" than living together with that special person as a loving unmarried couple in a mutually financed house with shared parenthood over a few children?

Unless it actually offers something to top that scenario, something that specifically adds to their love, then it's an unnecessary bother for those who aren't religious and don't want the set of legal boons and obligations it entail.

Religious and legal obligations aren't really necessary for love, nor do they necessarily add anything to it. Fine if they do for you, but your "mentality" is hardly superior or normative for how others should live out their love lives.

I never said anything about marriage being religious.

And I never said it adds more to love than a couple who doesnt do the ceremony.

 

[Eleima]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
-Anything else you might want to add.

1) Yes, I'm married, been married for a little over 3 years now.
2) Was a pretty big thing, because I've a lot of cousins, and my parents wanted all the family to be there. Was a glorious 3 day weekend thing.
3) About divorce: I think it's better to get a divorce than to remain stuck in a loveless, bitter marriage. However, I remain convinced that a lot of people today get married a little too lightly, and are very quick to change their minds. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, so don't get married just for the sake of being married. I've a bunch of friends who've been together for nearly 10 years, are having kids and never got married. I'd rather see that than shotgun weddings which flame out all too quickly.
4) Same sex marriage, now there's a tough one. My rather traditional upbringing says marriage should be between a man and a woman, but I've nothing against homosexuals (whatever floats people's boats, I say), and if they're dedicated to each other, then I don't see why they shouldn't be allowed to get married too.

 

[Gigano]

...
I never said anything about marriage being religious.

And I never said it adds more to love than a couple who doesnt do the ceremony.

Then why is the "unnecessary bother"- mentality not completely equal to yours? If it adds nothing to love, why bother with it?

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Whilst reading the plethora of threads on relationships and subjects related to that on the Escapist I've noticed a lot of different viewpoints on the subject of marriage. So I thought I'd gauge the general opinion with a few simple questions. Maybe I even stole the idea from the thread about sex. I'll go first!

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
-Anything else you might want to add.

No, but I'll marry my gf someday. Probably after we're both done with college.
We decided that we don't really want a big ceremony. Only our close family and friends.
I'm not going to say that divorce shouldn't be possible, but I do think that sometimes people think about marriage too lightly and don't take it seriously enough. I don't agree with some of the reasons I've heard for divorce, but I wouldn't want them to be in a relaitonship that they weren't happy with either.
I have nothing against same sex marriage, I don't see how it would hurt me or anyone else in any way.

I've had the marriage talk with several people and in several classes I've taken and many people just don't think that it's still a relavent thing anymore. With the "age of the hookup," people are becoming less and less interested in commitment, and more and more interested in immediate gratification. I have no problem with people who want to do one night stands, I understand that people have needs that need to be scratched. I just think that people shouldn't be afraid to commit.

On the other hand though, I've heard some good arguments against it, mostly through the "I don't need a piece of paper and a ceremony to let my bf/gf know that I love them." which is something that I agree with wholeheatedly, but the benefits of marriage outweigh the negative parts of it in my opinion. I'm still hoping to get married one day. My gf and I talk about it every so often about what we would have and such, so I'm pretty sure we'll get married someday. XD

 

[Palademon]

Unmarried

I don't mind commitment or signing a piece of paper and exchanging rings, but walking into a house of faith will cause me to burst into flame.

Yes, I think people should be able to leave if they feel, because hopefully they properly considered the marriage so it'd be something important to make them leave.

I don't mind gay marriage. It doesn't affect my life in anyway, but I'm certainly not going to have one.

 

[XShrike]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?

No.

If I find somebody, then yes. I'm not like some I know who are constantly looking. I am just going to continue on, if I find somebody great, if not then so be it. Various privileges and rights are only give to the spouse or family. If you plan on spending very long periods of your life with someone then it makes since to get married.

I don't care how much I love the other person, I will demand a prenup. Hope for the best but, plan for the worst.

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?

I hate ceremonies. If one must be had it will be quiet. Someone demanding a big lavish one, or worse the bridezilla bullshit, because it must fit their exact ideal that they have been building since they were little would make me doubt my feelings for this person.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?

I don't care. If two people can't stand each other any more than let them get a divorce. I see it as better than being forced to spend the rest of their lives slowly hating each other more and more.

The only people that seem to make a big deal about divorce now are the religious. Even that various from denomination to denomination. The ones that make the most noise are the ones that are pretty much crazy.

People change over time, it is more so when you are young. Some people also rush into things foolishly without really getting to know everything. Then there are abusive relationships.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?

Legally it should be the same as heterosexual marriages. Now when it comes to forcing a religious denomination to recognize it and/or preform the ceremony then, no. If you want some kind of god to bless it then find or make one that is agreeable with it.

Life is short and finding happiness is hard. I find it profoundly arrogant to assume that happiness will only be found in a certain range of possibilities for everyone.

-Anything else you might want to add.

If AI gets advanced enough I imagine that marriage with them will be an issue down the line. People are already marrying fictional characters. I imagine the fight to be recognized as a "living" being with be first and greater.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

-No. But I definitely want to find the right one and put a ring on her finger.
-Don't know, a quiet seems nice, but I'd want to share my happy moments with all my close relatives and friends.
-I think that many people take it too lightly, but I'm not one to order them how to live their lives.
-Definitely, but not in church unless the church itself allows it.
-Nope, that's pretty much it.

 

[tharglet]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
Am married
-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
Was a small event - ~60-70 iirc.
-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
I think divorce should be allowed, but prolly not for any reason.
-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
Yeah, why not?

 

[rainman2203]

Unmarried, but engaged a couple months ago Getting hitched July 2012.

I would be just fine with a little wedding but I know she wants a pretty big one, so who am I to deny her what will make her happy. Plus, we should make out like bandits on the registry. Gonna try to get one of those sweet ass Roomba robot vacuums.

Mixed feelings on divorce. Its good that its around but I also think a lot of people aren't really mature enough to make serious decisions like that. I feel bad for the kids mostly.

Yeah same sex marriage should be fine. While weddings generally have some religious connotation, gays should still be able to marry who they love. Why they would want to be part of a religion that ostracizes them is beyond me, but that's another discussion...

Anything to add: I see an interesting correlation between people with anime girls as their avatars and their being opposed to marriage. Just an observation.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Interesting points on divorce. Some people seem to be of the opinion people should try to avoid divorce by any means possible. This really confuses me, if you're not compatible anymore for whatever reason why should you work to keep an unhealthy relationship?

Divorce is seen as a quick way out now though, that's what everyone seems to have against it. When a couple stop working for a while then they think it's time for a divorce. However, with a little work you could easily get that relationship back to normal. If you still find it impossible to keep up that relationship then divorce may be the only solution.

Try and fix something before you throw it away.

 

[PorkChopXpress]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
*Yes, I'm married.

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
*It was a bit of both really. Wasn't big as in $$$ wedding, but it was nicer than anyone else in our families. Lots of drinking, good music, lots of dancing...good times.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
*I think younger people (those that marry at 18 21) think too lightly about it. Only if you can't handle the marriage anymore should you get a divorce. Personality conflicts, money issues, these things can break a marriage.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
-Absolutely. If you love someone, they love you equally, and you two want to spend your lives together...why not? The country/state/religious institutions have no right to tell people they can't love who they want.

-Anything else you might want to add.
*I'm 27, married male and I love my wife very much!

 

[Mistermixmaster]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?
No, hopefully someday.

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?
Dunno. Probably something in between.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
I think divorce is being taken too ligthly nowadays. Sure, sometimes a marriage won't work out, but that doesn't mean one shouldn't try. Divorcing someone is serious business for both parts.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?
Not in a church. Now, before you flame me to hell and back, remember that a marriage in church is supposed to unite a man and woman in holy matrimony. (Both should also be christian, seeing that they're getting married in a church...)

 

[WaderiAAA]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday?

Isn't married (I'm 20). Hope to at some point

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event?

Possibly the last one. Even if I didn't want to my sisters would pester me and my fiance until we did it.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?

I think people should be able to end the marriage for any reason, but I think they should put more thought into it before getting married and they should put in an effort to substain it when they get married. Too many people either marry into a relationship bound to fail or doesn't invest enough into it. Not all divorces are caused by this, but many.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not?

I have no problem with the marriage part, but it depends on what comes along with it. I don't think lesbian couples should be allowed to use sperm from anonymous donors to have a baby. In my country, if marriage was allowed (instead of just official partnership), then they would gain that right.

 

[WittyName]

-Are you married? And if not, do you intend on getting married someday? Not currently, but I intend to at some point in my life.

-Will it be/was it a quiet ceremony or a big lavish event? Somewhere in between, but more quiet, with family and close friends.

-How about divorce? Do you think people think too lightly about the commitment of marriage or should people be allowed to terminate a marriage for any reason they see fit?
That would be a little bit against the point of getting married if they're just going to get divorced a few years later.

-Same sex marriage. Should it be possible or not? Who are we to deny people the one thing that could make them happy?

-Anything else you might want to add. Nah, I'm good. ^^