Expectations, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts?

[Thaluikhain]

If you're the sort of person who thinks porn is an accurate reflection of real sexual relationships? Be sure to let me know how that works out for you, should make for some hilarious reading.

I wonder if those same people think that every police officer lives though the plot of Die Hard or Lethal Weapon every single day, or that aliens invade over New York most weekends.

Well, you do have lots of people convinced they'd be great soldiers or race car drivers because they play computer games. Juries have to be told "it's not like CSI", and just because the prosecution doesn't bring out a young attractive woman in a low cut top to explain her magic machine does mean the accused didn't do it.

People outside the US quote the 2nd Amendment as to why they should have guns, and dial 911 in emergencies. Hell, there was a massive surge of interest in the USAF after Top Gun came out.

Unfortunately, many, many people are influenced by what they see on TV, games, porn, whatever (personally I'd say everyone is to an extent, but some people are just better at keeping it under control).

 

[Jenvas1306]

well that is an interessting topic. If you grow up in a worl with easy access to porn (and youre stupid) you might end up thinking that porn was what sex should be. Teenage pregnancies occuring more and more often and the age for your first time going down, we have clear signs that the perspective of sex is shifting.
How many kids never learn what is true affection, for various reasons, and then only get to know things through porn.
Putting certain body parts together isnt difficult, but then just doing things you saw on the internet, without a real reason for yourself, that is just sad in my opinion.
True affection, loving someone and being attracted to each other that way makes sex so different, makes it way more than physical pleasure. I think that our culture should not deprive one from being able to experiance that, but the current values seem to lay closer to dumb fucking than making love.

So the point is, that I think, that porn can be a bad influence, as it may make people do things they dont truely want and just do as it is shown as normal in porn.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I doubt anybody would be naif enough to confuse pornography with reality. You could make a similar question around any form of fiction that represents sex, or relationships, or whatever. It's a fictional re-presentation. Take careful note of the prefix. Re. That's "again", as in, "another".

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I doubt that "too much pornography" creates unrealistic expectations to the extent that people are expecting the pizza guy to ravish them, or that all women are moaning sex addicts, or that DP actually feels good. I'm guessing it's an issue with over-stimulation and escalating requirements for arousal. Much in the same way too much male masturbation can actually cause impotence problems (as you lose the ability to react to more subtle sensations), I'm guessing too much hardcore pornography can lead to regular old sex seeming dull. You can't engage yourself chemically on a routine basis and not expect some kind of conditioning to take place. Your earliest experiences with arousal is often how fetishes are formed, and we live with those our entire lives, helpless to elude them. Anyone who spends hundreds of hours masturbating to porn is going to experience some consequences.

 

[Woodsey]

Porn is porn, sex is sex. Get too used to whacking yourself off and I suppose you're gonna have problems releasing the load another way, but the whole "unrealistic expectations" thing has never been an issue for me.

 

[Hosker]

Porn only a problem if the individual believes that it will or should be like that in real life.

 

[Strazdas]

what kind of expectations are we talking about? some people speculate porn/porn censorship is the reason for the rise in labia plastys

or if the guy wants to "finish" on the girls face or somthing? (eeewwww I feel dirty for saying that)

is porn bad? only if the guy watching it thinks thats how sex works I guess....Ive never seen any really, I dont know if Id find it all that "interesting" since it would probably be over the top fake and for a male audience

eather way if I was with a guy and he wanted me to do somthing I was uncomfortable with because he "saw it in porn" then...yeah no

You are aware that 1/3 porn watchers statisticaly are female right?
Obviuosly, both parties have to be comfortable with it, before attempting to do it. Thats a given. Does not mean you cant learn anything from porn.


People have unrealistic expectations for pretty much anything, porn included. i for one went all over internet searching for that one type of porn that attracted me. found it. but the amount of "Garbage" you have to go though is just astonishing. but thats not because there are a lot of garbage, its because i have too high expectations.
And dont even get me started on relationship expectations, im already arguing that for 3 pages in another thread...

True affection, loving someone and being attracted to each other that way makes sex so different, makes it way more than physical pleasure. I think that our culture should not deprive one from being able to experiance that, but the current values seem to lay closer to dumb fucking than making love.

sex ad the variuos processes that we sum up as "love" are different things. obviuosly having sex while being in love is better than when not, however one does not require the other.

or that aliens invade over New York most weekends.

Wait, you mean aliens dont level america once a year? how else can you possibly hope to explain the enormouse deficit they have?


P.S. you know, folks, there is a group of porn that is like real life sex, thats because it is filming real life sex, mostly POV though. obviously, in comparison this may often seem boring, but i find it often better. and since i find most "porn stars" completely ugly i usually delve into more underground porn.

Well, you do have lots of people convinced they'd be great soldiers or race car drivers because they play computer games. Juries have to be told "it's not like CSI", and just because the prosecution doesn't bring out a young attractive woman in a low cut top to explain her magic machine does mean the accused didn't do it.

People outside the US quote the 2nd Amendment as to why they should have guns, and dial 911 in emergencies. Hell, there was a massive surge of interest in the USAF after Top Gun came out.

Unfortunately, many, many people are influenced by what they see on TV, games, porn, whatever (personally I'd say everyone is to an extent, but some people are just better at keeping it under control).

But, what can we do about that? We certainly cant ban all media because somone may be influenced. we cant run a campaign of "Stop being an idiot" for obviuos reasons as well. So all we can do is try to educate people. but we already do that.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Wait what now? Fuck. I need a new hobby, shit and I just quit smoking too, this is gonna be a tough few weeks.

Just make sure you alter your grip and masturbate in a variety of different ways, and you'll be alright. Where guys get into trouble is using the same "death grip" over and over, because it's the most comfortable and expedient.

And no, I cannot believe we are having this discussion either. I'm sorry.

 

[HobbyJim]

The idea of pornography is that it is a fantasy. Unless you attend frat parties with rap stars, I'll doubt you'll end up in a threesome with two 36-24-36 type women who will do anything you ask them. Most men (and women) understand that it is a fantasy and that they shouldn't expect it in the bedroom. But every once in a while, you can allow the fantasy into the bedroom. Say you saw a new position or technique you want to try out on a lover. Keep it open and honest and things will be ok.

What isn't healthy is when people confuse the fantasy for reality and expect all women (or men) to do all the really intense sexual stuff porn stars do. Not every woman will be down with performing oral sex, and not every guy will want to have anal sex, for example. It all depends on the person you're dating and their comfort level. Be understanding of their boundaries and know when to suggest or not suggest things to do. If you can't agree on anything sexually, than you're better off with someone else, because sex is the foundation of the relationship, and people who tell you "sex doesn't matter" are full of it. It's one of the few things we're hard wired to do as a species: go out and procreate. If we're forced to do it, might as well be good.

As for your beauty comment, the old saying "it's in the eye of the beholder" holds true. But culture does influence beauty a lot. Think of it as a single entity. Culture BELIEVES women who look like walking street lights and men who are muscle bound beyond logic are attractive because culture has changed and will always change based upon the way it reflects what it THINKS men and women want. The key is not allowing culture to influence YOU as a person in what you find attractive. I am highly attracted to what many would call "fat girls." What you see as "fat," I see curvy, volumptuous, beautiful women who might want to carry my children someday. Why do I think that? Maybe I'm a caveman, subconciously and primitively drawn to women with curves and lines and child bearing hips. Or maybe it's a genetic thing. Was my father attracted to the same thing? I don't know (nor do I want to) but these are all factors that contribute to what you think is beautiful: culture, subconcious desires, genetics, and even your own choices. No one factor should be bigger than the other, especially culture.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

What isn't healthy is when people confuse the fantasy for reality and expect all women (or men) to do all the really intense sexual stuff porn stars do. Not every woman will be down with performing oral sex, and not every guy will want to have anal sex, for example.

Whoa nelly. Oral is "intense sexual stuff"? I'm going to have to throw in with Dan Savage on this one, Oral is pretty "standard" these days. Everyone is entitled to their hang-ups, but oral sex falls firmly in vanilla territory. It certainly does not share a category with Anal, which if requested is likely to get you either hard stares from your partner (if female) or terrified apoplexy (if male). Unless you are a homosexual male, in which case I suppose it'll get you a wink and a nod.

 

[HobbyJim]

What isn't healthy is when people confuse the fantasy for reality and expect all women (or men) to do all the really intense sexual stuff porn stars do. Not every woman will be down with performing oral sex, and not every guy will want to have anal sex, for example.

Whoa nelly. Oral is "intense sexual stuff"? I'm going to have to throw in with Dan Savage on this one, Oral is pretty "standard" these days. Everyone is entitled to their hang-ups, but oral sex falls firmly in vanilla territory. It certainly does not share a category with Anal, which is if requested is likely to get you either hard stares from your partner (if female) or terrified apoplexy (if male). Unless you are a homosexual male, in which case I suppose it'll get you a wink and a nod.

You're right, oral isn't considered "intense sexual stuff" in most circles, but I've met (and dated) women who straight up will not do it. Anal is its own special category and I agree, does not fit into the same category as oral. I was simply giving examples. I get where you're coming from, though.

 

[The Funslinger]

If you're the sort of person who thinks porn is an accurate reflection of real sexual relationships? Be sure to let me know how that works out for you, should make for some hilarious reading.

You should watch the Inbetweeners. The actual show, not the US remake. One of the main characters, Jay, is basically what happens if someone takes porn 100% seriously. On top of that, he pretends to get laid to impress people.

 

[NoeL]

The real issue with porn is it's a terrible representation of sex, good sex would look terrible on film because it would be slower, gentler (you're not trying to tenderise her vagina and not going at 60pph (positions per hour). I had "porn sex" once and it was horrifying. I mean sex that looked like a porno, not that I'm in a porno. I kinda felt bad for her, something had clearly gone terribly wrong in her life.

That's kinda... degrading. It depends on the woman, but I would go so far as to say most prefer it rough - and a fair amount require the more intense stimulation to achieve orgasm. Not necessarily changing up the position all the time (better to stick with the one), but they do want a guy that can fuck their brains out (though not for extended periods of time - if you can't get her off after 5-10 minutes you're doing something wrong. Talk to her more and try and work out a better technique). There's probably more to it, but it comes off as pretty sexist to assume a girl is psychologically broken if she enjoys a good pounding.

 

[Wharrgarble]

This video is pretty interesting. It lays out many of the effects that porn has on the human brain. Granted, your mileage may vary, but I found it to be worth a watch.


As to whether it alters expectations... I think it could. It depends on the person, really. Not everyone is the same.

 

[Hagi]

I think porn and actual sex should probably be kept as far apart as possible, unless you and your partner enjoy watching some before you go at it.

Nothing wrong with porn as long as it's in moderation. If you're watching it for several hours a day then you've probably got some issues and it may end up messing with your expectations of women and relationships. But simply watching some every now and then? I don't really see how that's a problem. It's probably even good for you considering an orgasm relaxes you pretty well and most people face more stress than is healthy for them.

Just don't go thinking what you see is some sort of instruction manual. That won't end well.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well, you do have lots of people convinced they'd be great soldiers or race car drivers because they play computer games. Juries have to be told "it's not like CSI", and just because the prosecution doesn't bring out a young attractive woman in a low cut top to explain her magic machine does mean the accused didn't do it.

People outside the US quote the 2nd Amendment as to why they should have guns, and dial 911 in emergencies. Hell, there was a massive surge of interest in the USAF after Top Gun came out.

Unfortunately, many, many people are influenced by what they see on TV, games, porn, whatever (personally I'd say everyone is to an extent, but some people are just better at keeping it under control).

But, what can we do about that? We certainly cant ban all media because somone may be influenced. we cant run a campaign of "Stop being an idiot" for obviuos reasons as well. So all we can do is try to educate people. but we already do that.

I've no idea what can be done about that, in any practical sense. It's just that I think people are often too quick to dismiss the problem as being absurd.

 

[Hagi]

I've no idea what can be done about that, in any practical sense. It's just that I think people are often too quick to dismiss the problem as being absurd.

I don't think it's so much dismissing the problem as saying the real issue is elsewhere.

If someone watches porn and then fully believes that that's what women enjoy then what's the problem?

The porn? The person? The education said person received? Something else?

If someone says there's no problem with porn it doesn't have to be a dismissal of the problem, it can also be a belief that the problem lies elsewhere.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I've no idea what can be done about that, in any practical sense. It's just that I think people are often too quick to dismiss the problem as being absurd.

I don't think it's so much dismissing the problem as saying the real issue is elsewhere.

If someone watches porn and then fully believes that that's what women enjoy then what's the problem?

The porn? The person? The education said person received? Something else?

If someone says there's no problem with porn it doesn't have to be a dismissal of the problem, it can also be a belief that the problem lies elsewhere.

In that case, yes, I meant people thinking it absurd and thus impossible that people would confuse pornography with sex.