Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house
(the Bully that stole Stewie's bike)
Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
Alaways fun for an office setting:
Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
And possibly my favorite:
Peter: Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots... Joel.
Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing.
Just cause I like the real people cutaways.
EDIT: After talking iwth a friend, he reminded me of the episode "Quagmire's Baby" and this exchange at the end.
Quagmire: Well, I guess I just realized it's not about me. This family is what's best for Anna Lee. This is her home now. I got to let her go.
Peter: I'm proud of you, Quagmire.
Quagmire: Thanks, man. Hey, who knows? Maybe I'll bump into her in 18 years.
Peter: What?!
Quagmire: Did you really think I was going to change that much?
[the camera zooms in on him]
Quagmire: [to the audience, holding his thumbs up] Good night, everybody!