Fniff proves that you will not, under no circumstances, survive the zombie Apocalypse alive.

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

You are so dead on Z-Day.

We don't need him anyway, eating our dwindling food supplies then killing himself when he realises he doesn't have any Fritos left.

OT: A few points: First of all, a perfect survival plan wouldnt require you to fire a single shot, as you would either have a (near) inpregnable fortress, or your presense would be undetectable. However, I know that won't be the case, so be smart: get a gun, or atleast a close combat weapon, before the appocalypse. Even without zombies, home defense would only be a trigger away, and everybody has a crowbar in their garage. So take finding weapons out of the equation. Next, your fortress of solitude(which could easily be your back yard) should be fertile enough to grow food, so take that out of the picture. Water. Well, unless you live in Africa, there is a magical little thing called the water table, and it is right beneath our feet. Dig a little, and you can take water out of the picture. What does that leave(keeping in mind humans need three things to survive: Food, water, and shelter)? Shelter. This could easily be the hardest part of your long term survival. There are two options: Find an easily defendable structure, or reinforce the one you are in(home, office). Finding an easyily defendable structure, like a military compound, State prison, Insane asylumn, or oil rig, would require less work but more danger(as you must search for it) and you would have to deal with the people already inside(who may or may not already be zombies). Alternatively, reinforcing your current location would require more work, but would be safer(as you wouldn't need to fight).

However, the most important thing would be to be ready to run at any given moment. Never know when a nuke will fall or when a fire will start. Adaptability will be the key to survival.

By the way, don't take this too seriously.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I would survive, mainly becasue I live in Australia, and everyone knows that, with the exception of madagascar, Australia is the least likely to become infected ... also, our animals are so poisonous, any zombies that make it here will be killed .... re-killed ... de-undead-ified... whatever happens to a zombie when it 'dies'.

So yeah, I don't need a plan, my country has built-in zombie counter-measures like the platypus and the eastern brown snake ... also, we have New Zealand to fall back to ... but that might just end up turning into 'Black Sheep'... which would be baaaaaaad.

 

[gadafgadaf]

Then, your best friend "Alice" would go insane from the constant banging of zombies, trying to break in...

wow, alice was a closet raging necrophiliac!?!?!

 

[MarsProbe]

Now now, where's that "can do" attitude? Of course you'll end up dead if you go into the whole thing such a defeatist attitude. Personally I plan to trudge, if not necessarily sail, through the whole thing, plan or no plan!

 

[Connosaurus Rex]

Truthfully no one would let the zombies overrun humans even if gets bad like in WWZ we will never die out, just survival is almost guaranteed for human race but fro everyone, no many many many will die. millions or even billions.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

IMHO I think (if zombies starting showing up) that we'll all be fine so long as the spread of the virus is slow and potential infected(and actual infected killed) and the goverment doesn't try something dumb like weaponize the virus or whatevers making people into zombies we'll all be fine. and barring that I'll just try to survive and If I die big fucking whoop it proves OP's point and if I don't in your face I beat the odds, I'll just go kill myself(should it turn out im the only one left)
EDIT:

Everyone knows you can only survive if you're:

Black,
Obese,
A news reporter,
A redneck,
A vietnam veteran,
A gambler,
A college student,
A biker,

or any combination thereof.

thats me Im a college student, I'll be fine

 

[Cherry Cola]

IMHO I think (if zombies starting showing up) that we'll all be fine so long as the spread of the virus is slow and potential infected(and actual infected killed) and the goverment doesn't try something dumb like weaponize the virus or whatevers making people into zombies we'll all be fine. and barring that I'll just try to survive and If I die big fucking whoop it proves OP's point and if I don't in your face I beat the odds, I'll just go kill myself(should it turn out im the only one left)
EDIT:

Everyone knows you can only survive if you're:

Black,
Obese,
A news reporter,
A redneck,
A vietnam veteran,
A gambler,
A college student,
A biker,

or any combination thereof.

thats me Im a college student, I'll be fine

Actually, all those people are known to die a lot too.

So you're still fucked.

 

[ffxfriek]

Thinking about this: it actually makes sense...

 

[dont_blink]

Fniff proves that you will not, under no circumstances, survive the zombie Apocalypse alive

i'll have to survive it dead so...
=P

 

[Flames66]

Every now and again, some guy makes a thread. It is an annoying repeat thread. And it is calledwhat is your survival apocalypse plan? Note: This is a rant. Not to be taken seriously.

Now, don't get me wrong, I used to be one of these people, back when I was new to the interweb. I was always searching for a proper zombie apocalypse sim. I grew out of it, though, and forgot about it. Only now I realize what would be the proper zombie apocalypse sim. Somehow, hack into the L4D files, get rid of the weapons, give the ability to starve or dehydration, make it so that your character prays that he dies without being ripped apart or crawling on their hands and knees to get to a bit of candy underneath the fridge to find it was just a wrapper and then die. People, you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT survive the Zombie Apocalypse without leaving the country, let alone the planet. The Zombie Virus,whatever it would be, would be freaking impossible not to get, or be immunized to, since it never happened before, because everyone you know is now a zombie, or at least, going to be sooner or later . You can't get to an island, since your entire country would be quartined and you would not be able to get out. Also, what is up with the "Well, there is a gun shop up the road, I'll just steal a few guns! DUUR!". PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT AN ORIGINAL IDEA! Everyone in your district would have thought of this, taken the guns, then put a note saying "Sorry for stealing your guns, I'll buy you a beer.". So, that leaves you having to go to some gun owners house, to get some guns, only to be bitten, raped and pissed on by a zombie. So, do yourself a favor, to spare yourself in the long run, KILL YOURSELF IF YOU ARE IN A ZOMBIE SITUATION THAT IS BIG! Spare the zombies the trouble. Anyway, if you did bunker up, with your friends...It's only a matter of time until someone snaps in your party and does something bad. Then, your best friend "Alice" would go insane from the constant banging of zombies, trying to break in...Sooner or later, maybe they will...Only to find your body, with a shotgun with one bullet missing... You would have probably killed yourself in the despair of a hopeless situation, where humanity will probably flicker out like a light..

So, you will not survive, stop making plans. And repeat threads.

Such a defeatist attitude . Thats the point of the threads.

 

[PureChaos]

'survive the zombie apocalypse alive'? well you can't survive it dead, can you?

 

[GrinningManiac]

Uh...I got a slight problem here

I mean, even if I do or don't get infected/eaten in the first few minutes, I have a serious problem

I live in the UK, there are no gunshops to loot/miss out on the looting spree thereof

I'd use something like a cricket bat, and go down nastily.

TBH, this is all a load of bull (the whole zombie apocalypse thing), but I do know that if such a horrible thing EVER DID occur, I would do my damndest to keep my loved ones safe.

I'd like to think me and my best mate since we were four would hold out together, and die horribly side by side

I'm a goner, but I'm a romantic goner

 

[ArcWinter]

What if your plan is "run fast"? That can never fail!

Except if they are more zombies then you.

Then you fail. Hard.

But I can run fast while wielding a katana, which makes your theory into a... paradox!

A katana.

See you at your nearest historical society while you are trying to pull it out. Setting off an alarm. That brings zombies over.

You just fail even harder then.

Actually, I have a wakizashi at my house, and those are better.

Also, I can mathematically prove that I would survive. if I, represented by p, was running from zombies (R and Z respectively), then 0.5p+2R^mph = Z+35, which would mean I would die pretty much instantly. However, if I had a katana, represented by k, it would change the whole equation. A now represents how badass the katana is (a wakizashi is 41 on the badass scale)-> 2p+R^fps*7(!kA) = 3Z^2, which means that the only way I could die is if I was running across some rooftops a month after the apocalypse and suddenly a meteor hit my foot, ripping it off, and allowing my helpless form to fall to the zombie horde below (yes, math IS that accurate and useful). And meteors have a 1-in-4,000,000 chance to hit you, so I think I'd be fine.

Unless I starved, which would be a whole other equation, and a lot less badass way to die.

 

[CSB Fisher]

You're wrongly assuming the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened before.

..

How are we still alive?!

2 words. Ancient civilisation. They were obviously killed by their own super zombie infection.

 

[Fire Daemon]

There is a chance you will not survive crossing the street so it might be best to just blow your brains out now.

I don't know how the zombie apocalypse will go down but my house boat idea seems like the best option. Stay in an isolated patch of fresh water and live off fish, vegetables and whatever supplies I brought for a year at the least. If the virus is airborne or carried in the water than I would be dead anyway, at least this option offers me some safety.

 

[littlecrow]

Technically, we wouldn't have a problem, stock up on food and water to last a month or so and you'll be fine, by that time the "zombies" would decompose hey look no more zombies. Why wold being bit or scratched by a zombie infect you, I get bit by a squirrel but I don't get the squirrel viruse or even rabies I mean yeah it hurts but who made that rule. Zombies also don't have supper powers there just dead people, infact there senses would go down hill when they do start to decompose, and why do zombies only eat humans, theres other thing to survive off of even plants. Zombies wouldn't be fast or smart since they are running of a decomposing nervous system, and I wouldn't think head shots only kill them, take out the spine and paralized zombies or any other joint will sloe them down good. So there, in real life if zombies some how managed to exsist we would most likely survive

 

[Nieroshai]

You speak of a level-4 contamination. Yeah, that probably would doom us all, hence "apocalipse." Level-3 would be containable only by an international effort, and you're probably doomed if you don't have a ton of allies in the govt. Level 2: leave the state. Become very, very paranoid. Level 1: good thing you bought a gun, now hole up in your tree house so you can cap them when they come to dinner, and when the coast is clear it's time to move elsewhere.
I am referring to the Romero-type zombie of course, read the Zombie Survival Guide. It's even modeled after the Army Survival Guide in real life. The L4D zombies however? We're doomed! We're all DOOMED!!!!!
As for voodoo zombies? Meh. I wouldn't waste the effort killing one.

 

[Icecoldcynic]

Ahh someone needs to read the Zombie Survival guide. You will realise that it is very possible to survive the zombie apocalypse, with careful planning. Obviously the average Joe won't be able to, what with thinking zombies don't exist and all.

 

[ClaptonKnophlerHendrix]

Fniff, you forget about one very important thing that Bill Murray taught me.

DRESS UP LIKE A ZOMBIE!

I mean, do we really know what Zombies use to figure out if you are human or not? Maybe they simply rely on vision.

Zombieland! Love that movie.
OT: Well Fniff, it really depends on what sort of zombies we end up facing. Resident Evil zombies wouldnt be that bad, whereas L4D would pretty much fuck us over completely. But on Z-day me and my friends allready have a plan laid out. We will drive like hellfury to Bondi Beach, arming ourselves along the way. Then we get to go out in a blaze of glory shooting down the hordes on Bondi, before lighting ourselves on fire and running into the midst of the horde to burn them as well.