Fortunately, Unfortunately

[Hyperrhombus]

Everyone takes turns to alternately write something fortunate or unfortunate about the situation described by the previous poster.

For example:
START: I woke up in the morning and cracked my head open on the ceiling.
Person A: Fortunately, your father is a doctor, and he patches you up.
Person B: Unfortunately, the bandages are pink, making you look like a pansy.
Person C: Fortunately, you are a pansy, etc.

So, for the starting statement:

You are cornered in a dark alley by a knife-wielding maniac.

Fortunately, you have your trusty lightsaber.

 

[Rooster893]

Unfortunately, you don't know how to use it.

Fortunately, you packed a Beretta M92F just in case.

 

[M0rp43vs]

Unfortunately you have no ammo. And it's a toy. It's pink and plastic.

Fortunately, the maniac seems to be distracted, bent over laughing.

 

[staika]

Unfortunately he's laughing at the many horrible things he's about to do to you and can't decide which one he prefers.

Fortunately there is a door behind you.

 

[lionday]

unfortunately: He has friends with knives
Fortunately: You run away

 

[Fragrance of Mtn Dew]

Unfortunately you trip over a sleeping hobo.
Fortunately he's a black belt who could help save you.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

Unfortunately, he is a very heavy sleeper.
Fortunately, you have smelling salts.

 

[lionday]

Unfortunately: You put them on your fries
Fortunately: The guys chasing after you like fries and decides to leave you alone for your fries.

 

[mcpop9]

unfortunately: they wanted ketchup with them
fortunately: theres a mcdonalds down the block

 

[Connor Lonske]

Unfortunately, Jesus is there creating zombies.

Fortunately, we are both Madness Combat fans and know how to deal with this situation.

 

[Steve.CyborgCoconut]

Unfortunately their weapons are down.

Fortunately their jet packs are not.

 

[DasDestroyer]

Unfortunately they're out of fuel
Fortunately the chickens can launch eggs at deadly speeds

 

[Kieros]

Unfortunately, it is not yet built.

Fortunately, it will be done tomorrow.

 

[mcpop9]

unfortunately the world ends tomorrow
fortunately we have a time machine that warped us back to world war two before something could go wrong with it

 

[Rooster893]

Unfortunately, something broke it.

Fortunately, there happens to be a spare, in Bill Gates' backyard.

 

[Ren3004]

Unfortunately, Bill Gates's backyard is surrounded by piranha-infested waters.

Fortunately, we can pole-vault over the moat.

 

[mcpop9]

unfortunately it was in stock.... *puts on sunglasses* YESTERDAY "YYYEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH"
fortunately there was a 2nd time machine and we successfully warped back to world war 2

 

[lionday]

Unfortunately: Our jumping back in time causes Hitler to win
Fortunately: Captain America appears and offers to help us take him down.

 

[mcpop9]

unfortunately he's Kim Jong Il's Father
Fortunately Hitler didn't commit the holocaust in the version of history