funniest thing you ever heard an enemy say during gameplay

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

In the first Perfect Dark (on Nintendo 64) the enemies would have two different states: unaware and aware of your presence. If you happened to take down an enemy silently (melee, crossbow, or some other silenced weapon) and another enemy happened to come across the body while unaware of your presence, they would make a comment. The best one was "Ah, never liked him anyways."

Yep, PD's guards were certainly more vocal than it's predecessor's. Things I remember them saying besides the usual insults such as the b-word:
"Jesus Christ, someone hit her!"
"Oh my god, he's dead!"
"You've made your LAST mistake!" (Oh, I have plenty more to make...)

And of course there's the Ringo Starr-sounding engineers in the final part of the first mission, assembling a rocket launcher right where you need it:
"That's not how it goes!"
"Stop annoying me!"
"Give it to me, you're doing it wrong!"
"Oh no, too late. She's here!" *Runs*

 

[Dr.Sean]

So I was playing Farcry2 right? I was on my way to Pala, and I stopped at the Guard Post in front of Cock Fighting, and I crouched past a guard who was sitting in a chair, and I grabbed some ammo, and then like he didn't even notice me. THen I walked away and his buddies got their guns out. No shots were fired.

Since the main character of Farcry2 gets mallaria, I was pissed when the UFLL wanted me to blow up a place with medicine. I walked out of the room the three guys were and the black guy said, "I think we insulted the man."

Then later I was in a battle, and then a man with a hilarious accent said, "Cornfuckery!"

 

[L4Y Duke]

Wearing armour that gives you 100% Chamelion rating in Oblivion turns every dungeon into a potential riot.

Especially when combined with crazy-as spells. Like my "Burning Oil" one that sets everyone within a 100ft radius of my target on fire. Granted, it's only for 1 second, but hey.

Or when you go in unarmed:

Me: *Punches bandit in the face*
Bandit: "Whoa, better cut down on the ale. Starting to see things I am"
Me: *Punches bandit in the face*
Bandit: "Damn rats, always skirting about in the shadows, making me jumpy"
Me: *Punches bandit in the face*
Bandit: "Whatever it was, it's gone now."
Me: "GUESS AGAIN!" *Punches bandit in the face*

 

[ars731]

"I'm going to shoot you in the face"

mercenary in Far Cry

 

[G1eet]

"WE DON'T TAKE AMERICAN EXPRESS!" - Halo 3 Brute, throwing spike grenades at marines.

I love the IWHBYD skull.

Ah, beat me to it. But I think it's Sarge that says the actual line, right?

Although my favorite is during X-Men Origins.
"HQ, I think we've almost got him!" or "Quick, he's wounded!"

Which is the second to last thing to enter their heads, right before my adamantium claws X3

 

[Whitmore]

A few from Prototype:

I've just ran over a car and up a wall when a marine says "Something doesn't look right here"

On radio "Target's taken no damage. Haven't seen that before."

"Enemy location? No f***ing idea sir."

Heard from Blackwatch guy after grabbing him "Shoot it! Loosen its grip before it f***ing eats me!" *eats him*

And lastly, if you bump into a normal soldier/normal blackwatch while disguised as a commander they don't shove you like usual. Once, a soldier said "It was an honor sir" after this occured.

 

[Itherael Grey]

"The boyz need themselves a nob, they do." Orks - DoW2

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Honestly I don't know if this counts really since it was in multiplayer.

Halo 3 the score was 49-48 the next kill would win the game for the red team. So it was a shoot out each memeber taking cover as soon as they began taking damage. (I was on the blue team.) I got as close as I could and threw a sticky gernade. It stuck one of them right on the head. He quickly backed up into his teamate and since it was a social game I heard his voice shout "NO YOU RETARD DON"T BACK *BANG*" and then heard the announcer say *Game over.*

 

[jobobob]

Everyone whos seen the leprichaun say yeah!.-Saints row 2

 

[Iskenator67]

My fatigue was drained in Oblivion and I passed out and a civilian walked by and asked are you O.K?

 

[Iskenator67]

Can't remember what game it was, but a cop was chasing me and shouted "Yeah, Make me run and get all sweaty!"

That's GTA Vice City.

 

[Shoqiyqa]

Not an enemy but a doomed NPC: one of the scientists in Half Life.

After the "accident", you try to make your way back out and the lift crashes down the shaft in front of you.

I was fast enough to get into the shaft and onto the ladder before it fell, and heard:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Greetings AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *crash*

 

[Seyyal]

GTA IV. running from a cop trying to find a car
COP: "i will shoot your d!ck off!"

 

[similar.squirrel]

'Are you jacking off in there?'

GTA 4, spacing out at a busy intersection.

 

[fudgebo]

Anything rico says in killzone 2, and crackdown the spotswood voice over guy, "these freaks were used to be human agent until shai gen captured them and conducted weird experiments on them.....kill them all agent".

 

[TheCameraman]

Walked past one of the G-man disguised as road crew workers in the Milkman COnspiracy in Psychonauts and overheard him saying "Look at that womans breasts, they're large" in a completely monotone voice. Made my day.

Come to think of it, almost everything the G-men in Psychonauts say is hilarious.

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

Was playing Gears of War 2, locust runs up, and shouts something like "I'M GOING TO RAPE YOUR MOTHER!" A second before I blast his head into gibblets with a shotgun.

Also, the Balors from Nwn are funny.. "I will rape your soul."

 

[Bobtowna]

in true crime after firing warnig shots:
"Oh diggity damn i gotsta go!!!"

 

[gunbladejoe]

wow this place is still goin. ha awesome well lets see if we can keep it goin.

another thing I heard while playing tenchu SA I was up ontop of a roof and I overheard a ninja say
"hm...I hope he will show himself soon I need to pee incredibly bad.."

then I killed him. ha bet he peed himself after that.

 

[ElTigreSantiago]

In Fallout 3, I killed Red with a garbage can so I could take her stuff without a karma loss or the people in Big Town hating me. I picked up her corpse to set it on a fire, and as I was doing so, the people started saying stuff like "Watch where your swinging that" and "Will you put that down?"

Plus, anytime you attack a Brotherhood soldier they react quite nicely. I shoved Shishkebob into some poor paladin and as her flesh burnt she was like "Careful with that" and she kept walking. I slashed her again and she was like "Watch what your doing with that thing", still not mad at me. She burnt to death before she became hostile to me.