"If you're wondering how Mike eats and breathes / And other science facts / Then repeat to yourself 'It's just a show, / I should really just relax.'"
or
"That's?that's not fair. That's not fair at all. There was time now. There was, was all the time I needed... ! It's not fair!"
Cookie for either reference.
Or my all time favourite:
"The Earth is degenerating today. Bribery and Corruption abound. Children no longer obey their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is approaching" - Assyrian Tablet, circa 2800 BC