Greatest Quotes Ever

[freakyHippo]

"No matter how good i get at tennis, i will never be as good as a wall"
- The late great Mitch Hedburg

"I've never heard a drug dealer say 'man, how am i going to get rid of all this crack'"
- Chris Rock

"To men, breasts are like coke and pepsi. We may state a prefferance but we'll take whatever is on tap....aslong as its not flat"
- Jason John Whitehead

"I like Jesus....but he loves me....so its awkward"
- Reginald D Hunter

"Most of the items i own are completely useless. Take this watch for example, good for up to 100 meters water pressure. Absolutley useless. The only diving that i do its considered very bad manners to check your watch. Although i'll admit that the luminous dial has come in handy"
- Simon Evans

"Kids being affected by video games, what a ridiculas idea. If we'd been effected by Pac-man we would be sitting in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to reptative music"
- Marcus Brigstocke

"I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, 'Fuck that, I'll just make a copy.'"
- the late great Mitch Hedburg

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

"That doesn't look good"
"screw what looks good"
"thats my motto"
- Me, a friends reply, then me again... (the discussed item was a... i cant remember, but it was not a person)

"your horrible"
- My friend when she catches onto what i said in the above.

"im awesome"
- my usual reply to criticism, after above


NEW ONE:

a completely random event that i will never forget to this day

Friend: Oh, man, thats huge.
Me: That's what she said
Friend: Haha, that was awesome
Me: Thats what she said
Friend: Ok, thats enough
Me: That's what she said
Friend: Dude, thats creepy
Me: That's what she said
Friend: Ok, this is getting bad really fast
Me: That's what she said
Friend: seriously, stop it
Me: That's what she said

- after this my friend caught on and stopped giving me opportunities, but it has become legend...

Pretty damn pretentious aren't you.

 

[Anarchemitis]

"ur ghey"
I have no idea who first said this, nor do I know the definition, because phonetically, it says "uh-rr fay".

 

[Clain]

"there are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary, and those that don't"

- no idea

"there are really 11 types, those that understand binary, those that don't, and those that are sick and tired of that joke" - me in responce to that joke

"Change of plan ... LEG IT!" - Lister, Red Dwarf

the message left by god:
"Sorry for the mistake" - Douglas Adams

"were on a mining ship, 3 million years into deep space, can someone explain to me where the smeg i got this traffic cone" - Lister, Red dwarf

"Look, just because it's an armour-plated alien killing machine that salivates unspeakable slobber doesn't mean it's a bad person. What we've got to do is get it round a table and put together a solution package - perhaps over tea and biscuits." - Rimmmer, Red Dwarf (after losing his anger)

"Erm, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here, which is 'What are we gonna call ourselves?' Erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between 'The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is 'The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is 'CLITORIS'." - As above

"The time for talking is over. Now call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard, and we hit it fast, with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign" - As above

"On September 11 democracy also paid heavily. We now know the terrorists:
came from Tunisia, Algeria and Saudi Arabia
Trained in Yemen, Sudan and Afghanistan
Met in Indonesia and Malaysia
Were funded through Italy and Germany
And were taught to fly in America

There can only be one response, Attack Iraq!" - Charles Firth, CNNNN

Col O'Neill: Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.
Capt Carter: Theoretical astrophysicist.
Col O'Neill: Which means?
Gen Hammond: Which means she's smarter than you are, Colonel.
- Stargate

Teal'c and O'Neill are driving golf balls through the Stargate
Col. O'Neill: How far is Alaris, anyway?
Teal'c: Several billion miles, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: That's gotta be a record.
- Stargate

later on
Gen. Hammond: Colonel O'Neill, what the hell are you doing?!
Col. O'Neill: In the middle of my back swing?!

"there are just too many brilliant and memorable quotes out there that if i were to write them all out (even the ones i know) then im going to need... to get a life" - Me, as i was typing these out/googling for correct spelling and laziness

but most of my quotes come from red dwarf, stargate, douglas adams, terry pratchett, firefly and the god knows how many other movies, books and series ive watched/read

there are just too many to post
do a wiki quotes search on them and youll see what i mean

 

[HomeAliveIn45]

"Those who believe in telekentics, raise my hand"
-Kurt Vonnegut

 

[The Bandit]

Sion: They are all dead. Save one. And one broken Jedi can not stop the darkness that is to come.
Kreia: Perhaps. We shall see.

-Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords


"You're buying years of work, toil in the sun; you're buying a sorrow that can't talk. But watch it, mister. There's a premium that goes with this pile of junk... a packet of bitterness to grow in your house and flower, some day. We could have saved you, but you cut us down, and soon you will be cut down and there'll be none of us to save you."
-The Grapes of Wrath

"I am the man, I suffer'd, I was there."

"I am the hounded slave, I wince at the bite of the dogs, hell and despair are upon me, crack and again crack the marksmen."

"Agonies are one of my changes of garments."

-Three seperate lines from Song of Myself by Walt Whitman

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes."
-Darl, As I Lay Dying

"Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I thought I could only get glimpses of reality, never the whole picture. Hm. It was as if I was living in a dream I could never wake up from."
-Spike Speigel, Cowboy Bebop



And now for quotes from my friends that none of you give a crap about.

Seth: Alright, I gotta go. See y'all.
Bren: Yeah, you're a ******.
Seth: Yeah, I'll talk to y'all later. I gotta go hangout with my GIRLFRIEND.
Bren: Dude, you have a girlfriend? We just have massive amounts of sex with girls we don't even know.

Travis: Dude, it's cold as balls out here.
Me: Yeah... Balls are pretty cold.

Seth (after finding a pair of Chick-Fil-A shoelaces in my friend's car and putting them on): You like my Chick-Filaces?

 

[Spartan Bannana]

That's how we roll, b*tches-Brucie Kibbutz, GTA IV

I'm the one who survived-Niko Bellic GTA IV

Robin F*ckin' Hood-Packie Mcreary GTA IV

Murdered by pirates is good-The princess bride

 

[Darth Brownie]

"Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one."

The Soldier from Team Fortress 2

 

[_dante]

The definition of rejection is when your hand falls asleep while masturbating.

I can picture a world without war, a world without hate and I can picture us attacking that world because they would never suspect it.
(Steven Wright)

Parachute for sale, used once, never opened, slightly stained.
(In the newspaper)

 

[Milkshakedrinker45]

There are many:

-A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. (Einstein)
-Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
-Don't drink water... Fish have sex in it!
And.......
-That's what she said!

 

[Duck Sandwich]

"If you have any brains about you you'll realise that gaming is beneficial to your sex life. Gamers more than likely have flexible fingers from all their time using controllers. Gamers are used to ignoring the body crying out for rest when they game, and thus should be able to ignore it when they are having sex." - Hey Joe

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute" - Unknown

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. - Pearl S. Buck

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. - Swami X

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it. - Dave Chappelle

This ancient painting depicts starving peasants, groveling at the feet of a huge, muscular man. He looks down upon them with contempt. Hmm. Must have been a nice guy - Exile 3: Ruined World

 

[Wolfwind]

A few off the top of my head...

"Common sense? What the hell is common about it?" ~Unknown~

"Peace sells, but who's buying?" ~Megadeth~

"What do you mean I'm not kind? I'm just not your kind." ~Megadeth~

Green Ranger: Yeah, I'm gonna take you down, because my name is Oogy Boogy!
Crab Creature: ************, do you know where I'm from? Frosty pookey eddy eddy!
Green Ranger: What the fuck does that mean?
~ Power Rangers *****! ~

And this last one was between a couple of friends of mine.
- "Watch your back."
- "You watch your FRONT, cause I aim for the nuts."

 

[DeadpanLunatic]

I have removed my words from this site.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I did not mean!!!
To blow your Mind!!!
But that shit happen to me!!!
all the TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMM!!!

- Jack Black

 

[N-Sef]

'By the Power of Greyskull! I HAVE THE POWER!' - Prince Adam transforming into He-Man

'Maybe God is the Melody, We all Serenade' - Three Ways to Epica by Kamelot (Great song)

'I am not regret' - Shinra from Ikaruga

'You know Brian, just because you can't feel your teeth doesn't mean the girl can't feel your insults' - Stewie from Family Guy

 

[Copter400]

Teacher: What was it that Archimedes yelled when he ran down the street naked?
My friend: 'My wang is cold?'

And when the teacher mentioned Eureka Stockade:

My friend: Gee, you guys should really take a trip to My Wang Is Cold Stockade.

Geneforge 4: You meet a man who is, at the moment, on fire.

On a more serious note:

Richard: I'm starting to remember.
Judge: Remember what?
Richard: My life. Before I was turned. I recall my home, my family. I recall my lord father's distaste of my chosen profession. It comes in flashes, waves. In colours. It comes...And it's changing me. Like Cale, I sense that I am on a path. I don't know where it will lead, yet I am compelled to follow. For the first time in hundreds of years, I have a goal.
Judge: This court finds you guilty.
Richard: I accept the verdict. But I deny the sentence.
*neck-snappy noise*
Richard: I have a destiny.

 

[sms_117b]

"Oh sweet photons, I don't know if you're waves or particles but either way you go down smooth"
- Bender, Futurama: Benders big score

"If we can just hit the bullseye, the rest of dominoes will fall like a house of cards, checkmate!"
- Zapp Brannigan, Futurama: Love's Labors Lost in Space

"I am Christiandom!"
- Me whilst playing Medieval II Total war and controlling most of the map whilst being excommunicated

 

[KimMR251]

"the cake is a lie"

 

[090907]

No idea where it came from but,
"Show your face and I'll cure all your ills"