Greatest Quotes Ever

[GuerrillaClock]

"Professor, how scared should we be?"
"Somewhere between not at all, and entirely"
Professor Farnsworth.. he always had the best lines in Futurama

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

"I don't drink water, fish fuck in it." - W.C. Fields

 

[Rezfon]

"He's not the messiah!!! He's a very naughty boy!"
-Life of Brian

 

[thepopeofatheism]

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
~George Carlin

Hunger is the best spice.
~Spike Spiegel

It's important to encourage young girls to take on professional careers so that in the future we have a strong, motivated workforce that costs only 60% of what it costs to pay a man.
~Phil Ken Sebben

If you are on fire and running down the street...people will get out of your way.
~Richard Pryor

Look, I don't know what...Boys From Brazil thing you've got going on in there, but I'm still the boss in here. We're making Awesome X dolls and they're going to kick so much ass, you'll probably go blind. And if you still have a problem with that, there's the big ass door.
~Xander Crews

Orpheus, it's your land lord. We're trapped in a cliche. Use your fake, impossible magic to get us out.
~Dr. Thadeus S. Venture

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.
~Stephen King

 

[KapnKerfuffle]

Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


- I can't remember.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


- I can't remember.

Terry Practchett used it, buts its not an uncommon joke.

"Oh fuck"

never used poorly, nomatter who the speaker.

 

[tweaky7]

?If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about.?

No idea what so ever who that was by, but it's perfect.

 

[Dr Pussymagnet]

"Would you kindly?"

 

[Slashe]

Socrates :"Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Do pay it. Don't forget."

 

[LewsTherin]

Brother Meynard! Consult the book of armaments!

Chapter 1, verses 1-11:

And Saint Attila did raise the hand-grenade up on high, saying, Lord, bless this thy hand grnade, so with it I may blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the carp, and lamb, and fruitbats, and orangutans, and breakfast cereal, and tiny bits of-*skip over that bit*-...

To wield the Holy Hand grenade, first thou shalt pulleth out the holy pin, then thou shalt counteth to three, and three shall be the number of thy counting. Thou shalt not count four neither count thou two, unless thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the holy pin hath been pulled, lobbest thou the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in thy sight shall;
Snuff it.

Amen.

 

[Anarchemitis]

"Pronoun verb conjunction noun conjunction adjective."
-Me

 

[geldonyetich]

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
-- Buddha

 

[undyingdh777]

"...and to balance the unentertaining seriousness of this sentence, Boingo Boingo Whoopsy Knickers."

-Yahtzee [CoD4 review]

 

[Bulletinmybrain]

Karl Marx

Religion is the opiate of the people.

Lord Action

Power Corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.(This one I have put thought into but I was beaten to the punch quite a few years.)

Teddy Roosevelt

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction.- JG Ballard

 

[the protaginist]

"I'M JOHNNY K AND I'M HERE TO ROCK!!!"
-me at a job interview.

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

And one more body to the body toll
May god rest this poor bastard's soul
-Ninja Ninja

Only when the last tree has been cut down
And the last river
Has dried to a trickle
Will man finally realise
That we cannot eat money
And reciting old proverbs
Makes you sound like a twat
-Banksy

 

[Von Faceless]

Most things by bill hicks [http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vX1CvW38cHA]

 

[Vortigar]

"O, 'tis excellent to have a giant's strength, but 'tis tyrannous to use it like a giant"
Shakespeare - Measure for Measure

"Fly! I can't! Too late!"
Bert Visscher while tossing a plushy bunny in the air

SecretTacoNinja:
Woohoo, a Hippogriff! (or Pheldagriff)

 

[Auron555]

"So... this is what happens when an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object."
-Joker, The Dark Knight.

"Just because you say 'with all due respect' doesn't mean you can say anything afterwards."
"Yes, it does, that's why you say 'with all due respect'!"
Dr. Cuddy and Dr. House, House.