Horror Movie Survival 101

[PureChaos]

"If you have a moment of advantage show no hesitation and attack the threat with anything and everything available."

The sheer number of times torture-horror victims have a moment of advantage and they choose to run away does my head in.

The obvious one that comes to mind is Wolf Creek when the protagonist had (i) a stunned & prone antagonist who had tortured her, and (ii) a loaded gun & several blades right next to her.

What does she do? Run away and get hunted down.

YES!! some people pass up some obvious opportunities to end it.
same sort of thing happens in Creep. 2 people are locked in cages (plus a dead guy in another cage who gets taken away) by someone who has a pole with a massive nail on the end. they break out of the cages and the woman jams the heel of a high-heeled shoe into the dudes eye. he drops the pole and rolls around in pain. at this point there are at least 2 things they could have done:
1: pick up the poll and kill the dude
2: lock him in one of the cages
what do they decide to do? run. do they at least take the pole with them? no, they leave it. COME ON PEOPLE, USE YOUR COMMON SENSE!

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

If you happen to be visiting your grandmother's grave with your sister, it's probably not a good idea to make fun of her by pretending to be a zombie. The undead have a notoriously keen sense of irony.

Also, don't ever say to someone else: "You're dead!" or "Drop dead!" or "Just f--king die!" or any such phrase, especially when standing next to a moving express train, in the middle of the road, on a rooftop, or just inside a boarded-up house. You will be hit by a bus or grabbed by a reptilian arm one second later. Trust me on this.

 

[wilted_orchid]

Also, don't ever say to someone else: "You're dead!" or "Drop dead!" or "Just f--king die!" or any such phrase, especially when standing next to a moving express train

Amen to that! Final Destination had some killer moments for that; the train, the bus, the ambulance.

 

[ElTigreSantiago]

Get a concealed carry license and don't take any chances.

 

[Griff]

P90s FTW. They will always get you out of trouble. Just remember to carry extra ammo.

 

[Catchy Slogan]

"Don't assume they are dead and drop your only weapon."

Why do they drop it? Why can't they at least make sure the thing is dead. And to be extra sure by hacking it into tiny pieces if they have the time. I mean, if you can't kill it, that would at least slow it down.

"Never go for help or let any member of your party go for help, especially if they are alone."

It's fairly self explanitory.

 

[Da pyro man 999]

Dont go upstairs. If i was being attacked by a nutter, i would run out the door into the shops.

 

[Da pyro man 999]

"Lets split up gang!"

"No, lets fucking not!"

You will never see scooby doo say that

 

[Macgyvercas]

For the love of god, DO NOT use the phrases "Everything's going to be all right" or "Things couldn't possibly get any worse". Everything is not going to be all right, and the minute you utter the second phrase, things will immediately find a way to get worse.

 

[Christemo]

Walk Softly. And Carry A Big Gun.

The Emperor Protect Us, matey.

 

[Christemo]

No Fear, No Pity, NO REMORSE.

 

[SamFancyPants252]

get Zoe of L4D to walk with you. at least she'll distract the imposter for a while
and if you can't find her, get all the light you can. And instead of acting completely hostile towards the creature; negotiate. guns will always trigger angry behaviour.

 

[GoblinOnFire]

"Never hang out with a virgin. Either get someone in her pants or get the hell away from her!"

Words of wisdom right there.

It's actually the opposite: The immidiate proximity of a virgin is the only safe place to be... Once you picked her flower,however, you better run, cause you can bet that one of those zombies is her old daddy..

 

[space_oddity]

Be the antagonist.

 

[anti-hero_will]

simple ill just shout at them the only time iw ould shout

STOP BEING A THICK ****!!!

simple they get so wount up and forget things like dude scary noices freaked me out.
and

true story this.
i went into the bunkers at my college music block lightwere out i like sleepin put the 2 togeather.
walked up top floor the bottom light was on
walked up door was locked turned round

fellow class mates masks on jumped out tryed to scare me
i just stood their and went allright
was funny


so i think i'll be good when bad shits goin down
appart from if it jumps out then when you say alklright they dont giggle

 

[LordGarbageMan]

Dont be black.

Haha you so ninjad me.
Don't be the whiny guy in a group, you will almost always die in a horror movie.

 

[Epitome]

Anybody ever seen The Strangers, has to be teh second worst horror movie ever (The Happening), serious him and the wife are inside, with a loaded shotgun, holed up and the bad guys have sacks on their head and a knife. And he loses... Advice dont shoot your friend who shows up with a working car, dont put your gun down!!

 

[Ap07h30515]

Make ending the danger your objective but don't go about it in an obsessive way. Break laws/rules that help you achieve your objective. It doesn't matter if you are a virgin, just don't have any sex until the objective is completed. Guns work on zombies and some aliens but not always on slasher villans (i.e. Jason, Micheal Myers, etc). Heavy machinery that can cause dismemberment or otherwise maim and kill your opponent should be used. Any information regarding a cure, weapon or other means of victory must be sought after. If you are in a sequel, then god help you.

 

[Aerodyamic]

Don't ever try to fight the nasty critter/main baddie hand-to-hand. You ain't John Matrix, son.

And if you've managed to get holed up in a church, but your boyfriend has an OBVIOUS zombie bite on his hand, crush his damn skull, fer-the-love-of-Bob!

 

[AkJay]

"Never hang out with a virgin. Either get someone in her pants or get the hell away from her!"

Words of wisdom right there.

EDIT: Whosoever can tell me the source of this awesome advice will get a mighty cookie.

Scream?