Horror Movie Survival 101

[IceStar100]

OH OH OH I got one.

Don't be a dick or you might wake up in a dark room with a TV set. At that point your screwed no matter what.

 

[Artemis923]

"Never hang out with a virgin. Either get someone in her pants or get the hell away from her!"

Words of wisdom right there.

EDIT: Whosoever can tell me the source of this awesome advice will get a mighty cookie.

Scream?

Nope.

The cookie remains unclaimed.

 

[darkless]

Do not i repeat DO NOT! split up to search for the killer.

Also never walk up or down a stairs climb out a window if you must but never use stairs they are always under it.

 

[Hazardlife]

Kill absolutely everyone and everything around you - because one of them is bound to be a psychotic murderer...

Oh wait, in this case, it's you. That works too, I guess.

Being the killer/scary monster is the only guaranteed way to survive, since you'll need to be there for the inevitable sequel.

 

[mannaroth]

Never take off your clothes without provocation... okay FINE no one will ever listen to this.

 

[I Stomp on Kittens]

Don't go back for the person who tripped on nothing.
Don't investigate loud screams that say "Ahhh! an evil bad guy! DON'T COME AND HELP ME OR YOU WILL DIE!"

 

[KidRambo9015]

call the cops

 

[ninja555]

Never EVER trust a clown

 

[azurawolf]

"There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex. BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back."

Gotta love it when the movie makes fun of itself.

 

[Koeryn]

Carry a handgun with Hydrashock ammunition. The ammunition's lightweight, so you can carry more.

If at first it doesn't die, shoot it in the head. (And then shoot it a few more times for good measure, before dismembering it).

Don't fuck ANYONE. They will die the next day.

Don't split up. One man might have an easier time sneaking in than half a dozen, but it also means your easier to nom on.

 

[Proteus214]

Your chances of survival inversely correspond to your BAC.

DO NOT GET DRUNK.

 

[rythter]

Don't use the phrase "I'm sure it was nothing" "it was just the wind" or "how can things possible get any worse"

If is scientist uses the words "there's no way it could escape" run, just run leave the town, country, country, continent, planet.

also "there's nothing out there" while peering out the damn window
also don't have sex
and don't stand near sharp objects
and stick fing TOGETHER you morons!

 

[rythter]

Don't go exploring on your own
Hell don't go anywhere on your own

sage advice my friend, sage advice

 

[Byurn]

I think Hazardlife nailed it, actually.

 

[nova18]

DONT TALK TO STRANGERS.

If you know there is someone in the area killing people, do not invite a total stranger into a group with your friends. If you think that is a good idea then you pretty much deserve to die.

 

[ninja steve]

"Lets split up gang!"

"No, lets fucking not!"

You will never see scooby doo say that

shaggy might

 

[Skreeee]

If your child starts acting creepy, particularly in cases where they start speaking Latin or other languages they couldn't possibly know, kill them immediately. You'll save yourself a lot of grief in the long run.

Curiosity kills.

Never go off by yourself to pout about how mean others just were to you.

Stay away from 'quaint' hotels and inns. Go for the brand names.

Your dog/spouse/kids can take care of themselves far better than you apparently can of yourself.

 

[historybuff]

Stop going places in the dark when there's a SERIAL KILLER running around! Or go armed for fuck's sake! Why does no one carry guns that they can fire? Go out and practice!

 

[Pacman_69_42]

Dont be black.

this