How big a role does sex play in a relationship?
- Thread starter Ethan Asia
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Let me be blunt. The answer is no, it will not last nor should it.
Here's why.
She want's something that you won't/cant' give her. You have two choices in the matter. Both people should be happy in a relationship. Her with sex, and you without. There are people who share your feelings about sex.
Here's what I would do in your situation.
A.) If you love her and do not want to lose her, take it slow, explore your sexuality with her even though you have no desire. You may find that it takes some giving in to get the desire. When you get to a point that you are doing it like bunnies or you are disgusted with yourself then make your decision about sex. At this point you can feel good about whatever happens because you TRIED and it didn't work.
B.) End it and find someone else who shares your views on sex.
If you don't care enough about her, I'd go with option B. No need to put yourself out there for someone you aren't that into. If you love her and want to try and make this work, go with option A.
Just because a relationship CAN last without sex, doesn't mean it SHOULD be without sex. Of course if my woman had to go away for an extended period of time and we couldn't have sex our relationship would last because there is more to it, but if that's not the case,you should WANT to give your partner what makes them happy. If sex is something that makes them happy you should be giving it to them as often as possible or find someone else that you are better suited with.
A relationship CAN NOT last without trust. A relationship CAN NOT last without honesty. A relationship CAN NOT last without physical intimacy. A relationship CAN NOT last without mental intimacy. A relationship CAN NOT last without communication. These are lot's of things a relationship can not last without, yet, it doesn't change what the relationship is based on. In fact a relationship that is based on these things WILL last a long time.
Here's why.
She want's something that you won't/cant' give her. You have two choices in the matter. Both people should be happy in a relationship. Her with sex, and you without. There are people who share your feelings about sex.
Here's what I would do in your situation.
A.) If you love her and do not want to lose her, take it slow, explore your sexuality with her even though you have no desire. You may find that it takes some giving in to get the desire. When you get to a point that you are doing it like bunnies or you are disgusted with yourself then make your decision about sex. At this point you can feel good about whatever happens because you TRIED and it didn't work.
B.) End it and find someone else who shares your views on sex.
If you don't care enough about her, I'd go with option B. No need to put yourself out there for someone you aren't that into. If you love her and want to try and make this work, go with option A.
I just wanted to say that your logic is flawed. Maybe you meant something different from what I gathered from your statement.Marcus Kehoe said:
Just because a relationship CAN last without sex, doesn't mean it SHOULD be without sex. Of course if my woman had to go away for an extended period of time and we couldn't have sex our relationship would last because there is more to it, but if that's not the case,you should WANT to give your partner what makes them happy. If sex is something that makes them happy you should be giving it to them as often as possible or find someone else that you are better suited with.
A relationship CAN NOT last without trust. A relationship CAN NOT last without honesty. A relationship CAN NOT last without physical intimacy. A relationship CAN NOT last without mental intimacy. A relationship CAN NOT last without communication. These are lot's of things a relationship can not last without, yet, it doesn't change what the relationship is based on. In fact a relationship that is based on these things WILL last a long time.
Well Mr. Person, I'm a virgin m'self and I've been in some fairly successful relationships. Sex IS important, but it isn't needed for a romantic relationship. If she likes/loves/ef8efeauihr you enough then she'll be okay with waiting. HOWEVER, just as she should be willing to work with you, you should be willing to work with her.Ethan Asia said:
If something she needs is to be sexually pleasured and you truly want to make your girl happy (which is kindof important for a successful relationship), then you will probably want to eventually have sex & things with her.
I really like to go down on my romantic partners. It doesn't give me any especial pleasure; I don't have a Clitoris in my mouth or anything [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Throat_%28film%29].[footnote]That would be especially odd because I'm a guy, but that's neither here nor there.[/footnote] I just like it because I enjoy making my partner feel good, even though I'm not getting anything specific out of it.
But that's just my $0.02.
Dude.Ethan Asia said:
Not cool.
Talk to her. Seriously, this is no longer about sex, this is about honesty with yourself and with her. The relationship will not last in any long-term or comfortable way without that honesty.
If she can't accept you for who you are, the relationship is dead anyway and you are doing neither of yourselves any favors by dragging its corpse through the streets.
More importantly however, your reticence to talk about it with her betrays a fundamental mistrust of her. You can hem and haw, but that is the most basic foundation for your problem - a lack of trust in your partner.
In YOUR relationship matters heavily on the person you're dating and how you feel about sex. It's never an objective answer.
Personally, I find a strong intimate connection with my partner very important- such as sex. So it's important to me. Other couples I know are still virgins, or have sex, but not so often. It's placed differently on their priorities. Don't let anyone tell you how things 'should' be in your relationship.
Personally, I find a strong intimate connection with my partner very important- such as sex. So it's important to me. Other couples I know are still virgins, or have sex, but not so often. It's placed differently on their priorities. Don't let anyone tell you how things 'should' be in your relationship.
I guess some people just arnt that sexual and if they find somone similar..perhapsCaligulove said:
also I now get what your avatar means (is that picard though?) I wonder if patrick stewart could play spider jerusalem if they ever made a movie
Personally, I struggle to make a deep emotional connection to a partner unless we've had sex. The more we have it, and the more depraved (I won't elaborate further, use imagination then add a few levels) the better a connection I feel to her. I have been with my current partner alomst 3 years and have had some form of sex at least daily. But then that's just me and my stupidly high sex drive.
As for the whole "difference between a relationship and friendship" point, we've had one of her friends over a few times, and not just for film night, your move.
As for Op's situation it's just about finding someone compatable, I've had partners who just haven't been able to keep up or like it too vanilla for my tastes and it always falls apart.
As for the whole "difference between a relationship and friendship" point, we've had one of her friends over a few times, and not just for film night, your move.
As for Op's situation it's just about finding someone compatable, I've had partners who just haven't been able to keep up or like it too vanilla for my tastes and it always falls apart.
you know how good making love feels, right? i hope you choose to storm those trenches.
/arrogence
but if you want to go into that relationship, but not intimacy,tell her, just so she dosent expect you to stick your salami inside her.
/arrogence
but if you want to go into that relationship, but not intimacy,tell her, just so she dosent expect you to stick your salami inside her.
Honesty isn't the best policy, it's the ONLY policy. You need to be open with your significant other if your relationship is to have any chance.
And, really, if she can't wait for you to gain a sex drive, then how close are you emotionally if she'd be upset over something so petty as sex?
And, really, if she can't wait for you to gain a sex drive, then how close are you emotionally if she'd be upset over something so petty as sex?
The best relationships are the ones that progress naturally without much discussion in what the other person wants. Not to say that that's the ONLY type of relationship to strive for. They're the most enjoyable at first. Keeping any relationship, regardless of how it starts is a struggle.Vault101 said:
Regards to other comment, Patrick Stewart has twice offered to be involved in an adaptation of Transmetropolitan. Once offering to produce a miniseries, second time offering to voice Spider in an animated version distributed on the internet. Apparently, he's a fan of the series.
It varies heavily from couple to couple. For example, my girlfriend and I have been together for about a month now and we're planning to do the deed in about a week's time. As a counter example, my friend and his girlfriend have been together about 8 months and have only gotten to second base (I think).
Many couples go a long time without sex and lead perfectly happy relationships. Some don't. However, if one person wants it and one doesn't, there might be a little bit of trouble. If the idea of sex is repulsive to you, just tell her that. If she understands, she'll take the relationship at a slower pace, and maybe build you up to that. If she dumps you for that, she was probably a *****.
Good luck mate
Many couples go a long time without sex and lead perfectly happy relationships. Some don't. However, if one person wants it and one doesn't, there might be a little bit of trouble. If the idea of sex is repulsive to you, just tell her that. If she understands, she'll take the relationship at a slower pace, and maybe build you up to that. If she dumps you for that, she was probably a *****.
Good luck mate
Really? Way to be the stereotypical internet asshole. Prickthisbymaster said:
Depends on both of the people in the relationship. There's no set in stone answer.
In your case, you have a girl who is the one that wants to perform the beast with two backs. In my opinion, you'd be an idiot not to do that. Every girl I've dated has been extremely abstinent. Everybody is gonna be nervous.
In your case, you have a girl who is the one that wants to perform the beast with two backs. In my opinion, you'd be an idiot not to do that. Every girl I've dated has been extremely abstinent. Everybody is gonna be nervous.
Totally depends on the people involved.
Also:... No desire to do anything of the sort? o.o
I mean, and I could be wrong here, and don't take this as an insult as it's VERY common, but it sounds like you might be scared.
Sex is like a good massage, it's absurdly pleasurable, and as such easy to recommend to everyone. The only sketchy parts about it come from disease which gets blow way out of proportion and is a non-issue if you're smart about it.
I think, if you really like this woman, you should explain that you are a virgin, and have her ease you into sex. It shouldn't be this tense thing, or something you're feeling stressed about, it's honestly like playing a game of some kind (Find the erogenous zones! How fun!). And really it's probably something you should experience, and as other posters have said physical intimacy is what divides friends from lovers, so it's kind of an oddly important part of relationship (although fuck if the media will admit it).
Really it's nothing to be afraid of as ANYONE can be good at it. No matter your size or whatever it's the art of pleasuring which involves so much more than just the penis.
Oh, and one caveat to all this: If you're under 17, then discard all of what I said. Nothing wrong with having sex at that age (unless you're under 14, in which case, yeah...), but don't feel like you have to rush. But, if you're older than that then I'd say now is the time. Fate has put the ultimatum in front of you and what not.
One way or another, good luck to you sir.
Also:... No desire to do anything of the sort? o.o
I mean, and I could be wrong here, and don't take this as an insult as it's VERY common, but it sounds like you might be scared.
Sex is like a good massage, it's absurdly pleasurable, and as such easy to recommend to everyone. The only sketchy parts about it come from disease which gets blow way out of proportion and is a non-issue if you're smart about it.
I think, if you really like this woman, you should explain that you are a virgin, and have her ease you into sex. It shouldn't be this tense thing, or something you're feeling stressed about, it's honestly like playing a game of some kind (Find the erogenous zones! How fun!). And really it's probably something you should experience, and as other posters have said physical intimacy is what divides friends from lovers, so it's kind of an oddly important part of relationship (although fuck if the media will admit it).
Really it's nothing to be afraid of as ANYONE can be good at it. No matter your size or whatever it's the art of pleasuring which involves so much more than just the penis.
Oh, and one caveat to all this: If you're under 17, then discard all of what I said. Nothing wrong with having sex at that age (unless you're under 14, in which case, yeah...), but don't feel like you have to rush. But, if you're older than that then I'd say now is the time. Fate has put the ultimatum in front of you and what not.
One way or another, good luck to you sir.
It depends. I would respect others for their belief, but I don't think I'd go without sex forever, since I'd like to have a child someday and that kind of has to happen...and if my boyfriend stopped wanting to have sex, it'd drive me nuts, but that's probably because of it's happened. But anyway, talk to her about it and see how she feels.
Sorry, but your question has no answer, neither a right one, nor a wrong one. Pretty much anyone could say anything and it would be as right and wrong as what anybody else has to say. If I were a computer in the original Star Trek, I would have to explode right now. Maybe you wish I would, giving such a vague reply.
