If I weren't a videogame character, I'd be...

[Smurfy 0151]

Cortana from Halo would become a hentai Star

(I felt like saying Hentai porn star but that felt redundant.)

Brother, if you go to the right sites, she already is!

 

[pyros550]

chris redfield would make his own 5-minute workout tape.

 

[Gladion]

Guybrush Threepwood would be on a quest to become the greatest thread to the entertainment industry ever.

 

[Smurfy 0151]

Max Payne would probably have an office job somewhere.

"I walked to the break room. The bitter smell of coffee crossed across my nose. The sound of idle chat crawled down the hallway. If one of those jerks ate my packet of peanuts, there will be hell to pay."

"I sit down at my desk, the hewn wood, old, yet sturdy, presenting to me my paperwork for the day. Again, I wished something exciting would happen."

 

[NeedAUserName]

Naked Snake would be a scout leader.

 

[FredFredburgur]

Wario would be a member of NAMBLA.

 

[Triple AD]

Bowser would release a chain of fast-food stores and would be called "A different castle"*

Annnnnnnd Mario and Luigi will be plumbers duh *facepalm*

*SUPER MARIO REFERENCE**

** Yay I get a cookie

 

[CelebrenIthil]

Sims would be catered by big diapers and sanitary pad/tampons companies, who would collect the Sim's weird blue-colored bodily liquids to use in their various commercials.

 

[hopeneverdies]

Olimar would be delivering stuff for his company's president
Spyro would a) be a crystal or b) running around beating up on the other dragons' frozen bodies
The spy would be a tux commercial guy

 

[One Seven One]

gordon freeman would be president or would have cured all known diseases

 

[SomeBritishDude]

Princess Peach would be climbing out of limos flashing her Goomba.

 

[SomeBritishDude]

Woops, double post

 

[FeralPhantom]

Dante would be a writer(cookie for you if you get the obvious but obscure reference)

I doubt he'd get published. He isn't exactly divine at comedy.

That just made my day

I think it would be funny to see Solid Snake working in an office, "Snake do have those reports ready? Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAKKKKEEEEE!!!!"

 

[Cowabungaa]

Dante would be a writer(cookie for you if you get the obvious but obscure reference)

I doubt he'd get published. He isn't exactly divine at comedy.

That just made my day

I think it would be funny to see Solid Snake working in an office, "Snake do have those reports ready? Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAKKKKEEEEE!!!!"

Max Payne would probably have an office job somewhere.

"I walked to the break room. The bitter smell of coffee crossed across my nose. The sound of idle chat crawled down the hallway. If one of those jerks ate my packet of peanuts, there will be hell to pay."

I laughed at all 3 of those so hard. They're so bad, o so extremely bad, thus o so good. Fantastic thread, don't let it die.

So can I contribute? I guess Ryu Hayabusa from Ninja Gaiden would be a gourmet chef. With his skill with bladed weapons, I can see him swirling around in a kitchen.
He could also become a gardner for the same reasons. Woosh woosh, another bush cut in some odd shape.

 

[Instant K4rma]

The main character of Assassins Creed 2.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Akuma would be a fitness instructor.

 

[Steve Dark]

The Gman would work for the UN. Or at least everyone would think he does. ....oooooo.
Kane would be the current leader of Scientology. And Scientology would own be a LOT more dangerous.

 

[pffh]

Arthas would run a funeral agency.

 

[savandicus]

Your character in oblivion would've never left jail at the start.

Altiar (however mr assasin's creed is spelt) would've been killed by gravity from jumping into hay from far too high.

All the characters in their will be brawl would be doing what they do in that.

 

[ProfessorLayton]

Marcus Fenix would be a mental patient who is not allowed near sharp objects.

EDIT: No wait! Just about any character at an office job would be amazing.