If you were an alien civilization, how would you invade earth and why?

[Aiden_the-Joker1]

Iwould EMP the whole planet so they have no technology then i would orbital strike the leaders and move in for the take over. I would do it for all the resources and free labour i would get.

 

[Sjakie]

I'd abduct a few geniusses and beauties silently and then
A) give Earth a wide birth or
B) destroy the human race by inducing a series of slowly, piling up, natural disasters.

(in case your wondering i already started plan B, just for kicks)

 

[Wildrow12]

I would get on "Dancing with The Stars". Seriously, why do so many people like that show and the egotistical maggots performing on it. I swear if after a waltz, Nicholas Cage turned to the audience and demanded to be offered the roasted flesh of a maiden served with the blood of the last of the Dodos, he would be seated for dinner before you can say, "The Wicker Man Remake Sucked!".

Same idea here: I win with my sultry "Forbidden Dance of the Glubthar Mole-Beast"-inspired dance routine, and then demand that the world bow before my awesome educated feet.

Why? Because if YOU won't stop Micheal Bay and Uwe Boll from churning out crap, then I'm sure an Orbital Quantum Testicle Crusher Blast will do it for you.

 

[Cody211282]

The only possible thing aliens could want with us is
A) Raw materials, which they would only need if they were running out, which is entirely possible
B) Slavery

For A i would

For B I would probably do a nonnuclear bombardment then invade.

 

[Ekonk]

Teleport my enslaved drones all over the place, conquer that shit, turn earth into police state. Farm for oil or whatever shit I'm using, research earth life to further develop my interdimensional war machine. Resistance? Nuke that shit from orbit, the universe is full of planets to conquer.

 

[SUPA FRANKY]

I would try to help earth and destroy all the fuckwits that are fucking it up. If aliens are considered a superior race, then killing and enslaving humans is doing exactly what they do, right?

First, I wouldn't interfere with their progress. I want them to make awesome technology on their own. I would observe and study their progress. Then, I would send a few individuals into their society, and observe how they react to them. if they ridicule and torment them, than fuck them, were leaving.

Eventually when time takes its course earth will just be advanced as us, and we be SUPER BEST FRIENDS! ( Of course, we will still be better and if they really piss us of, we'll turn it of or some shit. Human are never thankful)

 

[Eri]

Has anyone here actually given thought that the OP might be an alien and is going to use this against us..? Naive fools

 

[Riobux]

I probably wouldn't. I'd just destroy the earth.

 

[roguetrooper96]

step 1) Observe the puny humans
step 2) Abduct some important TV guy (the current leader of the BBC sounds good)
step 3) Make a suit out of his skin
step 4) Make a documentary stating that aliens are superior in every way possible and not to fight them if they invade
step 5) Take control of the ultimate prize (earth)
step 6) Just for good measure zap a few humans in the........ FACE!!!!!!!

 

[Kiefer13]

Not worth the trouble. Glass it and move on.

 

[Therumancer]

I'd uplift humanity by sharing my technology but in return demand a substantial share of whatever humans might discover or invent in the course of their own intergalactic expansion. Making humanity a sort of "client race" obligated to my own and accepted as such by the other sentinent races in the galaxy if there are any.

Similar to "The Uplift War". Basically I don't need to conquer humanity through military force or slavery when I can turn them into a vassal species through trade and patronage.

Of course like any plan this would depend on what else is out there.

 

[Shockolate]

1. Steal all their porn.
2. ??????
3. PROFIT!

 

[Voodoomancer]

The only possible thing aliens could want with us is
A) Raw materials, which they would only need if they were running out, which is entirely possible
B) Slavery

For A i would

For B I would probably do a nonnuclear bombardment then invade.

For both, I'd combine them and use the threat of orbital bombardment.

Why mine when you can have the locals mine for you ;D

 

[Aptspire]

curse my retarded computer!

 

[Aptspire]

I wouldn't invade. However, I would show up on Earth, looking like one of them with an irresistible English accent, with my time-travelling spaceship that is cleverly disguised as a Police booth and my epic sonic tool, and I would choose one human to come with me in my travels through space...and time
As for invading, I'd use a genetic doomsday device, then colonize the planet.

 

[viking97]

that depends, why do i want to invade earth? slavery? resources? just for the sake of killing?

if i just wanted to kill i'd glass the planet. for slavery i wouldn't invade earth i'd genetically engineer workers and clone them. for resources i would slowly infiltrate the governments of each superpower, clone their leaders (or just assassinate them all simultaneously) and start systematically wiping out the human scum.

 

[blalien]

Dress my entire species up like humans, teach them all perfect English, make contact with Earth, then offer universal health care and clean energy to capitalize off of right-wing paranoia.

What do you mean that's an idiotic premise for a TV show...I mean alien invasion?

 

[Cody211282]

The only possible thing aliens could want with us is
A) Raw materials, which they would only need if they were running out, which is entirely possible
B) Slavery

For A i would

For B I would probably do a nonnuclear bombardment then invade.

For both, I'd combine them and use the threat of orbital bombardment.

Why mine when you can have the locals mine for you ;D

I figured if I had faster then light travel and all that I probably have robot miners by now, or at least slaves or prisoners I could use for hard labor.

 

[Dash-X]

I'd find a way to take over a random majority of newborn children. That way, they'd have a tough time halting our invasion without killing a substantial number of their own young.

Also, for one reason or another, we human earthlings seem to have a problem with killing our kids...

 

[Voodoomancer]

Spoiler: snip

The only possible thing aliens could want with us is
A) Raw materials, which they would only need if they were running out, which is entirely possible
B) Slavery

For A i would

For B I would probably do a nonnuclear bombardment then invade.

For both, I'd combine them and use the threat of orbital bombardment.

Why mine when you can have the locals mine for you ;D

I figured if I had faster then light travel and all that I probably have robot miners by now, or at least slaves or prisoners I could use for hard labor.

But what's the fun being an evil conquering alien overlord if you're not gonna enslave the locals?
Damn space technology ruining all the fun...