If you were an alien civilization, how would you invade earth and why?

[sturryz]

It's all about political takeover, let the humans do it for you.
dangle some tech, bait them, demand something that might not seem valuable to them, but is extremely useful for you (medical experiments on humans most likely.) don't go all guns blazing, a government this corrupt will do it for you.

 

[Cody211282]

Spoiler: snip

The only possible thing aliens could want with us is
A) Raw materials, which they would only need if they were running out, which is entirely possible
B) Slavery

For A i would

For B I would probably do a nonnuclear bombardment then invade.

For both, I'd combine them and use the threat of orbital bombardment.

Why mine when you can have the locals mine for you ;D

I figured if I had faster then light travel and all that I probably have robot miners by now, or at least slaves or prisoners I could use for hard labor.

But what's the fun being an evil conquering alien overlord if you're not gonna enslave the locals?
Damn space technology ruining all the fun...

It's always good to have a completely unessential show of force every now and then, I think it's much more scary if every now and then you just decided to kill everyone on a planet for no good reason.

 

[infernovolver]

First abduction. Then anal probing. Then come the tentacles.

You can see where this is going.

 

[TheTrojanBadger]

Step 1: Send a small spaceship loaded with texts about the universe ending at a precise date.
Step 2: Put self in some sort of stasis.
Step 3: Sleep for a few thousand years.
Step 4: Go back to earth on the specified universe-ending date, and offer protection from the impending universe-ending.
Step 5: Load all of the earth-creatures onto a ship by promising candy and sex with a chosen celebrity.
Step 6: Once all humans are aboard the ship, play universe-ending sounds on speakers outside the ship and launch them all into space.
Step 7: Strip planet of all non-renewable resources, and set up a cycle of harvesting all renewable resources.
Step 8: Profit!

 

[Sev72]

Sneaky infiltration so as not to upset the easily startled cattle like meatbags. Put some of our operatives in in place of top government officials around the world and take what we want without anyone realizing whats happening. A huge invasion or glassing the planet take a lot of manpower and money and Aliens are affected by economic downturn too you know.

 

[MeTheMe]

Why, I'd just land a bunch of over powered ships and advanced weaponry on them.

Why? Human porn. Collecting some from every civilization in the universe.

 

[skeliton112]

If we can get to earth in a spaceship, then all you need to do is just show of yr weps and u get slaves, raw material and room!

EDIT: Or alternatively

Step 1: Go to Earth
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profit

 

[Jfswift]

I'd infiltrate earth first. Figure out it's weaknesses, then let my alien buddies (or enemies) know about this really weak planet. However, before they reach earth I'd warn the people about an incoming invasion and help crush the other force. This way I get an ally and discounts on resources they have. =^.^=

 

[zyoto12]

Use my advanced technology to perform "miracles" humans would worship my people as deities and normal religious squabbles would ensue amongst them. Help my side win etc. rule with semi-iron fist.

 

[Kimarous]

Secretively remove, by theft or destruction, all sources of oil on the planet. After giving the humans a few days to spaz out and inconclusively hunt for a solution, we come in and offer an alternative power source (and it's even better than oil in the first place). However, (we claim that) said power source is too complex for humans to manage themselves, so we remain on the planet to help them out. Reliant on our resources and support, they will become unwitting slaves to our empire.

 

[HaloHappy]

I'd send in an ambassador with a box that could communicate with me, like an interactive TV. I would then negotiate with them for a peace treaty between our planets and slowly advance their technology. If they refuse or attack the ambassador, I will kill the heads of Zynga, Activision, and EA to get my point across.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Step 1: Send a small spaceship loaded with texts about the universe ending at a precise date.
Step 2: Put self in some sort of stasis.
Step 3: Sleep for a few thousand years.
Step 4: Go back to earth on the specified universe-ending date, and offer protection from the impending universe-ending.
Step 5: Load all of the earth-creatures onto a ship by promising candy and sex with a chosen celebrity.
Step 6: Once all humans are aboard the ship, play universe-ending sounds on speakers outside the ship and launch them all into space.
Step 7: Strip planet of all non-renewable resources, and set up a cycle of harvesting all renewable resources.
Step 8: Profit!

Step 1-6 alternative: Irradiate!!!
Step 7: Strip planet of all non-renewable resources, and set up a cycle of harvesting all renewable resources.
Step 8: Profit!

 

[Davrel]

Drop a shitload of Earth-biology specific chemical weapons, screw the atmosphere to block out sunlight - drop nuclear/chemical waste in the water.

Just sit back and wait whilst everything just dies. A month or so later - move in, take what you need.

 

[Sir Kemper]

Just to fuck with them, I would have my fleet custom desgined to look like the retro saucer disk's from the 1950's.

I'd land, yell "Klatu Brati Nic Ti!"

Then I might destroy the planet, or mayby enslave them, still haven't gotten around to that part.

 

[Andothul]

I'd probably try to assimilate earth into the Empire/Federation/ governing body, if they resisted, which we would, i would make them assimilate by invasion. Humans are too dangerous to leave to their own devices. They could pose a serious threat in the future.

I don't believe that most aliens would wipe us out just for resources, i have to think that aliens would resemble us in their sentience and would not be so heartless as to cause the extinction of another sentience race. I know we wouldn't.

Humans are too valuable alive to kill. However how comfortably we live after the encounter (slaves,bioengineering,harvested) depends on how well we can defend ourselves and the purpose of the invasion.

 

[VinnyKings]

I'd go with S.M Sterling's method and fuck up their electical and thermal dynamics =D

 

[Blackhol]

Melt the ice caps. And maybe some nukes thrown in there too.... you know for fun.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Another strategy:

1: Deploy Death Star.
2: Harvest the resources from the debris field, which would be a lot easier than digging for them (mmm, that yummy iron core)
3: Profit!

 

[Hutchy_Bear]

Spoiler: exterminatus

Or by closing down the internet and stealing all sweet things. Choas will rain supreme.

 

[Voodoomancer]

Holy F***, I just realized the OP must be an agent of the alien invaders looking for ideas!

* equip tinfoil hat *