Sorry, I really didn't notice it...and creepily enough...my life is one big made for TV movie IMO...except this is the point where the zombies show up!grimsprice said:
Is marriage worth it?
- Thread starter Nurb
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youll understand what marriage is once you find that special someone, who you think about the second you wake up and is always the first thought in your head, whenever you want to do something you alway ask yourself what will he/she think, whenever you feel good you think about them, and when ever you feel bad/sad you think about them still, the person that when you are next to them you feel good inside, and even if your sitting on top of a pile of horse shit you still can smell that beautiful smell of their hair. Marriage break because people try to jump on the band-wagon too soon, and dont listen to what their friends and family think about their significant other, well this is atleast one of the many many reasons why. Im lucky my parents were and are still in love and stayed together.
sweeeeet. zombie apocalypse movie!!! can i be the plucky stranger who repels down the side of a building with a Gatling gun?NekoiHiokans said:
So here's my take on the subject, from my point of view.
My girlfriend and I met early last year, and we're going to start attending the same college in a week or so. We're both very much in love with each other. We're both 18.
Lately, we've been talking about the future. I've got this dream of living with her in a little apartment in two years or so, and she's psyched about that. When I told her that maybe we should get married a few years after that, she loved that idea, too.
This is the best (not to mention longest and most fulfilling) relationship I think I could ever have. Our interests are similar, but not quite the same, so it won't feel like I'm living with a carbon copy of myself. She's much more organized than me, and she's helped me straighten out my life. I'm much more spontaneous than her, and I've helped her gain some spontaneity, too. As cliched as this may sound, we complete each other.
But now that I think about it, marriage seems to be an awful lot of unnecessary pomp and circumstance. We love each other deeply and we plan to continue doing so for as long as possible. Do we have to play the whole social game, do the little monkey dance for the government figureheads here and get married?
We're both agnostic, so I dunno what kinda church would take us. Neither of us likes blind, unquestioning compliance very much.
Sure, it's a ritual. Yeah. But does it have to happen? Can't we just say we love each other and we want to stay with each other forever, and if that doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out? I'd rather keep this relationship between me and her, without any government interference.
My girlfriend and I met early last year, and we're going to start attending the same college in a week or so. We're both very much in love with each other. We're both 18.
Lately, we've been talking about the future. I've got this dream of living with her in a little apartment in two years or so, and she's psyched about that. When I told her that maybe we should get married a few years after that, she loved that idea, too.
This is the best (not to mention longest and most fulfilling) relationship I think I could ever have. Our interests are similar, but not quite the same, so it won't feel like I'm living with a carbon copy of myself. She's much more organized than me, and she's helped me straighten out my life. I'm much more spontaneous than her, and I've helped her gain some spontaneity, too. As cliched as this may sound, we complete each other.
But now that I think about it, marriage seems to be an awful lot of unnecessary pomp and circumstance. We love each other deeply and we plan to continue doing so for as long as possible. Do we have to play the whole social game, do the little monkey dance for the government figureheads here and get married?
We're both agnostic, so I dunno what kinda church would take us. Neither of us likes blind, unquestioning compliance very much.
Sure, it's a ritual. Yeah. But does it have to happen? Can't we just say we love each other and we want to stay with each other forever, and if that doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out? I'd rather keep this relationship between me and her, without any government interference.
It's funny because my father is one of the few men I know personally who have actually won in the divorce. My mother cheated on him for years and years, and my dad got the house, the kids and my mom had to pay him child support. I think that was fair. Though I do understand that many divorces leave the men screwed beyond belief. It's really pathetic. But I personally don't know if I want to get married or not in the future. The legal implications are shit and it does seem a little materialistic to have a ring and paperwork say "This is a couple" but who knows, it's becoming more and more of a trend to marry someone who you'll either screw over or will be screwed by legally. It's sort of a mess.
Good, you seem to know exactly what you are talking about, you have thought this through, which is good. Okay, what you need to plan out is being with a person whom can be in love with you, and you in love with her, that kind of relationship obviously would make for the least difficult marriage, if a woman you marry has the personality to be in it for the money, then why are you with that woman in the first place? Marry someone that would actually care about YOU, and actually give a damn, rather than cheat you out of your money down the road, and cheat on you.
I vote for marrying for love, and no other reason.
That is my own opinion.
If you really really love a woman, and you can see yourself with that certain special someone for the rest of your life, then marriage is more than worth it, it will turn out to be the one thing that made you more happy than anything else in your entire life, and you'll see that it was worth it as well.
I vote for marrying for love, and no other reason.
That is my own opinion.
If you really really love a woman, and you can see yourself with that certain special someone for the rest of your life, then marriage is more than worth it, it will turn out to be the one thing that made you more happy than anything else in your entire life, and you'll see that it was worth it as well.
Marriage is fine, if people so choose. All these guys complaining that the workload is not equally shared and thus puts strain on the relationship clearly have no concept of how a relationship is supposed to work: Communication is the key.
That said, I am flat out against marriage. I don't see why I should have to announce my private life to the state or anyone else. I have no more motivation to be unionized under god than I do to murder rebellious children or watch as slaves are brought from neighboring countries. It seems to me like a religious scam, and I have no love for religon. I am more than able to love someone without an expensive contract proving it.
This becomes even more apparently when we look at divorce. It was exceptionally easy to file for divorce, and, as people above have stated, divorce fucks men horribly. The trend for how assets are split within a divorce are not based on who earned what, but rather what will cost the state less long term (with welfare etc). So, just say a man who is worth $1 million marries a women with no assests, they earn nothing in 20 years and later divorce, the woman will get $400k+ in the court settlement, even if she has contributed nothing financially to the relationship (and lived entirely off his previously obtained assets/money), and even though no new assets/money have been obtained in that time. I suspect it would work similarly if it was a wealthy woman marrying a poor man (I've not heard of such a case though), however just because it isn't blatantly sexist doesn't make it right. When kids are involved it just becomes absurd, men seem to have no rights with their kids except under extreme circumstances (as in the wife is proven to be unfit to raise her kids).
That said, I am flat out against marriage. I don't see why I should have to announce my private life to the state or anyone else. I have no more motivation to be unionized under god than I do to murder rebellious children or watch as slaves are brought from neighboring countries. It seems to me like a religious scam, and I have no love for religon. I am more than able to love someone without an expensive contract proving it.
This becomes even more apparently when we look at divorce. It was exceptionally easy to file for divorce, and, as people above have stated, divorce fucks men horribly. The trend for how assets are split within a divorce are not based on who earned what, but rather what will cost the state less long term (with welfare etc). So, just say a man who is worth $1 million marries a women with no assests, they earn nothing in 20 years and later divorce, the woman will get $400k+ in the court settlement, even if she has contributed nothing financially to the relationship (and lived entirely off his previously obtained assets/money), and even though no new assets/money have been obtained in that time. I suspect it would work similarly if it was a wealthy woman marrying a poor man (I've not heard of such a case though), however just because it isn't blatantly sexist doesn't make it right. When kids are involved it just becomes absurd, men seem to have no rights with their kids except under extreme circumstances (as in the wife is proven to be unfit to raise her kids).
Basically I'm sorry that you feel this way. I feel that marriage is a two way street. Both parties need to know their partners needs and want to full fill them.The key word is WANT in that sentance. I know that this world is more of a "woman gets doted on". That is true. I was in a relationship for 3 years and I was the one doting on my man and paying everything. Even when we moved in together it was like that. He hated it and I didn't mind. I only started to mind when I felt that I wasn't getting anything in return. So I know the feeling it would be nice to be taken care of once in a while lol. I have to say this I know many women who have been fucked over with the court its becoming more and more common.Nurb said:
I would simply like to state that marriage to me seems more like a corporate merger than a relationship. My logic behind this reasoning stems from the joining of bank accounts and acquiring of large assets and liabilities as a single entity while filing taxes together. Marriages fail these days (this is my opinion) for the most part because of financial troubles or failure to communicate monetary related motivations with one's partner. That being said, how often do any of the married members on here have quarterly financial audits with your spouse? how about just talking about financial topics and agreeing on a 5 year plan? Anyone here ever pull their beloved's credit report or even discussed doing that with each other? The reason marriages succeeded in the past wasn't that people could love one another more but because women for the most part didn't have options in the work force like they do today.
Now I'll tackle that love aspects of marriage, you're swearing to love someone forever and ever but if you're only 25 years old how do you expect to grasp the concept of doing anything for 40 years or longer? It's inconceivable frankly and when you pile on the facts like love (the kind of butterflies in the stomach(adrenaline), wake up and ache when you're not near them(oxytocin/seritonin withdrawal) kind) is only designed to last 12 to 24 months it gets even less likely marriage should work. Love is nature's way of getting you up and out and reproducing that species you're a part of; it's the carrot that motivates you and like any chemical response it wanes over time. So for a long relationship to last the fiery passion that once consumed the lovers must be replaced with understanding and fond memories. I'd suggest setting aside days when you two can go out as a couple on dates, leave the children with a sitter, turn off the phone and take separate vehicles (if able) to the activity in order to stimulate fond memories from when you both first started dating.
Next, it is important to remember that men respond to the physical and visual aspects of intimacy (a transparent evening gown, or perhaps even the slightest lingering touch on the shoulder for instance). While Women are more enticed by the why and the when of intimacy (build up her anticipation, also I'd suggest learning how to give a competent foot massage.) These are merely things that I've found to work for me, the rule to romance is creativity and spontaneity
Finally I'd like to say that we shouldn't discredit a traditional institution that has recorded benefits to society as a whole simply because our media enjoys reporting bad news. Communicate with you partner and find something together that works for both of you.
Good Luck.
P.S. and congratulations on the 14 year anniversary to Sanguinedragon
Now I'll tackle that love aspects of marriage, you're swearing to love someone forever and ever but if you're only 25 years old how do you expect to grasp the concept of doing anything for 40 years or longer? It's inconceivable frankly and when you pile on the facts like love (the kind of butterflies in the stomach(adrenaline), wake up and ache when you're not near them(oxytocin/seritonin withdrawal) kind) is only designed to last 12 to 24 months it gets even less likely marriage should work. Love is nature's way of getting you up and out and reproducing that species you're a part of; it's the carrot that motivates you and like any chemical response it wanes over time. So for a long relationship to last the fiery passion that once consumed the lovers must be replaced with understanding and fond memories. I'd suggest setting aside days when you two can go out as a couple on dates, leave the children with a sitter, turn off the phone and take separate vehicles (if able) to the activity in order to stimulate fond memories from when you both first started dating.
Next, it is important to remember that men respond to the physical and visual aspects of intimacy (a transparent evening gown, or perhaps even the slightest lingering touch on the shoulder for instance). While Women are more enticed by the why and the when of intimacy (build up her anticipation, also I'd suggest learning how to give a competent foot massage.) These are merely things that I've found to work for me, the rule to romance is creativity and spontaneity
Finally I'd like to say that we shouldn't discredit a traditional institution that has recorded benefits to society as a whole simply because our media enjoys reporting bad news. Communicate with you partner and find something together that works for both of you.
Good Luck.
P.S. and congratulations on the 14 year anniversary to Sanguinedragon
Marriage is most definately worth it if you respect the bonds of marriage and stay true.
Marriage is a great thing, take it from me. Sure you have to give up some things, but you get so much more in return. Giving up drunken stupidity in favor of a loving wife? Thats a no-brainer.
Marriages fail when the people concerned don't respect each other. They lose respect then cheat on them or become emotionally distant or whatever they do to destroy what should be a great thing.
Marriage is a great thing, take it from me. Sure you have to give up some things, but you get so much more in return. Giving up drunken stupidity in favor of a loving wife? Thats a no-brainer.
Marriages fail when the people concerned don't respect each other. They lose respect then cheat on them or become emotionally distant or whatever they do to destroy what should be a great thing.
I think that it is always a good idea to decide upon matters of lifestyle before getting married. Who will work, who will cook, who will look after the kids, what if I get fired, Friday night is pizza night e.t.c. That way, no one goes into the marriage with any false expectations.
I think that one should work, one one look after the house. Or both should work and divide up the housework.
This partnership can be a great thing as long as you repecst each other and contribute as equally as possible.
Problems occur when people start saying `I do this and I do that while you do nothing`. These kind of statements lead to a lot of hostility and even frustration.
Plus, i am pretty sure that most divorces are about money...sad really.
I think that one should work, one one look after the house. Or both should work and divide up the housework.
This partnership can be a great thing as long as you repecst each other and contribute as equally as possible.
Problems occur when people start saying `I do this and I do that while you do nothing`. These kind of statements lead to a lot of hostility and even frustration.
Plus, i am pretty sure that most divorces are about money...sad really.
i will never marry! i have seen what is going on in the world! men are starting to become what women were before,all rights are being taken away from men and given to women plus more! at most ill get into a relationship but no farther then that,marriage is not worth the risk in any shape or form! untill the marriage laws change im gonna stay for the most part single! also FUCK THE GOVERNMENT,the money grubbing whores!
I agree with the OP, these days marrage is tilted unfairly towards women. However i still plan to get married. I don't want to live a life alone, my grandmother died in the 1960's, and my grandfather never re-married. Now he is seventy something, living alone with declining mental health. I don't want to end up like him- everybody needs somebody.
I hope i am going to marry a woman who i think has a traditional attitude to marriage, so she is less likely to try and divorce me. Really, the old arrangement of marriage- Men work and maintain the technical aspects of the house (fixing the car, mending a broken fence etc) whist women cover areas such as housework, and raise the children. To me this seems equal- both members have their own different responsibilities to fulfill. I don't see why feminism had to throw a spanner in the works and mess up the system.
I don't think many people realize how the high rate of divorce has messed up our society. More and more kids grow up without a farther, and little motherly attention as the mother has to work to financially support herself and the kids. Many children grow up without proper parental upbringing, and i think this can explain such modern phenomena such as Chavs, Asbo's, and general anti-social behavior.
I'm still going for marriage, but i just hope that attitudes start to change and old equality is reinstated.
I hope i am going to marry a woman who i think has a traditional attitude to marriage, so she is less likely to try and divorce me. Really, the old arrangement of marriage- Men work and maintain the technical aspects of the house (fixing the car, mending a broken fence etc) whist women cover areas such as housework, and raise the children. To me this seems equal- both members have their own different responsibilities to fulfill. I don't see why feminism had to throw a spanner in the works and mess up the system.
I don't think many people realize how the high rate of divorce has messed up our society. More and more kids grow up without a farther, and little motherly attention as the mother has to work to financially support herself and the kids. Many children grow up without proper parental upbringing, and i think this can explain such modern phenomena such as Chavs, Asbo's, and general anti-social behavior.
I'm still going for marriage, but i just hope that attitudes start to change and old equality is reinstated.
I'm just waiting until man and woman engage in a bloody war to the death over sexism.
I will be atop my fortress, gunning down man and woman alike.
Ah, equality.
I will be atop my fortress, gunning down man and woman alike.
Ah, equality.
I'm gonna try and put of marriage as long as possible, even when I find somebody I want to spend my life with. I figure the later I leave it the fewer times I'll get stung over my lifetime in divorces.
(Yes I am aware it's slightly sad that I am already of the mindset that I will get divorced, but I know of nobody outside my parents generation that has stayed married for their whole lives.)
I do still think marriage is a nice gesture between two people though. Not wholly necessary but still something I hope to do just for the expressionistic value.
(Yes I am aware it's slightly sad that I am already of the mindset that I will get divorced, but I know of nobody outside my parents generation that has stayed married for their whole lives.)
I do still think marriage is a nice gesture between two people though. Not wholly necessary but still something I hope to do just for the expressionistic value.
I'm sick of this view that it's the woman who has everything to look for in marriage. Traditionally, marriage was a means of sending a woman to kitchen servitude and motherhood. It's still there.
I think that society has to change a lot of expectations. As the OP said, men are still expected to be the breadwinner. There are remarkably few house-husbands if you will because it's considered a sign of weakness in men. Like the idea that to be an abused male in a relationship means that one is weak (As in, weaker than the weak sex weak.) stems from the base-line gender role inequality
That said, I've seen some great, functional marriages. Two friends of mine recently tied the knot and I think they'll do very well. This guy [http://hugoschwyzer.net/] has some very interesting things to say on that matter. The deal is that marriages take work on both halves. Some turn out well. Others don't. People who are prepared to swing in and out of marriages give it a bad name. So do, in my opinion, people who restrict marriage to heterosexual unions.
I can't imagine myself ever getting married because I'm a) not religious and b) don't need rings, bells, paper and cake to tell me when I wish to be with someone for the rest of my life.
I think that society has to change a lot of expectations. As the OP said, men are still expected to be the breadwinner. There are remarkably few house-husbands if you will because it's considered a sign of weakness in men. Like the idea that to be an abused male in a relationship means that one is weak (As in, weaker than the weak sex weak.) stems from the base-line gender role inequality
That said, I've seen some great, functional marriages. Two friends of mine recently tied the knot and I think they'll do very well. This guy [http://hugoschwyzer.net/] has some very interesting things to say on that matter. The deal is that marriages take work on both halves. Some turn out well. Others don't. People who are prepared to swing in and out of marriages give it a bad name. So do, in my opinion, people who restrict marriage to heterosexual unions.
I can't imagine myself ever getting married because I'm a) not religious and b) don't need rings, bells, paper and cake to tell me when I wish to be with someone for the rest of my life.
If you're looking at it objectively, marriages do have legal advantages over an unmarried couple who are living together. I mean the lengthy list of rights and responsibilities for the US can be found here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rights_and_responsibilities_of_marriages_in_the_United_States for anyone interested.
But if we're talking about emotional advantages/disadvantages. I would say the disadvantages heavily outweigh the advantages. You get some superficial confirmation from your family, perhaps from your spouse. Whereas due social obligations, these confirmations would pressure you to do things you otherwise wouldn't. I learned this first hand from a pair of pretty messed up parents. Who obviously didn't love each other anymore but refused to properly call an end to their relationship because they're "supposed" to be happy together.
In any case, if you need that bit of confirmation then maybe you should look at your relationship and find the problems with it that is causing you to have such little confidence.
I've seen marriages work, but the point is that i'm pretty sure the couple would be doing great without the marrying each other anyway.
But if we're talking about emotional advantages/disadvantages. I would say the disadvantages heavily outweigh the advantages. You get some superficial confirmation from your family, perhaps from your spouse. Whereas due social obligations, these confirmations would pressure you to do things you otherwise wouldn't. I learned this first hand from a pair of pretty messed up parents. Who obviously didn't love each other anymore but refused to properly call an end to their relationship because they're "supposed" to be happy together.
In any case, if you need that bit of confirmation then maybe you should look at your relationship and find the problems with it that is causing you to have such little confidence.
I've seen marriages work, but the point is that i'm pretty sure the couple would be doing great without the marrying each other anyway.