It's impossible to be sexy when...

[DefunctTheory]

Its hard to look sexy when watching a superhero movie and then explaining the expanded universe

I did that once. A voice was screaming at me inside my head the entire time, saying 'Stop it! You're wasting an erection!'

Downside is I didn't get any loving that night. Upside is it was not, in fact, a wasted.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Only time I'm not a raging inferno of mansexiness is when my smokers cough acts up. At any other time legions of women lay themselves at my feet for an opportunity at intercourse.

Or something like that.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Eating ribs. You either eat them like normal and make a huge brown mess of your face, or you eat them delicately and make less of a huge brown mess of your face, but end up looking like an awkward pussy.

You can't be sexy when you sneak in on your significant other in the shower and lovingly wrap your arms around them, plant a single delicate kiss on the back of their neck, then slip, slam her into the wall of the shower, and face plant into the bowl of the toilet.

There's no recovery for that. At all.

Shit if I had a nickel for every time that's happened to me...

 

[Zen Bard]

Theme song to this whole thread :

Damn! Beat me to it. My wife and I actually had to move business time to Thursday...just to mix it up.

Aaaaaaaw yeaaaahhhh...

On topic, it's impossible to be sexy when carrying around one of those little plastic baskets at the supermarket.

 

[omega 616]

Well besides any time when I am breathing you mean?

Pushing up my glasses, it has to be the least sexy thing in the world! I mean there are people watching scat for pleasure but even the sexy secretary act by porn stars doesn't look sexy when they push there glasses up. (not like I'm an expert on that stuff)

 

[shootthebandit]

Its hard to look sexy when watching a superhero movie and then explaining the expanded universe

I did that once. A voice was screaming at me inside my head the entire time, saying 'Stop it! You're wasting an erection!'

Downside is I didn't get any loving that night. Upside is it was not, in fact, a wasted.

We've all been there bro *empathic fellow nerd hug*. Its a different story when a women is explaining the expanded universe of sex and the city. We listen intently while thinking "pay attention! There might be a quiz on this. If i ace it ill get brownie points that i can exchange for sex. BTW dont ask her if mr big is mr fantastic's cousin"

 

[Playful Pony]

Woah uh...

I never look sexy when I eat, I'm always hungry when I do so I end up eating too fast. I'm clumsy as all hell, and clumsy is absolutely not sexy, so that bleeds into pretty much everything I do! I'm pretty sexy while sitting down wearing something particularly nice, and I FEEL sexy when I wear my librarian glasses, but I don't know if I actually am...

Its impossible to look sexy after having ran to catch the bus, when your standing there trying to look like running just 30 meters didn't completely exhaust you because your in terrible shape! Ohw, and running in high heels. Not that I've ever done that, don't want to break my face from falling.

 

[EvilRoy]

Eating lobster/shrimp. In addition to them making your dinner plate look like a sadistic warzone, they also require you to 'get right on in thar' and will on occasion shoot juices if you're too vigorous.

Christ that sounded like a graphic depiction of... something.

Something else then, something else. Ah, exercising. Unfortunately since taking up an exercise regeme, I've found out that in order to reach my heart rate target and hold it for 40 mins I basically end up looking like someone dumped a bucket of water on my head and punched me in the gut.

The saddest part about this is that by no means is this a recent thing, I started exercising daily in March. Sure I'm in solid shape now, but I will clearly never 'glisten' like some people at the gym can apparently do. I swear one of those bastards waxes and shellacs himself before coming in.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Eating lobster/shrimp. In addition to them making your dinner plate look like a sadistic warzone, they also require you to 'get right on in thar' and will on occasion shoot juices if you're too vigorous.

Christ that sounded like a graphic depiction of... something.

Something else then, something else. Ah, exercising. Unfortunately since taking up an exercise regeme, I've found out that in order to reach my heart rate target and hold it for 40 mins I basically end up looking like someone dumped a bucket of water on my head and punched me in the gut.

The saddest part about this is that by no means is this a recent thing, I started exercising daily in March. Sure I'm in solid shape now, but I will clearly never 'glisten' like some people at the gym can apparently do. I swear one of those bastards waxes and shellacs himself before coming in.

What kind of shrimp are you eating?

Shrimp is finger food. Finger food, with the exception of the bbq kind, is universally hot.

I agree on the lobster tail bit, though. Damn things are dangerous (And I don't particularly like them, anyway).

 

[Billy D Williams]

Bad breath. I mean as long as nobody can smell it than its fine, but once you smell it whew. Especially bacon breath, I love me some bacon but bacon breath is no bueno.

 

[The Eupho Guy_v1legacy]

Playing a brass instrument. Some of the faces people pull when playing are... interesting. A common thing that I've noticed is that a person's eyebrows act as a gauge to how high their part is, which can be hilarious when you get a part that covers more than an octave. Also, the marks left by a mouthpiece after a long playing session are not appealing at all.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

It's impossible to look sexy when you get a papercut. It's just not happening.

 

[SuperSuperSuperGuy]

I can't keep what I don't have in the first place. Basically, it's impossible to be alluring when you're me.

Otherwise, I can't not look stupid when I'm drawing. Not only because I'm really bad a drawing, but also because I make stupid faces when I draw. Especially when I'm drawing a face; I make some weird, almost strained version of whatever face I'm drawing. It also happens when I'm trying to convey mood through a picture. Like, if I'm trying to make a cheerful scene, I make this messed-up almost-smile mixed with an intense concentration face. It's kinda embarrassing when I'm doodling in class and I realize that I've been making weird faces at my paper...

 

[Euryalus]

I have really shit posture sometimes, and when I play video games on my pc or am just reading a book anywhere that involves sitting, rather than laying, then I'm basically hunched over like a troll.

To be fair in those situations who cares if you look sexy, I mean you're busy doing other things!

OT: It's impossible to be sexy when you do anything the way @T0ad 0f Truth does it

It's impossible to be sexy when you have a mild chest infection and a runny nose as I have at the moment

Oi! I'm plenty sexy! Have you seen me dance?

It literally blinds people its so beautiful!

...It's the beauty... Just trust me...

 

[FPLOON]

It's impossible to be sexy... when I'm not in women's clothing... Seriously, all of my male clothes are about as sexy as a cartoon horse for little girls... that's not drawn by the studio animators themselves...

Also, while gaming in general... My tight clothes can NOT be bothered to look sexy when I'm doing a 1000+ combo on the latest DW game... That's when I'm in another dimension, son!!

captcha: Relieve the pain
NOT NOW, CAPTCHA! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO LOOK SEXY WHILE TYPING ALL THIS?! GLOB!!!

 

[Fijiman]

When I'm me. I'm never trying to be sexy. If anyone has ever found me sexy when I'm just being me they've not said anything.

Also, this thread should totally be a forum game. I'd make it myself, but I need to do some stuff then go to bed.

 

[EvilRoy]

snp

What kind of shrimp are you eating?

Shrimp is finger food. Finger food, with the exception of the bbq kind, is universally hot.

I agree on the lobster tail bit, though. Damn things are dangerous (And I don't particularly like them, anyway).

I'm not quite sure what you mean with regard to the shrimp. A buddy cooked them in what he referred to as a traditional west coast manner (he's from Mexico, so west coast of there I assume), which was basically right out of the ocean into a citrus sauce, cooked, cooled then dumped on the plate. Heads, feelers and all.

Tasted great but you can't look sexy while tearing the heads off sea critters, and at the end of the meal it seriously looked like a small aquatic army assaulted the table and was ripped to shreds for their transgressions.

I agree about the lobster flavor, I just expected more for such an expensive and difficult to prepare meal.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

It is quite impossible to be sexy when one is extremely short. (like try 5'4 or shorter short)

Good thing I'm close to 5'6" then!

Though I'd actually say I'm more like 5'5".

Still, I HAVE A CHANCE! MAYBE.

It is impossible to be sexy when you're skinny as a twig like me. But I can dream.

 

[Saltyk]

I'm going to say eating. There are certain foods that you can get away with eating in sexual ways, but most food? Certainly not. You can't eat a steak sexually. You can't eat spaghetti in a way that will make the opposite gender (or same if that is your/their deal) hot under the color. You can't eat a sandwich in a way that is sensual.

I'll be God damned if I won't try. But generally speaking, you will only think someone is sexy while eating if you want to have sex with them anyway.