King of the Hill: AVATAR EDITION

[username sucks]

Good job, pardner, you managed to outsmart some machines built by an engineer that AIN'T got 11 PhD's.

However, I do, and during those 10 minutes I went an' teleported the hill and myself to a new planet, and I destroyed my teleporter so you can't follow me.

This darn captcha is makin' me type in "carbon footprint", which made me wonder how you aren't out of fuel by now. If you would be so kind as to tell me I would be much obliged.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Well, look what we have here? I have just the thing.

Executing phase shift.

*Teleports the engineer away from the hill.*

 

[username sucks]

*Rebuilds teleporter entrance to return to the tele exit still on the hill*

That eridium stuff yer usin' has some interesting properties. I reckon I can take some of it to invent a device to jam that fancy "phase shift" ability of yours.

Done. Now unless you want to face a few hundred of my now slag-upgraded sentries, you might think about leavin' this here hill before I order them to shoot.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

... To answer your question, Conagher, my greatest opponent, my shell is pure photovolaic panels. Very helpful.

And, after I turned back into the SpaceTarkus and began flying towards a planet that I just noticed suffered an Eridium Phase Shift (rare anomaly, deserves notice, you're probably there, I'd assume), I realised, like in that old song, "Why Can't We Be Friends?".

I then realised that it was because of that bloody hill.

But, for now, business as usual!

*flattens Conagher, slag sentries with sheer weight upon landing*

 

[username sucks]

If there is one thing I have learned from you, it's that decoys can be pretty darn effective.

That wasn't me, it was a cardboard cutout. That ain't a hill, neither. It's a pile of fusion bombs that I covered up with some dirt.

I ain't dumb enough to think that it will kill you, but it oughta slow you down enough to give me time to finish this invention that will solve th problem. *goes back to making blueprint*

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

As I rematerialise, I realise that you are likely going to win. I'm fine wi' that, but I'd still rather be the one to win, so I've decided to wait...

[ONE NIGHT LATER...]

... until you, in your brilliance, complete your blueprint, and then SNATCH it out from under you! *snatch!* Yee-haw! Off to another galaxy!

 

[username sucks]

Not t' brag, but you do realize that I'm a genius, right? Not only do I have the blueprint memorized to the last detail, but I went an' invented my own code to write that one in. Only I can understand it.

Also, why did you go on off to another galaxy while I'm still right here on the hill? I mean, it ain't like I mind, just thought since you wanted to win that you would take the hill back.

Anyways, now I gotta go build my invention. I'm gonna need a whole heck of a lot of metal.

 

[NerfedFalcon]

observing from a nearby spire...

Watching two people fight is just boring. They only come up with ways to deal with each other, and that just leads into escalation of a single sort. Two is company. Three...


*jumps onto hill, then unsheathes sword and decapitates Engineer in a single movement*

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

*returns to hill, runs over newcomer/returner*

Ah, I see. What little of the invention's been completed is enough for me to understand the rest of the code.

*finishes construction of invention, minus all self destruct and failsafe mechanisms*

Conagher's clever. Tried to hide failsafes in the machine so he could blow it up/control it no matter what. Fixed that.

From what I can tell, I need to refit this a little so it doesn't target me, but it makes sense that he'd try and make it only target anything not from Texas.

So I've also made myself some extra armour made from real Texan grits.

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Ran me over, you say? What would you say if I said I darted out at the last second?

You're not faster than me. Don't even try.

*cuts off one tread, leaving the tank running in circles*

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

I AM A MADMAN!

*fires randomly in all directions as I spin, taking out enemy for time being*

Rebuild, rebuild, rebuild!

Alright, and that invention? It won't target me anymore.

*slams button*

 

[NerfedFalcon]

'For the time being' isn't as long as you think it is. You're not that great a shot, nor do you put out as much as any slightly self-respecting Gensokyo native. And you might find it hard to aim with all those guns cut off.

Oh yeah, all your extra bullets accidentally destroyed the invention, whatever it was. Someone's gonna be mad about that. Not you, because I just cut your brain in half.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

I think the point of "Rebuild, rebuild, rebuild!" is that I'm fixing things, like me, or that gizmo. While I once again build myself, that machine is flying around in the sky, preparing to do... something.

So slice and dice me as much as you wish, Conagher's invention is getting away.

 

[username sucks]

You are even dumber than you look, tank. You just activated a device designed to defeat you in some way, but you didn't even know how it would do that. Well, I guess I should thank you for completing it for me.

I guess I might as well tell you what it does before you become a useless heap of metal traveling into deep space. It is designed to send you into an endless series of teleports going further an' further away from the known universe. Also you just wasted all them grits, because I control it manually with this here Wrangler.

Well it will impact you in just a few seconds, so g'bye, tank. Y'all (don't) come back now!

 

[NerfedFalcon]

What are you doing awake, hard-hat? I thought I killed you already. Or does not having a head not actually impair you that much?

Well, it doesn't matter. You can stick your body back together, but I'll just cut it apart again until you learn.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

The invention is floating back. Maybe Conagher thought six steps ahead and made it Grit-Seeking. I better fly. Towards leet. *flys past leet, causing invention to smash into her/him* And off they go!

 

[NerfedFalcon]

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Seems you don't remember what happened last time. I'm too fast for a trick like that.
Kioku shita ka?

I jumped on top of you while you were running past. Whatever that thing is, it still hasn't touched me. Oh yeah, and before you get any ideas with those guns, I also jumped over the invention, so now it's only got you on the run.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

Running? Flying. Remember, flying.

Though, by jumping on the invention, you activated it. *watches leet get teleported to the furthest edges of reality by never ending telporter stream*

Very reactive. Now, to rest on hill. *lands on hill*

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Do you honestly think I'm that stupid? That, even though I know what it does, I'd still land on it? Or that I can't dash in arcs? I've had a pretty long time to hone this technique to perfection. If there's something between me and where I want to dash to, I have ways of getting around it.

Oh yeah, and since you stopped, thinking that I'd touched it, it touched you. That's what you get for assuming that I'm stupid.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

Hey, YOU said you rode it. Or over it. Or maybe it can divide/self replicate/has multiple stages.

So, as we both get flung into the furthest reaches of the omniverse, I have to ask: How are we going to get out of this, what will be our new hill, and why do we care about hills again?