Let us talk politics

[Khedive Rex]

Forgive my candor but I find the ballyhoo over a Sir Obama Madame Clinton combined ticket simply drole. It is not in the character of Madame Clinton to rest and accopmlish nothing for four years and this is the unfortunate job description of vice president. To quote from John Stewart's book, a simply splendid read if you find the time, "the most important duty a vice President serves during his term is being born in a location geographically disparate from the president". Hoohoohoo! But in all seriousness, anywhere in the states is geographically disparate from Hawaii. Even one of those omnivorous political castaways from California would get the job done.

It seems obvious to state that such a reputable political figure as Madame Clinton would be more happy in a position of more power. A gaurnteed seat on the Supreme Court, should one of the blokes currently presiding accidently overdose on opium or whathaveyou, would be much more fulfilling and make better use of her talent. Being very familiar with the laws of the states and trust-worthyly democratic in her opinions, she would not only be a bonafide round peg existing in a bonafide round hole but also a perfect identity to balance out the current Republican bias, unfortunate, in the highest court of the land.

On the subject of libertarianism, Sir Fondant, you and I seem to share the same opinion regarding the free exercise of our liberties. I've enjoyed the right to bear arms for as long as I've had arms and seperating me from my "passtimes" would require complex chemical equations and years of calculation.

What really captures my attention is the Libertarian additude toward the size and power of government. Had Sir Ron Paul had his way, a conclusion I daresay is all but forgotten now, he would have abolished the Federal Reserve and done away with income taxation. I don't know if a government that small is good or bad. It would certainly secure liberty but it's an open question what else it could stand to secure. Who would stop the paupers roaming through the street asking for money if not the government?

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Clinton is just fucking retarded. About 90 percent of sane Americans agree with me. The other 10 percent are dead.

Most presidents of America are retarded. Else the damned colonials wouldn't elect them. Damnnit, but its either a skirt or a darkie, isn't it? Hell of a conundrum.

TBF, we really can't knock the presidents with our incumbent PM's.

 

[A Username Not In Use]

I have just worked out the best way to elect a countries leader.

Get all the wuld be candidates, lock them in a room for a year with a copy of Sim City set to the harded settings possible, not help guides, no GameFAQ.com, nothing to help them, and at the end of the year whoever has created the best city, there the one who gets to lead.

Piece of piss when you think about it, and a dame site cheaper than any election.

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

I dare say, but what if thou used cheat codes?
Why, have it carved into ones arm.

And Fenixius, the leaches were for your internal bleeding.

And truly, I do not wish for McCain to get in the white house. That man is too conservative for my tastes.

 

[Fenixius]

I dare say, but what if thou used cheat codes? Why, have it carved into ones arm.

Well, then, I suppose we'd better remove the arm. Can't have a politician losing touch with reality, especially not by cheating. Perhaps the Sim City Trial should be a preliminary save us a hell of a lot of time. Use that to remove the idiots from the semi-finals before we get to the main event.

And Fenixius, the leaches were for your internal bleeding.

Perhaps you underestimate the potency of the good Earl's Elixir. I feel spiffing. Like I could swim from here to... somewhere else. Where else is there to go, out of interest? I mean, I suppose I could go back home and do some govermenty things, but it's all so boring back there. They don't know a good time from getting drunk, over in New Holland. Of course, they're very very good at getting drunk, but they just don't do it with the same style as you lot. In fact, drinks for everyone, on New Holland!

Waitstaff are summoned to refill everyone's glass/flask/bucket with whatever they want.

And truly, I do not wish for McCain to get in the white house. That man is too conservative for my tastes.

I must say that I agree with you there. He's just so ve-

The Duke is interrupted by a man in a suit with a winelist. After going through the list, Sir Fenixius just has them all mixed together in a rather large chalice, and proceeds to pour something from Lord j-e-f-f-e-r-s' flask into it, before taking a drink.

Aah, this is more like it. What was I saying? Oh yes! McCain is just too colonial for my tastes. We need to install a right proper British governor for those rogue children of England.

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

Well, then, I suppose we'd better remove the arm. Can't have a politician losing touch with reality, especially not by cheating. Perhaps the Sim City Trial should be a preliminary save us a hell of a lot of time. Use that to remove the idiots from the semi-finals before we get to the main event.

Let's remove all their limbs, shall we? Any political runner who could play Sim City without any appendages would certainly make a fine President.

Perhaps you underestimate the potency of the good Earl's Elixir. I feel spiffing. Like I could swim from here to... somewhere else. Where else is there to go, out of interest? I mean, I suppose I could go back home and do some govermenty things, but it's all so boring back there. They don't know a good time from getting drunk, over in New Holland. Of course, they're very very good at getting drunk, but they just don't do it with the same style as you lot. In fact, drinks for everyone, on New Holland!

Waitstaff are summoned to refill everyone's glass/flask/bucket with whatever they want.
[\quote] Well, I simply hadn't noticed. Perhaps I had a bit too much of that elixir I stole from you. Hard to notice anything with all these kaleidoscopic colors I've been seeing after taking a swig from it.

*His Lord Sir-ship TheKnifeJuggler gestures to the Waitstaff to find some more of that Elixir.*

Oh dear me, it seems the HTML markup has been sabatoged. Clearly the work of Witches. There must be one in the vicinity of this area.
I wonder who...

 

[EvilEngineNumberNine]

I say! Politics is but an empty well awaiting unsuspecting naves and their horses wot! :adjusts quadracle: I do believe that not a one of us will make it out of this blasted place alive.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Ah, my good man, fetch me another of the old 1732!

You simply must try some old chaps. Fantastic stuff. Tastes the back end of a pig, but it's old and costs more than the entire income of Dorchester for the last ten years!

Now, where was I? Oh yes, the colonys. Now, simply put, we must muster forth an expeditionary force and put an end to all these 'freedoms' nonsense. It's patently obvious that freedoms are wasted on the people. I suggest that young chap Arthur Wellington, splendid fellow, and after all, we can afford to lose him.

 

[Fenixius]

Well, then, I suppose we'd better remove the arm. Can't have a politician losing touch with reality, especially not by cheating. Perhaps the Sim City Trial should be a preliminary save us a hell of a lot of time. Use that to remove the idiots from the semi-finals before we get to the main event.

Let's remove all their limbs, shall we?

Capital idea, my good sir. Perhaps this might disuade people with only ambition in mind from becoming leaders. Reminds me of a quote from a man I've always admired:

Anyone capable of being made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Bright man, Adams. Pity about his death and all that. But he's damn right; too many people these days want to rule not so they can improve things, but so they can add it to their CV for when they try to get a real job, like British Man.

The Duke takes a moment to re-light his pipe, before continuing on, spouting smoke with each breath.

Clearly the work of Witches. There must be one in the vicinity of this area. I wonder who...

Witches? Don't be so absurd, this is the 21st century, old chap. We exterminated the Witches years and years ago in the Great Hunt of '69. 'Twas a great year, '69. We conquered the Moon, and with no breeding groud, the Witches ceased to be. A great victory. No, this is far more likely the work of a much more fearsom foe. The idiot.

With each passing moment, the Duke is more enshrouded by smoke from his pipe. Despite this, it is still obvious that Sir Fenixius is gesturing grandly with every sentence.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, the colonies. Now, simply put, we must muster forth an expeditionary force and put an end to all these 'freedoms' nonsense. It's patently obvious that freedoms are wasted on the people. I suggest that young chap Arthur Wellington, splendid fellow, and after all, we can afford to lose him.

Grand idea, Lord Fondant. Let us marshall the fleet. All shall burn before the might of the British Empire. It's been a while since we had a good war, anyway. The entire pathetic military might of New Holland will stand firm on the frontlines, as we're slaughtered by the enemy, allowing us time to yell at our servants to make us some tea.

By this point, the Duke cannot be seen at all, and is nothing more than a talking cloud of smoke.

Who's this Arthur fellow, though? I can't say I've heard of the lad. Name sounds familiar... but the bells just aren't ringing, I'm afraid.

The Duke's hand shoots out of the cloud of tabacco smoke with great speed, catching the poor waiter by the cuff (and by surprise). The man yells as he's dragged into the haze of foul-smelling polluted air, before emerging a few moments later, coughing and spluttering. A few shakey steps later, the man collapses, clutching at his chest.

Someone summon a waiter with a little more tolerance to smoke! Can't get good help these days... And could someone pass me my drink? It's a little dark in here.

 

[A Username Not In Use]

I thourght it was Gore Vidal who said that not Adam's. I've got read more.

 

[Drong]

I find that Clinton woman to be a most frightful old hag, it's no wonder her husband chose to play away, personally I always liked him, seemed like a very jolly old fellow, for a backwards inbred colonial that is, though I don't think much of his choice in women, when I have an affair it's at least with a wench who is a bit of a looker and who knows some discretion.

But that McCain is bad news, mark my words he'll start problems if he gets in power but it doesn't seem likely, surely even cousin Jonathan can't be stupid enough to put those ghastly republicans back in power for another term, the Romans proved once and for all that the Republic doesn't work, the Monarchy is the only true way, God bless King George.

 

[Girlysprite]

Now about chopping limbs off...How would they shake hands? *giggles* Oh, that wasn't so serious, come on now...
*sips from her tea*
And mind you, it is not unlikely that McCain gets chosen. Good lords, since Bush was elected, and elected again, I am willing to assume anyone can be elected.

I don't really know if the Clinton woman is a good choice for vice president. I mean, certainly in my position I am all for women on the top (don't give me those looks, I didn't mean *that* for good lords sake) but I wonder if she, with the past between them, is a good choice. I am sure that the republicans will call her power hungry, and Obama insecure for it. I mean, those two have been slaughtering each other, and then they have got to pretend best friends?

Of course, bad thing is, not choosing her is a bad option as well. She has grown so popular that many democrats started to dislike Obama for it. They would rather vote McCain now!

Well, it certainly proves the lack of brain.

*she sips on her tea again*

 

[Fenixius]

Please note that Sir Fenixius is completely enshrouded in a swirling cloud of dark smoke for the entirety of this post. And since I can't see him from up here, there's surely no way you can either.

But that McCain is bad news, mark my words he'll start problems if he gets in power but it doesn't seem likely, surely even cousin Jonathan can't be stupid enough to put those ghastly republicans back in power for another term.

Alas, poor old John may be just dense enough to vote for him. Which is why we had him sent to the rogue colonies in the first place. Hrm...

And mind you, it is not unlikely that McCain gets chosen. Good lords, since Bush was elected, and elected again, I am willing to assume anyone can be elected.

I dare say, you may have stumbled upon a solution to our problem! One of us should be elected. Good show, Lady Girlysprite. And you simply must have a smoke of this. It's absolutely delightful. I would pass you my pipe, but I sort of can't see outside this cloud. Someone pass this 'round, it's good stuff.

A still-smoking pipe is ejected from the ashen maelstrom, landing unfortunately in Lord Fondant's drink.

Oh, and Lord Fenixius, may I congratulate you on that most impressive cloud of smoke you have created. I due feel obliged to try and outdo you.

Oh, your challenge is accepted, my good friend. May the loser die of horrible lung cancer first.

Though little can be seen of Duke Fenix through the charcoal cloud, movement is evident within. After a few moments of rustling about, a faint orange glow appears, indicating that Duke Fenixius has lit a match. After about 15 seconds of the light fading, the smoke darkens to the black of night. After about 20 seconds of the match being extinguished, another orb of smoke drifts forward lazily, this one white as porcelain.

I trump your fuzzy rainbow with the night sky above Cambridge. What say you?!

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Good lord man! Do watch where you throw that thing.

*fishes the pipe out of his whiskey*

Hmm... *lights it.*

Ah..... good stuff. A little mild for my tastes, but alright. *A haze of whiskey-tasting, opaque, black and evil-looking smoke forms around Lord Fondant.*

Ah, where were we? Oh yes, this whole election business. I must disagree with you, Fenexius. I feel that simply electing ones chosen leader is a ghastly way of going about this. You see, in the minds of the common man, an elected ruler is somehow equal to one of them. And therin lies the problem- these backwards-facing Thomasbuggerers have been so deluded by their nation, that they somehow believe themselves to be the equals of their rulers. That is why we must disabuse them of the notion. If we simply utilise their means of chosing a leader, then we shall be expected to abide by their silly rights and laws and all that other tomfoolery. No, we simply must reinstate the old policy of climbing to power atop a heap of bodies. it's the only way to elect a proper ruler, after all.

 

[Whiskyjakk]

No, we simply must reinstate the old policy of climbing to power atop a heap of bodies. it's the only way to elect a proper ruler, after all.

Although don't you think it's time to widen the franchise again, old chap? Give those lower class ruffians the impression they have some control over how the bally nation is run to stop them charging across our lawns and setting fire to the servants? Perhaps we could run some sort of bounty system; bring in 10 Bolshie's heads on stakes and get a complimentary vote at the next election. Should be a bloody good laugh, dontchaknow.

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

And mind you, it is not unlikely that McCain gets chosen. Good lords, since Bush was elected, and elected again, I am willing to assume anyone can be elected.

I dare say, you may have stumbled upon a solution to our problem! One of us should be elected. Good show, Lady Girlysprite. And you simply must have a smoke of this. It's absolutely delightful. I would pass you my pipe, but I sort of can't see outside this cloud. Someone pass this 'round, it's good stuff.

A still-smoking pipe is ejected from the ashen maelstrom, landing unfortunately in Lord Fondant's drink.

I dare say, since for the last 8 years the president has been an imbecile, who can hardly pronounce any words right I might add, why don't we simply get a trained monkey to run?
All we have to do is have it constantly preach to the majority of conservative twits who watch the news of Fox and we'll have put a monkey in the white house!
Or perhaps we should try to get Colbert to run again... He'd do a fantastic job with his seat of power! Doritos for the starving children!!

 

[Fenixius]

The silvery orb of smoke has started to revolve around the darker fog that engulfs Fenixius. Every now and then, shining pockets of silvery-grey smoke twinkle in the darkness.

Ah, where were we? Oh yes, this whole election business. I must disagree with you, Fenexius. I feel that simply electing ones chosen leader is a ghastly way of going about this.

I didn't say we should be elected, I said we should be made in charge. Look, I'll even quote myself:

I dare say, you may have stumbled upon a solution to our problem! One of us should be elected. Good show, Lady Girlysprite.

How intriguing. I apparently DID say that one of us should be elected. Perhaps I was still suffering the miraculous effects of j-e-f-f-e-r-s other vial. That, or someone's messing with my memory. Could be either, could be... Either way, you're damn right though, good sir. One of us SHOULD be in charge, and I propose that we simply duel the elected candidate to the death for the position. Not only do we usurp the seat (just not the same as in a good old Monarchy, where you get a Throne), but we get to show the commoners just how much better we are by slaughtering their champion in the arena. Now, who should be our champion?

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

Either way, you're damn right though, good sir. One of us SHOULD be in charge, and I propose that we simply duel the elected candidate to the death for the position. Not only do we usurp the seat (just not the same as in a good old Monarchy, where you get a Throne), but we get to show the commoners just how much better we are by slaughtering their champion in the arena. Now, who should be our champion?

Quite so. We should have the duel in the style of Mortal Combat. Rip out the opposing combatants spine to win the match!
Or perhaps we should simply have them blast the snot out of each other with high pressure steam guns. Equally as entertaining!

*Hurry up and bring me that elixir Chives! I can hardly see the flying girl Lucy with diamonds anymore!*

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I dare say, since for the last 8 years the president has been an imbecile, who can hardly pronounce any words right I might add, why don't we simply get a trained monkey to run?[/quote]

i was under the impression we already had, my good sir?


I would propose for our champion... Chuck Noriss. Admirable chap really.

Good lord man! *Backhands a cowering servant* I should have you whipped! I specified 1732, not 1737! *Begins beating the servant with a ringbinder file marked 'assasins'.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, you simply must try some of this herb I picked up during my travels through Peru. One inhalation, and you are mysteriously tranported to.... I say, is that a giant marmoset!? I simply must have it up on my wall! JENKINS!!!!

*Jenkins appears*
Yes, my good sir?

Fetch me my gun.

*Jenkins appears with an enormous elephant rifle.*