Let's Play: Knights of the Old Republic COMPLETE
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I vote for Tatooine first, for the same reason as AD-Stu.
As for Kickstarter projects. What I really want, though I think it's highly unlikely, is one of the first RPG series I ever played to come back: Shadowrun. I know it's mostly forgotten about, only having abastardized abomination borne from the bowels of blighted hell itself multiplayer FPS game in it being released lately (lately being 2007). But still...a man can dre - OH, OH MY GOD!!!
Woooooooot!
OK...calming down. There's no way this can be successful. People have forgotten about the series. There's just not enough interest left for it to get the funding it nee- ...
!!! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qbQEEOPsb8]
It's been a good week.
As for Kickstarter projects. What I really want, though I think it's highly unlikely, is one of the first RPG series I ever played to come back: Shadowrun. I know it's mostly forgotten about, only having a
OK...calming down. There's no way this can be successful. People have forgotten about the series. There's just not enough interest left for it to get the funding it nee- ...
!!! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qbQEEOPsb8]
It's been a good week.
I think you went through literally the same thought process as me. Its good to see Shadowrun come back, and I love that they even acknowledge that 2007...thing...on their kickstarter page.DustyDrB said:I vote for Tatooine first, for the same reason as AD-Stu.
As for Kickstarter projects. What I really want, though I think it's highly unlikely, is one of the first RPG series I ever played to come back: Shadowrun. I know it's mostly forgotten about, only having abastardized abomination borne from the bowels of blighted hell itselfmultiplayer FPS game in it being released lately (lately being 2007). But still...a man can dre - OH, OH MY GOD!!!
Woooooooot!
OK...calming down. There's no way this can be successful. People have forgotten about the series. There's just not enough interest left for it to get the funding it nee- ...
!!! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qbQEEOPsb8]
It's been a good week.
So is it something worth funding, in your opinion?DustyDrB said:
Because I'm tempted to help fund it two. I have no idea about the series, though
It certainly is for me. But you might want to watch an LP, read a wiki, or maybe even play some of the older games yourself (via an emulator...which is a legal grey area, admittedly. But there aren't many other ways to play them today). There was a good game on each the Genesis and SNES.CM156 said:
Ok.DustyDrB said:
Well, I looked at the kickstarter page. Saw the video. I really found it funny. So I backed the project.
I hope it turns out well
[HEADING=2]UPDATE 19: IT'S LIKE THE NORMANDY, ONLY SHIT.[/HEADING]
Sorry for the delay, Escapists. I was on a holiday, and did a considerable amount of writing. But, I'm back now, and working hard for you guys
Question Time! What is your favorite spaceship? For me, it's a close run between Apollo 11 and the Battlestar Galactica. Apollo 11 because, it's, well, Apollo 11, and the Galactica, because it straddles the line between seeming powerful, and vulnerable at the same time.
Sorry for the delay, Escapists. I was on a holiday, and did a considerable amount of writing. But, I'm back now, and working hard for you guys
Last time, we were about to enter our ship, the Ebon Hawk, supposedly the fastest ship in the galaxy.
"(sigh)"
"What's your problem, Varen?"
"This ship. It sucks."
"Sucks? I would hardly say that."
"I would. In fact, I'll say it again. This. Ship. Fucking. Sucks."
"It's the fastest ship in the galaxy!"
"It's a piece of flying crap!"
"It's faster than the SSV Normandy!"
"Well, yeah. I suppose it is kinda like the Normandy, only shit."
"(Sigh)"
Contrary to Varen's assesment of it, I love the Ebon Hawk, simply because it has a soul. Ships like the USS Enterprise and the Normandy, yeah, they're cool and all, but the vast majority of the time, they're just that, ships. Things to get the characters from place to place. On the other side, ships like the Battlestar Galactica, the Millenium Falcon, and the Ebon Hawk, are something...more than that. They're characters all on their own, with attributes and flaws. The Millenium Falcon and the Battlestar Galactica achieve this by making both ships break a whole bunch. The Ebon Hawk achieves this by offering quests within its confines.
Boy, that was a bizarre tangent. Anyway, much like in Mass Effect, we can talk to various crew members on board the ship. Like Canderous, everyone's favourite murderous, grumpy, old man.
"Got any more war stories?"
"I would have harnessed that power sooner."
"Ha! What a pussy."
(Woodaba Let's Play Productions ltd would like to remind readers that our views do not correspond with the views, opinions, and statements of Varen Von BadDoom, and accepts no responsibility for any offence felt by her comments. Thank you.)
"You're still a wuss."
"Shut the hell up! Damn kids these days...back in MY day, we respected our elders! Right up to the moment we shot them in the back and took all their stuff!"
"I like you're style, Canderous. Please, continue."
Pshaw. I've played Halo ODST, Canderous. You can't impress me.
"You dropped from orbit riding a droid?"
A basilisk war droid, to be precise. These things are incredibly awesome. While a lot of people say they look stupid, dammit, there's just something wholly awesome about a giant metal crab that jumps down from orbit, armed to the teeth with ridicuolously impractical guns.
"...and then, I achieved sexual release."
"Oh, man. That sounds awesome. I want a Basilisk War Droid!"
"Yeah, whatever. I'm going on to craigslist, see if I can find me a Basilisk War Droid."
Unfortunately, Varen left her laptop on the Endar Spire, so she won't be getting access to it for another 300 years. She goes looking for someone with internet access, and finds Mission, figuring someone like her has an Iphone or something.
"Hey! Mission!"
"Oh, christ, not this again. Look, Taris was a shithole anyway. Get over it already."
"YEP. Ain't it great being amoral?"
Well, that was a quick turnaround. Traumatized about losing childhood home one minute, swearing unending fealty to a card-carrying villain the next. Well, I suppose she is a sociopath...
"Hey, do you have an Iphone, or something."
"Nah. That's too mainstream for me."
"Fuck."
Varen decides to abandon the craigslist idea, and on the way to the cockpit, decides to talk to Zaalbar.
"What's your story, Carpet Man?"
"What? Why?"
"You'll have to learn to trust me eventually."
And Zaalbar clams up for basically the whole game. It's a damn shame, because I really like him, I love the idea of a Samurai Wookiee, but the game just wastes him. Bioware seemed to have thought that they needed a token Wookiee companion and accidentally created an interesting character out if it, that they then proceed to squander. Ah well. Can't win em all. Especially in the ending department.
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING ENDING!
FINE, GEEZ!
Ah, yes. This place was included in the game in a free patch. We'll stop there after Tatooine. Before we set off, let's have a word with the pilot.
"You've been very quiet lately, y'know that? I like it. Less whining. Less irritation."
"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! Oh, poor baby. You need filling in on some detail?"
"Are you serious? I have more purpose here than you do, flyboy."
"Why don't you ask Bastila?"
"Why should anything the Jedi do seem strange to you? Aside from the cult-like attitude, secrecy, and the bloated, secretive council, I mean."
"I've done pretty well so far. Apart from the genocide, murder, needless cruelty, stealing, extortion, lying, manipulating..."
Varen continues on for several hours, and, in the interest in the time, we have cut forward...
"...and Jaywalking."
"...Are you about done?"
"Well, I was going to list my greivances prior to Dantooine..."
"SHUT UP, VAREN!"
"...You did not just go there."
"I'm sick of listening to you! Why don't you leave?"
"I am not going to betray you! I am not Saul!"
"Fine. I'll give you some time to get off your high horse. Bastila, you wanted to speak to me?"
"Who says I'm going to fight him? I was planning to sic you guys on him, and steal his ship. Wait... you are you going to go on about your grand battle with Revan? Oh, god. This is gonna take a while, isn't it?"
"But killing Revan is what your famous for. You have made that very, very, clear. On multiple occasions."
"But, you would have executed Revan eventually, right?"
With our rounds finished, we can key in our destination.
This is the Galaxy Map. It's not quite as incredibly awesome as Mass Effect's but it does it's job well. As per the public vote, we're off to Tatooine.
Meanwhile, on boarda Vogon Battlecruiserthe Sith flagship, the Leviathan...
"He was then stripped of these honors because he's a whiny emo."
"I take no responsibility for his wussiness, however."
No way...it can't be...
CALO NORD!
"My face being obscured in shadow makes me more awesome."
"UGH. SAUL, I TOLD YOU. LAST NIGHT WAS A STRICT ONE-NIGHT STAND."
"What? No! Err...Sir, this is regarding...something else..."
Aw, lookit. Varen's sleeping like a baby.
"I don't have time for your crazy babbling, Bastila. We have a Star Map to find."
"Sure. Visions. Whatever you say. (whispers to Carth) She's crazy!"
(Carth nods, solemnly.)
We go to leave, however...
"What are you talking about?"
Rightly terrified that she may not get her bacon, she goes to check on the food stores.
"Right! You little bastard! I'm coming for you! You fuck with my bacon, you fuck with me!"
We search the ship for some time, until...
We rush over to the cargo hold, only to find...
"Hey! What are you doing here?"
"What the hell are you babbling on about?"
"Oh...is it the face? Yeah, I get that a lot. I guess I'm corrupted with evil, or something."
So, we gotta find out where this girl came from, how she got on our ship, and who she is. This is a seriously dialogue heavy quest, and while I really do love this sequence, I have doubts as to how interesting it would be for you guys to read. So, tell me, do you want:
1) The exchange in full in the next update.
2) An abridged version of the exchange in the next update.
3) The quest in full in a bonus update.
Let me know what you guys/gals think, and thanks for reading!
"(sigh)"
"What's your problem, Varen?"
"This ship. It sucks."
"Sucks? I would hardly say that."
"I would. In fact, I'll say it again. This. Ship. Fucking. Sucks."
"It's the fastest ship in the galaxy!"
"It's a piece of flying crap!"
"It's faster than the SSV Normandy!"
"Well, yeah. I suppose it is kinda like the Normandy, only shit."
"(Sigh)"
Contrary to Varen's assesment of it, I love the Ebon Hawk, simply because it has a soul. Ships like the USS Enterprise and the Normandy, yeah, they're cool and all, but the vast majority of the time, they're just that, ships. Things to get the characters from place to place. On the other side, ships like the Battlestar Galactica, the Millenium Falcon, and the Ebon Hawk, are something...more than that. They're characters all on their own, with attributes and flaws. The Millenium Falcon and the Battlestar Galactica achieve this by making both ships break a whole bunch. The Ebon Hawk achieves this by offering quests within its confines.
Boy, that was a bizarre tangent. Anyway, much like in Mass Effect, we can talk to various crew members on board the ship. Like Canderous, everyone's favourite murderous, grumpy, old man.
"Got any more war stories?"
"I would have harnessed that power sooner."
"Ha! What a pussy."
(Woodaba Let's Play Productions ltd would like to remind readers that our views do not correspond with the views, opinions, and statements of Varen Von BadDoom, and accepts no responsibility for any offence felt by her comments. Thank you.)
"You're still a wuss."
"Shut the hell up! Damn kids these days...back in MY day, we respected our elders! Right up to the moment we shot them in the back and took all their stuff!"
"I like you're style, Canderous. Please, continue."
Pshaw. I've played Halo ODST, Canderous. You can't impress me.
"You dropped from orbit riding a droid?"
A basilisk war droid, to be precise. These things are incredibly awesome. While a lot of people say they look stupid, dammit, there's just something wholly awesome about a giant metal crab that jumps down from orbit, armed to the teeth with ridicuolously impractical guns.
"...and then, I achieved sexual release."
"Oh, man. That sounds awesome. I want a Basilisk War Droid!"
"Yeah, whatever. I'm going on to craigslist, see if I can find me a Basilisk War Droid."
Unfortunately, Varen left her laptop on the Endar Spire, so she won't be getting access to it for another 300 years. She goes looking for someone with internet access, and finds Mission, figuring someone like her has an Iphone or something.
"Hey! Mission!"
"Oh, christ, not this again. Look, Taris was a shithole anyway. Get over it already."
"YEP. Ain't it great being amoral?"
Well, that was a quick turnaround. Traumatized about losing childhood home one minute, swearing unending fealty to a card-carrying villain the next. Well, I suppose she is a sociopath...
"Hey, do you have an Iphone, or something."
"Nah. That's too mainstream for me."
"Fuck."
Varen decides to abandon the craigslist idea, and on the way to the cockpit, decides to talk to Zaalbar.
"What's your story, Carpet Man?"
"What? Why?"
"You'll have to learn to trust me eventually."
And Zaalbar clams up for basically the whole game. It's a damn shame, because I really like him, I love the idea of a Samurai Wookiee, but the game just wastes him. Bioware seemed to have thought that they needed a token Wookiee companion and accidentally created an interesting character out if it, that they then proceed to squander. Ah well. Can't win em all. Especially in the ending department.
AUDIENCE: SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING ENDING!
FINE, GEEZ!
Ah, yes. This place was included in the game in a free patch. We'll stop there after Tatooine. Before we set off, let's have a word with the pilot.
"You've been very quiet lately, y'know that? I like it. Less whining. Less irritation."
"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! Oh, poor baby. You need filling in on some detail?"
"Are you serious? I have more purpose here than you do, flyboy."
"Why don't you ask Bastila?"
"Why should anything the Jedi do seem strange to you? Aside from the cult-like attitude, secrecy, and the bloated, secretive council, I mean."
"I've done pretty well so far. Apart from the genocide, murder, needless cruelty, stealing, extortion, lying, manipulating..."
Varen continues on for several hours, and, in the interest in the time, we have cut forward...
"...and Jaywalking."
"...Are you about done?"
"Well, I was going to list my greivances prior to Dantooine..."
"SHUT UP, VAREN!"
"...You did not just go there."
"I'm sick of listening to you! Why don't you leave?"
"I am not going to betray you! I am not Saul!"
"Fine. I'll give you some time to get off your high horse. Bastila, you wanted to speak to me?"
"Who says I'm going to fight him? I was planning to sic you guys on him, and steal his ship. Wait... you are you going to go on about your grand battle with Revan? Oh, god. This is gonna take a while, isn't it?"
"But killing Revan is what your famous for. You have made that very, very, clear. On multiple occasions."
"But, you would have executed Revan eventually, right?"
With our rounds finished, we can key in our destination.
This is the Galaxy Map. It's not quite as incredibly awesome as Mass Effect's but it does it's job well. As per the public vote, we're off to Tatooine.
Meanwhile, on board
"He was then stripped of these honors because he's a whiny emo."
"I take no responsibility for his wussiness, however."
No way...it can't be...
CALO NORD!
"My face being obscured in shadow makes me more awesome."
"UGH. SAUL, I TOLD YOU. LAST NIGHT WAS A STRICT ONE-NIGHT STAND."
"What? No! Err...Sir, this is regarding...something else..."
Aw, lookit. Varen's sleeping like a baby.
"I don't have time for your crazy babbling, Bastila. We have a Star Map to find."
"Sure. Visions. Whatever you say. (whispers to Carth) She's crazy!"
(Carth nods, solemnly.)
We go to leave, however...
"What are you talking about?"
Rightly terrified that she may not get her bacon, she goes to check on the food stores.
"Right! You little bastard! I'm coming for you! You fuck with my bacon, you fuck with me!"
We search the ship for some time, until...
We rush over to the cargo hold, only to find...
"Hey! What are you doing here?"
"What the hell are you babbling on about?"
"Oh...is it the face? Yeah, I get that a lot. I guess I'm corrupted with evil, or something."
So, we gotta find out where this girl came from, how she got on our ship, and who she is. This is a seriously dialogue heavy quest, and while I really do love this sequence, I have doubts as to how interesting it would be for you guys to read. So, tell me, do you want:
1) The exchange in full in the next update.
2) An abridged version of the exchange in the next update.
3) The quest in full in a bonus update.
Let me know what you guys/gals think, and thanks for reading!
Question Time! What is your favorite spaceship? For me, it's a close run between Apollo 11 and the Battlestar Galactica. Apollo 11 because, it's, well, Apollo 11, and the Galactica, because it straddles the line between seeming powerful, and vulnerable at the same time.
Just started reading this, it's pretty awesome. My favourite ship would probably be out of Douglas Adams' HGTTG saga, because they're hilarious - not necessarily the Heart of Gold with its Infinite Improbability Drive - I favour the Bistromathic, the interior of which is a mechanized Italian bistro, because it's been discovered that restaurants distort the laws of mathematics. It also comes equipped with an SEP (Somebody Else's Problem) field, which makes it virtually undetectable (it's like Doctor Who's Perception Filter, but more hilarious).
As for the sidequest, I don't recall it being that interesting, and it's really long. Just talk for a bit, get fed up, and leave her in the hold to starve for the rest of the game.
Going back a few pages, is it just me, or does Young Malak look suspiciously like what would happen if Aang from Avatar aged about 10 years?
As for the sidequest, I don't recall it being that interesting, and it's really long. Just talk for a bit, get fed up, and leave her in the hold to starve for the rest of the game.
Going back a few pages, is it just me, or does Young Malak look suspiciously like what would happen if Aang from Avatar aged about 10 years?
[HEADING=2]UPDATE 20: The Droid you've all been waiting for. Meatbags.[/HEADING]
Question Time! Robots have been with us as long as Sci-Fi has been with us, and as such, some absolutely brilliant robots have lept from the pages/screens of fiction. What is your favorite? For me, it would have to be the absolutely stellar Marvin the Paranoid Android: a robot with the brain the size of a planet but is only given menial manual labor jobs. As such, he has deep seated loathing for life and everyone within. Come to think of it, he really isn't all that paranoid, just emo. But, he's always hysterical, so I shouldn't nitpick.
Last time, we encountered a...unlikely...stowaway aboard our ship.
"Who the hell are you, ya little brat?"
"Ugh...My. Name. Is. Varen. You are..."
"Sasha...you're name is Sasha, right?"
"What are you doing on my ship, Sasha? My shitty, shitty, ship."
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
The gist of this quest is you have to follow dialogue options in order to decipher Sasha's strange language. I do like this quest, primarily because it shows the strengths of KoTOR's writing. We no exactly what Sasha's saying, just through the various dialogue options we are given. Unlike previous CRPGs, with the possible exception of Planescape: Torment, KoTOR had quests which completely dialogue based quests. Even in Baldur's Gate II, which literally changed the game in terms of RPG questing, had very few quests which were based entirely around combat. The previously seen murder mystery quest is perhaps the best example of this, but I like this one too.
Throughout the quest, we learn a number of things about little Sasha.
- Sasha had previous contact with the Mandalorians. Contact that has led her to believe that "Mandalorians are bad".
- She considers the Ebon Hawk to be her home. She's hiding here.
- She likes Varen. (!)
- She was the one who was stealing food from the Ship's stores.
Varen eventually left to take a break.
"Having trouble in there, Varen?"
"Shut up, Carth."
"Seriously, why are you even bothering communicating with her? I would have thought you to have tossed her out the airlock. Mid-flight. While orbiting a sun."
"Ah, but you see, Carth, your tiny brain prevents you from reaching understanding once again. If I simply toss her out the airlock, she wins."
"What."
"Indeed. This is a battle of wits. If I fail to uncover her secrets, if I fail to send her back from wence she came, then I shall never achieve the EXP she withholds from me. Who knows? She could be the princess for some primitive people, a primitive people we could extort, and blackmail."
"Whatever. I think you've got a soft spot for the little thing."
"Shut up, Carth!"
When we return, we learn a few more things about little Sasha.
- She was a Mandalorian slave, and escaped from them, hiding on the ship. It is implied that the Mandalorians "hurt" her. (shudder)
- Her previous home was Dantooine. he funny thing is, we're never told how long Sasha has been on the ship, and which group of Mandalorians she could have escaped from. Later events would indicate that its Dantooine, but I find it hard to believe that a little girl could evade detection from many Jedi that would be more than willing to help her in order to sneak aboard the Ebon Hawk.
"Right. Are you gonna toss her out the airlock now?2
"Patience, Canderous. We will exploit her for all she is worth."
"Whatever. I think you've gone soft."
"...What the FUCK did you just say?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bastila! Mission! C'mon, let's go."
"Me, Varen? I mean, I understand Bastila, seeing as she's a Jedi and all, and therefore more useful than any other party member combined, but me? What about Canderous?
"Let's just say Canderous won't be joining us."
"Why?"
"Let's just say he is otherwise...occupied."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just say he's in the middle of something."
"What are you..."
"I cut his balls off, Mission."
"...oh."
"100 credits is a lot of money for someone as stingy as me. What do I get for it?"
"Before I pay, how corrupt is your corporation?"
"Very, ma'am. We recently won the Worst Company in the Galaxy award."
"I do like supporting evil corporations. I'll pay."
"What is this rock?"
If it's old now, it must be on the brink of destruction by the time the original trilogy rolls around. Maybe. I'm not to knowledgable on planet ages. Perhaps one of our fine/insane Escapists can correct me?
"What is your corporation doing here?"
"Ah, come on. Don't be a spoilsport."
"So, you idiots set up shop on a barren planet."
"What do you mean when you say the ore is flawed?"
Interesting lore. Pity it plays little to no role in the actual game. What a shame, as JC Denton would say.
"I'm done with you. Stay out of my business, or else!"
We move to leave the hangar, however, just before we get the oppurtunity...
"Err...what shipment was that again?"
"Excuse me, did you say, Gizka?"
The man then flees from the Hangar, never to return, setting up the biggest love/hate quest in the whole game. We'll be dealing with it eventually.
Welcome to Anchorhead. It was briefly mentioned once or twice in A New Hope, making this a 3000-year old town. Yes, really. Anchorhead is your basic quest hub, you've got a big ol' wilderness out there in the form of the Dune Sea, and a steady source of income. Of course, before we gain that steady source of income, we need to do the RPG dance: running into bars and other establishments, and shaking down people to interrogate them on their chores and odd jobs, and then completing those odd jobs to make us richer and better at killing things.
However, before we can do this, we are accosted by a woman.
"Speak, wench. I am listening."
"Finally, someone who understands my situation!"
"What is this thing?"
"Ok, I'll buy it. Here. It'll look fetching above my bed, and won't clash with my collction of occult doomsday weapons and human skulls."
"What? No! I'm not being good! Stop it! I just want the plate!"
"SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! I'M STILL EVIL! LOOK! SEE THAT ORPHAN! DEAD! COME HERE, YA LITTLE RUNT!"
We decide to check out the local Czerka office. Czerka are the obligatory Big Bad Microsoft Metaphor that must be in every RPG by law. Hopefully, they'll have jobs for us.
Hey, look! It's that alien we (ahem)"accidentally" killed back on Taris? Could it be that he is come from beyond the grave to seek revenge? No, it's just that Bioware made, like, 3 models for the Duros, said "THAT'LL DO." and proceeded to ctrl-c/ctrl-v them onto every Duros NPC in the entire game.
"Shop your shouting, fool! What's this all about?"
"Formerly known as Electronic Arts. We deal in minerals, electronic video games, and human souls."
"These hunting licenses intruige me. Tell me more."
"Why would I need one anyway?"
Is it just me, or does she look like a less attractive version of Sgt. Brody's wife from Homeland?
"There's no way to get a license?"
"Um, they're technically called Arabs..."
"Oh, shut up. Every single think under the sun has already made that joke!"
"Wanton murder? And being paid for each one? Sign me up, lady!"
"I'll get to it, then."
We chat a bit with Bastila before we leave.
"Tell me about yourself, Bastila."
"Tell me how a snot-nosed brat like you got in the same order graced with my presence, then."
"So, the Jedi separate children from their families? Man! At this rate, they're almost catching up to me on the evilness meter."
"That sounds idiotic. I would never agree to that."
"And what's so wrong with that? The Dark Side is fucking awesome."
"You need to lighten up."
"Sounds like you're the one afraid of falling."
"I don't see how falling in love could lead to the Dark Side, though."
"You don't sound very convinced."
More like the writers don't sound very convinced. One of the things hammered in via KoTOR's script is that the practice of making Jedi emotionally sterile is a terrible idea, and is probably detrimental to the order in the long run. Imagine being taken, as a young, hormonal young teenager, and being told "Now, I know what you want most in life is to get biz-ay, as the kids on the street say, but we're telling you that you can't do this. Ever. Seriously, don't." (Sounds a lot like my upbringing in a Catholic school, now that I think about it [shudders]) It just sounds like something shoved into the prequel trilogy in order to create an arbitrary "forbidden love" nonsense between Anakin "I have a personality on par with a plank of wood" Skywalker, and Padme "I'm just a complete idiot" Amidala. I take this reasoning because, to my knowledge, the whole "Jedi aren't allowed to love" thing was never even alluded to throughout the original trilogy. If I am wrong, don't hesitate to correct me (unless it was added in in one of the special editions, in which case, fuck you).
"Who weren't you on good terms with?"
I think this is the moment when Bioware started feeling compelled to add family issues for EVERY SINGLE FUCKING COMPANION.
"You never tried to get in touch with your father again?"
Children are smarter than you give them credit for, Bastila. My little cousin pointed out a few plot holes upon his first viewing of The Phantom Menace.
"But if a Jedi were allowed to love, surely it wouldn't be all bad? And by love, I mean strap them to a chair, cover them in chains and leather, and whip them to a bloody pulp."
"Also: please, please, PLEASE, never say such a thing as that again. Ever. For the rest of time."
On our way out, we are accosted by the Duros from earlier.
"Is this about Czerka wanting the sand people chieftain killed?"
"Fools? Oh, you'll regret that..."
Mmm. Because screaming war cries and hitting people with sticks is very intelligent.
"You're talking out of your arse, mate. The Sand People are murderous scumbags, and I'm here to stop them, and reap the fabulous rewards."
Because murder is ok when you're doing it for the environment.
Oh, Christ. This is turning into Ferngully 3: Tatooine Nights.
"I will deal with this matter as I see fit, you hippy."
"We have a problem."
"What are you talking about, Varen?"
"This man could concievably use this translator droid to negotiate a peace, thereby negating the need for our murderous presence."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"NO! We must buy this droid before our rival gets the oppurtunity. Let us make haste!"
...Unfortunately we are unable to do such a thing, because Mission wants to whinge.
"Hey, remember your brother we talked about like a gajillion updates ago? Whatever happened to him?"
"Why?"
"Ah, the joys of youth. You were stowaways, then?"
"Well, I guess you feel obliged to stick up for your family, as pathetic as they might be."
"That's how I spent my youth as well. Pretty handy skills to have."
"He doesn't sound like h's big on keeping promises."
"That's why we are the superior gender, Mission. Who's this Lena?"
"Fine. Be like that."
However, as we turn the corner...
"Hey, Larry. It's them Jedis we've been looking for."
"Shaddap, Curly. (slap)"
"Hey! What was that for, boss?"
"Cuz, Moe, we need to act all scary for these Jedi types."
"Oh...yeah!"
"Alright, all together now!"
"Finally! I haven't killed someone in fucking ages!"
These Sith guys aren't too tough, but you shouldn't underestimate them, because they can overwhelm you pretty easily. The trick is to make sure that there isn't more than one attacking anyone but your tank, because once one of your people are down they can overwhelm you very quickly.
"You Sith bastards probably think I've forgotten about this, eh? Well, NOPE! GRENADE SPAM AWAY!"
"Hey, Larry, I think i'm all right. I think i'm gonna pull through!"
"Shaddap, ya idiots! Play dead like a good pack couplea eejits."
"I think they're alive, Varen."
"Whatever. These three stooges aren't worth my time."
We manage to grab a Small Lightsaber off one of the Dark Jedi. These things are designed specifically to be wielded in the off-hand, and, while not doing that much damage, do not negate accuracy as much as wielding two normal-sized lightsabers does.
Ugh...again? We literally only just walked down the damnable road! Alright, let's get this over with.
"Y'wanna apologize for jumping down my throat earlier, Mission?"
"Why do you hate her so much?"
"You mean, no matter how much he stole."
"Sounds like you're jealous."
"Sounds like my kinda woman."
"How is this Lena's fault?"
"You can help me for shutting up for a bit. That would be lovely."
Of course, we don't get very far, before the little chatterbox starts up again.
"Pshaw. What a square."
I do love this game's party banter
We enter the local droid shop, and are greeted by a particularly pushy Ithorian.
"What have ya got in your shop?"
"Hmm. Let me ask a few questions about him."
"What does HK-47 mean? Aside from being a painful pun on AK-47."
"Where did you get it?"
"I'm interested. Let's talk price."
"Fuck off. At that price? I'm leaving."
"That was quick. Desperate to sell?"
"Why don't we go even lower?"
"Come now, think of the advertising you'll get from me."
"Oh, for fucks sake. DROP THE PRICE OR I'LL SEE YOU DEAD!"
"See? I'm still evil! I'M STILL EVIL!"
"I'll take it then."
It's time to inspect our new acquisition.
"Wait, what? I thought you were a boring ol' protocol droid! Now you want to kill things for me?"
"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership, HK."
"I think I'm in love."
"Who the hell are you, ya little brat?"
"Ugh...My. Name. Is. Varen. You are..."
"Sasha...you're name is Sasha, right?"
"What are you doing on my ship, Sasha? My shitty, shitty, ship."
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
The gist of this quest is you have to follow dialogue options in order to decipher Sasha's strange language. I do like this quest, primarily because it shows the strengths of KoTOR's writing. We no exactly what Sasha's saying, just through the various dialogue options we are given. Unlike previous CRPGs, with the possible exception of Planescape: Torment, KoTOR had quests which completely dialogue based quests. Even in Baldur's Gate II, which literally changed the game in terms of RPG questing, had very few quests which were based entirely around combat. The previously seen murder mystery quest is perhaps the best example of this, but I like this one too.
Throughout the quest, we learn a number of things about little Sasha.
- Sasha had previous contact with the Mandalorians. Contact that has led her to believe that "Mandalorians are bad".
- She considers the Ebon Hawk to be her home. She's hiding here.
- She likes Varen. (!)
- She was the one who was stealing food from the Ship's stores.
Varen eventually left to take a break.
"Having trouble in there, Varen?"
"Shut up, Carth."
"Seriously, why are you even bothering communicating with her? I would have thought you to have tossed her out the airlock. Mid-flight. While orbiting a sun."
"Ah, but you see, Carth, your tiny brain prevents you from reaching understanding once again. If I simply toss her out the airlock, she wins."
"What."
"Indeed. This is a battle of wits. If I fail to uncover her secrets, if I fail to send her back from wence she came, then I shall never achieve the EXP she withholds from me. Who knows? She could be the princess for some primitive people, a primitive people we could extort, and blackmail."
"Whatever. I think you've got a soft spot for the little thing."
"Shut up, Carth!"
When we return, we learn a few more things about little Sasha.
- She was a Mandalorian slave, and escaped from them, hiding on the ship. It is implied that the Mandalorians "hurt" her. (shudder)
- Her previous home was Dantooine. he funny thing is, we're never told how long Sasha has been on the ship, and which group of Mandalorians she could have escaped from. Later events would indicate that its Dantooine, but I find it hard to believe that a little girl could evade detection from many Jedi that would be more than willing to help her in order to sneak aboard the Ebon Hawk.
"Right. Are you gonna toss her out the airlock now?2
"Patience, Canderous. We will exploit her for all she is worth."
"Whatever. I think you've gone soft."
"...What the FUCK did you just say?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bastila! Mission! C'mon, let's go."
"Me, Varen? I mean, I understand Bastila, seeing as she's a Jedi and all, and therefore more useful than any other party member combined, but me? What about Canderous?
"Let's just say Canderous won't be joining us."
"Why?"
"Let's just say he is otherwise...occupied."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just say he's in the middle of something."
"What are you..."
"I cut his balls off, Mission."
"...oh."
"100 credits is a lot of money for someone as stingy as me. What do I get for it?"
"Before I pay, how corrupt is your corporation?"
"Very, ma'am. We recently won the Worst Company in the Galaxy award."
"I do like supporting evil corporations. I'll pay."
"What is this rock?"
If it's old now, it must be on the brink of destruction by the time the original trilogy rolls around. Maybe. I'm not to knowledgable on planet ages. Perhaps one of our fine/insane Escapists can correct me?
"What is your corporation doing here?"
"Ah, come on. Don't be a spoilsport."
"So, you idiots set up shop on a barren planet."
"What do you mean when you say the ore is flawed?"
Interesting lore. Pity it plays little to no role in the actual game. What a shame, as JC Denton would say.
"I'm done with you. Stay out of my business, or else!"
We move to leave the hangar, however, just before we get the oppurtunity...
"Err...what shipment was that again?"
"Excuse me, did you say, Gizka?"
The man then flees from the Hangar, never to return, setting up the biggest love/hate quest in the whole game. We'll be dealing with it eventually.
Welcome to Anchorhead. It was briefly mentioned once or twice in A New Hope, making this a 3000-year old town. Yes, really. Anchorhead is your basic quest hub, you've got a big ol' wilderness out there in the form of the Dune Sea, and a steady source of income. Of course, before we gain that steady source of income, we need to do the RPG dance: running into bars and other establishments, and shaking down people to interrogate them on their chores and odd jobs, and then completing those odd jobs to make us richer and better at killing things.
However, before we can do this, we are accosted by a woman.
"Speak, wench. I am listening."
"Finally, someone who understands my situation!"
"What is this thing?"
"Ok, I'll buy it. Here. It'll look fetching above my bed, and won't clash with my collction of occult doomsday weapons and human skulls."
"What? No! I'm not being good! Stop it! I just want the plate!"
"SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! I'M STILL EVIL! LOOK! SEE THAT ORPHAN! DEAD! COME HERE, YA LITTLE RUNT!"
We decide to check out the local Czerka office. Czerka are the obligatory Big Bad Microsoft Metaphor that must be in every RPG by law. Hopefully, they'll have jobs for us.
Hey, look! It's that alien we (ahem)"accidentally" killed back on Taris? Could it be that he is come from beyond the grave to seek revenge? No, it's just that Bioware made, like, 3 models for the Duros, said "THAT'LL DO." and proceeded to ctrl-c/ctrl-v them onto every Duros NPC in the entire game.
"Shop your shouting, fool! What's this all about?"
"Formerly known as Electronic Arts. We deal in minerals, electronic video games, and human souls."
"These hunting licenses intruige me. Tell me more."
"Why would I need one anyway?"
Is it just me, or does she look like a less attractive version of Sgt. Brody's wife from Homeland?
"There's no way to get a license?"
"Um, they're technically called Arabs..."
"Oh, shut up. Every single think under the sun has already made that joke!"
"Wanton murder? And being paid for each one? Sign me up, lady!"
"I'll get to it, then."
We chat a bit with Bastila before we leave.
"Tell me about yourself, Bastila."
"Tell me how a snot-nosed brat like you got in the same order graced with my presence, then."
"So, the Jedi separate children from their families? Man! At this rate, they're almost catching up to me on the evilness meter."
"That sounds idiotic. I would never agree to that."
"And what's so wrong with that? The Dark Side is fucking awesome."
"You need to lighten up."
"Sounds like you're the one afraid of falling."
"I don't see how falling in love could lead to the Dark Side, though."
"You don't sound very convinced."
More like the writers don't sound very convinced. One of the things hammered in via KoTOR's script is that the practice of making Jedi emotionally sterile is a terrible idea, and is probably detrimental to the order in the long run. Imagine being taken, as a young, hormonal young teenager, and being told "Now, I know what you want most in life is to get biz-ay, as the kids on the street say, but we're telling you that you can't do this. Ever. Seriously, don't." (Sounds a lot like my upbringing in a Catholic school, now that I think about it [shudders]) It just sounds like something shoved into the prequel trilogy in order to create an arbitrary "forbidden love" nonsense between Anakin "I have a personality on par with a plank of wood" Skywalker, and Padme "I'm just a complete idiot" Amidala. I take this reasoning because, to my knowledge, the whole "Jedi aren't allowed to love" thing was never even alluded to throughout the original trilogy. If I am wrong, don't hesitate to correct me (unless it was added in in one of the special editions, in which case, fuck you).
"Who weren't you on good terms with?"
I think this is the moment when Bioware started feeling compelled to add family issues for EVERY SINGLE FUCKING COMPANION.
"You never tried to get in touch with your father again?"
Children are smarter than you give them credit for, Bastila. My little cousin pointed out a few plot holes upon his first viewing of The Phantom Menace.
"But if a Jedi were allowed to love, surely it wouldn't be all bad? And by love, I mean strap them to a chair, cover them in chains and leather, and whip them to a bloody pulp."
"Also: please, please, PLEASE, never say such a thing as that again. Ever. For the rest of time."
On our way out, we are accosted by the Duros from earlier.
"Is this about Czerka wanting the sand people chieftain killed?"
"Fools? Oh, you'll regret that..."
Mmm. Because screaming war cries and hitting people with sticks is very intelligent.
"You're talking out of your arse, mate. The Sand People are murderous scumbags, and I'm here to stop them, and reap the fabulous rewards."
Because murder is ok when you're doing it for the environment.
Oh, Christ. This is turning into Ferngully 3: Tatooine Nights.
"I will deal with this matter as I see fit, you hippy."
"We have a problem."
"What are you talking about, Varen?"
"This man could concievably use this translator droid to negotiate a peace, thereby negating the need for our murderous presence."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"NO! We must buy this droid before our rival gets the oppurtunity. Let us make haste!"
...Unfortunately we are unable to do such a thing, because Mission wants to whinge.
"Hey, remember your brother we talked about like a gajillion updates ago? Whatever happened to him?"
"Why?"
"Ah, the joys of youth. You were stowaways, then?"
"Well, I guess you feel obliged to stick up for your family, as pathetic as they might be."
"That's how I spent my youth as well. Pretty handy skills to have."
"He doesn't sound like h's big on keeping promises."
"That's why we are the superior gender, Mission. Who's this Lena?"
"Fine. Be like that."
However, as we turn the corner...
"Hey, Larry. It's them Jedis we've been looking for."
"Shaddap, Curly. (slap)"
"Hey! What was that for, boss?"
"Cuz, Moe, we need to act all scary for these Jedi types."
"Oh...yeah!"
"Alright, all together now!"
"Finally! I haven't killed someone in fucking ages!"
These Sith guys aren't too tough, but you shouldn't underestimate them, because they can overwhelm you pretty easily. The trick is to make sure that there isn't more than one attacking anyone but your tank, because once one of your people are down they can overwhelm you very quickly.
"You Sith bastards probably think I've forgotten about this, eh? Well, NOPE! GRENADE SPAM AWAY!"
"Hey, Larry, I think i'm all right. I think i'm gonna pull through!"
"Shaddap, ya idiots! Play dead like a good pack couplea eejits."
"I think they're alive, Varen."
"Whatever. These three stooges aren't worth my time."
We manage to grab a Small Lightsaber off one of the Dark Jedi. These things are designed specifically to be wielded in the off-hand, and, while not doing that much damage, do not negate accuracy as much as wielding two normal-sized lightsabers does.
Ugh...again? We literally only just walked down the damnable road! Alright, let's get this over with.
"Y'wanna apologize for jumping down my throat earlier, Mission?"
"Why do you hate her so much?"
"You mean, no matter how much he stole."
"Sounds like you're jealous."
"Sounds like my kinda woman."
"How is this Lena's fault?"
"You can help me for shutting up for a bit. That would be lovely."
Of course, we don't get very far, before the little chatterbox starts up again.
"Pshaw. What a square."
I do love this game's party banter
We enter the local droid shop, and are greeted by a particularly pushy Ithorian.
"What have ya got in your shop?"
"Hmm. Let me ask a few questions about him."
"What does HK-47 mean? Aside from being a painful pun on AK-47."
"Where did you get it?"
"I'm interested. Let's talk price."
"Fuck off. At that price? I'm leaving."
"That was quick. Desperate to sell?"
"Why don't we go even lower?"
"Come now, think of the advertising you'll get from me."
"Oh, for fucks sake. DROP THE PRICE OR I'LL SEE YOU DEAD!"
"See? I'm still evil! I'M STILL EVIL!"
"I'll take it then."
It's time to inspect our new acquisition.
"Wait, what? I thought you were a boring ol' protocol droid! Now you want to kill things for me?"
"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership, HK."
"I think I'm in love."
Question Time! Robots have been with us as long as Sci-Fi has been with us, and as such, some absolutely brilliant robots have lept from the pages/screens of fiction. What is your favorite? For me, it would have to be the absolutely stellar Marvin the Paranoid Android: a robot with the brain the size of a planet but is only given menial manual labor jobs. As such, he has deep seated loathing for life and everyone within. Come to think of it, he really isn't all that paranoid, just emo. But, he's always hysterical, so I shouldn't nitpick.
I kinda like Bender.woodaba said:
Also, while not really a robot, per se, I do like the construct from NWN2. He had a lot of character to him, even though he didn't say anything.
Aaahhh... HK-47. All is now right with the world
Aside from everybody's favourite KOTOR psychopath (and his clones in the next game), Data from Star Trek: Next Generation has always been one of my favourites. Being played by a human is probably cheating, but I just love the character
Aside from everybody's favourite KOTOR psychopath (and his clones in the next game), Data from Star Trek: Next Generation has always been one of my favourites. Being played by a human is probably cheating, but I just love the character
Personally, I prefer an AK-47, but that's just me.AD-Stu said:Aaahhh... HK-47. All is now right with the world
I find it funny that he's mostly a gun user as well, considering his name
Actually *controversial opinion time*AD-Stu said:Yeah - I groaned so hard when I first heard the name. But then I heard him speak, and all was forgiven
I don't really like HK-47. I disliked how he called everyone "meatbag" and I didn't find him all that useful in combat. So I left him on the ship most of the time.
[HEADING=2]Update 21: In which the Fourth Wall is completely destroyed[/HEADING]
Last time, we bought a brand spanking new companion, HK-47, and were just about to head out into the glorious Dune Sea. But first, we have to navigate a gate guard.
"I simply refuse to let you leave this town and keep the economy running, and therefore allow Anchorhead to survive! It is against my principles!"
"It's against your principles to survive?"
"If need be."
"Why is everyone I meet either an idiot, a snob, or completely insane? Whatever, I have proper authorization."
"Impatient little shit, aren't ya? Here you go. My hunting license."
"After all, you Hunters are all that keep our town's economy running."
"I am no mere hunter, plebian. I, am a Witcher!"
"Oh, here we go. Maybe we shouldn't have let you buy that game, Varen."
"Shut up, Bastila. I need something to do in the excruciatingly long wait in between updates because the author is a lazy, fat, pocky-swilling, moron."
Hey! I don't like Pocky. Also, didn't we have a talk about breaking the fourth wall?
"Oh, please, Narrator. The fourth wall has been broken, trampled upon, and trodden into a fine dust by this point."
Quiet, you. Ahem. We finally leave the town of Anchorhead and gaze upon the Dune Sea...
...the incredibly dull, samey-looking Dune Sea. Alright, cards on the table time. Tatooine is my least favorite planet in the game. The "moral choice" of this planet is hackneyed and forced, the scenery is incredibly dull, considering the great stuff the level designers do with the rest of the game, and I would be able to overlook it if there were any really good quests, but there just isn't. At all. But, we've got a mission, and we're gonna do it. A woman wants a word, however...
"Not hunter. Witcher. And Jedi. Witcher-Jedi."
"(sigh)"
"What the hell are you babbling about, Lady?"
"Why do think I know this guy?"
"You sound like you're planning to kill him. I like it when people do things like that."
"I could say the same for half of all the people i've met on this ridiculous quest. Anyway, as the good Commander Shepard would say, I have to go."
Well, that was certainly...odd. And foreshadowy. Anyway, let's have a chat with our new acquisition/companion.
"I'd like to know more about your functionality."
"Didn't you say that removing your restraining bolt would restore your memory?"
Actually, he didn't. But a bug in the game assumes you talked to HK before you bought him, so we get this.
"So you lied to me. I don't like it when people lie to me. In fact, people who lie to me tend to wake up without their extremities, HK-47."
"How can you not know parts of your functionality? That's like me not knowing I have legs, or Carth not realizing he has a brain. Granted, his Brain is so small he could concievably miss it, but you don't have that problem. I thought robots like you had a brain the size of a planet?"
"Could I repair you?"
"So, I can restore your memory?"
"A skill level of 7, if I recall correctly."
"So, how would I go about restoring parts of your memory?"
"I wanna restore your memory, you idiotic rust bucket. That is what I said, was it not?"
"YES! YOU SAID THAT! Did you come from the Department OF Redundancy department or something?"
"Are you implying that I am inept? You are treading a very thin line HK..."
"I happen to be very good at what I do. The best even, despite what that poser Wolverine might attest to."
"Let's get started."
Working hard through the night, Varen works at repairing HK. The party discovers what nighttime would be like on a planet with no clouds and two suns. Answer=very fucking cold. However, they survive, no thanks to Varen murdering a passing civilian and sleeping in his skin. The sun rises exactly how it did the previous day.
"Alright. Go ahead."
"Why can't you identify his acquaintance?"
"...Why?"
"It's like erasing the saves on a pokemon game you buy off of Amazon in a misplaced attempt to recapture the childhood that you will never be able to return to."
"Ah. Also, thanks for making me depressed, asshole."
"That's what i'm here for, Master."
"Ugh. Anyway, is your previous owner still alive?"
"Why? What happened?"
I can see where this is going...
"Wait...tell me about this assassination protocol."
"I think i'm in love with you, HK-47."
"I think i hate you, HK-47. Why not?"
"So he set you upon his own company? Idiot."
"And that's when you killed him?"
"What a fuckwit. It was his own damn fault."
"I'm just glad I acquired you myself."
"Did you recover any other memories?"
"Ah, that's the HK I know and love. Come on. We've got faces to ruin."
We go to do just that, but we are waved over my another curious face.
Well, this man appears to be in a bit of a pickle.
"You're Tanis, right? You're awesome wife says hello."
"You sit back and let your droids do the hunting? Lazy shit."
"What do you want me to do?"
It's like the opposite of Speed.
"Whoa, Bastila, are you serious? Leave this guy to starve in the desert? I thought you were the good guy here?"
"Wow. Cold."
"I like your style."
"[Blatant Lies]All right, i'll try to help. Hold on."
"How interesting. Bastila, HK, get some popcorn. There's gonna be some fireworks tonight."
i'll just leave this here
So, this quest. It isn't as much fun as it sounds. Players with high repair or computer use skill can pass it easily, and, really, if you don't have at least one person on your team with either of those things, you may be even worse at this game than I am. If you try to deactivate the robots manually, you are in for an exersise in tedium in frustration, with boring, text based puzzles that Zork would have turned its nose up at. But, thankfully, we're not actually going to solve this puzzle, so let's dive into that oh-so-familiar computer interface and see what's what.
"Alright, let's see if we can repair/sabotage this thing."
We whack around with the processor, but, finally, we try to run Crysis on it, causing the robot to overload.
"Adios, asshole."
"We're all in agreement that that was the best option?"
"Yes."
"Affirmative."
"Right then! On with the show."
We go to check out the nearby Sandcrawler. A type of vehicle that has apparently been in use for thousands of years. I can see what they were going with there, like the Jawas who use them in the movies scavenged them off the Czerka Corporation, but if anyone knows of a vehicle that can survive thousands of years of wear and tear in a desert with grains of sands going into every nook and cranny, let me know.
We go talk to a group of people in front of the Sandcrawler.
"Them? Oh no. Could you mean...THE GRASS PEOPLE?"
"...What? No! No! SAND people! SAND! Not grass! My god, woman. What the hell?"
"You don't know that! They're covered in robes and shit! They could be made of grass for all you know!"
"You...you are the craziest broad I've ever met."
"Shut up. You Miners are cowards. A single attack wiped you out?"
"Dammit. Kill them! I want to kill these wussy miners myself."
The Sand/Grass people go down very easily, thanks to our awesome force powers.
Unfortunately, there are quite a lot of them. There are about 3 waves of these guys, leading to quite a long battle, and a low force meter. However, we do manage to dispatch them.
"Yeah. Czerka hired me to destroy the Grass People."
"I...I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."
"Hey, y'know that thing you're trying to do? Don't do it. That's basically what I'm saying."
"Do you know anything about the Grass People?"
"The SAND people..."
"Jawas! Those bastards. I knew those sneaky little buggers were no good."
"Yeah. That's cause you're a pussy. I, on the other hand, an the earthly manifestation of awesome. You said the Grass People were using turrets?"
"I have to go."
"Do you hear that, Bastila?"
"It sounds like people we can help."
"Wrong! HK-47, do you hear that?"
"Statement: It sounds like people we can exploit, Master."
"Correct! Come on, let's go."
"Well...balls."
"I may not be reacting, but do not take this as me not being in excruciating pain. Because I am."
"Well, lookee here. It's the three little pigs."
The Gammorean perfectly encapsulates my reaction to the Shadowrun kickstarter.
"You fools have the GALL to threaten me? I am Varen Von BadDoom! The Sith and Jedi alike bow down to me!"
"That's it, three little pigs! I'm the big bad wolf, and I've come to blow your house down!"
Audience: (GROAN)
The massacre is quick and painful. I, being an utter idiot, forgot to take a screenshot for the fight. So, instead, just imagine the battle of Minas Tirth, except more epic. With pigs. And Jedi.
Further on, we see a group of Sand People-
"Grass People."
Quiet, you. Ahem. As I was saying, we see a group of Tusken Raiders ahead. Varen takes the same response she takes to everything.
"CHARGE!"
Yes, that is a field of ice on desert. No, you shouldn't question it.
As before, the Sand People go down fairly easily. However, this time, Varen has an idea.
"I have an idea."
"We know. The Narrator already said."
Look! Guys! We don't have much of a fourth wall already. I would really love it if we preserve what little is left of that wall.
"Oh, alright, omnipresent authority figure."
That's better.
"Anyway, we can use their clothing to infiltrate their camp."
"That sounds revolting."
"Quit being a pansy. Come on."
"Ugh."
We also find some poo. This will be important later on. Yes, really.
We sneak through a small army of Sand People and reach their heavily guarded encampment.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
"Affirmation: Ready, master."
"Let's do this."
"What? Are you fucking kidding me? We look identical! IDENTICAL!"
"We're going to die, aren't we?"
"Affirmation: Yes, meatbag."
Alright, Decision Time! Do we:
A) Attempt to negotiate a peace with the Sand People,
B) Wipe them out. All of them.
C) Gain their trust, THEN wipe them all out.
Now, if you excuse me, I've got some witchin to do.
"I simply refuse to let you leave this town and keep the economy running, and therefore allow Anchorhead to survive! It is against my principles!"
"It's against your principles to survive?"
"If need be."
"Why is everyone I meet either an idiot, a snob, or completely insane? Whatever, I have proper authorization."
"Impatient little shit, aren't ya? Here you go. My hunting license."
"After all, you Hunters are all that keep our town's economy running."
"I am no mere hunter, plebian. I, am a Witcher!"
"Oh, here we go. Maybe we shouldn't have let you buy that game, Varen."
"Shut up, Bastila. I need something to do in the excruciatingly long wait in between updates because the author is a lazy, fat, pocky-swilling, moron."
Hey! I don't like Pocky. Also, didn't we have a talk about breaking the fourth wall?
"Oh, please, Narrator. The fourth wall has been broken, trampled upon, and trodden into a fine dust by this point."
Quiet, you. Ahem. We finally leave the town of Anchorhead and gaze upon the Dune Sea...
...the incredibly dull, samey-looking Dune Sea. Alright, cards on the table time. Tatooine is my least favorite planet in the game. The "moral choice" of this planet is hackneyed and forced, the scenery is incredibly dull, considering the great stuff the level designers do with the rest of the game, and I would be able to overlook it if there were any really good quests, but there just isn't. At all. But, we've got a mission, and we're gonna do it. A woman wants a word, however...
"Not hunter. Witcher. And Jedi. Witcher-Jedi."
"(sigh)"
"What the hell are you babbling about, Lady?"
"Why do think I know this guy?"
"You sound like you're planning to kill him. I like it when people do things like that."
"I could say the same for half of all the people i've met on this ridiculous quest. Anyway, as the good Commander Shepard would say, I have to go."
Well, that was certainly...odd. And foreshadowy. Anyway, let's have a chat with our new acquisition/companion.
"I'd like to know more about your functionality."
"Didn't you say that removing your restraining bolt would restore your memory?"
Actually, he didn't. But a bug in the game assumes you talked to HK before you bought him, so we get this.
"So you lied to me. I don't like it when people lie to me. In fact, people who lie to me tend to wake up without their extremities, HK-47."
"How can you not know parts of your functionality? That's like me not knowing I have legs, or Carth not realizing he has a brain. Granted, his Brain is so small he could concievably miss it, but you don't have that problem. I thought robots like you had a brain the size of a planet?"
"Could I repair you?"
"So, I can restore your memory?"
"A skill level of 7, if I recall correctly."
"So, how would I go about restoring parts of your memory?"
"I wanna restore your memory, you idiotic rust bucket. That is what I said, was it not?"
"YES! YOU SAID THAT! Did you come from the Department OF Redundancy department or something?"
"Are you implying that I am inept? You are treading a very thin line HK..."
"I happen to be very good at what I do. The best even, despite what that poser Wolverine might attest to."
"Let's get started."
Working hard through the night, Varen works at repairing HK. The party discovers what nighttime would be like on a planet with no clouds and two suns. Answer=very fucking cold. However, they survive, no thanks to Varen murdering a passing civilian and sleeping in his skin. The sun rises exactly how it did the previous day.
"Alright. Go ahead."
"Why can't you identify his acquaintance?"
"...Why?"
"It's like erasing the saves on a pokemon game you buy off of Amazon in a misplaced attempt to recapture the childhood that you will never be able to return to."
"Ah. Also, thanks for making me depressed, asshole."
"That's what i'm here for, Master."
"Ugh. Anyway, is your previous owner still alive?"
"Why? What happened?"
I can see where this is going...
"Wait...tell me about this assassination protocol."
"I think i'm in love with you, HK-47."
"I think i hate you, HK-47. Why not?"
"So he set you upon his own company? Idiot."
"And that's when you killed him?"
"What a fuckwit. It was his own damn fault."
"I'm just glad I acquired you myself."
"Did you recover any other memories?"
"Ah, that's the HK I know and love. Come on. We've got faces to ruin."
We go to do just that, but we are waved over my another curious face.
Well, this man appears to be in a bit of a pickle.
"You're Tanis, right? You're awesome wife says hello."
"You sit back and let your droids do the hunting? Lazy shit."
"What do you want me to do?"
It's like the opposite of Speed.
"Whoa, Bastila, are you serious? Leave this guy to starve in the desert? I thought you were the good guy here?"
"Wow. Cold."
"I like your style."
"[Blatant Lies]All right, i'll try to help. Hold on."
"How interesting. Bastila, HK, get some popcorn. There's gonna be some fireworks tonight."
i'll just leave this here
So, this quest. It isn't as much fun as it sounds. Players with high repair or computer use skill can pass it easily, and, really, if you don't have at least one person on your team with either of those things, you may be even worse at this game than I am. If you try to deactivate the robots manually, you are in for an exersise in tedium in frustration, with boring, text based puzzles that Zork would have turned its nose up at. But, thankfully, we're not actually going to solve this puzzle, so let's dive into that oh-so-familiar computer interface and see what's what.
"Alright, let's see if we can repair/sabotage this thing."
We whack around with the processor, but, finally, we try to run Crysis on it, causing the robot to overload.
"Adios, asshole."
"We're all in agreement that that was the best option?"
"Yes."
"Affirmative."
"Right then! On with the show."
We go to check out the nearby Sandcrawler. A type of vehicle that has apparently been in use for thousands of years. I can see what they were going with there, like the Jawas who use them in the movies scavenged them off the Czerka Corporation, but if anyone knows of a vehicle that can survive thousands of years of wear and tear in a desert with grains of sands going into every nook and cranny, let me know.
We go talk to a group of people in front of the Sandcrawler.
"Them? Oh no. Could you mean...THE GRASS PEOPLE?"
"...What? No! No! SAND people! SAND! Not grass! My god, woman. What the hell?"
"You don't know that! They're covered in robes and shit! They could be made of grass for all you know!"
"You...you are the craziest broad I've ever met."
"Shut up. You Miners are cowards. A single attack wiped you out?"
"Dammit. Kill them! I want to kill these wussy miners myself."
The Sand/Grass people go down very easily, thanks to our awesome force powers.
Unfortunately, there are quite a lot of them. There are about 3 waves of these guys, leading to quite a long battle, and a low force meter. However, we do manage to dispatch them.
"Yeah. Czerka hired me to destroy the Grass People."
"I...I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."
"Hey, y'know that thing you're trying to do? Don't do it. That's basically what I'm saying."
"Do you know anything about the Grass People?"
"The SAND people..."
"Jawas! Those bastards. I knew those sneaky little buggers were no good."
"Yeah. That's cause you're a pussy. I, on the other hand, an the earthly manifestation of awesome. You said the Grass People were using turrets?"
"I have to go."
"Do you hear that, Bastila?"
"It sounds like people we can help."
"Wrong! HK-47, do you hear that?"
"Statement: It sounds like people we can exploit, Master."
"Correct! Come on, let's go."
"Well...balls."
"I may not be reacting, but do not take this as me not being in excruciating pain. Because I am."
"Well, lookee here. It's the three little pigs."
The Gammorean perfectly encapsulates my reaction to the Shadowrun kickstarter.
"You fools have the GALL to threaten me? I am Varen Von BadDoom! The Sith and Jedi alike bow down to me!"
"That's it, three little pigs! I'm the big bad wolf, and I've come to blow your house down!"
Audience: (GROAN)
The massacre is quick and painful. I, being an utter idiot, forgot to take a screenshot for the fight. So, instead, just imagine the battle of Minas Tirth, except more epic. With pigs. And Jedi.
Further on, we see a group of Sand People-
"Grass People."
Quiet, you. Ahem. As I was saying, we see a group of Tusken Raiders ahead. Varen takes the same response she takes to everything.
"CHARGE!"
Yes, that is a field of ice on desert. No, you shouldn't question it.
As before, the Sand People go down fairly easily. However, this time, Varen has an idea.
"I have an idea."
"We know. The Narrator already said."
Look! Guys! We don't have much of a fourth wall already. I would really love it if we preserve what little is left of that wall.
"Oh, alright, omnipresent authority figure."
That's better.
"Anyway, we can use their clothing to infiltrate their camp."
"That sounds revolting."
"Quit being a pansy. Come on."
"Ugh."
We also find some poo. This will be important later on. Yes, really.
We sneak through a small army of Sand People and reach their heavily guarded encampment.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
"Affirmation: Ready, master."
"Let's do this."
"What? Are you fucking kidding me? We look identical! IDENTICAL!"
"We're going to die, aren't we?"
"Affirmation: Yes, meatbag."
Alright, Decision Time! Do we:
A) Attempt to negotiate a peace with the Sand People,
B) Wipe them out. All of them.
C) Gain their trust, THEN wipe them all out.
Now, if you excuse me, I've got some witchin to do.