Let's Play: Knights of the Old Republic COMPLETE
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[HEADING=2]Update 25: In which an old enemy returns.[/HEADING]
Question Time! This has absolutely nothing to do with the playthrough, but with all the hubbub about Diablo 3 recently, I thought I would ask how you feel about the Auction House? Is it a good idea? Is it a bad idea? Is it a blatant cash grab by an already incredibly rich company? Or is it a genuine feature worthy of merit? Let me know!
Also, work is seriously ramping up, so Updates will probably less frequent over the next few weeks. Sorry for the inconvience!
Last time, we killed one of our targets assigned to us by the space Illumnati.
That's one target down, one to go. We COULD join the Geohardan now, but I think Varen just wants to kill as much people as humanly possible. Let's move on to the prisoner.
"What did they do to him?"
"Well...shit. Mind Rape is out of the question then?"
"Ha! I bet I can do it in 5 minutes."
"Fuck yes! Let's get this torture session...I mean...er..."interrogation"...started!"
"Alright, what have I got to work with? Racks? Stocks? Whips? Chains? Blowtorches?"
"Aw, crap. Painless interrogation. This is no fun! (sigh) What catch?"
"Aw, shit. This is the same sidequest Bioware recycles in every other game."
"Yeah, alright. Stupid bloodless torture..."
"We know about your Companion."
"I'm asking the questions here! We don't need you. Your companion will tell us what we want. You...you are nothing. Waste. I could cut you up, feed you to the dogs. And we wouldn't lose a damn thing."
"If you don't talk...he will suffer."
"We're done with you, waste. We'll send you back to your Sith Masters. And keep your friend here."
"Or...maybe we should do something about Tela."
"We have her already. She's staying with us...nice and safe. Unless...you don't talk. In which case...we will break her..."
"...take her mind apart...piece by piece...until she is nothing but a gibbering wreck...a broken mind in a broken body..."
"...and then...when she is like this, we will bring you to her. You'll look upon her broken face, a body without a soul...and then...she shall die."
"So...should we get to the base?"
"Ha! Don't make me laugh. Let's get drunk."
On the way to the local bar, we come across a peculiar sight.
We try to probe him for information, but...
"Maybe you could hire me? I'm very...VERY capable."
What a prick. However, we find someone more conversational in the bar.
"You're a lot more friendly than most Selkath here."
"What are you talking about?"
"What do you want me to do?"
"What's in this for me?"
"I'll do it, but only for the money."
Elsewhere in the bar we find someone in...shall we say...distinct clothing.
"A mercenary who's not for hire. That's strange."
"Why is the republic hiring so many mercenaries."
Iridonians are a type of Zabrak, (the Darth maul guys). They are particularly bloodthirsty, and hold a deep-seated contempt for races beyond their home planet. They're dicks, basically. They turn up exclusively in the Old Republic games, and don't have too much influence on the overall canon. Well, aside from one very specific person in the next game...
"I am seeking an ancient Star Map or some ancient ruins."
"I'll be going now."
At the bar, a Sith officer begins chatting us up.
"I'm just passing through."
"You just said that sitting around doing nothing all day is hard."
"Yes."
"...I have no further comment."
"I'm searching for some ancient ruins, or a long-lost Star Map."
"I'm going now."
"No. I would kill you, though."
Before we leave, there is one last person who wishes to speak with us.
"Actually, I kind of like the Sith. They've got style."
"What task? Does it pay?"
"Ah, c'mon. I was only kidding."
Well, that was easy.
"Just get to the point Shaelas."
"You want me to investigate these disappearances?"
"Alright. I'll do anything for money."
"...anything?"
"Anything but that, Carth."
"You didn't even-"
"ANYTHING BUT THAT."
Meanwhile, at the back of the bar...
We finally decide to do what we're supposed to and head off to the Sith Base. However...
"You can have your credits when you take them from my cold, dead, hand."
"I'm sure that's not foreshadowing anything at all. At all. Let's move on!"
"I know the pass code."
"Zeta 245698 Alpha."
Everything went better than expected!
...shit.
"I know the pass code!"
Well...this is going to end badly for all concerned.
"FINALLY! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET INTO A FIGHT SINCE WE LANDED ON THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET!"
Lightining solves every problem.
Yes, that is a Sith commander swordfighting with a Mandalorian wearing bright purple armor. God, I love this game.
Yes, that Mandalorian is somersaulting. This is turning into the Matrix.
With the lobby fight over, we move on...and I gotta warn ya, this place is basically the same 2 fights repeated ad nausem, until we get to the end. It really doesn't help that this place is basically the Taris base laid out differently.
There are some Sith dressed in red! So that's something.
We do find the droid we're looking for, though. We extract the data module from it. However, Varen's not one to leave a dungeon where precious EXP can be found, so we press on.
We also find some upgrades for HK.
Some killer droids want to play, too.
These assault droids are very tough for Jedi Guardians and Sentinels, but our awesome force powers make short work of them.
See? Piece of cake. Or pie. Whatever you prefer.
Oh. Well, this room is new, at least. I gotta say, the Sith have some taste in architecture.
This room is also new. And dangerous.
"...well i'm not going in there."
"Cowardly Lie: Master, my rusty joints will completely fall apart if you send me in there."
"And I would go in there, but seeing as I no longer have testicles, I can't really channel the testosterone I need to get in there."
"Fine! Cowards. If you want something done right..."
"fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck"
"You two are OFFICIALLY off my "Who to grant a quick death in the event of world domination" list!"
Funny story, turns out, this was all pointless, because I didn't have the computer spikes to break into the computer!
"(eye twitches)"
Well...I think we need to find her something to kill before she goes completely off the deep end. Well, the deep end of the deep end.
Oh, look! Sith! Let's hope we actually get a challenging fight!
"One Liner of Particular Badassery: Would the master like their Sith flame grilled?"
We find a Saber Crystal on the Sith corpse. Hooray! Pity i'll probably forget all about it.
In a nearby room, we are presented with a strange conundrum. These rooms are filled up with water, and we need to create a path through them to reach our goal. But, tell me this. Why would such a puzzle be in a Sith Base? Why? It serves no purpose!
"That is because the Sith did not build this. I did!"
Gasp! Riddler! I thought we got rid of you on Taris!
"You will never be rid of me, Omnipotent Narrator! As long as a developer seeks to lazily insert puzzles into their RPG with the barest of narrative context, I will exist! Muahahahahaha!"
Curse you, Riddler! (shakes fist)
So, yeah. This puzzle is easier than it looks. Just pressing buttons. Needless padding, thy name is Bioware.
Hooray! More combat! This isn't getting tedious or anything.
We also find some Sith in a closet.
Oh, I mean, "Dark Jedi". This game is really parsimonious, isn't it?
SO MUCH LIGHTING.
Further on, we find something rather nightmarish...
"...Did you just loot a dying man?"
"Aw, come on. We've done this about a thousand times before!"
"No! We wait until they are dead first!"
"Well, he's dead now."
"Ac..tually...I'm...still alive..."
"Well, he isn't going to be alive much longer."
"Actually...I think I might...pull throu-AAAAAAUGH!"
"You just stabbed him!"
"No, I saved us from a long-winded joke ripped off from Monty Python. Let's move on."
"Hmm. Wonder how much I can pawn it for."
In the next room, we find yet more Selkath!
"I am Varen, voted second place in Universe's Most Evil Life Form. I lost out to Margaret Thatcher. What are you Selkath doing here?"
"Hooray! An excuse to butcher you ugly bastards."
If by "taught us well" you mean "taught us how to fight like every other mook in this entire game, then yes, I suppose they did teach you well.
More Selkath in the next room. They go down very easily. The next room, however...
Recycled Dialogue! Hooray!
"What he said, asshole."
The Dark Jedi Master is a tough Son of a *****. Not as tough as those Hard as Nails Sand People back on Tatooine, but tough nontheless. It's a good boss fight too, makes up for the rest of this dungeon being rather tedious, and not having much to talk about.
SO. MUCH. LIGHTNING!
And Ice too. Don't want to leave the other elements out.
And, the Dark Master falls. On his corpse, we find a datapad detailing a Sith Conspiracy to take over Manaan by subverting the mind of the young. Devious. Now that we've got what we need, we decide to leave. However...
...balls.
"What? Why? It's not like I just butchered an entire embassy or anything!"
"All of that photographic evidence is circumstancial! I demand an attorney!"
Well, this looks good. We're going to be executed, aren't we?
That's one target down, one to go. We COULD join the Geohardan now, but I think Varen just wants to kill as much people as humanly possible. Let's move on to the prisoner.
"What did they do to him?"
"Well...shit. Mind Rape is out of the question then?"
"Ha! I bet I can do it in 5 minutes."
"Fuck yes! Let's get this torture session...I mean...er..."interrogation"...started!"
"Alright, what have I got to work with? Racks? Stocks? Whips? Chains? Blowtorches?"
"Aw, crap. Painless interrogation. This is no fun! (sigh) What catch?"
"Aw, shit. This is the same sidequest Bioware recycles in every other game."
"Yeah, alright. Stupid bloodless torture..."
"We know about your Companion."
"I'm asking the questions here! We don't need you. Your companion will tell us what we want. You...you are nothing. Waste. I could cut you up, feed you to the dogs. And we wouldn't lose a damn thing."
"If you don't talk...he will suffer."
"We're done with you, waste. We'll send you back to your Sith Masters. And keep your friend here."
"Or...maybe we should do something about Tela."
"We have her already. She's staying with us...nice and safe. Unless...you don't talk. In which case...we will break her..."
"...take her mind apart...piece by piece...until she is nothing but a gibbering wreck...a broken mind in a broken body..."
"...and then...when she is like this, we will bring you to her. You'll look upon her broken face, a body without a soul...and then...she shall die."
"So...should we get to the base?"
"Ha! Don't make me laugh. Let's get drunk."
On the way to the local bar, we come across a peculiar sight.
We try to probe him for information, but...
"Maybe you could hire me? I'm very...VERY capable."
What a prick. However, we find someone more conversational in the bar.
"You're a lot more friendly than most Selkath here."
"What are you talking about?"
"What do you want me to do?"
"What's in this for me?"
"I'll do it, but only for the money."
Elsewhere in the bar we find someone in...shall we say...distinct clothing.
"A mercenary who's not for hire. That's strange."
"Why is the republic hiring so many mercenaries."
Iridonians are a type of Zabrak, (the Darth maul guys). They are particularly bloodthirsty, and hold a deep-seated contempt for races beyond their home planet. They're dicks, basically. They turn up exclusively in the Old Republic games, and don't have too much influence on the overall canon. Well, aside from one very specific person in the next game...
"I am seeking an ancient Star Map or some ancient ruins."
"I'll be going now."
At the bar, a Sith officer begins chatting us up.
"I'm just passing through."
"You just said that sitting around doing nothing all day is hard."
"Yes."
"...I have no further comment."
"I'm searching for some ancient ruins, or a long-lost Star Map."
"I'm going now."
"No. I would kill you, though."
Before we leave, there is one last person who wishes to speak with us.
"Actually, I kind of like the Sith. They've got style."
"What task? Does it pay?"
"Ah, c'mon. I was only kidding."
Well, that was easy.
"Just get to the point Shaelas."
"You want me to investigate these disappearances?"
"Alright. I'll do anything for money."
"...anything?"
"Anything but that, Carth."
"You didn't even-"
"ANYTHING BUT THAT."
Meanwhile, at the back of the bar...
We finally decide to do what we're supposed to and head off to the Sith Base. However...
"You can have your credits when you take them from my cold, dead, hand."
"I'm sure that's not foreshadowing anything at all. At all. Let's move on!"
"I know the pass code."
"Zeta 245698 Alpha."
Everything went better than expected!
...shit.
"I know the pass code!"
Well...this is going to end badly for all concerned.
"FINALLY! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET INTO A FIGHT SINCE WE LANDED ON THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET!"
Lightining solves every problem.
Yes, that is a Sith commander swordfighting with a Mandalorian wearing bright purple armor. God, I love this game.
Yes, that Mandalorian is somersaulting. This is turning into the Matrix.
With the lobby fight over, we move on...and I gotta warn ya, this place is basically the same 2 fights repeated ad nausem, until we get to the end. It really doesn't help that this place is basically the Taris base laid out differently.
There are some Sith dressed in red! So that's something.
We do find the droid we're looking for, though. We extract the data module from it. However, Varen's not one to leave a dungeon where precious EXP can be found, so we press on.
We also find some upgrades for HK.
Some killer droids want to play, too.
These assault droids are very tough for Jedi Guardians and Sentinels, but our awesome force powers make short work of them.
See? Piece of cake. Or pie. Whatever you prefer.
Oh. Well, this room is new, at least. I gotta say, the Sith have some taste in architecture.
This room is also new. And dangerous.
"...well i'm not going in there."
"Cowardly Lie: Master, my rusty joints will completely fall apart if you send me in there."
"And I would go in there, but seeing as I no longer have testicles, I can't really channel the testosterone I need to get in there."
"Fine! Cowards. If you want something done right..."
"fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck"
"You two are OFFICIALLY off my "Who to grant a quick death in the event of world domination" list!"
Funny story, turns out, this was all pointless, because I didn't have the computer spikes to break into the computer!
"(eye twitches)"
Well...I think we need to find her something to kill before she goes completely off the deep end. Well, the deep end of the deep end.
Oh, look! Sith! Let's hope we actually get a challenging fight!
"One Liner of Particular Badassery: Would the master like their Sith flame grilled?"
We find a Saber Crystal on the Sith corpse. Hooray! Pity i'll probably forget all about it.
In a nearby room, we are presented with a strange conundrum. These rooms are filled up with water, and we need to create a path through them to reach our goal. But, tell me this. Why would such a puzzle be in a Sith Base? Why? It serves no purpose!
"That is because the Sith did not build this. I did!"
Gasp! Riddler! I thought we got rid of you on Taris!
"You will never be rid of me, Omnipotent Narrator! As long as a developer seeks to lazily insert puzzles into their RPG with the barest of narrative context, I will exist! Muahahahahaha!"
Curse you, Riddler! (shakes fist)
So, yeah. This puzzle is easier than it looks. Just pressing buttons. Needless padding, thy name is Bioware.
Hooray! More combat! This isn't getting tedious or anything.
We also find some Sith in a closet.
Oh, I mean, "Dark Jedi". This game is really parsimonious, isn't it?
SO MUCH LIGHTING.
Further on, we find something rather nightmarish...
"...Did you just loot a dying man?"
"Aw, come on. We've done this about a thousand times before!"
"No! We wait until they are dead first!"
"Well, he's dead now."
"Ac..tually...I'm...still alive..."
"Well, he isn't going to be alive much longer."
"Actually...I think I might...pull throu-AAAAAAUGH!"
"You just stabbed him!"
"No, I saved us from a long-winded joke ripped off from Monty Python. Let's move on."
"Hmm. Wonder how much I can pawn it for."
In the next room, we find yet more Selkath!
"I am Varen, voted second place in Universe's Most Evil Life Form. I lost out to Margaret Thatcher. What are you Selkath doing here?"
"Hooray! An excuse to butcher you ugly bastards."
If by "taught us well" you mean "taught us how to fight like every other mook in this entire game, then yes, I suppose they did teach you well.
More Selkath in the next room. They go down very easily. The next room, however...
Recycled Dialogue! Hooray!
"What he said, asshole."
The Dark Jedi Master is a tough Son of a *****. Not as tough as those Hard as Nails Sand People back on Tatooine, but tough nontheless. It's a good boss fight too, makes up for the rest of this dungeon being rather tedious, and not having much to talk about.
SO. MUCH. LIGHTNING!
And Ice too. Don't want to leave the other elements out.
And, the Dark Master falls. On his corpse, we find a datapad detailing a Sith Conspiracy to take over Manaan by subverting the mind of the young. Devious. Now that we've got what we need, we decide to leave. However...
...balls.
"What? Why? It's not like I just butchered an entire embassy or anything!"
"All of that photographic evidence is circumstancial! I demand an attorney!"
Well, this looks good. We're going to be executed, aren't we?
Question Time! This has absolutely nothing to do with the playthrough, but with all the hubbub about Diablo 3 recently, I thought I would ask how you feel about the Auction House? Is it a good idea? Is it a bad idea? Is it a blatant cash grab by an already incredibly rich company? Or is it a genuine feature worthy of merit? Let me know!
Also, work is seriously ramping up, so Updates will probably less frequent over the next few weeks. Sorry for the inconvience!
"Is it a blatant cash grab by an already incredibly rich company?"woodaba said:
This. I don't like the Auction House at all.
Not a fan of the idea. I agree with Superteqwyn. They want a cut of the gold farming market, and this is their way to make it.woodaba said:
But then again, I have no interest in Diablo, so I'm not as bothered as others I know are.
The thing is, Diablo III is a good game. Not great, but its well-polished, satisfying, and fun in co-op. However, its being constrained by all this bullshit, like Online Only all the time and this (IMO) terrible auction house. The reason I loved Diablo II and Torchlight is that I could just play them on my laptop in a hotel room, when the internet is down, or just generally as a fun timewaster. Diablo III removes all of that. It's hard to discern Activision from Blizzard these days...CM156 said:
I feel fairly neutral to the auction house, I only play with friends so i don't think it would affect me that much, though i will admit, the online only i really do hate. What i don't understand is the hate towards the real money auction house. I understand that they take 15% of all transactions, but aside from being a bit annoying, i don't see the issue? (not saying there isn't an issue, i would actually and honestly appreciate some insight as to why its so terrible? especially compared to other attempts from other companies at ripping gamers off?)
The issue is, from my perspective, that it cheapens the experience of actually playing the game. Games like Diablo III are all about loot and the acquisition thereof, so the ability to plonk down a tenner to get the best sword in the game makes your dungeon-running efforts in the actual game seem futile.Reven said:
Plus, its clearly the reason for the online-only DRM and banning of all mods. And that, I cannot abide.
Thanks for the agreement, although my name is Supertegwyn.CM156 said:
The Escapist cuts the g off, so it isn't your fault.
I see...Supertegwyn said:
Well, that makes your name make more sense now, I'll give you that. Before, it just sounded darn weird.
I'm not a huge fan of mods myself, but I understand why other people like emwoodaba said:
[HEADING=2]Update 26: Varen Von BadDoom: Ace Attorney[/HEADING]
That's a badass sub. Not sure it's particularly paractical or aerodynamic, but this is Star Wars! We don't let silly things like science and logic get in the way of our fun.
As we enter the station proper, we run into this guy.
"I'm Varen. Calm yourself down."
"Lemme guess, dug too deep and too greedily, blah blah blah, unearthed ancient sealed evil in a can, yadda yadda yadda, killing everyone down here."
"No, no, no! Well, the dug too deep and too greedily, sure, but the rest is wrong! From a certain point of view."
"What happened to the scientists?"
"You snivelling worm! You're just food for the Selkath!"
We pull a Darth Vader and choke the poor berk to death.
These are the Firaxa he was talking about. They're pretty cool looking, and, if we're un/lucky, we might get to see them up close...
The Selkath attack us the moment we enter the facility. Fortunately, nothing copious lightning can't fix.
The game even kindly tells us their mental state right above our heads. Psychiatry would be so much easier if that were true in real life.
Psychiatry would also be a lot easier if we used a lightsaber to "cure" it. In fact, think how awesome a lightsaber would be around the house! You could toast bread as you cut it, mow the garden with ease, and scare your children shitless!
Some robots decide to pick a fight with us too. It proves to be a short-sighted move.
These bastarding robots are a pain the ass: they have an incredibly high Damage Threshold when their shield is up, and their defense is no slouch without it.
Fortunately, we have EMP grenades, which prove rather effective against it.
...and soon, it goes down.
In the next room, we pick up an envirosuit, our ticket to the most boring part of the entire game.
We also find what appears to be a sentient locker.
"Why don't you come out here?"
Ah, it's just someone in a locker. Still, a sentient locker would have been cool.
"What made the Selkath insane? Some Sealed Evil in a Can, right?"
Oh, aren't you a fucking comedian.
"Demon? Well, I guess we're two for two, so far. Come out here, right now, or we'll blast our way in!"
I like the way the subtitles specify what kind of laughter it is.
"That does it! I'll carve you into little fish-bits!"
[Inserts lightsaber into locker]
"Ha! Not so invincible now, are ya?"
I must say, even when I'm playing a good character, that sequence is just too much fun to pass up.
In the next room, we encounter more Selkath.
We also find this on their bodies. Very convenient...
Hooray! More Selkath! It's not like I was getting bored with fighting the same enemies over and over again! Feel free to do it again!
Come to think of it, a lot of the Selkath are using Sonic Weaponry. Perhaps Selkath are more vulnerable to sonic attacks? It could explain why they are the only insane was in the entire base, figuratively speaking.
To get to the next part of the base, we're going to have to do some outdoor walking. So, we put on our Enviro-Suit...
...here we are. We only have the one suit, so HK and Canderous are going to have to remain behind for this one. This...well, this is hell. It's not quite 9th circle level Pazzak bad, but aside from that...thing...this is the worst part of the game. And it's due to one thing.
We walk at a snails pace. It is mindbogglingly slow. Your character seems to move in slow motion, to the point where a length that would can take less than a minute to cross normally can end up being three times as long, if not more. It's artificial padding at its very worst.
We spot another survivor up ahead. Thankfully, you go a little faster when clicking on stuff, but not that much.
About 20 goddamn days later, we finally reach him.
"What's going on down here?"
"What are you doing in the underwater section of the facility?"
"You wait here: don't want an incompetent moron ruining my chances of getting out of here alive."
And so, he runs on ahead of us, like the prick he his. He even runs at a modicum of a normal speed.
...wait a minute. You seriously believe that FISH will not find you in WATER? I...there are no words. There are no words.
And so, he is snatched up by a Firaxa for being a dumbass, while we sit in the background laughing.
We, however, have a manner of defense against the Firaxa. The Sonic Emitter we picked up, as its description told us, is lethal to the Firaxa, so all we have to is bide our time, wait for the oppurtune moment, them...
...ZAPPO! It's really very easy.
You can even rack up Two for One kills!
Eventually, we make our way to the door leading to the other side of the facility.
Selkath await, and, having the self-preservation instincts of a certain foolhardy chicken who attempted to cross a certain busy road, run right into our volley of lightning.
In the next room, we come across these two.
Looks like the Selkath aren't the only insane ones here...
"Open this door or you'll wish the Selkath got you!"
Fortunately, we can hack the console in this room to free us.
Our friend does not take our escape well.
"STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!"
"After that display, you may be wrong."
Well... that's an understatement.
"You tried to kill me!"
"You think THAT is horror? Let me show me true horror...soon..."
"How about, I ask the question, you nutters?"
"What caused all this?"
Hmph. Poser.
"What did the shark have to do with that?"
"How could you morons miss something that big living there?"
"I have to get to the Kolto machinery then."
"So, what can I do about it?"
"Slow down. What does this compound do?"
"How would I poison the Shark?"
"Is that the only option?"
"And how would I go about doing that?"
"I'll do what I want...and I'll kill you two as well!"
"MUAHAHAHAHA! UNILIMITED POWAAAAAH!"
As you can probably guess, we have a choice to make here.
We can:
1) Poison the shark, and the water, ending all further threat to Hrackert Rift but potentially damaging the Kolto in the Rift.
OR
2) Destroy the machinery, rendering Hrackert rift inoperable, but preserving the shark and the purity of the Kolto.
Voting is open until 0:00 30/5/2012. May the most popular alignment win!
Question Time! What household activities do you think could be improved with Lightsabers?
Last time, we were arrested pending trial under suspicion for butchering an entire sith base. Which we did. Good start.
No, not that one. Unfortunately.
"Arbiter?"
"So...you're a lawyer? Why the fancy title?"
"What have I been charged with?"
"It's all the Sith's fault!"
"How will you get me free?"
"I, er, broke in."
"I'm on a mission to stop them taking over the galaxy. I don't really care about that, though. I'm really in it for the loot."
"Did I mention the loot?"
"I think i'd rather represent myself. You think I'm going to put my continued existence in the hands of you fish-faced bottom feeders? Please."
"I don't make a habit of repeating myself, Arbiter. Argue with me one more time and i'll be wearing your head to this trial."
And so, after that exchange, we're led into the courtroom.
"I don't plead, I tell!"
"(Sigh) Fine. Not guilty."
"POWER RANGERS JUDGE FORCE TEAM GO!"
"[Blatant Lies]I was...er...investigating the disappearances of young Selkath!"
"Uh, sure. Why not."
"Oh, yes! I do have something!"
"Well, that was easy."
Some time later...
"Yes! Get in! All because of one easily forged piece of evidence that is in fact circumstansial to the case and actually only gives me greater motive to do what I did, therefore in a real court would consist of me digging my own grave! Hooray for the stupidity corruption of the Selkath judicial system!"
So, yeah. Not exactly Neverwinter Nights 2 level of courtly awesome. We'll be returning here twice more over the course over our quest, and its only in the 3rd, completely optional visit wherein things get good. A real shame, all things considered.
"False Relief: Master! Wherever have you been?"
"Got arrested. Exploited pathetic judges. Jumped into another dimension to torture some guy trapped inside tunnels within a skyscraper."
"Oh...wait a minute...something about that doesn't seem right..."
"What?"
"Tunnels in a skyscraper?"
"Yeah. Bit of a mind screw, that one."
With our trial out of the way, its time to inform our Selkath friend about his missing daughter and her friends.
"Well...I do have something..."
"Well, ahem, maybe a few credits could refresh my memory."
I don't know why, but this is both a terrible and brilliant line. On one hand, its very funny. On the other, is bribery so rare on Manaan that this guy has no idea what we're talking about?
"If you want news on your daughter, you better find a way to cough up some extra credits."
"The Sith are training the Selkath youth in the ways of the Awesome side of the force. The Dark one, to some stuck-up dweebs."
"I killed your daughter, Shaelas. Just as I'll kill you if you tell anyone about this. Now, hand over those credits!"
We just need a mustache to twirl and the spectrum of scumbaggery is complete.
"Blah blah blah, give me the credits, unless your keen on reuniting with your dear daughter so soon."
Well, that was just about the best/worst thing ever. Let's continue back to the Republic base. However, on the way, we have a chat with Canderous.
"I was wondering if you had any more War Stories."
"I think I know where this is going."
"Idiots."
"What did they do?"
Hmm...does Canderous have history with Revan? The (Sub)Plot thickens...
Without distractions, we head for the Republic Base.
"Here you go."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm world-renowned for my trustworthiness. You can just see it in my blank eyes, pale face, and exposed veins, can't you?"
That's because you leave moronic jackasses like Carth Onasi and Bastial Shan on missions that threaten the very face of the republic without so much as a squadron of fighter ships to ensure they reach their destination! I mean, it's like you idiots want to lose! Ahem. Please, continue.
"...What have you done?"
"What sort of deal?"
"I think I can see where this is going..."
Wait, Hrackert Rift? Hrackert Rift?
There's a lot of ominous sounding place names in games. The Mere of Dead Men? Pretty ominous. Castlevania? Pretty damn ominous. However, for some reason, Hrackert Rift seems to top quite a lot of them. Rifts are generally not very good things in fiction, historically, and Hrackert sounds like some horrific terminal disease. So, I would say that the republic were being pretty genre blind when they decided to build a base down there.
"What will you do for me?"
Sounds good, but before we depart for the (shiver)Hrackert Rift, wasn't there a Selkath who wanted to know why the Republic was hiring mercenaries?
"Yes, they are sending them down to a secret base in the Hrackert Rift."
"Personally, I'd welcome the slow, painful death of you fence-sitting fish-faced morons. But please, continue."
"They can't. The Republic recently lost contact with the facility. And, really, who could have seen that coming?"
"Sounds like you know more than you're telling me."
We'll follow his premonitions up soon. For now, it's time to go on a magical journey under the sea.
No, not that one. Unfortunately.
"Arbiter?"
"So...you're a lawyer? Why the fancy title?"
"What have I been charged with?"
"It's all the Sith's fault!"
"How will you get me free?"
"I, er, broke in."
"I'm on a mission to stop them taking over the galaxy. I don't really care about that, though. I'm really in it for the loot."
"Did I mention the loot?"
"I think i'd rather represent myself. You think I'm going to put my continued existence in the hands of you fish-faced bottom feeders? Please."
"I don't make a habit of repeating myself, Arbiter. Argue with me one more time and i'll be wearing your head to this trial."
And so, after that exchange, we're led into the courtroom.
"I don't plead, I tell!"
"(Sigh) Fine. Not guilty."
"POWER RANGERS JUDGE FORCE TEAM GO!"
"[Blatant Lies]I was...er...investigating the disappearances of young Selkath!"
"Uh, sure. Why not."
"Oh, yes! I do have something!"
"Well, that was easy."
Some time later...
"Yes! Get in! All because of one easily forged piece of evidence that is in fact circumstansial to the case and actually only gives me greater motive to do what I did, therefore in a real court would consist of me digging my own grave! Hooray for the stupidity corruption of the Selkath judicial system!"
So, yeah. Not exactly Neverwinter Nights 2 level of courtly awesome. We'll be returning here twice more over the course over our quest, and its only in the 3rd, completely optional visit wherein things get good. A real shame, all things considered.
"False Relief: Master! Wherever have you been?"
"Got arrested. Exploited pathetic judges. Jumped into another dimension to torture some guy trapped inside tunnels within a skyscraper."
"Oh...wait a minute...something about that doesn't seem right..."
"What?"
"Tunnels in a skyscraper?"
"Yeah. Bit of a mind screw, that one."
With our trial out of the way, its time to inform our Selkath friend about his missing daughter and her friends.
"Well...I do have something..."
"Well, ahem, maybe a few credits could refresh my memory."
I don't know why, but this is both a terrible and brilliant line. On one hand, its very funny. On the other, is bribery so rare on Manaan that this guy has no idea what we're talking about?
"If you want news on your daughter, you better find a way to cough up some extra credits."
"The Sith are training the Selkath youth in the ways of the Awesome side of the force. The Dark one, to some stuck-up dweebs."
"I killed your daughter, Shaelas. Just as I'll kill you if you tell anyone about this. Now, hand over those credits!"
We just need a mustache to twirl and the spectrum of scumbaggery is complete.
"Blah blah blah, give me the credits, unless your keen on reuniting with your dear daughter so soon."
Well, that was just about the best/worst thing ever. Let's continue back to the Republic base. However, on the way, we have a chat with Canderous.
"I was wondering if you had any more War Stories."
"I think I know where this is going."
"Idiots."
"What did they do?"
Hmm...does Canderous have history with Revan? The (Sub)Plot thickens...
Without distractions, we head for the Republic Base.
"Here you go."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm world-renowned for my trustworthiness. You can just see it in my blank eyes, pale face, and exposed veins, can't you?"
That's because you leave moronic jackasses like Carth Onasi and Bastial Shan on missions that threaten the very face of the republic without so much as a squadron of fighter ships to ensure they reach their destination! I mean, it's like you idiots want to lose! Ahem. Please, continue.
"...What have you done?"
"What sort of deal?"
"I think I can see where this is going..."
Wait, Hrackert Rift? Hrackert Rift?
There's a lot of ominous sounding place names in games. The Mere of Dead Men? Pretty ominous. Castlevania? Pretty damn ominous. However, for some reason, Hrackert Rift seems to top quite a lot of them. Rifts are generally not very good things in fiction, historically, and Hrackert sounds like some horrific terminal disease. So, I would say that the republic were being pretty genre blind when they decided to build a base down there.
"What will you do for me?"
Sounds good, but before we depart for the (shiver)Hrackert Rift, wasn't there a Selkath who wanted to know why the Republic was hiring mercenaries?
"Yes, they are sending them down to a secret base in the Hrackert Rift."
"Personally, I'd welcome the slow, painful death of you fence-sitting fish-faced morons. But please, continue."
"They can't. The Republic recently lost contact with the facility. And, really, who could have seen that coming?"
"Sounds like you know more than you're telling me."
We'll follow his premonitions up soon. For now, it's time to go on a magical journey under the sea.
That's a badass sub. Not sure it's particularly paractical or aerodynamic, but this is Star Wars! We don't let silly things like science and logic get in the way of our fun.
As we enter the station proper, we run into this guy.
"I'm Varen. Calm yourself down."
"Lemme guess, dug too deep and too greedily, blah blah blah, unearthed ancient sealed evil in a can, yadda yadda yadda, killing everyone down here."
"No, no, no! Well, the dug too deep and too greedily, sure, but the rest is wrong! From a certain point of view."
"What happened to the scientists?"
"You snivelling worm! You're just food for the Selkath!"
We pull a Darth Vader and choke the poor berk to death.
These are the Firaxa he was talking about. They're pretty cool looking, and, if we're un/lucky, we might get to see them up close...
The Selkath attack us the moment we enter the facility. Fortunately, nothing copious lightning can't fix.
The game even kindly tells us their mental state right above our heads. Psychiatry would be so much easier if that were true in real life.
Psychiatry would also be a lot easier if we used a lightsaber to "cure" it. In fact, think how awesome a lightsaber would be around the house! You could toast bread as you cut it, mow the garden with ease, and scare your children shitless!
Some robots decide to pick a fight with us too. It proves to be a short-sighted move.
These bastarding robots are a pain the ass: they have an incredibly high Damage Threshold when their shield is up, and their defense is no slouch without it.
Fortunately, we have EMP grenades, which prove rather effective against it.
...and soon, it goes down.
In the next room, we pick up an envirosuit, our ticket to the most boring part of the entire game.
We also find what appears to be a sentient locker.
"Why don't you come out here?"
Ah, it's just someone in a locker. Still, a sentient locker would have been cool.
"What made the Selkath insane? Some Sealed Evil in a Can, right?"
Oh, aren't you a fucking comedian.
"Demon? Well, I guess we're two for two, so far. Come out here, right now, or we'll blast our way in!"
I like the way the subtitles specify what kind of laughter it is.
"That does it! I'll carve you into little fish-bits!"
[Inserts lightsaber into locker]
"Ha! Not so invincible now, are ya?"
I must say, even when I'm playing a good character, that sequence is just too much fun to pass up.
In the next room, we encounter more Selkath.
We also find this on their bodies. Very convenient...
Hooray! More Selkath! It's not like I was getting bored with fighting the same enemies over and over again! Feel free to do it again!
Come to think of it, a lot of the Selkath are using Sonic Weaponry. Perhaps Selkath are more vulnerable to sonic attacks? It could explain why they are the only insane was in the entire base, figuratively speaking.
To get to the next part of the base, we're going to have to do some outdoor walking. So, we put on our Enviro-Suit...
...here we are. We only have the one suit, so HK and Canderous are going to have to remain behind for this one. This...well, this is hell. It's not quite 9th circle level Pazzak bad, but aside from that...thing...this is the worst part of the game. And it's due to one thing.
We walk at a snails pace. It is mindbogglingly slow. Your character seems to move in slow motion, to the point where a length that would can take less than a minute to cross normally can end up being three times as long, if not more. It's artificial padding at its very worst.
We spot another survivor up ahead. Thankfully, you go a little faster when clicking on stuff, but not that much.
About 20 goddamn days later, we finally reach him.
"What's going on down here?"
"What are you doing in the underwater section of the facility?"
"You wait here: don't want an incompetent moron ruining my chances of getting out of here alive."
And so, he runs on ahead of us, like the prick he his. He even runs at a modicum of a normal speed.
...wait a minute. You seriously believe that FISH will not find you in WATER? I...there are no words. There are no words.
And so, he is snatched up by a Firaxa for being a dumbass, while we sit in the background laughing.
We, however, have a manner of defense against the Firaxa. The Sonic Emitter we picked up, as its description told us, is lethal to the Firaxa, so all we have to is bide our time, wait for the oppurtune moment, them...
...ZAPPO! It's really very easy.
You can even rack up Two for One kills!
Eventually, we make our way to the door leading to the other side of the facility.
Selkath await, and, having the self-preservation instincts of a certain foolhardy chicken who attempted to cross a certain busy road, run right into our volley of lightning.
In the next room, we come across these two.
Looks like the Selkath aren't the only insane ones here...
"Open this door or you'll wish the Selkath got you!"
Fortunately, we can hack the console in this room to free us.
Our friend does not take our escape well.
"STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!"
"After that display, you may be wrong."
Well... that's an understatement.
"You tried to kill me!"
"You think THAT is horror? Let me show me true horror...soon..."
"How about, I ask the question, you nutters?"
"What caused all this?"
Hmph. Poser.
"What did the shark have to do with that?"
"How could you morons miss something that big living there?"
"I have to get to the Kolto machinery then."
"So, what can I do about it?"
"Slow down. What does this compound do?"
"How would I poison the Shark?"
"Is that the only option?"
"And how would I go about doing that?"
"I'll do what I want...and I'll kill you two as well!"
"MUAHAHAHAHA! UNILIMITED POWAAAAAH!"
As you can probably guess, we have a choice to make here.
We can:
1) Poison the shark, and the water, ending all further threat to Hrackert Rift but potentially damaging the Kolto in the Rift.
OR
2) Destroy the machinery, rendering Hrackert rift inoperable, but preserving the shark and the purity of the Kolto.
Voting is open until 0:00 30/5/2012. May the most popular alignment win!
Question Time! What household activities do you think could be improved with Lightsabers?
Yes much better, thank you kindly. On the topic of the question, EVERYTHING! Seriously everything could be improved with lightsabers. It's a fact of life. Also I realized I may be the only person who actually doesn't mind pazaak. I actually like it, it's brokenness and all.woodaba said:
Tragic thing is, there is actually a decent game under there, its just buried beneath rubbish coding and AI. Some more testing and it would have been a nice little distraction. In terms of liking things others hate, I often have that. I thoroughly enjoyed Dice Poker in the Witcher games, but everyone else seems to think it was programmed by Hitler.sage42 said:
Ha, I knew that was Varen's handiwork in the tunnels! 
This is a difficult one... I know what I'd do, but I don't think it's what a psychopath like Varen would do. Plus I've never seen how the dark side outcome of this quest plays out.
So I vote kill the giant shark
This is a difficult one... I know what I'd do, but I don't think it's what a psychopath like Varen would do. Plus I've never seen how the dark side outcome of this quest plays out.
So I vote kill the giant shark
I didn't mind it either - I never realised I was in such a minority until I started reading this thread! Of course, I was perfectly happy to load/reload save games in order to counter the broken AI too...sage42 said:
Poison the water so the sith can take manaan. MWAHAHAA!!!!! Everything can be improved with lightsabers EVERYTHING!