Love, why can't you find it?

[Serge A. Storms]

I don't have the struggles with self-esteem or the fear of rejection so much as I'm not willing to work for it, I had one thing blow up in my face pretty good and later when I tried to reanalyze what a relationship is really about and what I needed to do to maintain one I took a step back and realized I really didn't want to do that, at least not yet. I can believe that some people have met someone that they simply clicked with but that hasn't happened for me and I'm not willing to compromise too much if it means major lifestyle changes for someone I'm going to be tired of in a few months.

 

[ZeroMachine]

In my case, it's mostly because I have no real chances at the current time to meet new girls, and partially because I'm still a little nervous considering how terribly my last relationship ended. I'm not one of those people that have SRS EMOTONAL SCARS over a bad break up, but it is much harder for me to grow to trust people at the moment.

What makes things worse is that there IS a girl that I really like, my one exception to my "no girls under 21" rule I set for myself (I'm 22, she's 18), and I think she actually has some minor feelings back. Unfortunately, a lot of potential bullshit drove us to sort of both imply without actually discussing our feelings for each other that it'd be best if we leave it at a "what if". Or, I could have been reading wrong, and it could have been just her simply, kindly, and discreetly shooting me down

Either way, if we ended up together, it'd hurt too many people in our lives. One being one of my best friends/coolest people I know, so, yeah. No go there. All for the best, though, I have no regrets.

Oh, and:

I'm engaged to the same girl I met at 15 (I'm 24 on Saturday).

I'd be lying if I said relationships are hard, because they're not.
If you click with someone in just the right way, it's really not hard.

I'm not the stereotypical, socially awkward geek.
The geek part is true, I just don't break out in a cold sweat when it comes to dealing with people. You'd be surprised how just being a funny guy can get you through most situations.

Congrats on your engagement (I may be extremely late on that), good luck to you and your fiance, and an early happy birthday!

 

[Daystar Clarion]

snip

Thanks man, I'll be expecting a card with money in the post

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Of course I believe that love exists, I'm not that cynical, I just think it reasonably unlikely that I'll find anyone to love me because I'm an ugly, hollow, reticent, cowardly, shy, socially incompetent (curse you Aspergers!), nerdy, verbose, profane, dishevelled, self-loathing and generally pathetic individual with no modicum of confidence, charisma, wit, profundity, idiosyncrasy or any other characteristic that might interest anyone of either sex. Then again, I'm only 19 so it doesn't bother me that much, there's plenty of years ahead of me to find someone, even if it is pretty unlikely. Que sera, sera.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

The important thing to keep in mind is to be yourself

You probably heard of the Socially Awkward Penguin meme. One of it goes like this: "Get given advice, 'just be yourself'. REALIZE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE."

Yeah, that's it, socially awkward people are so self conscious and used to over-think everything they have doubts about who they are. And I don't even know why I'm talking in 3rd Person plural.

Sorry, I guess it's different for MOST people (as I am coming to realize more and more so). I guess I was just comfortable with myself because I found 'myself' much earlier than most people do (it was during my mid-high school years). I wasn't out to please or impress anyone (excluding me, of course) and to do good where I could, and I guess everything, even love, just 'flowed' naturally for me.

I got to experience a lot in high school and I continue to do so.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

Time, time is my excuse

 

[quantumsoul]

I let my self get close to someone and too attached. She dumped me a few days after she said she loved me. It hurt bad, to a scary level. I've thought about never dating again.

I've seem to found someone really great now but she goes to school in a different country so I can't see her often. I have a feeling it'll work but now I have to be careful to protect my heart. I don't ever want to feel that bad again.

 

[FoolKiller]

Because I love tragic irony...

never fallen in love with anyone I've dated
and
never dated anyone I've fallen in love with

 

[Trivun]

I'm not hot, I don't go to clubs and I don't wear miniskirts. I'm also really really shy.

And from that you sound more the sort of girl me or my social circle would prefer rather than, say, girls who are extremely hot, go clubbing, and dress like skanks. Maybe that's also one of the reasons I can't find love, actually - all the girls I know or see around town are either taken or fit that description I just mentioned, i.e. skanky club whores.

Anyway, otherwise for me - I tend to hang around in pubs rather than clubs, I'm also quite shy, and I have a tendency to never have the courage to tell a girl I like them even when opportunity presents itself. I had three years to ask out the girl I liked at university (well, okay, less than that since she did see several guys during that time, intermittently) and never did for fear of 'ruining our friendship'. Excuses on my part, but nevertheless...

 

[Belaam]

I used to no due to low self-esteem and not being secure in my identity. The two were tied together.

As for rejection, Freshman and Sophomore years were full of rejection. I asked out anyone who even remotely caught my eye and was either immediately shot down or didn't have a second date. Don't really bat an eye at rejection anymore. Though we had one guy at our school who trumped even me on that. He asked 34 girls to Homecoming and they all said no, then number 14 felt bad for him and agreed to go. Oddly, he then took two girls to prom. Their prom photos were hilarious.


Senior year of high school and Freshman year of college, I started actively thinking about my beliefs on a variety of topics and feeling more secure about my stance on those topics. I then felt far more comfortable talking about myself and my views on life with other people.

Dated casually here and there, a couple of serious relationships, and eventually started dating my wife 12 years ago.

 

[Drakmorg]

I'll save some time and just say self-esteem issues.

 

[Sparky184]

I'll save some time and just say self-esteem issues.

Pretty much this. And I'm a huge nerd. Girls don't like that apparently.

 

[Wispchamp345]

I think it takes effort to figure out what you really want, and I don't think most people know what they want yet. If they are afraid to find out, then that means they will NEVER find out. When I say effort, I mean experimenting by dating a variety of different people and seeing what kind of person you really enjoy. It may not be your best friend, it may not be the most attractive person, or maybe it will be. It depends on what you truly want. You have to find out for yourself, because you can't just immediately know without some prior experiences.
I personally enjoy meeting women at random places, such as the mall, bookstore, my college campus, etc and dating them. Its a lot of fun. Dating random people means you don't really have to act a certain way or worry about what they think of you too much. You don't even have to worry about how the relationship ends up going. You can just have FUN with them, which is the most valuable thing in the world. When you are having fun, you are the most likely to figure out what you like and don't like. Dating best friends, or people you already know really well has its benefits too, but the downside is that you are already use to acting a certain way around a friend, whereas with a random person, your personality is free to change; you are free to try new and different things. You worry more about what your close friends think of you, then you do about what random people think of you.
I don't believe in "high school sweethearts" or "love at first sight", because people's personalities change as they progress through life, and WHAT as well as WHO they are into will change as well. Who you are into when you are 18yrs old in high school may not be the same as who you will be into when you are 30yrs old, or even older for that matter.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Treat everyone the same, even if I like them, not willing to do the whole "flirty" thing as it takes away from what makes me me. I'm ridiculously friendly, and I always end up being the friend-zone'd guy. It's happened so many times I don't care any more. I've actually given up on love, or any kind of relationship. I'd rather by myself than have to tread on eggshells to get with the girl I'm interested in at the time.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I'm average looking and I don't dress 'girly' at all, pants and a t-shirt is what I always wear and I can't be bothered to change that.

It also doesn't help that I'm a social cripple and I don't talk a whole lot.

But really, my main reason/excuse is that I'm just incredibly jaded about the whole thing.

 

[nin_ninja]

What makes you afraid to try?

Rejection.

There is someone I love, but we're close friends right now and if she doesn't reciprocate that love then that'll be forever between us. So I'm comfortable right now and in no hurry to push the issue.

 

[Mestraal]

Because I usually seem to act just a bit too nice and get thrown straight to BEST FRIEND [High five]
-_-

and now I have to hope that she doesn't read this because she keeps randomly stealing my laptop ._.

 

[Michael Hirst]

Found it I think. I'm not running over hills shouting about it but I feel somewhat humbled by it like I can really enjoy even the most mundane things with this woman. Of course ti happened by complete chance, you can't plan/find love by looking for it really and it's never ever instant it grows on you over time (funny since I'd use those words to describe a tumor)