Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[Connor Lonske]

Connor laughs as Sam fires his small small projectiles at him. Sam stops, "I'm wearing bullet proof jacket and pants. You can't-" As Sam prepares to fire at Connor's head after reloading, he has a critical failure due to Connor high luck PLUS his Portable Improbability Drive.

"Man, I can see why future me wears this thing." says Connor, "Look, I have no intention of-" time stops.

 

[Sam G]

"...Huh. Forgot I could do that," I mutter, then pick my golf-club up again and walk over to Connor. I raise the club above my head, then hesitate. "Hold on; I've got time..."

I grab Connor with both arms and lie him down on the ground. Then I pop an apple in his mouth. I kneel down, kiss him on the forehead, then straighten up again and raise the club above my head in a traditional golfer's stance. No, wait; something's missing...

This it? [http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/time-on-my-side]

Yeah, there we go.

I kick the bass, then knock Connor's head off with my golf-club.

 

[Ren3004]

I'm hit by something. I pick it up.

"Connor... Oh god, that's disgusting!"

 

[Connor Lonske]

Improbability overpowered, resetting player "Connor"'s head to original position...

Connor continues "-muh muhh-MUH!" Connor pulls the apple out and gets up.

"WHAT THE FU-" says Sam as he is cut off by Backroom Six's voice coming from the Pip-Boy.

"OK, first of all, Sam, if you remembered from when you past me and me first meeted, you would know that with a Improbability Drive being worn by someone, their luck is raised to 20 and they are immune to all forms of time controlled based attacks."

"Why didn't Tox tell me that?!" says real Sam.

"Second of all, seeing how past me was too dumb to remember, I have a two files on his Pip-Boy that you want to hear. They will enlighten you on the Sister situation."

"What is it about?" says Sam.

"You will see, anyways, this is the end of the recording. Self deleting now.

File deleted

"

 

[RaNDM G]

I take the stairwell to the first floor and stop by the security desk. I leave a note behind in case anyone tries to follow me.

Head for police station.

I leave through the Hospital's parking complex. I steal a motorcycle and drive around town. The streets are deserted, save for the occasional grey monster. I pull up in front of the station and walk inside.

Searching the evidence room, I recover my gear and find a DVD labeled: "Watch this." I walk back to the front and play the DVD on a PC. A blank face appears on the screen.

Slenderman: "Hello again, Sage. How are you? Fantastic. Sorry for the rough treatment earlier, but it was simply standard procedure. The merging of worlds often leads to the widespread eradication of life, as you can see by looking out your window. I can't exactly tell you what I did to keep you alive. All I can do is explain to you what is happening..."

The video cuts out before he can say anything else. With nothing else to do, I begin to type...

[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]

After descending six hundred floors, NaR and I rest in the stairwell.

NaR: "Who the Hell... puts the only other working elevator... down three thousand flights of goddamned stairs?"

Thread AI: Ha! That should keep them busy.

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING] [HEADING=3]FOUR MONTHS LATER...[/HEADING]

I stand in front of the ship, admiring Twilight's work.

RaN: "I think we're ready."

 

[Ren3004]

A head appears out of nowhere and falls on top of me.

 

[Knife-28]

[HEADING=1]In Equestria[/HEADING]
[HEADING=3]After a long, arduous torture scene I have no interest in writing[/HEADING]

"Look, just give it up Roach, he's obviously doesn't know anything, or he has had some serious training, which I dought." Ghost looks over at me, and turn back to Roach.
"Well then, I think we're done here" Roach says, turning around to leave.
"Wait," I croak out, "I don't know what sort of government black ops stuff you guys are involved with, but I want in."
Roach turns around, a bemused expression on his face, " We'll really your request to the... Director." With that, both men exit the room, and I drift into uneasy sleep.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

Then suddenly, heads, THOUSANDS OF THEM, "OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKBARBEQUE!", I crawl into fetal position.

 

[Ren3004]

"Well, might as well carry it around..." I think to myself.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"That was weird..."

 

[Ren3004]

I find a shack and decide to knock at the door.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"No idea.", I say, "But knowing him, he'll pop up somewhere.", we near the Police Station.

[HEADING=1]IN ...SOMEHWERE[/HEADING]
"Inception, we were dreaming, IS THIS A DREAM!? ARE WE GONNA HIT BY A TRAIN!?" I then proceed to flip the fuck out.

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=2]Inside the station[/HEADING]

Real Connor sees a bunch of guys walk in who he doesn't know. "Hey cool guys who I don't know, you get that message too?"

 

[Ren3004]

"Oh, hey guys! Can me and my head stay here?"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"Mannequins?", I look away.

[HEADING=1]IN THE REAL WORLD[/HEADING]
"Wait...Cool guy? Message?", I piece it together, "Connor! I don't whether to punch you or hug you!"

 

[Ren3004]

"It's a real head!"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"Oh, I do." I say waving the proton pack.

 

[Ren3004]

"What if I don't want to shut up?"

 

[Connor Lonske]

[HEADING=1]In the real world![/HEADING]

"Wow, you guys are silly. Oh, and Waffles, I'd sure like a hug. Also, don't be offended, but I didn't think you'd be black."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SA-" says Justin.

"Look, guys, RaN?" says Tox.

"I only came here to kill cops, it is the end of the world and stuff." says Connor, taking out his baseball bat.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

-This post never existed-