Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)
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I wake up in a hospital room, searing pain flashing behind my right eye. I slip my arm out of the restraints and feel for my eye, only to discover it has been completely bandaged up.
"Shit... Shit, shit, shit... Hello? Anybody out there?! Somebody help me!"
No response.
"Goddammit."
I pull off my restraints and sit up in my bed.
"Dammit, this hurts."
I pull out the various wires sticking into my body and stand up. Fumbling through the various shelves and drawers, I find a bottle of painkillers. I swallow a handful of tablets and splash some water on my face. Looking through the files on the desk in my room, I discover that whatever that thing was gouged out my eye completely.
"Fucking a'."
I look outside the window. It's nighttime and the streets are covered in fog. The street lamps reveal vague silhouettes of God only knows what. Parts of the street have sunk into the earth. Stepping out the door, I discover that the hallway of the second floor is dilapidated in stark contrast to the room I awoke in.
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
I wander down the hallway and into a dressing room, careful not to make any noise. I throw off my johnny shirt and put on a dark gray orderly uniform, a pair of cotton socks, and a pair of running shoes that fit in my size. Hearing screeching from the other side of the hallway, I slip into the stairwell and lock the door.
Knowing the dangers of going out into the fog at night, I stay by the hospital's security desk on the first floor. In the drawers, I find a 9mm handgun with a few spare clips, a flashlight, and a pocket radio. I try listening to the radio but only receive static. Realizing I'm trapped inside until daybreak, I do the only thing that can bring me solace.
I begin to type...
[HEADING=1]IN CANTERLOT![/HEADING]
I am thrown into Celestia's private quarters.
Celestia: "Hello, Agent."
RaN: "Is the rough treatment necessary?"
Celestia: "Sorry. Things have been rather hectic lately. I have to keep up appearances."
RaN: "Suit yourself, Princess... How have you been handling Director Bronc since... Well, you know?"
Celestia: "He was one of my most loyal students, but he was always headstrong. I knew he would fall in harm's way when I nominated him for the position, but I never imagined... I'm getting ahead of myself."
RaN: "How's Rosaline?"
Celestia: "She's healthy. She's dealing with psychological trauma, but she's tough. I've decided to take her under my wing and raise her."
RaN: "I'm glad to hear it. She's going to need all the help she can get."
Celestia: "I understand you are already aware of the task I have prepared for you."
RaN: "I know you are afraid Equestria may have been contacted by an extraterrestrial force, and I know you volunteered me specifically for this mission. I get the feeling there's another reason why you want me for this job."
Celestia: "You're right. I'm not going to hide this from you... My sister has been abducted."
RaN: "That explains why no one has seen her recently. Do you know by whom?"
Celestia: "No. But I have been keeping contact with her telepathically and I know she is being held on the moon. Unfortunately, stepping foot there has bound her to another 1,000 years of imprisonment. I do not want her to suffer through this punishment again. That is why I need you."
RaN: "Do you have a rocketship? A shuttle? Something I can use to get up there?"
Celestia: "Err... No. I figured since you arrived here from Earth, you would have a basic understanding of space exploration."
RaN: "Oh... Well, I do have a basic understanding of theoretical physics, but I'm going to need help from the smartest people here if we're going to get this done."
Celestia: "You are friends with Twilight Sparkle, correct? If anyone has the means to help you, it would be her."
RaN: "Good point. I'll take the job."
Celestia: "Excellent."
A cloth sack is thrown over my head and I am escorted out of the room.
Celestia: "I will expect you again in four months time. Good luck, Agent!"
As I walk down the hallway, I feel a sudden piercing sensation behind my right eye. The feeling is only temporary, however, and I do not take much notice of it.
[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]
Sister: "So... tired..."
Suddenly, Tox and Waffles appear.
Sister: "WAIT!"
Tox attempts to tackle her, but phases through her body and crashes into a wall. Sister disappears.
Waffles: "Dumbass."
Tox: "Okay. Plan B is definitely not a good idea."
Tox and Waffles descend down the elevator shaft. Sister's ethereal form reappears.
Sister: "So... alone..."
[HEADING=1]IN SPACE![/HEADING]
I awaken with a jolt on board the Ebon Hawk, my right eye throbbing in pain.
RaN: "Christ, this hurts like Hell! What the fuck just happened?"
NaR: "You collapsed while we were on Ashfie. I brought you back on board and flew us out of there. We're heading back to Earth."
RaN: "Good. I need a fucking aspirin."
"Shit... Shit, shit, shit... Hello? Anybody out there?! Somebody help me!"
No response.
"Goddammit."
I pull off my restraints and sit up in my bed.
"Dammit, this hurts."
I pull out the various wires sticking into my body and stand up. Fumbling through the various shelves and drawers, I find a bottle of painkillers. I swallow a handful of tablets and splash some water on my face. Looking through the files on the desk in my room, I discover that whatever that thing was gouged out my eye completely.
"Fucking a'."
I look outside the window. It's nighttime and the streets are covered in fog. The street lamps reveal vague silhouettes of God only knows what. Parts of the street have sunk into the earth. Stepping out the door, I discover that the hallway of the second floor is dilapidated in stark contrast to the room I awoke in.
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
I wander down the hallway and into a dressing room, careful not to make any noise. I throw off my johnny shirt and put on a dark gray orderly uniform, a pair of cotton socks, and a pair of running shoes that fit in my size. Hearing screeching from the other side of the hallway, I slip into the stairwell and lock the door.
Knowing the dangers of going out into the fog at night, I stay by the hospital's security desk on the first floor. In the drawers, I find a 9mm handgun with a few spare clips, a flashlight, and a pocket radio. I try listening to the radio but only receive static. Realizing I'm trapped inside until daybreak, I do the only thing that can bring me solace.
I begin to type...
[HEADING=1]IN CANTERLOT![/HEADING]
I am thrown into Celestia's private quarters.
Celestia: "Hello, Agent."
RaN: "Is the rough treatment necessary?"
Celestia: "Sorry. Things have been rather hectic lately. I have to keep up appearances."
RaN: "Suit yourself, Princess... How have you been handling Director Bronc since... Well, you know?"
Celestia: "He was one of my most loyal students, but he was always headstrong. I knew he would fall in harm's way when I nominated him for the position, but I never imagined... I'm getting ahead of myself."
RaN: "How's Rosaline?"
Celestia: "She's healthy. She's dealing with psychological trauma, but she's tough. I've decided to take her under my wing and raise her."
RaN: "I'm glad to hear it. She's going to need all the help she can get."
Celestia: "I understand you are already aware of the task I have prepared for you."
RaN: "I know you are afraid Equestria may have been contacted by an extraterrestrial force, and I know you volunteered me specifically for this mission. I get the feeling there's another reason why you want me for this job."
Celestia: "You're right. I'm not going to hide this from you... My sister has been abducted."
RaN: "That explains why no one has seen her recently. Do you know by whom?"
Celestia: "No. But I have been keeping contact with her telepathically and I know she is being held on the moon. Unfortunately, stepping foot there has bound her to another 1,000 years of imprisonment. I do not want her to suffer through this punishment again. That is why I need you."
RaN: "Do you have a rocketship? A shuttle? Something I can use to get up there?"
Celestia: "Err... No. I figured since you arrived here from Earth, you would have a basic understanding of space exploration."
RaN: "Oh... Well, I do have a basic understanding of theoretical physics, but I'm going to need help from the smartest people here if we're going to get this done."
Celestia: "You are friends with Twilight Sparkle, correct? If anyone has the means to help you, it would be her."
RaN: "Good point. I'll take the job."
Celestia: "Excellent."
A cloth sack is thrown over my head and I am escorted out of the room.
Celestia: "I will expect you again in four months time. Good luck, Agent!"
As I walk down the hallway, I feel a sudden piercing sensation behind my right eye. The feeling is only temporary, however, and I do not take much notice of it.
[HEADING=1]IN OTHERWORLD![/HEADING]
Sister: "So... tired..."
Suddenly, Tox and Waffles appear.
Sister: "WAIT!"
Tox attempts to tackle her, but phases through her body and crashes into a wall. Sister disappears.
Waffles: "Dumbass."
Tox: "Okay. Plan B is definitely not a good idea."
Tox and Waffles descend down the elevator shaft. Sister's ethereal form reappears.
Sister: "So... alone..."
[HEADING=1]IN SPACE![/HEADING]
I awaken with a jolt on board the Ebon Hawk, my right eye throbbing in pain.
RaN: "Christ, this hurts like Hell! What the fuck just happened?"
NaR: "You collapsed while we were on Ashfie. I brought you back on board and flew us out of there. We're heading back to Earth."
RaN: "Good. I need a fucking aspirin."
[HEADING=1]IN PONYVILLE![/HEADING]
I step into the residence of Twilight Sparkle.
RaN: "Twilight?"
Twilight: "RaNDM!"
Twilight gives me a big hug.
Twilight: "When I heard you were arrested, I was so worried!"
RaN: "It's alright, I'm working with the government now. I need your help."
Twilight: "Help? With what?"
RaN: "I need someone to help me build a rocketship."
Twilight: "A what now?"
RaN: "Something that can launch me into space."
Twilight: "Why would you want to do that?"
RaN: "Well, Princess Luna was kidnapped..."
Twilight: "WHAT?!"
RaN: "... and she's being held on the moon. Look, can you keep quiet about this? I'm not supposed to tell anyone."
Twilight: "Okay. Whatever you say. I'll read up on teleportation magic, and I might be able to scrounge up a few..."
I sit on a couch and watch Twilight talk to herself as she searches the library for books.
RaN: "Wake me up when you need anything."
I take a nap.
[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The Ebon Hawk lands near the front entrance of the Mall.
RaN: "We're here. Let's find the rest of the gang and keep them from doing anything stupid."
NaR and I walk inside and take the service elevator down.
[HEADING=1]IN THE REAL WORLD![/HEADING]
Taking a break from writing, I look through my files. Skimming through, I find that all of the weapons in my house as well as a few valuable objects have been confiscated and are being held in a police station on the other side of town.
"Now at least I have something to do once I get out of this hellhole."
I throw the folder back onto the desk and kick my feet up.
I step into the residence of Twilight Sparkle.
RaN: "Twilight?"
Twilight: "RaNDM!"
Twilight gives me a big hug.
Twilight: "When I heard you were arrested, I was so worried!"
RaN: "It's alright, I'm working with the government now. I need your help."
Twilight: "Help? With what?"
RaN: "I need someone to help me build a rocketship."
Twilight: "A what now?"
RaN: "Something that can launch me into space."
Twilight: "Why would you want to do that?"
RaN: "Well, Princess Luna was kidnapped..."
Twilight: "WHAT?!"
RaN: "... and she's being held on the moon. Look, can you keep quiet about this? I'm not supposed to tell anyone."
Twilight: "Okay. Whatever you say. I'll read up on teleportation magic, and I might be able to scrounge up a few..."
I sit on a couch and watch Twilight talk to herself as she searches the library for books.
RaN: "Wake me up when you need anything."
I take a nap.
[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The Ebon Hawk lands near the front entrance of the Mall.
RaN: "We're here. Let's find the rest of the gang and keep them from doing anything stupid."
NaR and I walk inside and take the service elevator down.
[HEADING=1]IN THE REAL WORLD![/HEADING]
Taking a break from writing, I look through my files. Skimming through, I find that all of the weapons in my house as well as a few valuable objects have been confiscated and are being held in a police station on the other side of town.
"Now at least I have something to do once I get out of this hellhole."
I throw the folder back onto the desk and kick my feet up.
[HEADING=1]IN THE REAL WORLD![/HEADING]
I hear a voice on the radio.
RaN....me....don't....hell....repeat...not...
"Hello?"
The frequency cuts to static.
"Is anyone there? Respond."
As the static noise gets louder, I hear the sound of high heels clicking against the floor. Turning around, I spot a nurse slowly stumbling down the hallway. Blood tears from her eyes, mouth and nose.
"Miss? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"
As I walk up to her, I notice a scalpel clutched tightly in her hand. Blood drips from the tips of her fingers as the blade cuts against the palm of her hand. Looking closer, I notice several lacerations on her arms, legs, and neck.
"Jesus, what the Hell happened to you?"
As I try and get closer to her, the nurse brandishes her scalpel and tries to cut me. I duck and back away as I draw my handgun.
"Drop the knife! Now!"
The nurse frantically steps toward me, her body erratically contorting with every movement.
"I said back off!"
The nurse raises the knife in her hand. I shoot her in the head. Her corpse spasms as it hits the ground. I've never killed a human being before.
As I stand over her body in grief, the emergency power shuts down and shutters block the front entrance.
"Great. Now how am I supposed to get out of here?"
I get back on the computer.
[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The service elevator makes an emergency stop.
NaR: "It's always something."
I force the elevator doors open and step out into sub-level 3, the boiler room.
RaN: "C'mon. We're taking the stairs."
NaR: "I hate stairs."
I hear a voice on the radio.
RaN....me....don't....hell....repeat...not...
"Hello?"
The frequency cuts to static.
"Is anyone there? Respond."
As the static noise gets louder, I hear the sound of high heels clicking against the floor. Turning around, I spot a nurse slowly stumbling down the hallway. Blood tears from her eyes, mouth and nose.
"Miss? Are you alright? Are you hurt?"
As I walk up to her, I notice a scalpel clutched tightly in her hand. Blood drips from the tips of her fingers as the blade cuts against the palm of her hand. Looking closer, I notice several lacerations on her arms, legs, and neck.
"Jesus, what the Hell happened to you?"
As I try and get closer to her, the nurse brandishes her scalpel and tries to cut me. I duck and back away as I draw my handgun.
"Drop the knife! Now!"
The nurse frantically steps toward me, her body erratically contorting with every movement.
"I said back off!"
The nurse raises the knife in her hand. I shoot her in the head. Her corpse spasms as it hits the ground. I've never killed a human being before.
As I stand over her body in grief, the emergency power shuts down and shutters block the front entrance.
"Great. Now how am I supposed to get out of here?"
I get back on the computer.
[HEADING=1]AT THE MALL![/HEADING]
The service elevator makes an emergency stop.
NaR: "It's always something."
I force the elevator doors open and step out into sub-level 3, the boiler room.
RaN: "C'mon. We're taking the stairs."
NaR: "I hate stairs."
[HEADING=1]IN THE REAL WORLD![/HEADING]
After finishing my last post, I hear the voice on my radio.
"Dammit...answer....instant....NOT....hell!"
I don't bother answering. I find a map of the hospital look up the Hospital's auxiliary power systems.
"The basement. It's always in the basement."
I turn on my flashlight and walk down the stairwell.
After finishing my last post, I hear the voice on my radio.
"Dammit...answer....instant....NOT....hell!"
I don't bother answering. I find a map of the hospital look up the Hospital's auxiliary power systems.
"The basement. It's always in the basement."
I turn on my flashlight and walk down the stairwell.
[HEADING=1]AT MY HOUSE![/HEADING]
The phone rings.
RaN: "Hi, this is RaN."
Real Tox: "RaN? Thank God! It's Tox! I need you to-"
RaN: "Hello? I can't hear you."
Real Tox: "What? Listen, you have to-"
RaN: "Gotcha! Ha! I'm not home right now, but leave a message at the beep and I'll see if I can call you back."
*beep*
The phone rings.
RaN: "Hi, this is RaN."
Real Tox: "RaN? Thank God! It's Tox! I need you to-"
RaN: "Hello? I can't hear you."
Real Tox: "What? Listen, you have to-"
RaN: "Gotcha! Ha! I'm not home right now, but leave a message at the beep and I'll see if I can call you back."
*beep*
[HEADING=1]STILL IN THE REAL WORLD[/HEADING]
A van wildly parks in front of Real Tox's house, "Get in!", screams a young acne ridden black boy.
A van wildly parks in front of Real Tox's house, "Get in!", screams a young acne ridden black boy.
"Waffles, WafflesandBacon, we've meet," I say, "Well, we haven't, but we have," I swerve avoiding a squirrel, "God! This computer shit is confusing!"