Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

[RaNDM G]

"Get on with what? What the fuck are we supposed to do? ... Oh, to Hell with this!"

I clean the blood off of my hands.

"Can you imagine what it's like, living for thousands of years! Not being able to die and end it all! I never wanted to be King of Hell, anyway. I never wanted be caught up in this insane adventure. I wanted to be..."

A LUMBERJACK!

"... leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The giant Redwood! The Larch! The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The smell of fresh cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best girlie by my side, we'd sing, sing, sing!"

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"These aliens are fucking weird.", Cialde says to himself.
"You'll get used to it.", I say leaning on Cialde's shoulder, unbeknownst to him, "'Sup.", I follow with.
"G-get the he'll offa me!", Cialde yells, I scurry back to my fellows humans, "Look,", the young troll began, "I don't know what the hell you all are doing here, but GET THE FUCK OFFA MY PLANET BEFORE YOU WAKE MY LUSUS!"

 

[RaNDM G]

I shoot Cialde in the face, killing him.

"Go die with the other trolls."

 

[Knife-28]

[HEADING=1]IN EQUESTRIA![/HEADING]
I cough, and manage to splutter out a response "I came here through the portal, why?"
"Wait, how do you know my name, do I know you?" I say, looking at RaN to try to trigger some sort of memory, but to no luck.

 

[RaNDM G]

"It's me, RaNDM. Jesus, you look like you got hit in the head pretty bad. Are you okay? Can you remember anything from before you showed up here?"

 

[Knife-28]

"Bits and pieces, the most I remember is this one time, when this hot ghost took control of my body." I sit and muse on that for a second, "Actually, I think that was a dream."

 

[RaNDM G]

"Sister..."

 

[Knife-28]

A sudden flash of pain blooms in my temples, and I remember Sister, and her various plots to destroy the mall. "Well, it looks like it wasn't a dream after all." I say, going over my new memorys.

 

[RaNDM G]

"What's the last thing you remember before coming here?"

 

[Dr.Susse]

[HEADING=1]Meanwhile somewhere between Tucson and Las Vegas[/HEADING]
I think I missed the turn off for the mall....

 

[RaNDM G]

Spoiler: OOC

Too tired. Have to sign off.

 

[Knife-28]

"The last thing I remember before stepping through the portal is......" I pause, and think for a moment, "Me setting the portal machine, then I just grab my backpack and step thouhg into mid air, and then waking up in Zecora's care."

 

[RaNDM G]

"Wait, that reading is wrong. NaR isn't on board... Oh shit!"

[HEADING=1]ELSEWHERE![/HEADING]

NaR wanders down a desolate desert highway. He waves down a passing truck, the only one he's seen for days.

NaR: "Where you headed?"

Susse: "Goin' to the Mall."

NaR: "Let me see your map."

The stranger hands NaR his map.

NaR: "You heading from Tucson?"

Susse: "Yep."

NaR: "As far as I can tell you're heading the right way. Take the 93 north and get off at Henderson."

Susse: "Wait, that doesn't sound right! I should be heading east!"

NaR: "It's... complicated. Look, can I hitch a ride?"

Susse: "I guess."

NaR: "Cool."

NaR gets in the passenger seat.

NaR: "My name's NaR. What's yours?"

Susse: "Call me Susse."

 

[RaNDM G]

*facepalm*

"Tox, please tell me how you think that's important."

 

[RaNDM G]

"Meh. I'll stick with my guitar."

I put on my earphones, kick my feet up on the couch and play along to Frankenstein.



I get off the couch.

 

[RaNDM G]

I step outside the ship and look over the town in the distance.

RaN: "That's Henderson. We're not that far from Black Mountain."

Tox: "So?"

RaN: "So we're standing right where the Mall would be forty years from now."

[HEADING=1]FORTY YEARS FROM NOW![/HEADING]

Susse pulls up to the Mojave Mall.

Susse: "So you're telling me this is just one part of the Mall? What happened to the other?"

NaR: "Tox sent it to Montreal, but the site got nuked from orbit. This is the only part of the Mall still left standing."

Susse: "It looks different. Kind of like an outdoor Mall."

NaR: "It changes to match the environment. I like it this way. Nice and sunny."

NaR and Susse walk inside. Alphonse greets them.

Susse: "Is that a Dalek?"

NaR: "Don't worry, he's with me. Hey Alphonse."

Alphonse:

Long time no see, NaR. What happened to you?

NaR: "Well, I flew around in space a bit and got caught in the middle of a nuclear bombardment. Other than that, I've been fine. I had to walk here from Toronto most of the way, but this guy was kind enough to give me a lift."

Susse: "Hey, I'm Dr. Susse."

Alphonse:

... Doctor?

NaR: "Relax. He's not the Doctor. Listen, I need to know what happened to the other players."

Alphonse:

What other players?

NaR: "You know. Waffles, Tox, RaN, Ren, Connor. Those guys."

Alphonse:

I do not have record of them existing at the present time. Records show that WafflesandBacon, Martintox, and RaNDM G all died during a robbery attempt in 1974. No records exist of the other names mentioned.

NaR: "What? That's impossible! I just saw them three weeks ago!"

Alphonse:

I'm sorry. You must be confused with the other players.

leetx1337 walks up to us.

leet: "Hey NaR!"

Suddenly, My name is Fiction runs out and punches him in the face.

leet: "Ow, you dick!"

Fiction: "That's what you get for not looking!"

Fiction runs up to us.

Fiction: "So, what happened to you guys?"

NaR: "Not much Fiction. By the way, here's that hundred bucks I owed you."

NaR tosses Fiction a wad of ten dollar bills.

Fiction: "Cool. Thanks."

leet splashes a bucket of water on Fiction.

Fiction: "What the Hell?"

leet: "That's what you get for not looking."

Susse: "Wait, I'm confused. What happened to all those other players you were talking about?"

NaR: "Oh yeah. Hey, did you guys remember what happened to the other players?"

leet: "Who?"

NaR: "Ren, Waffles, RaN? Any of those names ring a bell?"

leet: "Never heard of them. Sorry."

NaR: "... I think we have a serious problem. Someone must be fucking with the timeline. Do you know where Tirunus is? He's good at sorting out this kind of thing."

leet: "Sure. He's over there, conveniently meditating on that bench."

NaR: "Okay. Thanks."

NaR and Susse walk up to Tirunus.

NaR: "Tirunus?"

Tirunus: "What?"

NaR: "I think there's something screwed up with the timeline."

Tirunus: "Gee, you think?"

NaR: "Look, all I'm looking for is some answers here. What happened to my friends?"

Tirunus: "They sent themselves back to 1974. Don't ask me how. As far as I know we don't have the technology for that sort of thing."

NaR: "Is there a way we can get them back?"

Tirunus: "And do what? Fuck up history even more? Things have been doing much better since those morons killed themselves off. The military took over Iraq, Afghanistan and Somalia. Bin Laden disbanded Al-Qaeda before 9/11. The Gulf spill never happened. Gas is only $1.38 a gallon. They make Coke with sugar now, not that corn syrup shit. What more could you want?"

NaR: "I want my friends back."

Tirunus: *sigh* "Fine. Get back to me in about a week. I'll see what I can do."

NaR and Susse walk to the food court.

Susse: "So what happens now?"

NaR: "I dunno. Those guys are pretty much boned."

[HEADING=1]IN 1974![/HEADING]

Tox: "You guys hungry? I'm gonna go buy us some burgers."

RaN: "They don't take cards Tox. They don't exist yet."

Tox: "Oh... Well, I've got a couple bucks we could-"

RaN: "That's new money. They won't take it here."

Tox: "So you're saying we're flat broke?"

RaN: "Pretty much. Unless we get some cash fast, we're boned."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

[HEADING=1]BACK ON EARTH 1947[/HEADING]
I look at the sand and chuckle, "Amazing."
"Let's get a move on people!", I say pushing my thoughts of the Malls creation to the side, "Let's get a move on!", I lead the pack.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

[HEADING=2]ONE WALK LATER[/HEADING]
"Well fuck, we're here!", I say, jacket discarded and shirt wrapped around my head.

 

[RaNDM G]

"I think I'll head into town. See what's going on."

I walk into a diner and pick up a newspaper left behind by one of the patrons.

Waitress: "Coffee?"

RaN: "How much?"

Waitress: "Ten cents a cup."

I dig into my pocket and pull out a dime, stamped 1968. The waitress pours me a cup.

RaN: "Thanks."

Waitress: "I haven't seen you in town before. Where'd you come from?"

RaN: "Just came in from Montreal."

Waitress: "How was the trip?"

RaN: "Surprisingly short."

I take a look at the paper. It's the Washington Post. Nixon Says He Won't Resign is featured on the front page.

RaN: "August 7th. Nixon quits tomorrow."

A patron behind me sprays coffee from his mouth.

Patron: "What did you say?"

*puts on poker face*

RaN: "It's August 7th."

Patron: "Yeah? And?"

RaN: "This scandal is getting pretty deep. I wouldn't be surprised if Nixon decided to quit."

Patron: "Yeah... That's what I thought you said."

The man gets up and leaves.

RaN: "Are you guys hiring?"

Waitress: "Nope. Sorry."

RaN: "Any place I can get a job?"

Waitress: "They're always looking for more officers at the station. Try there."

RaN: "Thanks."

I walk outside and get back to the group.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

"Neat-o!", I exclaim as I walk into a music store, "James Brown, Alan Parsons Project, Frank Zappa!", I gasp.

I see CD titled "BEST OF JIMI HENDRIX", I immediately buy it.

I tap my heart and give the peace sign to the sky, "Rest in peace, Jimi.", I walk back to the group.