"Yo, Zomb, need you to do a little something something for me. Dig up my file out of the police station and read it back to me. And look up what Sister and Aradia had to do with the Civil War."
"Trilby, I'm on a call with Salt. Hold on. Yeah Salt, don't worry. How much am I getting paid for this job can I ask?" I hold my hand over the receiver
"Look Tril, I know your plans. I've got my own plan. Now, do you have any work for me to?"
"Holy shit! Er, well, thanks. Anyway dude, times are tough. Sorry. Plus, do you know how fucking difficult it is to break into police stations? [sub]Not very[/sub]but that isn't important. Okay, call you later." I hang up.
"Cool. What am I blowing up? And how much cash am I getting for this job. You know, to cover the cost of explosives and shit."
"This file is bullshit! How am I supposed to hide from the pigs with this shit?" I grab my head and it flickers for a second. My hair darkens and one of my eyes turns brown, the other turns green. "Fuq da pohleez."
"That isn't a job! That's like, Step 7 of my master plan! Stop stealing my ideas!" I walk back to the Police station, to begin my break in. I use the same route I used for Paddys, but soon find that Salt's file is behind a very large, locked, metal door.
"This is bullshit" I mutter to myself. I find the Head of Police's office, and walk in. He's asleep, so I swipe the key from his fat neck, and go back to the room-oh shit a policeman. Fuck, murdering is step 3 on the list, and I'm only on step 1. I duck behind a set of shelves, and wait for him to leave. Eventually he does, and I stroll in the locked room. It contains info on all the past leaders, and their families, but I find the most recent. Saltarius. I exit the building, and walk back to the park. I call Salt, and read out the file.
"Ahem...
Name: Saltarius
Appearance-Wait I'll skip past all of this. Er...Here we go.
Crimes: Unauthorized marriage of Maid Of time, 12 Speeding tickets, beating and killing of overseer, tax evasion, resisting arrest-Dude, there is a ton of shit here. Er...here we go.
Recent Events: Recently, the wife of Saltarius, Aradia Medigo, was killed by the resistance leader, going under the name, "Sister". Distraught, Saltarius locked himself away, and drank heavily. He was found recently in possession of weaponry, and murder was implied. He was taken to court, and put in a holding cell for assaulting an officer. The case has been postponed to a later date.
Okay, done. I'll make a digital copy and upload it to you. I also got the case involving Sister and Aradia. Here it goes.
In recent events, it has come to light that the maid of time was killed by the crossfire from the firefight involving the Resistance group led by "Sister" and the local police force. The fight occurred when it was discovered that the group was buying illegal firearms. Aradia just so happened to be there, and a stray bullet hit her. Many have claimed it to be from Sisters weapon. Further investigation is required.
...And done. Fucking finally. God damn, that was tiring. Anyway dude, need anything else done?"
I go into a costume shop and grab a full wizard costume, then set up my alchemiter, causing pointless destruction.
WIZARD COSTUME && SHITTY WAND = DECENT WAND
I wave it at a random shop assistant and blow a small hole in his head.
"Okay, time to wreak some havoc."
I make another DECENT WAND, captchalogue the alchemising equipment and drive around to find places to wreak havoc in.
I see Trilby driving about. Nononono, if anyone is gonna cause anarchy, it's gonna be me. I jump on the back of the van, and open the door. I walk in.
"What the fuck, do you think you're doing?"
"Driving. Making sure my seatbelt is fastened properly. Putting on a helmet. Crashing the van into a building."
The van crashes through the front of a large store and I get out.
"ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE UNDER THE INCOMPETENCE OF SALTARIUS, GET IN THE VAN! EVERYONE ELSE, LINE UP SO I CAN KILL YOU FASTER."
I pull out both wands and kill a random passer-by to show how serious I am.
"ALL MEMBERS OF THE RESISTANCE WILL GET UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE AND A SOFA-BED AND ALSO WON'T BE KILLED BY ME."
"This is fucking stupid. You just killed someone, crashed a van, and are waving your wands about like a moron. You expect people to join you over Salt?" I look at the now empty street.
"I'm so fucking fixing this" I walk off to start phase 2. Shopping spree.
I pull back my fist, and a sirling ball of smoothie-energy forms around it. I slam it into a tree, and it immediatly liquifies into delicious, healthy smoothie.
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