Mall Fight!

[Sam G]

I get up, brush off my rib-hole wounds and pick up my trusty old staple gun and golf club. I look down at the ground and spy a cake, but decide to just leave it there. Something told me that this cake had been through much hardship, but that that was someone else's story... (crossover threads FTW)
Anyway, I run over to the fountain where Jed is drowning XIV, knock Jed out with my golf club, then staple Jed's ears to the bottom of the fountain.
...or at least, that's what I would have done, if XIV hadn't just unwittingly exploded both himself and Jed.

 

[Jedamethis]

I managed to spawn right where I started, in the food section.

So I once again start eating and stockpiling cutlery

 

[Claymorez]

I see a commotion up ahead of me finally, thinking it sirbrightside, I use my God powers to don my Assassins creed Altair disquise, and then run up towards him ready to stab him, however it is only after I kill the figure and rest its head against the floor that I realise its XIII, too late to regret my actions I turn around and trip, falling into the now very cleverly/easily missable elevator shaft.

 

[Claymorez]

Ironically the shaft brings me into the chocolate aisle in a giant supermarket

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

I backstab claymorez for double posting. The mall is now flooded.

 

[Sam G]

I swim through the mall, looking for the sofa department. I swim up to the (mercifully non-flooded) second floor, and build a little fort out of sofa cushions.

 

[Jedamethis]

I notice SirBryghtside (I'm going to call you Sir from now on), and start running, making sure to leave the the slippy margarine all over the floor as I go, towards the plumbing and metalworks

 

[Claymorez]

after recovering from being an assassin who was assassinated, I decide to summon a host of Mermen, like Posiden, and set them out to find and kill everyone, (there are 5 of them sent in each direction) and then set about on my quest for a chocolate fudge icecream once again.

 

[Jedamethis]

I happily watch as the mermen after me suffocate(?) due to lack of water

 

[Claymorez]

I swim through the mall, looking for the sofa department. I swim up to the (mercifully non-flooded) second floor, and build a little fort out of sofa cushions.

I notice SirBryghtside (I'm going to call you Sir from now on), and start running, making sure to leave the the slippy margarine all over the floor as I go, towards the plumbing and metalworks

after recovering from being an assassin who was assassinated, I decide to summon a host of Mermen, like Posiden, and set them out to find and kill everyone, (there are 5 of them sent in each direction) and then set about on my quest for a chocolate fudge icecream once again.

I happily watch as the mermen after me suffocate(?) due to lack of water

[read comments before laughing at my very much alive mermen]

 

[Jedamethis]

After getting shot in the face with nails, I rip them out and throw them at the mermen with my bionic arm

Then break down in tears because of the holes in my face and the sight of Sir eating the last fudge ice cream
D,:

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

Malevolent leaves the closet, still listening to Jeepers Creepers, sneaks up behind sam, and Chainsaws off his head RE4 style.

 

[Jedamethis]

I dive for the ice cream and mange to save it.
I retreat, savouring my prize

 

[Jedamethis]

I use the new hole in my skull to fit a bionic eye into, and give me the ability to see behind me!
(Is this allowed?)

 

[Pm0n3y]

I respawn inside a JCPenney, Far away from the fight.

"hell, i might as well change my clothes while i'm in here" I think aloud, looking down at my bloody, torn clothes.

After i leave the store with a brand new outfit, i see the chaos before me, and grin widely. I then reach for my energy swords, but remember that they exploded previously. My mind ponders as to what weapon it would use next. Then the 2nd floor Gamestop pops into my head.

"I know i saw a Lancer in there before, maybe it's still there!" I thought

Then i remember the giant crowd of people and mass mayhem before me.

"The elevator is on the other side that crowd. Without any video game based weapons on hand, how am i gonna get to it?"

 

[Sam G]

I respawn in a "Golf 'n' Staplers" store, (what? Do then not have them in America?) grab myself another staple gun and a new pair of golf putters, and hop out, attempting to find a way of preventing the water level from rising.

 

[Azraellod]

I return from the farming equipment store with 5 sickles, and run towards the magnet store. I pass a shop with some tape in the window, and I smash it and take it as I go.

Once I get there, I prepare my latest idea.

 

[Ren3004]

I find sam outside a golf store, turn on my lighter and use the hair spray to light him on fire.

 

[Sam G]

*****, stealing my hair-spray flamethrower idea from way back on page one!
Anyway, I grab one of the old nearby mecha-lions, wrench it's head off and pull off the nail gun. I then superheat the nails with my lighter, then leap to a safe distance and fire directly at the hair spray can, causing it to explode. Then I, uh, burn to death, respawning in another nearby "Golf 'n' Staplers" store.

 

[Azraellod]

I attach 2 magnets onto each end of the sickle blades [http://images.elfwood.com/art/w/i/willy/sickle.gif] (I remove the handles), get a powerful electromagnet, and show up in the edge of the chaos again.

I throw the sickle like a boomerang, and use the electromagnet to control it's position. It spins back and forth, and it reaches Ren3004, puncturing him in the back, exiting and re-entering his chest cavity until he bleeds to death. I then pull back that sickle blade, and prepare my next one...