You're bipolar too? Wow, hello, fellow bipolar bear! Now I feel extra good about having you as a friend.Betancore said:
I hope stuff is going better for you now... bipolar disorder's a ***** to deal with. PM me if you ever need to vent
Mental Health
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I hope stuff is going better for you now... bipolar disorder's a ***** to deal with. PM me if you ever need to vent
I have developed, over a number of years, several different traits. A lot of them have been caused emotional, I don't have any form of chemical change in my brain - I say this because I want to mention I don't use and will never use anti-depressants because they won't help me.
I didn't grow up in a nice environment. A lot of bad things have happened which are unnecessary to say. Either way, I find that I am quite bi-polar, I get very depressed very quickly and then can be super fine the next. I have very mild OCD regarding certain objects and things, one of them being sugar packets in cafes and restaurants. I have to sort them. I can't not sort them.
I don't know if I can change, and I doubt I really want to! But yeah, it makes life quite interesting nevertheless
I didn't grow up in a nice environment. A lot of bad things have happened which are unnecessary to say. Either way, I find that I am quite bi-polar, I get very depressed very quickly and then can be super fine the next. I have very mild OCD regarding certain objects and things, one of them being sugar packets in cafes and restaurants. I have to sort them. I can't not sort them.
I don't know if I can change, and I doubt I really want to! But yeah, it makes life quite interesting nevertheless
I have too much imagination i always think that something weird is going to happen to me or i think about something that happend to me and i change it in my mind
Mental health is something that is important to me, a lack of it claimed two of my uncles. Both comitted suicide around christmas time. One was even found hanging by his son, I used to hate them. Now after growing up a bit and working in a psychiatric hospital (not as a nurse or doctor but I do have contact with the patients) I hold pity for them and their wives/kids. If only they had stuck in the game a little bit longer someone may have said/done something. changed their attitude or outlook on life and 6 children would now have a father....RaphaelsRedemption said:
It never really sank in until I saw one of the kids at a remembrance mass, the look on my little six year old cousins face is something I will never forget. I'm glad to see you have the help and support you need, always remember it's there for you.
Oh and btw I have an idea what bipolar disorder is (I think) you have altering personalities or something? How did it effect you if you dont mind me asking?
Asperger's Syndrome with co-morbid Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression.
I'm going to take a different tack to other people in this thread, and instead of finding fault with the NHS(which does need desperate reform and extra funding when it comes to mental health) or psychiatrics in general(which do have problems with corruption/over medication in some cases), and rag on the education system.
At Primary I was generally withdrawn, I had problems understanding other people's behaviour, my threat>response wetware was waaaay out of whack resulting in situations which an outside observer would consider only mildly confrontational turning to violence, and I would become overly-enthused to the point of mania when discussing topics which I found interesting. The result of this behaviour was not a recommendation to see a mental health professional, instead I was labelled as a "problem child", switched from class to class, berated by teaching staff, and on one occasion locked outside the school by the head teacher in the pissing rain, with only a single shoe and no socks, for two hours after an incident where I had sworn and threatened violence against another student who had made a habit of stealing my clothing during gym class(in this case, the eponymous socks and shoe). I was only allowed to remain at the school because of one excellent teacher who fought my corner on the basis of my consistently high academic results.
Secondary school was a different but still almost entirely unpleasant experience. By that point, I had learned that even momentary extroversion, especially if the topic related to my interests, would result in negative feedback from peers, and so became more withdrawn. The few people I was able to form connections with through common interest were driven away when my year's set of bullying morons took an interest. Staff were...uninterested at best, in some cases they were openly hostile. I had an unfortunate compulsion to correct errors, and as it turns out, teachers would rather students didn't point out their failings. My maths teacher in particular came to despise me for that. Things eventually came to a head when one of the staff had to drive me home each night for a week, as I had upset the wrong people, and these people had decided an appropriate response would be to attempt to find me on my walk home and stab me. I stopped attending, which simply resulted in my being labelled as a truant as well as a "disruptive influence".
I spent the rest of my teens bumbling around various colleges, achieving academically but failing courses due to attendance issues as my anxiety around other people became more and more acute. It wasn't until my early twenties when I took my first "serious" job, in retail management, and that seemed to be going quite well; I had my anxiety under some sort of control, although being around people all day meant that, by the time I arrived home in the evening, the strain of maintaining a façade of normality often reduced me to a nervous wreck.
Alas, I was again betrayed by my own propensity to point out others' mistakes, and a series of disagreements with my line manager over her somewhat lax interpretation of company rules, and suspicions which I mistakenly voiced to her that her friend who worked under us was responsible for a rash of mysteriously missing product, resulted in my being carefully shuffled into the dole queue.
At that point, I had a pretty comprehensive breakdown, lost my flat along with the job, and bizarrely, finally got the help I needed. By moving back in with my parents, I switched to a new GP practice, one in which the doctors had some proper experience with mental health issues. I was referred up the line and saw the head of clinical psychiatry and her autism specialists at the local mental health institution within a couple of months, and received my diagnosis. Although I still struggle to leave the house due to the anxiety, I have a support worker through a local NHS-funded autism charity, I see a cognitive behavioural therapist every couple of weeks at my GP, and my family are slowly beginning to comprehend that I'm not just a hopeless, lazy emotional wreck. I'm back in education through the Open University, who use a web-based distance-learning system which is ideal for people like myself, and hope to be starting my PHD soon.
In short; being mentally ill is fucking terrible, especially if you don't know what the problem is, but if you push the issue(or someone pushes it for you) until you get the appropriate diagnosis, research the available treatments and insist on the ones you feel will help you most, and get the proper support, things can improve fairly significantly.
I'm going to take a different tack to other people in this thread, and instead of finding fault with the NHS(which does need desperate reform and extra funding when it comes to mental health) or psychiatrics in general(which do have problems with corruption/over medication in some cases), and rag on the education system.
At Primary I was generally withdrawn, I had problems understanding other people's behaviour, my threat>response wetware was waaaay out of whack resulting in situations which an outside observer would consider only mildly confrontational turning to violence, and I would become overly-enthused to the point of mania when discussing topics which I found interesting. The result of this behaviour was not a recommendation to see a mental health professional, instead I was labelled as a "problem child", switched from class to class, berated by teaching staff, and on one occasion locked outside the school by the head teacher in the pissing rain, with only a single shoe and no socks, for two hours after an incident where I had sworn and threatened violence against another student who had made a habit of stealing my clothing during gym class(in this case, the eponymous socks and shoe). I was only allowed to remain at the school because of one excellent teacher who fought my corner on the basis of my consistently high academic results.
Secondary school was a different but still almost entirely unpleasant experience. By that point, I had learned that even momentary extroversion, especially if the topic related to my interests, would result in negative feedback from peers, and so became more withdrawn. The few people I was able to form connections with through common interest were driven away when my year's set of bullying morons took an interest. Staff were...uninterested at best, in some cases they were openly hostile. I had an unfortunate compulsion to correct errors, and as it turns out, teachers would rather students didn't point out their failings. My maths teacher in particular came to despise me for that. Things eventually came to a head when one of the staff had to drive me home each night for a week, as I had upset the wrong people, and these people had decided an appropriate response would be to attempt to find me on my walk home and stab me. I stopped attending, which simply resulted in my being labelled as a truant as well as a "disruptive influence".
I spent the rest of my teens bumbling around various colleges, achieving academically but failing courses due to attendance issues as my anxiety around other people became more and more acute. It wasn't until my early twenties when I took my first "serious" job, in retail management, and that seemed to be going quite well; I had my anxiety under some sort of control, although being around people all day meant that, by the time I arrived home in the evening, the strain of maintaining a façade of normality often reduced me to a nervous wreck.
Alas, I was again betrayed by my own propensity to point out others' mistakes, and a series of disagreements with my line manager over her somewhat lax interpretation of company rules, and suspicions which I mistakenly voiced to her that her friend who worked under us was responsible for a rash of mysteriously missing product, resulted in my being carefully shuffled into the dole queue.
At that point, I had a pretty comprehensive breakdown, lost my flat along with the job, and bizarrely, finally got the help I needed. By moving back in with my parents, I switched to a new GP practice, one in which the doctors had some proper experience with mental health issues. I was referred up the line and saw the head of clinical psychiatry and her autism specialists at the local mental health institution within a couple of months, and received my diagnosis. Although I still struggle to leave the house due to the anxiety, I have a support worker through a local NHS-funded autism charity, I see a cognitive behavioural therapist every couple of weeks at my GP, and my family are slowly beginning to comprehend that I'm not just a hopeless, lazy emotional wreck. I'm back in education through the Open University, who use a web-based distance-learning system which is ideal for people like myself, and hope to be starting my PHD soon.
In short; being mentally ill is fucking terrible, especially if you don't know what the problem is, but if you push the issue(or someone pushes it for you) until you get the appropriate diagnosis, research the available treatments and insist on the ones you feel will help you most, and get the proper support, things can improve fairly significantly.
I was abused when I was younger and shortly after that I started self-harming. I've been self-harming on and off since I was 13, infact I don't remember what its like to not self-harm. I've been in therapy for the last year and I'm not really sure when or if I'll ever be discharged.
I empathise with much that has been written here and have had some similar experiences. I also think that you have gonads the size of watermelons (or the female equivalent) for relating your experiences. Which means, dammit, that I feel I must do the same.
Well, I'll keep it as short as possible. Which isn't that short really. So apologies.
It started to get pretty bad about ten years ago, although with hindsight things were never particularly rosy and my childhood was quite troubled. At the time I was diagnosed with depression by my GP I was a reasonably successful freelance software designer. Over the next five years, I lost my partner, my mother(who died) and eventually my job as my mental health deteriorated. I ended up in hospital after taking an overdose and an amount of alcohol that would have killed a smaller man. A close friend had become suspicious and called the paramedics. It seems, as irony would have it, that alcohol had saved my life and made me sick before I had a chance to fully ingest the drugs. So my life long crutch saved me. As it was it took several weeks to get me back to normal physically. I was not able to seek psychiatric help at that time nor was it offered to me. I lost my home and had to stay with my sister. She couldn't get to grips with my illness and eventually kicked me out and so after a while I was homeless and for a little while sleeping rough until a friend (the same one who called the paramedics) gave me a temporary place to stay. I am now unemployed and live in supported housing. I have tried many types of anti-depressants, CBT, counselling etc. but nothing has made much of difference. Large amounts of mirtazapine helped for a while, at least with the panic-attacks and paranoia but basically turned me into a zombie, so not a long term solution. In the last few years my depression has been getting worse again and I have recently been informed that I might have various personality disorders relating to paranoia and obsession/compulsion. Which makes sense.
In all the time that I have had problems the worst one was that I found it so difficult to express what was going on with me that people, and this includes professionals, didn't always believe that there was anything much wrong. I would sit there and tell them quite calmly (on the exterior) how I felt but they just didn't get the crazy-vibe from me and so have done very little. For my part, I know I need help but the depression tells me that nothing can help and it is therefore very difficult to actively seek a solution. In the next few weeks I should be starting a new therapy which may or may not help but at least I'm trying to do something.
Oh, and by the way anhedonia which in its worst form is the inability to feel pleasure or satisfaction with things that you usually would and is a common part of some mental diseases. What is that about? Haven't the Cosmic Lords of Jest had enough fun with me?
Anyway, what I would ask people is this. For people just recognising that they have problems: Do not hide from your problems as I did, seek help as soon as you can and talk to as many doctors and psychiatrists as you can, read about mental health, never accept what any one Doctor says as gospel and never be shy about saying exactly what is going through your head. And I mean exactly. Easier said than done, I know.
Well, I'll keep it as short as possible. Which isn't that short really. So apologies.
It started to get pretty bad about ten years ago, although with hindsight things were never particularly rosy and my childhood was quite troubled. At the time I was diagnosed with depression by my GP I was a reasonably successful freelance software designer. Over the next five years, I lost my partner, my mother(who died) and eventually my job as my mental health deteriorated. I ended up in hospital after taking an overdose and an amount of alcohol that would have killed a smaller man. A close friend had become suspicious and called the paramedics. It seems, as irony would have it, that alcohol had saved my life and made me sick before I had a chance to fully ingest the drugs. So my life long crutch saved me. As it was it took several weeks to get me back to normal physically. I was not able to seek psychiatric help at that time nor was it offered to me. I lost my home and had to stay with my sister. She couldn't get to grips with my illness and eventually kicked me out and so after a while I was homeless and for a little while sleeping rough until a friend (the same one who called the paramedics) gave me a temporary place to stay. I am now unemployed and live in supported housing. I have tried many types of anti-depressants, CBT, counselling etc. but nothing has made much of difference. Large amounts of mirtazapine helped for a while, at least with the panic-attacks and paranoia but basically turned me into a zombie, so not a long term solution. In the last few years my depression has been getting worse again and I have recently been informed that I might have various personality disorders relating to paranoia and obsession/compulsion. Which makes sense.
In all the time that I have had problems the worst one was that I found it so difficult to express what was going on with me that people, and this includes professionals, didn't always believe that there was anything much wrong. I would sit there and tell them quite calmly (on the exterior) how I felt but they just didn't get the crazy-vibe from me and so have done very little. For my part, I know I need help but the depression tells me that nothing can help and it is therefore very difficult to actively seek a solution. In the next few weeks I should be starting a new therapy which may or may not help but at least I'm trying to do something.
Oh, and by the way anhedonia which in its worst form is the inability to feel pleasure or satisfaction with things that you usually would and is a common part of some mental diseases. What is that about? Haven't the Cosmic Lords of Jest had enough fun with me?
Anyway, what I would ask people is this. For people just recognising that they have problems: Do not hide from your problems as I did, seek help as soon as you can and talk to as many doctors and psychiatrists as you can, read about mental health, never accept what any one Doctor says as gospel and never be shy about saying exactly what is going through your head. And I mean exactly. Easier said than done, I know.
I absolutely get this, thanks. I sometimes think that I would be totally lost without my slighlty odd sense of humour but it really seems to baffle everyone I come across who knows my problems.Taldeer said:
Wow, that's quite an experience to have with your uncles.KiKiweaky said:
In response to your question, bipolar disorder affects the emotions, not the personality. It's at the most basic level, a chemical imbalance in the brain. Normally the brain will produce serotonin and other mood altering chemicals in response to outward events: for example, your best friend comes to visit, your brain produces serotonin, you feel happy and excited to see him.
Now, if the brain doesn't produce enough serotonin, a person might feel "down" all the time, lack motivation, struggle to find enjoyment in anything, cry a lot, feel desperate or sad. This is the basis of clinical depression, and is treated with anti-depressants as well as therapy.
Bipolar disorder goes one step further. The brain will swing between not producing enough "happy" chemicals and too much "happy" chemicals. This leads to episodes of depression and mania. These episodes can last from anywhere between days to years, and are not related to outward events. Thus, a bipolar sufferer can feel sad when there is no outward reason to, and happy and energetic when any normal person may be feeling tired or sad.
This leads to all sorts of problems. A bipolar person can struggle to control their emotions; it takes therapy and very often medication for them to feel that they are controlling their emotions, not their emotions controlling them. They can also be at risk of addictions or self harm, if they try to self-medicate or let off steam in a harmful way. These out of control emotions can also have devastating effect of people's lives. Because they can't express emotion normally, bipolar sufferers can lose friendships, break contact with family, very often go into financial trouble, struggle to maintain a normal working schedule and lose any sense of self esteem.
For me, it took well over a year of changing medications, doctors, homes and routines to find something that worked. Now I feel more in control than I have for years.
Sorry about the wall of text; and hope I made some sense!
Do you self-harm to get relief? I remember cutting when I got just too angry at myself, and it made me feel better in an odd way- like the outward hurt made the inward hurt better.Girl With One Eye said:
I don't harm now; I promised my fiance not to. I'm still tempted to sometimes. It's got nothing to do with suicide; for me, it's more about expressing emotions. I hope therapy helps in some way; though if you don't put it into practice or don't have trust with the therapist it can be worse than nothing.
Best of luck to you!
No need to apologize for the wall at all it was an interesting read and a bit of an eye opener, I had no idea of the effects of bi-polar disorder until now. Nice to see your feeling a bit better these daysRaphaelsRedemption said:
I cant really imagine what that would be like, I'm one of those people who doesnt really have to worry about chemical imbalances in my brain. Living carefree, college, the odd bit of work, drinking, partying... I've been rather lucky if I'm honest. Some of the people I see in work can at times break your heart, most of them are never going to get out for the rest of their lives. One of the patients has been there since she was 14, she's now about 50 :/
So hmmmm a few questions, when did you start to notice the effects of being bi-polar? Something like that in school (which can be a nightmare for some people on its own) couldn't have been too convenient I bet :/
Family, meds and therapy are some of the things you mentioned that have helped you, any others? Music, pets, computer games, The Escapist maybe?
One of the things I find that helps me if I'm a bit down is taking our dog for a walk in the fields near our house. Just walking hearing all the birds and all that jaz, cliche I know but apparently being amongst nature is great for your mind. It (for me anyway) relaxes the mind, helps thoughts flow freely. For example just recently I had a massive project to do for college that I was a bit worried about, had a bit of a writers block(couldn't concentrate) so nothing was getting written or researched casuing me to get worse.
Went for a really long walk with the dog, came home and blazed my way through research papers etc... eventually putting about 1500 well referenced words into my project in one day which I was delighted with. After that the rest of the project was just hard work with no worry at all which was great hehe =P
My family is stuffed with diagnosed people, myself included - I got ADD.
When I was younger about 13 years old school started going severely downhill for me. I had deep troubles over it, my mom freaked out over it and I hung out with all the wrong people. This led me to become depressed and anxious, I'm still to this day terrified of doing wrong in social situations.
However, when I was in about 8th-9th grade my mother was diagnosed with ADHD - which led to her being suspicious that maybe my problems in school had a similiar reason and it did. The summer before I started High school I got my diagnose and medicine for my condition.
I now have the highest grades in my class, and while I still struggle with a lot of issues(bad memory, rather short attention span and such) since I got my diagnose I feel tons better.
My mom has called me her "role model" because of my positive attitude towards my condition. I'm honestly just happy that I've had it confirmed that I am not stupid, and that what issues I have are going to be improved thanks to this.
I got out of the depression myself too, but it took a good while, and I wouldn't recommend anyone against seeking help if necessary. But such an accomplishment is a good boost for my ego too.
When I was younger about 13 years old school started going severely downhill for me. I had deep troubles over it, my mom freaked out over it and I hung out with all the wrong people. This led me to become depressed and anxious, I'm still to this day terrified of doing wrong in social situations.
However, when I was in about 8th-9th grade my mother was diagnosed with ADHD - which led to her being suspicious that maybe my problems in school had a similiar reason and it did. The summer before I started High school I got my diagnose and medicine for my condition.
I now have the highest grades in my class, and while I still struggle with a lot of issues(bad memory, rather short attention span and such) since I got my diagnose I feel tons better.
My mom has called me her "role model" because of my positive attitude towards my condition. I'm honestly just happy that I've had it confirmed that I am not stupid, and that what issues I have are going to be improved thanks to this.
I got out of the depression myself too, but it took a good while, and I wouldn't recommend anyone against seeking help if necessary. But such an accomplishment is a good boost for my ego too.
Wow. I'm really sorry your experience was that negative: I've had nothing but help and support from the NHS, both at our local hospital and with my GP. (I have depression and an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in crippling panic attacks). Whilst both have prescribed pills and told me to keep taking them (heaven knows it mucks you up if you stop), they also recommended certain strategies to stop me from becoming isolated, and to take up hobbies etc. in order to keep my concentration at its full potential. My GP also provided me with a counsellor and CBT therapist, both of which helped great guns.mikozero said:
I guess the NHS's effectiveness is perhaps localised by area, due to funding constraints etc.
I've had on and off issues with depression and anxiety due to some physical problems for about 8 years now. It's a chronic condition that I'll likely never be rid of and largely affects how I view life, work, relationships, etc. I take small doses of medication to deal with the mental side of it and they help a bit, but pills are only going to do so much for you.
Stress is everything in my life. If I'm calm and the people around me aren't making me crazy, I tend to do well. It's times like now when I'm unemployed again and am getting pressured every which way that makes things worse.
Stress is everything in my life. If I'm calm and the people around me aren't making me crazy, I tend to do well. It's times like now when I'm unemployed again and am getting pressured every which way that makes things worse.
Its mostly a physical disability but I had chemotherapy for most of 2010 and the effect its had on my mind has been surprising. The chemo kills all cells such as blood and skin but also attacks the brain cells and its had quite an effect on my memory and logical thought. I find it difficult to think with common sense and I now have to be placed in some of the special needs classes at school. Its seperated me from my friends because Its difficult for me to grasp ideas that come easily to them.
Hey me too, with the bipolarness. For a lot of my teenage years, it was mostly just straight up depression, but in the summer of '09 it shifted to manic-depression. I remember during the manic episodes, I would come home from class at uni, and clean my kitchen, my bathroom, and my room, and look around for something else to do. My body would be utterly exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. I was lucky to be self aware enough to realize that something wasn't right. Before, I could usually tell when what I would call my low curves, when I was really depressed, and after awhile I began to recognize the high ones too. And I said, "it is not normal to clean your entire apartment in one afternoon, this is not something depressed you would do, this is not something normal you would do."RaphaelsRedemption said:Best of luck to you... and thanks for posting, made me feel a little less alone on being weirdly bipolar.
I think the worst part for me though, was the anxiety and insomnia. It had never been a big part of the vanilla depression (the anxiety, that is, insomnia's been there for awhile), but it got stirred in at the same time the manic did. And proceeded to get worse. It's a horrible feeling to be anxious all the time, with no discernible source. The depression I knew how to live with, it was manageable, but the anxiety and the mania made things a lot harder.
Not having health insurance at the moment doesn't help either. And I envy your support system. My mother didn't want to believe me when I told her what was wrong, I think probably because of the stigma still associated with mental illness. She's better now, but I still think she doesn't understand just how crippling it can be when your brain is actively working against you. The best way I've come up with to describe it, and depression in general I think, is it's like trying to swim with a fishing net thrown over you.
But I'm glad you're open to talking about things like mental health and disorders, anything that eases the social stigmas is wonderful.
Ok, I suffer from generalized anxiety and clinical depression. Fortunately, both of these are treated by my beloved prozac. Before treatment, and during 2 lapses in medication, I was in a dark place.