Most useless superpower to have?

[Fiendishfiend]

Aside from the toss up between Ant-man and Aquaman, I'm going to have to go for seeing the future 2 hours after it has happened

 

[Spinozaad]

Transcript for all you foreigners:
Mayoneto

The most worthless X-Man ever

Although, argueably, a very useful superpower (thus failing to meet this topic's criteria), the power to squirt mayonaise out of your nose would make you one of the most useless superheroes. Ever.

Picture by Nozzman. www.nozzman.com

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

I'm taking an example from an anime.
There's a guy who can turn anything vaguely snake shaped into a snake.
Which I think sounds pretty useless.

If that includes staves, swords, baseball bats, shotguns, rifles, bazookas and anything long shaped, it might be useful.

 

[lordlillen]

the power of rederkorating your own room.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Useless huh?

http://heroeswiki.com/Sound_absorption

Unless you live with a rock band or something...

That guy can stealth attack according to the wiki. Not useless at all.

Hmmm... The ability to see 1000 years into the future. Cool, yes, but so far removed that virtually no knowledge can be obtained, and even if you could receive knowledge, it would be so far advanced that you'd never be able to bring it to life in your era.

 

[likalaruku]

X-ray vision. Everyone will look like skeletons & you will only be able to differentiate people by their voices & whether or not they know your name.

 

[Strid]

Ultra X-Ray vision; the ability to see through everything.

This includes buildings, objects, people, the ground...everything.

 

[Evil the White]

A super sense of taste.

 

[someotherguy]

The ability to have a job at fox.

 

[XoXoButterflyXoXo]

The power to see in blue

 

[Shoqiyqa]

The ability to know what would have happened if a decision had been made differently at least six months ago.

 

[titanium turtle]

spontaneous combustion man
a superpower you can't control and kills you painfully when you least expect
and only works once

 

[Shoqiyqa]

I'm taking an example from an anime.
There's a guy who can turn anything vaguely snake shaped into a snake.
Which I think sounds pretty useless.

If that includes staves, swords, baseball bats, shotguns, rifles, bazookas and anything long shaped, it might be useful.

I have to agree. The ability to turn the intruder's shotgun into a black mamba wuold be really effective. Of course, you'd have to have a plan for dealing with the black mamba and you'd have a hard time explaining things to the police. "I mean, really, officer, I don't know why anyone would break into my home with a venomous African snake, confront me in the hallway and hold it up by the tail. It doesn't make any sense and I think I'm still really freaked out by it."

It could be useful in a place where there's not much but rocks, water and long sticks. At least you could eat.

It would also be rather cool if you were being kept awake by some moron in a stadium shouting

Gotta slap that *****.
Make her show you some respect.
If she ain't talking proper
Stick it in her ass then her mouth.
Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap,
Slappy slap that *****.
Make her show you some respect.

... into a microphone attached to a lot of amplifiers and huge speakers, because you could just turn all the cables into snakes. First off, at least one snake would get fried and the power would all go out. Then everyone would panic in the dark. Then snakes would bite a lot of people. Best of all, you wouldn't have to explain it because noone would suspect you ... unless you'd revealed your power.

 

[Primate]

Meat vision.

WHAT!? But if had that power you'd never go hungry and you could feed the hungry. If there was a useless power I'd say it would have to be immortality since everyone else around you would die from old age and you be all alone sure it be fun to have the whole world to yourself, but that would get boring quick.

Indeed =)

 

[Aptspire]

The ability to spontaneously create poetry.

actually, you might make a living from that
I'd say the most useless is to sparkle when there is sunlight (guess what I hate most)

 

[Shoqiyqa]

The ability to make your farts not smell.

Handy on a date or stealth mission.

The power to eat spaghetti through your nose.

Might be handy if you get a broken jaw or are resting on your chin. Could earn small amounts of extra money on TV.

Someone just told me that I was so ugly I cause people to vomit (hope they're kidding) and I answered "Yeah, well, that's like my superpower." So that.

+5 difficulty to mugging, +9 difficulty to rape.

The abillity to see through really old people's clothes?

Spotting vampires' concealed weapons just got easier.

The ability to make hedges speak Latin.

Distraction value, even if you can't get useful information out of them. If you could you could solve a lot of crimes!

I have the power of extreme pessimism. If I say something bad will happen if you think optimistically in a certain situation, then it will happen.

Tell it to the crime boss.

The most useless power must be to have eyebrows that once looked at give anyone a sudden orgasm.

It would incapacitate people. Again, increased difficulty to rape because men would take one look at you, roll over and fall asleep. Also: orgasms ease cramps and stress, so you would be medicinal. You'd also never have to buy your own food and drink again.

The ability to exude industrial grade lubricant from your armpits.

Okay, that's harder to use except in the really obvious case of needing industrial-grade lubricant and not having any.

the ability to make something seem familiar

This could be used for perverting the course of justice. If you apply it to yourself, it could be used for getting into places.

The ability to fly, but only when you stand upright, and maximum elevation is .01 mm off the ground under you,with a speed of 10 meters a hour.

Bypassing pressure-plates and crossing thin glass bridges.

Ability to make anyone's nose run/start sneezing at will

Again, you have an anti-mugger weapon there. If you've got high enough Perception and a good range on it, it's also an anti-ninja weapon.

The ability to read the thoughts of inanimate objects.

This may help you fix computers and would let you know when a PIR thinks it might have seen you.

The ability to see through lampshades.

Good for some bizarre costumes and in some very rare circumstances it would allow you to shoot the bad guy at the other side of the lampshade shop before he sees you.

The abillity to crap in otehr peoples pants, like, you're taking a dump, but it comes out of someone elses ass, and lands in their pants/udnerwear.

This would at least slow down the mugger chasing you, and could massively influence elections if you did it to a politician during a live TV debate. At a high school level, you could use it to get revenge on the school bullies, especially if you could time it for the changing room in general, the shared bath after a football game or the swimming pool. It'd also stop the noisy couple next door from humping for a while, I'd hope.

The power to run really fast and jump really high, etc. but only for a few seconds before you are completely winded to the point of almost passing out.

Again, you can get away from a mugger with this. You may only have a few seconds, but if those few seconds can get you onto the roof of a nearby tall building and you can catch your breath and jump to another within a few minutes ... he's not going to catch up, is he?

The power to lay eggs... Just eggs.

Again, free food! Well actually, not free food for you but ... erm ... free food for someone you love who has a really weak immune system or a faulty digestive system or something like that and can't eat anything but eggs ... in a place where eggs are really hard to get.

Wait. Do these eggs hatch?

Gaze upon the grim face of your death and weep. WEEP!

That's not a fish.

The power to cause the spontaneous growth of an awesome beard on anyone within your line of sight, including women and children.

Spontaneous but how fast? You could use it to cause a distraction when you needed one if it was really fast. If it was slow you could use it to create a distraction in the media but you'd have difficulty timing it right. You could also use it to mess up a beauty pageant. There's got to be a good reason for doing that some day.

The power to now what the color is on peoples kitchen walls (I mean in true detail)

Handy immediately after a messy murder, perhaps?

supper knitting

Supper as in hot meal served late at night, allowing you to turn lightweight, easily-carried wool with a very long shelf-life into nutritious food, or just the ability to turn a big ball of thread into a warm blanket or sweater in a few seconds? The first would simplify expedition planning, and the second would be good for ... er ... times when someone gets soaked and you have no spare clothes their size.

the ability to differentiate each and every single collor in the world, but only know the name of the basic colors

so even when you can see all 10000 ranges of "red" you cant pick one because you can only say "red" hahahahahha

You could tell what temperatures things were, identify crops by the rate at which they warm up and cool down in the sunlight, spot patched-up paintwork on a second-hand car the dealer's trying to tell you has never been in an accident, get the blood group of any spill at a glance, tell whether food's off, serve as a human lie-detector, test drinking-water standards, spot counterfeit currency ...

The ability to summon picture frames.

Firewood! Also saves money at art galleries. Combine it with a willingness to break picture frames and the ability to turn snake-shaped things into snakes and you have a scary, scary weapon. In extreme cases, you could also stack them up to get yourself up a wall or well or line up a lot of the big heavy ones with a few against the sides and ends to keep them in place, crawl inside and stack some at each end for a shelter. It wouldn't be great but three inches of oak would keep the worst of the wind and rain off.

The ability to generate unreasonably large tables that are invincible and smell like a dead squirrel. <---One of the most random thoughts I have ever had. Table Man.

Firewoo... wait. Invincible ... tables? Well ... you could block the damaged hatch to stop the air escaping from the space station with one, block the bullets from the lunatic marines with another and box the alien in with another six and then tie it up with a LOT of para cord.

Invisibility that only works when you're playing a bassoon. Yeah I went there.

It gets you past the cameras and snipers.

Most seemingly useless super powers can be cool if used right.

I'm working on it!

The ability to be a rape magnet.

..raped by women, right?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *stops just short of vituperative rant*

The ability to squirt milk out your eyes...

...at least you'll be a hit a parties!

That and you can feed the babies, especially if you have some control over the type of milk or it's just always suitable milk. You could rescue orphaned sea otters. That's surely never useless!

Specific invisibility,

the power to render oneself invisible only to small furry animals and some breeds of turtle.

That's really handy for sneaking up and shooting rats and rabbits.

By the way the most useless superpower would be the ability to change people's minds to make bad decisions instead of good ones. And the decision that would get them in trouble or punished would always be the decision they made. There's no way that superpower would be useful, because it's always gonna be the bad decision.

You could use it to make the murderer **** up and get caught.

The power of knowing what the person next two was thinking, 2 months ago.

Also very useful in criminal investigation, interrogating prisoners of war, espionage and long-term relationships.

The ability to make small annoying dogs who are 150 miles or more away from you stop barking.

You didn't specify "temporarily".

 

[Totenkopf]

Maybe... the power to die instantly

 

[IrirshTerrorist]

The ability to type at the speed of light... Its extra useless because no Computer/laptop can keep up, the buffer would kick in and then you're keyboard would break and your processor would explode and you'd feel like a right idiot for thinking of using your powers of Super Typing!

 

[Quintus Grobler]

The ability to remember every song ever sung by Justin Bieber, and having it play over and over in your head.. Oh, and with that, the inability to be able to commit suicide.