Make family gathering where she's present as awkward and unpleasant as possible for everyone?NoryCaw said:
My ex-wife just married my brother
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I'm not going to say definitively what the solution is, but I will say that the solution should be made to look like an accident.
Dang... sorry dude. That freaking sucks.
I know it doesn't really help right now, but I've found that all the crap that happens to me works together for a greater good eventually. Everything that has torn me apart in the past eventually has helped to create something much, much better. Being a Christian, I attribute it to the words of Paul, "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." Of course I definitely don't mean to preach at you, but that has been my experience.
Point is, everything works out for the better eventually. You may not see how right now, but it will. As cliche as it may sound, I've found that everything happens for a reason.
I know it doesn't really help right now, but I've found that all the crap that happens to me works together for a greater good eventually. Everything that has torn me apart in the past eventually has helped to create something much, much better. Being a Christian, I attribute it to the words of Paul, "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." Of course I definitely don't mean to preach at you, but that has been my experience.
Point is, everything works out for the better eventually. You may not see how right now, but it will. As cliche as it may sound, I've found that everything happens for a reason.
Are your grandparents still around by chance? I'm just thinking you might get some support from your extended family, if you have any. They may think of ways to reason with your parents, if you want to try that approach.
We're only getting your side of the story, but were I in your shoes, I think I would sever ties with your parents and brother, at least for a while. Continue fighting for better visitation rights to your first-born, but shut the rest of them out of your life, at least until they're willing to be more understanding of your situation. There's not much else you can do but cut your losses and move on with your life. It's rough, but so it goes.
If what you say is true, you have my sympathy, for whatever that's worth.
We're only getting your side of the story, but were I in your shoes, I think I would sever ties with your parents and brother, at least for a while. Continue fighting for better visitation rights to your first-born, but shut the rest of them out of your life, at least until they're willing to be more understanding of your situation. There's not much else you can do but cut your losses and move on with your life. It's rough, but so it goes.
If what you say is true, you have my sympathy, for whatever that's worth.
I didn't say Americans are pricks : P I know some pretty awesome Americans myself.Naheal said:
I did, however, refer to that it seems many Americans marries people waaay too early after meeting, or at a way to young age (17-20) I know many of countries where this happens, but it seems to me that America is the only place where people do so willingly : /
I don't know what it's like to have children, but what I can say is this:
First of all, keep fighting for custody. Right now, your daughter is only 5 - 6 years old, and this is the age when people really start to formulate their opinions. If she knows that you keep fighting for more and more time with her, she will know that you care. She *needs* to know that you care about her.
Right now, there may not be much hope for legal custody, but someday, when your daughter grows up, maybe all that hard work will pay off, and she will remember you as the man who acted as a father to her despite all of the obstacles that are keeping you two apart, and then you two can make up for all of the lost time when she is old enough to make her own decisions about who she spends time with.
Regarding your brother and your family: personally, I would just flat-out cut ties with them if I were you. Your real family isn't about whose blood you share, it's about who is willing to stick by you through thick and thin, and from what you're saying, they're not your *true* family.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that your daughter someday realizes that you are an excellent parent to her. Most importantly, don't give up.
First of all, keep fighting for custody. Right now, your daughter is only 5 - 6 years old, and this is the age when people really start to formulate their opinions. If she knows that you keep fighting for more and more time with her, she will know that you care. She *needs* to know that you care about her.
Right now, there may not be much hope for legal custody, but someday, when your daughter grows up, maybe all that hard work will pay off, and she will remember you as the man who acted as a father to her despite all of the obstacles that are keeping you two apart, and then you two can make up for all of the lost time when she is old enough to make her own decisions about who she spends time with.
Regarding your brother and your family: personally, I would just flat-out cut ties with them if I were you. Your real family isn't about whose blood you share, it's about who is willing to stick by you through thick and thin, and from what you're saying, they're not your *true* family.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that your daughter someday realizes that you are an excellent parent to her. Most importantly, don't give up.
Maybe in times like this you should just sit back and say in a big loud voice "Fuck My Life."
Dude that really sucks and your family are a bunch of fucktards, I'd just stop talking to them if I were you, seriously who does that to their brother?
Dude that really sucks and your family are a bunch of fucktards, I'd just stop talking to them if I were you, seriously who does that to their brother?
This sounds like something out of Greek Tragedy. Actually barring a few details this could be "Medea" [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medea], just with the roles reversed. I suggest you take the steps she did.
In all seriousness, my heart goes out to you. No person should ever go through what you've been through.
In all seriousness, my heart goes out to you. No person should ever go through what you've been through.
Kill them. Kill them gooood!
But seriously, that's pretty messed up. Maybe you should announce that you're no longer part of your family, and change your last name.
But seriously, that's pretty messed up. Maybe you should announce that you're no longer part of your family, and change your last name.
i've read this story before...hamlet... don;t let it go that way,
OT: okay thats kinda creepy, of both of them, its kinda adulterous or even maybe inbred style
Thats horrible of your ex wife, and terrible that you only get 4 hours a week with your daughter. Man that is creepy of your brother and kinda treacherous of him to. one quick question, did you remarry? you mentioned that you have another child? If thats true as a temporary solution I would suggest that you spend 2 of the 3 holidays ( i assume you are christian and american with the big 3 being Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter) with your wifes family (assuming that you remarried, and that she has a family that you are willing to go to holidays with)
OT: okay thats kinda creepy, of both of them, its kinda adulterous or even maybe inbred style
Thats horrible of your ex wife, and terrible that you only get 4 hours a week with your daughter. Man that is creepy of your brother and kinda treacherous of him to. one quick question, did you remarry? you mentioned that you have another child? If thats true as a temporary solution I would suggest that you spend 2 of the 3 holidays ( i assume you are christian and american with the big 3 being Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter) with your wifes family (assuming that you remarried, and that she has a family that you are willing to go to holidays with)
Under the circumstances it would be quite reasonable for you to disown your entire family. You should also consider becoming an Atheist.NoryCaw said:
Seeing your first child seems to be impossible. Trying to do so will put you in a toxic situation that will damage your heath with anxiety and possibly lead to violent conflict. Even if you do nothing to initiate this there won't be any unbiased witnesses and you will get misrepresented.
It seems as if you now have a second child, I hope by someone who you have a good relationship. She must have parents that you can have a healthy relationship with. With any luck they live some distance away, perhaps out of state. If that is the case move closer and spend more time with them as a result. Don't see your first child at all. Yeah, I know... that is really tough advice, but a clean break will be better for you both.
Don't forget about your first child though. Pay ample child support and send gifts on their birthday (NOTE: they may not get them...). There is an outside chance that your first child will rebel against its mother when it becomes a teenager and want to know about its father and come to see you. Even if the mother prohibits this, there will be no stopping it when it becomes a financially independent adult. It may secretly visit you when it is thought to be at University. I know that this is a long time for you to have to wait, but if you can understand that they may feel like blaming you for your absence (having been told a bunch of lies their entire life) and don't get indignant with them for their behaviour and just spend time together as a family with their half-sibling and not spend the entire visit stuck in the house, you may be pleasantly surprised at the positive change in their opinion of you. With any luck you will have your second child saying that you are a nice person.
However, avoid any "my first wife was evil" stuff around your new family as much as you can. As your second child won't know for sure if your version of events is the truth and your first child may well suspect that you have "brainwashed" your second child to say bad things about their 'evil' mother. Just neutralise the toxicity. Seek therapy if necessary.
Honestly, if I knew of a way to get you all back together without this woman I would suggest it.
there are some interesting ads in the back of soldier of fortune magazine you might want to look at *wink*
I feel for you. Im sorry. I dont know what to tell you. If I were you I would only want to get my mind off of it, which would probably cause me to cut off contact with my family. ...which sucks. I feel pretty betrayed right now also. Im not sure there is a fix for it. Some people just know what they want and they go for it, leaving much disaster in their trail. And it never seems that they care. Maybe that these people are hurt, but to feel responsible or guilty? probably too much to ask for.