My friend says the "Good guys come last" theory is BS

[irani_che]

its actually quite straightforward.
the more time you spend thinking about/ worrying over getting a girl, the harder it is to pull one.
and if you do she wont respect you.
If you act like she is the best god dammed thing in the world, that she is high above you,
she will think she can do much better.

 

[Doclector]

It's all about how you carry yourself.

I'm definitely a good guy, but that doesn't mean I'm not confident about who I am or what I do.
I'm very confident in myself and what I'm capable of.

So, I think it's all an insecurity that those 'good guys' have and need to overcome, just like any mental hurdle. So, she right in the fact that these ideal 'good guys' would be taken in a second if they were exuding more qualities than just being nice. People hate this anwser because it means effort that guy's part to better himself instead of a 'They just don't see how great you are' pat on the back.

That's true.

The part in op about woman "looking" for nice guys? Hell naw.

Woman are looking for the same thing as men. Attractiveness. It's just woman are far better at hiding it, even from themselves.

Realise that, take a good honest look at yourself and then either go out there and get someone, or stop wasting your time and effort looking for people who want deeper emotional connections. Because they don't exist.

 

[awmperry]

There's a difference between "nice guy" and "Nice Guy". A "Nice Guy" is like Leonard on The Big Bang Theory; whiny, neurotic, too obsessed with thinking "but I'm nice, why won't anyone have sex with me?" to realise that, actually, it's because he's whiny, neurotic, obsessive and generally odious.

Then there are actual nice guys, some of whom do well and some of whom end up left out because they don't want to impose. Yes, a lot of them are lacking in confidence, but I don't see how that makes them horrible people; there's a difference between nervous and clingy, after all.

So it's a much broader spectrum than the "Do girls prefer Nice Guys or Bad Boys?" dichotomy suggests. I tend to consider myself in the "nice guy" category - I've had one girlfriend in my life (now my wife and six months away from being the mother of my first child), and we slipped into the "romantic pairing" thing quite quickly, eschewing the "I'll be your friend so you can learn to be dependent on me and then you will love me" route that "Nice Guys" often take.

So why did I wait twenty-six years before finding a girlfriend? Well, it certainly involved a degree of nervousness, of not daring to ask a girl for fear of rejection - but it didn't involve the stalking, the creeping, the sinister "in time, you will love me..." psycho-villain stuff that is so associated with the Mk I Leonard-class "Nice Guy".

So yeah. That's my take on it.

 

[Squilookle]

She has a point, but... she isn't saying the good guys come last theory is BS... she's explaining why it's true.

 

[WanderingBiscuits]

It's really not that hard to find a girl, at least not for me. I mean, I'm a great guy. My problem is there are so few girls around me worth having. And when I do find one we get on great but when things fall apart. . .

I have to agree with this man. I'm pretty chill laidback guy.

I may sound conceited, but honestly I haven't really met somebody who i really think is special. My last girlfriend was the one who asked me and i went with it cause we were good friends. I couldn't really get into the whole boyfriend role though.

 

[Gigano]

When did "nice guy"/"good guy" come to equal "doormat"?

Does being of good alignment and nice to others rule out being assertive and self-confident?

I mean, if you're working under the assumption that "nice/good" means unassertive, timid, introvert etc., then of course "good guys" come in last. If on the other hand it means not being a dick (to women and in general), then it shouldn't have any adverse effects; quite the contrary.

 

[Boba Frag]

This is one of the best comments I've seen on the whole "nice guy" thing:

Seriously, it has nothing to do with how nice you are or are not. Guys who act like clingy, obsessive, underconfident stalkers who will hate you (and all your sex) forever if you don't return their obsessive "love" are not attractive. At least, not to sane people.

I had to date three of them before I realized that, because I used to buy into the "nice guy" thing. Then I wised up. A lack of confidence combined with whines of "But I'm a nice guy!" does not an actual nice guy make.

That is one of my all time favourite strips- and for me, the last word on the subject.

 

[Superior Mind]

Like the clitoris at the end of the South Park movie said, the key is confidence. That's what I've found anyway. The 'nice guys finish last' thing comes from the fact that a lot of nice guys are nice because they are willing to appease, to not get in anyone elses way or cause friction. They will fold easily to avoid conflict. The result of this is, unfortunately, someone who's meek and doesn't come across as very confident. On the other hand the 'bad boy' tends to have a certain streak of arrogance and yeah, that can help project an aura of confidence, (even if it's all a visage for crippling social ineptness or something.)

It doesn't mean if you prefer to avoid conflict or compromise a lot you lack confidence or that it even shows you as unconfident. The key in whatever you do - and this sounds fucking lame even in my head - is to believe in whatever you're doing.

 

[Uncreation]

Girls don't dislike "nice guys". The problem is that most guys who say they're "nice" are actually manipulative and trying to play an angle just like the bad boys, except they don't have enough balls to come out and say it. The reason why girls get with bad guys (and don't stay with them) is because they are sure of themselves enough to do their own thing, and the girl likes the feeling that she's not taking care of the guy.

Myself, I always put myself in the selfless category - I was always there with a kind word, doing anything for the person I was with, always a shoulder to cry on, etc. - and the problem is not that this isn't a good thing (and to be honest, I'd say most girls want this in the person they're with). The issue is that guys take it too far overboard and stop seeing that a relationship is a two-way street. Now that I've had good relationships, I've realized that girls and guys really want equality - they want to be there to help us just as much as they want us to be there for them. Having the confidence to set boundaries and voice your needs? That's what's really attractive to a woman.

What women really want? They want a confident man with his own goals and ambitions that he is working towards, self-respect and self-discipline to push every day to attain these goals, a supportive nature that helps foster growth for both people, consideration, romance and affection. A big penis wouldn't hurt either.

Am I close to the mark, ladies?

Close. Big penises are overrated.

Seriously, guys are the only ones who care about penis size. For girls, as long as you're not minuscule and you know what you're doing (or are attempting to learn, if it's withing the context of a relationship), that's all that matters.

Actually i have been told by multiple female friends, and i have heard other women talk about it too, that this is not true. Size does acually matter. So i don't believe you. I think for most women it does. Sure, they might endure a small penis if they like the guy in general, but it's hardly ideal i think.

 

[GrimSheeper]

the furthest I have ever gotten was kissing a girl who was so drunk she could only just about walk

Honestly, that's disgusting. You took advantage of a girl barely capable of motor functions and one step away from falling unconscious and still consider yourself a good guy?
I think you're a bit delusional then.

Moving on to the other problem. Women are not goddesses. Everyone deserves to be treated nicely, but would you even consider dating a girl that would willingly do everything for you all the time without even second-guessing any decision? Maybe you would, but it would be like dating a pet. Imagine how a girl feels about a guy who is a total suckup and does whatever she wants. That's not boyfriend material, that's 'that guy who would do anything for me, it's pretty funny'. Maybe I'm being too bitter here, but I've tried that way and had no success. Instead I went for being myself, a nice guy but with own needs and a character. That worked.
Try to be more than just a pet, maybe girls will pay attention to you then.

 

[Vault101]

I think she's got a fair point. I am not a nice guy. In fact, I'm a bit of a selfish prick. Yet, I've never even come close to having any sort of romantic interaction. What I don't understand is how you're supposed to have any sort of confidence when just about every woman you meet treats your interests as knowledge that Man Was Not Meant To Know.

In case you're wondering, yes, I do hate most women. Are you at all surprised?

mabye your hanging out with the wrong women

 

[Black Phoenix]

I think she's got a fair point. I am not a nice guy. In fact, I'm a bit of a selfish prick. Yet, I've never even come close to having any sort of romantic interaction. What I don't understand is how you're supposed to have any sort of confidence when just about every woman you meet treats your interests as knowledge that Man Was Not Meant To Know.

In case you're wondering, yes, I do hate most women. Are you at all surprised?

mabye your hanging out with the wrong women

Yeah, well, where the fuck are the right women? That's something I'd really like to know.

Can't help you, since they ain't anywhere near me either...

And while I get the whole confidence thing, it ain't easy when you've failed at pretty much every major thing you've tried in your life...

 

[Uncreation]

Actually i have been told by multiple female friends, and i have heard other women talk about it too, that this is not true. Size does acually matter. So i don't believe you. I think for most women it does. Sure, they might endure a small penis if they like the guy in general, but it's hardly ideal i think.

You're wrong. Sorry.

About which part? The one where people i know tell me something? How am i wrong about that? If you're sugesting i'm lying i assure you i'm not.

 

[Vault101]

I think she's got a fair point. I am not a nice guy. In fact, I'm a bit of a selfish prick. Yet, I've never even come close to having any sort of romantic interaction. What I don't understand is how you're supposed to have any sort of confidence when just about every woman you meet treats your interests as knowledge that Man Was Not Meant To Know.

In case you're wondering, yes, I do hate most women. Are you at all surprised?

mabye your hanging out with the wrong women

Yeah, well, where the fuck are the right women? That's something I'd really like to know.

ha...yeah million dollar question

generally finding people with similar interests helps

 

[Vault101]

Actually i have been told by multiple female friends, and i have heard other women talk about it too, that this is not true. Size does acually matter. So i don't believe you. I think for most women it does. Sure, they might endure a small penis if they like the guy in general, but it's hardly ideal i think.

You're wrong. Sorry.

About which part? The one where people i know tell me something? How am i wrong about that? If you're sugesting i'm lying i assure you i'm not.

well when people mean "size" what they are thinking of is length

when its really width [/B] thats important, think about it also youve got to knwo what your doing

 

[Vault101]

generally finding people with similar interests helps

Some of my interests seem to be shared by men exclusively. That includes the history of early computing and a lot of things related to automotive engineering. Also, how many women are out there who don't see space exploration as a logic-deprived waste of money instead of a major opportunity?

female nerds do exist plus you cant always make assumptions about people we are induviduals after all

anyway now this is gonna sound stupid and I know nothing about relatioships so Im just making shit up here

but mabye you should look at yourself from an outsiders perspective

-whats good about me as a person?
-am I attractive?
-am I confident?
-why would somone want to date me?[/B]

if somthings lacking work to improve it

as I said making shit up here