My friend says the "Good guys come last" theory is BS

[Doclector]

Another reason good guys may come last;

Ever noticed the good thing to do always ends up benefitting anyone but you? Example: friend likes someone you like. The right thing to do is step aside, and not only be alone, but be a third wheel to the relationship you wanted to be in. Example: drunk girl comes on to you. The right thing to do is refuse. Example: girl just wants to be friends. Right thing to do: accept that.

Basically if your truly a good guy, you sacrifice your own happiness for everyone elses, and probably never get so much as thanks.

 

[Caligulove]

I think that most guys that ascribe to the fact that girls always pass over them for 'douchebags' are unaware of their own shortcomings or the fact that they are actually a douchebag, too. Or simply jealous of the guy that's dating a girl.

Sometimes the guy is a total scumbag, sure- but most I don't think the 'forever alone good guy' ever gets to know the guy on more than a level that they can judge from arm's length. Not always pleasant or fun, but I've met some of my ex's new boyfriends- pretty likable guys. Only real reason I'm not partial to be completely buddy-buddy with the guys is because they're dating my ex, which would be kind of inappropriate.

Confidence is probably the most important factor here. I meet a lot of guys that dismiss their lack of a girlfriend to problems with the girls they ask, not having enough money or that, that they're not attractive or this argument- that they're 'too nice' or something. The way you carry yourself and how sure you are of yourself helps immensely, even more important and overcomes factors like not being in perfect shape, rich or stylish.

That or I think some guys overemphasize the importance of having a girlfriend. Better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship with a crazy girl, loveless relationship or dating for the sake of company.

 

[Linakrbcs]

I think she's got a fair point. I am not a nice guy. In fact, I'm a bit of a selfish prick. Yet, I've never even come close to having any sort of romantic interaction. What I don't understand is how you're supposed to have any sort of confidence when just about every woman you meet treats your interests as knowledge that Man Was Not Meant To Know.

In case you're wondering, yes, I do hate most women. Are you at all surprised?

mabye your hanging out with the wrong women

Yeah, well, where the fuck are the right women? That's something I'd really like to know.

Try the science departments of your local university

 

[Smooth Operator]

"Good guys come last" actually covers it pretty well, and let's add "Girls just want to have fun" to round up the idea.
As women are young (15-30) they like to have a good time, play around and such, and the most fun/interesting guys are the so called "bad boys".
But as women reach a certain family wanting age those bad boys just wont be useful anymore, so they turn to those that are, the "good/nice guys".

So if you find yourself to be one of these "nice guys", but do not want to spend the first 3 decades of your life in celibacy here is a tip: "act like a pompous overconfident jacka*s"

 

[Alrocsmash]

Im 25, with a long history of women. If I want to get laid, I act like a superior prick and the girls literally come running. If I want a relationship, I take her to dinner and talk about wine, love, financial futures and hot tubs.

Women want what they cant have. Play to that rule.

 

[pulse2]

It could be argued that you can't determine how nice you'd be until you're in a relationship. Though women can also suss out a guy based on how he treats the other females in his life, friends, mother and sister(s).

 

[GothmogII]

Im 25, with a long history of women. If I want to get laid, I act like a superior prick and the girls literally come running. If I want a relationship, I take her to dinner and talk about wine, love, financial futures and hot tubs.

Women want what they cant have. Play to that rule.

Something odd I've noticed about this thread. Someone mentioned earlier about so-called nice guys treating women purely as objects of desire, and ones that in their affectations they seek to please no matter what in order to obtain sex or other relations.

Thing is...everyone seems to be doing that, regardless of which side they seem to be on. That is, women are overwhelmingly being presented as a kind of 'other' purely for point of discussion. I quoted you there Alrocsmash because you seem to illustrate this perfectly, under the pretense of presenting your thoughts on the -subject- of relationships between men and women, you then turn the women, based on your own anecdotal experience into -objects- with set rules and responses to, though, if it ever really worked like I couldn't say.

Maybe I'm grasping at the null void here, but, just seemed odd to me.

 

[Alrocsmash]

Im 25, with a long history of women. If I want to get laid, I act like a superior prick and the girls literally come running. If I want a relationship, I take her to dinner and talk about wine, love, financial futures and hot tubs.

Women want what they cant have. Play to that rule.

Something odd I've noticed about this thread. Someone mentioned earlier about so-called nice guys treating women purely as objects of desire, and ones that in their affectations they seek to please no matter what in order to obtain sex or other relations.

Thing is...everyone seems to be doing that, regardless of which side they seem to be on. That is, women are overwhelmingly being presented as a kind of 'other' purely for point of discussion. I quoted you there Alrocsmash because you seem to illustrate this perfectly, under the pretense of presenting your thoughts on the -subject- of relationships between men and women, you then turn the women, based on your own anecdotal experience into -objects- with set rules and responses to, though, if it ever really worked like I couldn't say.

Maybe I'm grasping at the null void here, but, just seemed odd to me.

You are well spoken, and its rare I have to re read something to grasp what the other person is trying to say. Ill try to respond in kind. I believe you are asking me if changing your game plan works? The answer is yes. Play to win within the knowledge of how women work. They are not as complex as they want men to THINK they are. Rule that always works: If you want a woman, IGNORE her. She then questions why you are not showering her with attention like every other dick in the joint. This makes you unique. She then will have sex with you to prove shes as attractive as she thinks she is. Bazinga you just had a lady over.

 

[Ickorus]

Wanna know why nice guys tend to have low self-confidence?

Nice guys tend to get snapped up by manipulative bitches first and then when the manipulative ***** has had her way with him and sufficiently fucked up his self-confidence she'll dump him, he'll not be over her right away and even when he is he'll never have the confidence he did before manipulative ***** sunk her harpy claws into him and tore out his soul.

Hmm, I want to delete that because it's about 90% fabrication but it just seems so well written it would be a waste.

In reality with me I was cheated on by a girl I really loved and then got into a rebound relationship with a long-time friend and me and her really sucked at being in a relationship together. Still, gave me a nasty knock to my confidence.

 

[Daveman]

The Bitterness is Strong with This One.

First off, there's a difference between being confident in who you are and what you can do and broadcasting this in how you carry yourself and how you interact with others, and being arrogant and narcissistic. The difference between what you believe you can do and what you can do is completely irrelevant to the type of confidence in question.

Secondly, the fact that they found occasion to say something to that effect means you almost certainly fit somewhere in the "nice guy" category.

Well first off, thanks for thinking I'm a nice guy although it's kind of annoying because I don't really agree with the idea of the "finishing last" although I totally live up to the rule by finishing ridiculously last. It's gotten to the point that even my most socially awkward of friends now have girlfriends and it's just embarrassing. Then I worry that if I did get a girlfriend it would just be for the sake of having one and then it's a whole back and forth bit of turmoil from then on.

tbh I really know what to say about confidence in respect to this thread. The entire issue here is just getting far too generalised. There are fuckloads of different factors even coming down to the taste of their saliva that influence whether a girl will like a guy. To say it's based entirely on one character attribute is like saying men only care about big boobs. The reason I don't think I have a girlfriend is because I haven't met anybody (except this one girl, but that's a long and depressing story) who has enough in common with me for me to even consider forming a relationship. So maybe the answer is, nice guys are more picky in terms of starting a relationship.

 

[pulse2]

I think the pressure to be in a relationship is overwhelming enough for some people to overcome those confidence issues. For others, shyness is just a personality trait, there's nothing that can be donw about it, though it doesn't necessarily determine how good of a boyfriend or husband you would be.

Theres a difference between being shy to talk to girls and being shy to defend your gf or be dependable.

 

[Evil Moo]

I'm in the mood for a metaphor.

The nice guy is a doormat, the bad boy is the monkey swinging from the chandelier. Not only will you not notice the nice guy, but he quietly serves his purpose as you walk in. The bad boy however is the exciting new object in the room, commanding your attention as he assaults your light fittings.
My current role in this metaphor is more that of a mildly uninteresting painting on the wall. I have no purpose as such, I do not give people back more than they are willing to invest in me, which given that I am not exactly inspiring in the first place, doesn't usually add up to much in either direction. I am simply something in the background, something people get used to and may even like, but the background is where I stay. Unless anyone is bothered enough to come over and invest some real energy in finding what's there, no one will even think to consider if they find me attractive or not.

Of course it probably isn't healthy to maintain such a façade of disinterest in relationships... sexual repression and all that. On the other hand I reckon that if I don't voluntarily keep my distance from these aspects of life, then other people will force that result anyway, so I might as well mute the suffering of investing emotion into others by simply assuming rejection in all cases until someone else has the initiative to show interest in me. At which point I would probably throw it in their face because I would be completely unable to accept the slightest possibility that someone could somehow be attracted to me and I would consider any contradiction to this to be intentionally mocking to me and, on a deeper level, an attack on my worldview.

Nice guys may often finish last, but I no longer particularly want to start. Yet at the same time, I am not allowed to leave the track.

 

[Mr Somewhere]

Of course the theory is nonsense. But then, it's natural that I'd think so. We live in a cruel uncaring universe. Everything happens by chance, there is no rhyme nor reason. But what makes it great, is the human ability to forge meaning and a path amongst the nothingness, or hey, that's what I think...
Now, if we're talking strictly relationships, why is there any reason for having these strict stereotypes, people are people not machines, love happens at random. But confidence is important!

 

[MGlBlaze]

I have probably met 200-ish women since I hit the age of 16 and I have asked out 9 girls all to be rejected, friend zoned and manipulated all the time. I am the nicest guy in my group and I treat women like the goddesses they are, and you know what I am finishing so far last I haven't even left the starting gate (and the furthest I have ever gotten was kissing a girl who was so drunk she could only just about walk).

Women are not goddesses, they are people like you, I or anyone else. They have their quirks, they have their opinions and their virtues, and they are capable of doing quite bad things or making terrible mistakes.
I was in denial in an abusive relationship for close to three years; I should know. (Yes, of course I know not many women are as bad as my now-ex-girlfriend. I still curse my younger self, though.)

Also, why did you kiss that girl if she was so obviously drunk? Not only should someone who allows themselves to be compromised to that extent not have moves made on them (At least not while they are drunk), but you took advantage of said heavily compromised state and it doesn't make you any better.

You're not coming across as such a 'good guy' right now.

On a separate note, 'friend zone' is just a somewhat more diplomatic way of rejecting someone. If they were interested in you, being their friend beforehand would be a help, not a hindrance.
I don't appreciate such euphemisms, but that's just me.

 

[qeinar]

People blaming beeing a "good guy" on not having a gf do probably have more problems than beeing a good guy. : p

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Self professed "nice guys" are just hiding behind that so they don't have to try. To them I say grow a spine and some balls and give it a go, if you get rejected so what? They probably weren't right for you anyway (probably a bit arrogant, but a tiny bit arrogance isn't a bad thing)