My friend says the "Good guys come last" theory is BS

[Shapsters]

This is old news.

I'm well aware that the guys who get girls are douches and I would treat a girlfriend 1000 times better than they would ever be treated with some douche, but the fact of the matter is that it's irrelevant due to the fact I don't have the balls to actually ask girls out. It all boils down to confidence, which is why I've never had a girlfriend.

 

[Marble Dragon]

I know girls who prefer 'bad boys.' And you know what they are? They're high schoolers! They're teenage girls who just want a fun time! They don't want a boy to marry, to have kids with, to spend all their life with. They want a cute boy hanging on their arm, kissing them and making them look hotter because the bad boys are into them. They aren't respectable women.

I also know girls, teenage and otherwise, who would love to date a guy that didn't treat them like shit, that truly loved them.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

Nice job. You just made a huge and offensive generalization on about half the human race, give or take. And in the vast majority of women, it's not true. Like I said, just because a couple of slutty fifteen year old girls prefer 'bad boys' doesn't mean all women do. And what would women have to lie about? You think I ever hear "Oh, it makes us look bad!" from my girlfriends? No! I'm perfectly open about the kind of guy I'm into, because I have no reason not to be and I don't particularly care what guys think.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

You're confusing 'pussy/pansy' with good guy, and 'stands up for himself' with bad boy.

Thank you so much. I prefer my male companions to have more balls than me, thanks. If you aren't self confident and strong in who you are, you don't come off as a poor little nice guy. You come off as a pansy without the social skills for a devoted relationship.

And hey, if a girl really does prefer 'bad boys' who are really total dicks, why the hell would you want her? She's either a high schooler or an idiot, possibly both.

Finally! Sense, reason and a well thought out argument. Also, just a point, wondering if you will back me up. In a relationship, if one party is 'looking after' the other, it tends to fall apart. Doesn't matter which gender the one being looked after is. In a proper relationship you should be looking after each other as needed, not just an one sided thing.

I'd say that's definitely true. All the relationships I've ever seen where one party has to play mama end poorly with lots of hurt feelings. Really, is a person who needs to be looked after capable of a good, meaningful relationship? I'm not saying you can't have problems, but if a person doesn't have the capability to deal with their own problems to some extent, it seems unlikely they'll be able to deal with their partner's. Then, the other side of the relationship is left drained and falling apart over an investment of time and emotion that really didn't pay off. Bad stuff on both sides.

 

[archvile93]

Not all true nice guys are taken, some just are afraid to put themselves in a vulnerable posistion. At least that's my guess. I wouldn't know though because my reason for being single is that I hate most people, and wouldn't even think of letting another person into my life unless I absolutely have to or could gain monetarily, and even them I toss them out the second I get what I wanted, not that I ever pretend it will last longer than that. Not all bad boys get women either.

 

[Chromanin]

I don't get relationships and marriage anyway. I've seen very few of either ever work out. As far as the people I've known go: guys want sex, and girls want money. Men should just pay to screw, and women should just dig for gold, and they should quit trying to figure each other out. This relationship stuff is just foreplay to what each side really wants.

 

[Tanfastic]

No matter how confident you are it doesn't give you the right to go around being a dick to everybody, act like you're better than everyone, and then turn around and be "sweet" to all the ladies. Its sick that guys like that get away with what they do.

I'm confident and and quite outgoing, i've let several girls know how I feel, the ones that didn't return the feeling (most of them) turned around and dated the guys that we disliked for year due to how big of dicks they were. And three of them had the nerve to say "I like you to... Just the time isn't right." then I never heard from them again. Each time that guy came up to me and told me to leave her alone "I never wanna see you talk to her again (even if you were friends for five years or more!) or i'll rip you a new one!" Yea. Real "confident" ⌐.⌐

 

[Simriel]

I know girls who prefer 'bad boys.' And you know what they are? They're high schoolers! They're teenage girls who just want a fun time! They don't want a boy to marry, to have kids with, to spend all their life with. They want a cute boy hanging on their arm, kissing them and making them look hotter because the bad boys are into them. They aren't respectable women.

I also know girls, teenage and otherwise, who would love to date a guy that didn't treat them like shit, that truly loved them.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

Nice job. You just made a huge and offensive generalization on about half the human race, give or take. And in the vast majority of women, it's not true. Like I said, just because a couple of slutty fifteen year old girls prefer 'bad boys' doesn't mean all women do. And what would women have to lie about? You think I ever hear "Oh, it makes us look bad!" from my girlfriends? No! I'm perfectly open about the kind of guy I'm into, because I have no reason not to be and I don't particularly care what guys think.

Girls don't like the idea of them preferring a bad boy over a good guy because it makes them look bad, so they deny it even though it is 100% true.

You're confusing 'pussy/pansy' with good guy, and 'stands up for himself' with bad boy.

Thank you so much. I prefer my male companions to have more balls than me, thanks. If you aren't self confident and strong in who you are, you don't come off as a poor little nice guy. You come off as a pansy without the social skills for a devoted relationship.

And hey, if a girl really does prefer 'bad boys' who are really total dicks, why the hell would you want her? She's either a high schooler or an idiot, possibly both.

Finally! Sense, reason and a well thought out argument. Also, just a point, wondering if you will back me up. In a relationship, if one party is 'looking after' the other, it tends to fall apart. Doesn't matter which gender the one being looked after is. In a proper relationship you should be looking after each other as needed, not just an one sided thing.

I'd say that's definitely true. All the relationships I've ever seen where one party has to play mama end poorly with lots of hurt feelings. Really, is a person who needs to be looked after capable of a good, meaningful relationship? I'm not saying you can't have problems, but if a person doesn't have the capability to deal with their own problems to some extent, it seems unlikely they'll be able to deal with their partner's. Then, the other side of the relationship is left drained and falling apart over an investment of time and emotion that really didn't pay off. Bad stuff on both sides.

The relationships I have been in where I had to look after the girl ended up falling apart horribly, it just didnt work, however the ones where it was an equal partnership, both helping each other where they needed it have been worth it. Those have fallen apart for reasons of the world being an imperfect place, but those are the ones I miss.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

The issue that I see with this thread is that people are generalizing way too much. Two of the biggest ones I'm seeing are these:
1) People with low confidence are nice guys
2) People with high confidence are bad boys

There's PLENTY of people with low confidence who consider themselves to be "nice guys" although they want exactly the same thing bad boys want, but can't muster up the confidence to use their approach. Conversely there are also plenty of people with low confidence who are genuinely nice guys. Basically what I'm saying is you cannot generalize, confidence does not equal being a jerk, and lack thereof does not make you a kind person. The exact same generalization is being made with what kind of guy women want, when there clearly isn't a single answer.

Now, I consider myself a nice guy but I'm not going to blame my lack of a girlfriend on it. Their are plenty of reasons I don't get female attention, I'm not very confident, my social skills are mediocre at best, I'm not particularily attractive, and most significantly because I'm a bitter person who shuns whatever little attention I might get. Being nice is never a reason why a girl wouldn't want to go out with you. It's a way to make you feel better about yourself by blaming it on a good quality. If you are a nice guy who get's a lot of rejection try to man up and think of what actual reasons there may be for not liking you. If it's something you can work on, try and fix it. If not, than she's probably not the girl for you and you should try to find someone more compatible.

 

[RaikuFA]

No matter how confident you are it doesn't give you the right to go around being a dick to everybody, act like you're better than everyone, and then turn around and be "sweet" to all the ladies. Its sick that guys like that get away with what they do.

I'm confident and and quite outgoing, i've let several girls know how I feel, the ones that didn't return the feeling (most of them) turned around and dated the guys that we disliked for year due to how big of dicks they were. And three of them had the nerve to say "I like you to... Just the time isn't right." then I never heard from them again. Each time that guy came up to me and told me to leave her alone "I never wanna see you talk to her again (even if you were friends for five years or more!) or i'll rip you a new one!" Yea. Real "confident" ⌐.⌐

dear God do i hate those type of guys

 

[the-loopy]

Well I think the vast majority of these so called great guys are shockingly misogynistic, by treating all women with contempt due to some personal rejection on their part. Instead of chalking it up to the fact that often someone just isn't into you, instead it's the fault of the entire female populace, who simply can't see how great they are.

So yeah, the kind of whiny guy who would proclaim nice guys finish last (in earnest) are just as annoying as the typical bad boys they complain about.

It is bullshit, in other words, yes.

Agreed completely. Most 'nice guys' I meet (hell, I used to be one of them) can be easily described by one word. That word: doormat.

They will bend over backwards for any girl, buy them anything they want, all the time nursing a faint hope that the girl will finally notice them. It won't happen.

What those guys need to do is take a break, reinvent themselves after finding something in themselves to gain some confidence and self-respect. If they can't think of any reason to like themselves, then why would anyone else? Work on that before you start on your quest to find true love.

 

[FightThePower]

Nice guys do finish last, because that's because guys that assign themselves under the term 'nice guy' are generally insecure, underconfident and not that fun to be around. No one wants to date a guy who does nothing but self-pity; trust me, I was one.

But that's totally changed now. I don't self-pity anymore, I'm just extremely bitter and cynical...which no one wants to date either. Bugger.

 

[Darkauthor81]

In a science study performed, people were given a number to wear on their heads. 1 to 10. They don't know what their number is but they can see other people's numbers. They are told to pare up with person with the highest number that they can. People of similar numbers ended up together. 5s got with 5s. 10s got with 10s. etc etc with little variance. The people with the high numbers could tell their number was high because of all the attention they got while the people with low numbers got no attention and had to try harder. So the high numbers held out for someone else with a high number while the people with low numbers go with whoever was left, other people with low numbers.

Ok so the thing is.... The "bad boys" ARE bad boys in part because women want them. He's a 8, a 9, or even a 10. Which means he has the attention of girls ranking from 1 all the way to 10. They don't HAVE to be nice. They already have some advantage, be it looks, popularity, or money, that makes them appealing to women. They don't have to try or care. Turn him down? Break up with him? He doesn't care. He'll be with another girl soon and he knows it. The 8 9 and 10 who aren't dicks get snatched up VERY quickly.

"Nice guys" are typically deficient in some way. Unattractive, insecure, poor, unpopular, lacking in social skills. They're the 1-6. Not only do they only get the attention of low rated women similar to themselves but those low rated women are trying for that 8, 9, and 10 guy anyway. Guys are just as guilty of this too but women are naturally much more choosy and thus fall into their behavior much more easily. "Nice guys" actually have to try to get a woman's attention and appreciate it when they do. They don't have the advantage and try to make up for it by giving the women what they think women want.

And yes, "Nice Guys" do finish last. They're the ones women get with after they realize the 8 9 and 10s don't want them but were happy to use them for a night or two.

These are broad generalizations but under all the logic, reasoning, hopeful thinking. You might think, hope, pray that we're more evolved than this but psychology studies have proven time and time again that we're not.

 

[Superveloce6]

that saying should be reworded for modern day understanding so I will do that.

"Don't be a pussy" is what the saying means.

 

[RaikuFA]

does anyone think labeling all women that reject you as shallow a good idea?

 

[Twilight_guy]

I dunno my dad is not a "bad boy" by any stretch of the imagination, he's a fairly devout catholic and pretty quiet. Yet he found a girl and has been married for 20+ years. I'd say that theory doesn't hold water then.

 

[Krantos]

It's definitely confidence that matters. Don't believe me?

Before I got married, I always had to make the first move with every girl I dated. Since I got married, I've been hit on more times than I can remember. And this is from girls who don't know I'm married so you can't blame that.

What happened? Did I suddenly become more attractive, more interesting? No. But I stopped being self-conscious around women. Being able to look them in the eye, smile and shake their hand earns you considerable brownie points.

In my case I just hope they notice my ring before they do/say anything embarrassing.

 

[pulse2]

Men and women can be as shallow as each other.

 

[teknoarcanist]

Just remember:

nice != introverted and unassuming

 

[Ultrajoe]

These are broad generalizations but under all the logic, reasoning, hopeful thinking. You might think, hope, pray that we're more evolved than this but psychology studies have proven time and time again that we're not.

Adapting a clever study and its results to your rather restricted, hetero-normative notions of a person's 'worth' is not science. It is irresponsible.

It is silly.

 

[dakorok]

In a science study performed, people were given a number to wear on their heads. 1 to 10. They don't know what their number is but they can see other people's numbers. They are told to pare up with person with the highest number that they can. People of similar numbers ended up together. 5s got with 5s. 10s got with 10s. etc etc with little variance. The people with the high numbers could tell their number was high because of all the attention they got while the people with low numbers got no attention and had to try harder. So the high numbers held out for someone else with a high number while the people with low numbers go with whoever was left, other people with low numbers.

Ok so the thing is.... The "bad boys" ARE bad boys in part because women want them. He's a 8, a 9, or even a 10. Which means he has the attention of girls ranking from 1 all the way to 10. They don't HAVE to be nice. They already have some advantage, be it looks, popularity, or money, that makes them appealing to women. They don't have to try or care. Turn him down? Break up with him? He doesn't care. He'll be with another girl soon and he knows it. The 8 9 and 10 who aren't dicks get snatched up VERY quickly.

"Nice guys" are typically deficient in some way. Unattractive, insecure, poor, unpopular, lacking in social skills. They're the 1-6. Not only do they only get the attention of low rated women similar to themselves but those low rated women are trying for that 8, 9, and 10 guy anyway. Guys are just as guilty of this too but women are naturally much more choosy and thus fall into their behavior much more easily. "Nice guys" actually have to try to get a woman's attention and appreciate it when they do. They don't have the advantage and try to make up for it by giving the women what they think women want.

And yes, "Nice Guys" do finish last. They're the ones women get with after they realize the 8 9 and 10s don't want them but were happy to use them for a night or two.

These are broad generalizations but under all the logic, reasoning, hopeful thinking. You might think, hope, pray that we're more evolved than this but psychology studies have proven time and time again that we're not.

This is the best explanation I have ever seen for this. You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.