My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

[Thyunda]

This is gonna sound harsh, but I'm with the 'leave her' crowd. She's gonna be his little trophy kiss - "Yeah, I made out with that girl even though she has a boyfriend. And the poor sucker's still driving her places and buying her shit."
I'm a proud person. I wouldn't be able to take that. If you're a little more modest, then I suppose you could try and work through it...but to me, there doesn't sound like there's anything to work towards. You spoon her all night, you say? Even I can't do that. I pull back when I start getting pins and needles.
But in truth, what CAN you work towards? If there were genuinely no real issues before this, then the only thing you can do is say "don't cheat on me again. In fact. Why did you even do it in the first place?"

I was cheated on before by an ex of mine. I forgave her and gave her another chance. Then she just started taking the piss. Yeah, I forgave her for cheating on me, and she read that as "Now I can treat him however I want because he won't leave me for anything."

You do not want to get into that.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Dude, simple fact is, she told you, that in it's self is worth putting it under the carpet, I had vaguely similar situation around the same time in my relationship, I know what it's like, things just start to get nice and comfy and steady and then that comes along.

So just talk it over, but put a dusting of guilt over it, just a teeeeeenie bit, in an "I would never do that to you" angle, should stop it from happening again.

Ignore all the cynicism from the rest of the internet, just go with whatever you think's right, asking the internet will just make all those silly thoughts bigger.

Talk and forgive her. You won't regret it.

The fact that she told him doesn't make what she did right; it just means she wasn't as bad as she could have been. However, I agree with you that he should at least talk it out with her before dumping her on the spot. From what he has described, she is really into this other guy so it might be for the best if he lets her go. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who felt I was standing in the way of them being with someone else.

 

[Macgyvercas]

Crap, where the devil is Aylaine when you need her most. She would be the perfect person to ask about this.

As for me, I say give her another chance, as it was just a kiss. If it had gone farther than that, then you might have a real problem (not that you don't already, but you get my point).

 

[A-D.]

Honestly? Adopt the "Eye for an Eye"-Policy i use. It works really well. Just lay down the singular groundrule that anything she does with somebody else, you are allowed to just as well for the exact same time. If she fucked 2 Guys for example, you get 2 Girls to fuck without her being able to say ANYTHING to you about it, after all, she started it. It also works the other way around, if you are unfaithful to her, she gets a free ticket for one fuck just the same.

Used that for Years, set the rules straight from the start and never had the Issue with them cheating on me or me cheating on them. Im not a jealous Person so i take it more practical, if she does it, then i should be allowed to as well. Usually that knowledge will keep them from ever doing it in the first place, or if so, be as discreet as possible that no one would ever find out.

If you need to prove your Point to her, Kiss a friend, female one if possible, her Mother or Sister if she has one, though you should inform them of that fact first, i.e. that it is a Demonstration. I aint saying you should jump her Mother or Sister, but yeah, it tends to help prove that point real well. >_>

 

[Soveru]

A second chance perhaps? See if she tries to make it up to you. If it does happen again then you ditch her

 

[Continuity]

A kiss isn't the end of the world but it is a flashing red light. Tread carefully but stick with her for now.

IMO.

 

[Thyunda]

Honestly? Adopt the "Eye for an Eye"-Policy i use. It works really well. Just lay down the singular groundrule that anything she does with somebody else, you are allowed to just as well for the exact same time. If she fucked 2 Guys for example, you get 2 Girls to fuck without her being able to say ANYTHING to you about it, after all, she started it. It also works the other way around, if you are unfaithful to her, she gets a free ticket for one fuck just the same.

Used that for Years, set the rules straight from the start and never had the Issue with them cheating on me or me cheating on them. Im not a jealous Person so i take it more practical, if she does it, then i should be allowed to as well. Usually that knowledge will keep them from ever doing it in the first place, or if so, be as discreet as possible that no one would ever find out.

If you need to prove your Point to her, Kiss a friend, female one if possible, her Mother or Sister if she has one, though you should inform them of that fact first, i.e. that it is a Demonstration. I aint saying you should jump her Mother or Sister, but yeah, it tends to help prove that point real well. >_>

Does it work really well? If you have a usually-jealous partner, then this rule furthers the rift made by the initial cheating. And, even worse, it can be taken as a no-consequence rule. In the case of the OP, the girl could easily stay with him for the money and commitment he brings to her, and she can do whatever she wants because the rule says that whatever she does, he can do the same.
At that stage, you might as well have no relationship. And on the same page, what if he has terrible luck with women? Or what if he cannot bring himself to cheat? That ends up with him being thrown into a very partner-controlled environment where he can't just revoke the rule after she's been around the field a couple of times.

 

[Curlythelock]

I'd dump her, I have no tolerance for cheating, one chance with me then you're out.

 

[Fugitive Panda]

The fact that she came around and admitted it almost immediately is a sign of a trustworthy person. Someone who admits they dropped the ball, rather than try to rationalize it away. I'm normally one to advocate cutting your loses and moving on when you can honestly say you distrust your partner, but all relationships trip over themselves sooner or later, and this little incident is relatively minor. I mean, a stray kiss? When a friend or co-worker makes a sudden advance like that, it's very easy to be overwhelmed and just accept it. It's not necessarily indicative of a cheating heart.

Now, if she had gone any further than a kiss - even just a simple grope of the ass - drop her immediately, as she clearly isn't sexually mature enough to be truly faithful. Which makes sense, considering you're still in your goddamn teens.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

The fact that she came around and admitted it almost immediately is a sign of a trustworthy person. Someone who admits they dropped the ball, rather than try to rationalize it away. I'm normally one to advocate cutting your loses and moving on when you can honestly say you distrust your partner, but all relationships trip over themselves sooner or later, and this little incident is relatively minor. I mean, a stray kiss? When a friend or co-worker makes a sudden advance like that, it's very easy to be overwhelmed and just accept it. It's not necessarily indicative of a cheating heart.

Now, if she had gone any further than a kiss - even just a simple grope of the ass - drop her immediately, as she clearly isn't sexually mature enough to be truly faithful. Which makes sense, considering you're still in your goddamn teens.

I agree with you, but she has mentioned to the original poster that she wanted her co-worker to kiss her, and that, if not for the original poster, she would be with her co-worker. I think both of those facts changes things a little. It honestly sounds like a one-sided relationship to me.

 

[Uncle Twat]

God I love forums.

Break up, chat her mam up. Be a winner.

 

[A-D.]

Does it work really well? If you have a usually-jealous partner, then this rule furthers the rift made by the initial cheating. And, even worse, it can be taken as a no-consequence rule. In the case of the OP, the girl could easily stay with him for the money and commitment he brings to her, and she can do whatever she wants because the rule says that whatever she does, he can do the same.
At that stage, you might as well have no relationship. And on the same page, what if he has terrible luck with women? Or what if he cannot bring himself to cheat? That ends up with him being thrown into a very partner-controlled environment where he can't just revoke the rule after she's been around the field a couple of times.

Well obviously it doesnt work for everyone to begin with. And its really specific on when the Rule is set first. Usually you do have Relationships where your Partner will at least somewhat be against the Idea of you cheating on them, hence its a prevention since they can stop you from doing it by not doing it themselves. Of course it might also work different to its intent, though i suppose that too could lead to advantages for yourself, 3somes and the like.

Really it depends on the Partner and whether you are willing to do it yourself, but for my part, i have followed that Rule and usually never had Problems. Granted im not jealous to begin with but for me it works as it at least somewhat prevents the Issue from occuring, or at the very least, my Partner being very very careful if they ever did it so i dont find out and i generally am very observant and tend to find out sooner rather than later.

Though what anyone should ask themselves is really if the cheating is really that bad in itself, or if its the lying and secrecy with it. I hate being lied to, so if my Partner would cheat on me, i'd expect them to be honest about it and tell me, if they however would try to keep it secret or lie blatantly to my face, then no, i wouldnt give them another chance.

 

[ensouls]

I did nothing wrong. I've blown about $2000 on her the last 3 months, I drive her every where. She spent the last week at my place, went home for work and let the guy that gave her a lift home after work a kiss because she wanted it.

Also, if it wasn't for me she would date him but she wants me...

Honestly, this sounds like the problem. Or part of it.

A real relationship is not "I give you X, therefore, you will do X for me." From either side. It's not good that you've spent that much money on her in such a short time anyway - it's just not wise, financially, and if she's responsible with money she'd understand that too.

Good relationships aren't about just the romantic stuff either. Spooning is not an agreement not to kiss other guys (and tbh the fact that you felt you should add "and I never hit her" really creeps me out). You have to be great friends first, before that stuff means anything. Otherwise you're just seeing what you can get out of each other for your own ends - money, romance, sex.

Don't get me wrong, you're not at fault because she chose to kiss another guy. But you shouldn't be surprised either. I can't suggest staying with this girl.. and you may want to rethink how you look at dating relationships.

 

[Thyunda]

Though what anyone should ask themselves is really if the cheating is really that bad in itself, or if its the lying and secrecy with it. I hate being lied to, so if my Partner would cheat on me, i'd expect them to be honest about it and tell me, if they however would try to keep it secret or lie blatantly to my face, then no, i wouldnt give them another chance.

Agreed. Except, my problem is I'm far too proud. I refuse to be seen as that guy who pays the rent and provides security and stability for a girl who's just gonna sleep with whoever she wants. It's not so much that she's sleeping around or kissing whoever, it's that she's an object of pride for these assholes. My stance has always been to at least talk to the guy first. If he thought she was single, he's excused. But when they take it as a testament to their manliness that they've somehow...wrested a girl from her boyfriend for a night, then that's what really gets me riled.

 

[Outright Villainy]

If you think you can forgive her, then do it. But I'd watch her more if I were you. Not in an over-bearing way, but I'd ask a few more questions about where she's going or hanging out. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but she's got to understand that she broke that trust, and now she's got to win it back.

If she can't deal with that, or if you can't forgive her, then end it.
It sucks, but trust is a pivotal foundation in any relationship.

I would also say "this".

It'd be a shame to lose a relationship over a kiss, but she can't just get off scot free. From here on out, trust needs to be rebuilt, and you're entitled to be more suspicious than before.

Though, like Baby Tea said, badgering her with questions is going to help anyone. Just make it known things are not a-ok for a while.

 

[Artina89]

$2000 in 3 months? What were you getting her? I would talk to her first about the whole situation, but I would be a bit suspicious. For all you know she could be afraid of kissing this guy because if you break up with her, then her train would run out of gravy. I am not saying that that is the reason she is staying with you, but it could be a factor. My trust is a fragile thing and I give people one chance. If you cheat on me, that is the only time you will because I will kick your cheating ass out of my life.

 

[Artina89]

Double post, my internet likes to flake out on me.

 

[A-D.]

Though what anyone should ask themselves is really if the cheating is really that bad in itself, or if its the lying and secrecy with it. I hate being lied to, so if my Partner would cheat on me, i'd expect them to be honest about it and tell me, if they however would try to keep it secret or lie blatantly to my face, then no, i wouldnt give them another chance.

Agreed. Except, my problem is I'm far too proud. I refuse to be seen as that guy who pays the rent and provides security and stability for a girl who's just gonna sleep with whoever she wants. It's not so much that she's sleeping around or kissing whoever, it's that she's an object of pride for these assholes. My stance has always been to at least talk to the guy first. If he thought she was single, he's excused. But when they take it as a testament to their manliness that they've somehow...wrested a girl from her boyfriend for a night, then that's what really gets me riled.

Well if anything, talk to your Girlfriend, or Boyfriend or whatever first. See if the Relationship can even be salvaged to begin with. Of course a misstep can be excused, but only once. If it repeats, or repeats in such a manner that is entirely not "okay". I mean kissing is fine, i dont see a issue with that. I've been known to kiss Chicks when im pretty drunk, with my Girlfriend right beside me, well okay said Girls are long-time Friends of mine and they know that there is no real romantic feeling behind it and i'd never go further than that, hell i even do it to my manly friends from time to time, though usually more as a dare than anything else, well and some eyecandy for the ladies XD

Point being, kissing is kinda..alright i suppose, depending on why it happens and how. Sex is a bit of a tough one, i mean i understand if people would take more offense to that than to kissing but the point being, if your Partner slips, talk it over, see if there is any Point in even trying to salvage anything. If there isnt, just move on.

 

[Ghostkai]

If it's eating you up inside enough to warrent you telling the internet about it, I'd just end it. It's obviously a big deal to you (and rightly so).

It's not like you've been in this a long time, it's only been 3 months. Move on mate.