My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

[The Last Parade]

dude I read the original post and you're acting like a bit of a *****, man up, get mad and tell her how you feel, but you have to realise it was a kiss, it's not like she fucked him. if she regrets it and says sorry then take her back, worse can and has been done

 

[Thyunda]

Though what anyone should ask themselves is really if the cheating is really that bad in itself, or if its the lying and secrecy with it. I hate being lied to, so if my Partner would cheat on me, i'd expect them to be honest about it and tell me, if they however would try to keep it secret or lie blatantly to my face, then no, i wouldnt give them another chance.

Agreed. Except, my problem is I'm far too proud. I refuse to be seen as that guy who pays the rent and provides security and stability for a girl who's just gonna sleep with whoever she wants. It's not so much that she's sleeping around or kissing whoever, it's that she's an object of pride for these assholes. My stance has always been to at least talk to the guy first. If he thought she was single, he's excused. But when they take it as a testament to their manliness that they've somehow...wrested a girl from her boyfriend for a night, then that's what really gets me riled.

Well if anything, talk to your Girlfriend, or Boyfriend or whatever first. See if the Relationship can even be salvaged to begin with. Of course a misstep can be excused, but only once. If it repeats, or repeats in such a manner that is entirely not "okay". I mean kissing is fine, i dont see a issue with that. I've been known to kiss Chicks when im pretty drunk, with my Girlfriend right beside me, well okay said Girls are long-time Friends of mine and they know that there is no real romantic feeling behind it and i'd never go further than that, hell i even do it to my manly friends from time to time, though usually more as a dare than anything else, well and some eyecandy for the ladies XD

Point being, kissing is kinda..alright i suppose, depending on why it happens and how. Sex is a bit of a tough one, i mean i understand if people would take more offense to that than to kissing but the point being, if your Partner slips, talk it over, see if there is any Point in even trying to salvage anything. If there isnt, just move on.

With the example we have now, it's not so much that it's a kiss, it's that she let him do it. It's not the action, it's more the context. If the friend had held a gun to her head and forced her to kiss him, we'd treat it the same as if she'd been forced to have sex with him. But because it was totally voluntary, it puts us on a whole different playing field. If this is a work friend, we can assume two things. Firstly, she was totally sober and in control of her actions. Secondly, he knows her well enough to know she's taken. Immediately, I can guess that at this point in time, nobody had any semblance of respect for our OP. Was this due to circumstance? Well...no. There was no alcohol, there was no intimidation, and if this was a ride home from work, it's not even a case of one thing leading to another. It sounds like a fully conscious decision of "Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do."
To me, that would be automatic "Get out of my life, you skanky ho." Possibly a little more eloquence on my part, though.

Also, your first paragraph - damn. Sounds like you got it going on!
I'll bet you get a lot of flak for it though.

 

[Cridhe]

I'll probably get a warning/suspension for this but it'll be worth it;

You could grow a pair of testicles and act like a man about it. So fucking what she kissed some other guy? Are you more mad about the fact she did it, or the fact you didn't give yourself the opportunity to kiss+ another woman?

As human beings if we all admitted to ourselves we want more than one thing to get us by, we'd all be a lot more damn happy about it. If you're completely insistent on monogamy, re-read my first sentence.

 

[Mr. Google]

I did nothing wrong. I've blown about $2000 on her the last 3 months, I drive her every where. She spent the last week at my place, went home for work and let the guy that gave her a lift home after work a kiss because she wanted it.

Also, if it wasn't for me she would date him but she wants me...

Yeah I've been down this road before it doesn't work out. It starts off with the anger of finding out, then its the calm of no she won't do that again but then what kills the relationship faster than Mario Lopez in a Porsche is the paranoia. I personally went crazy with thinking, "Why hasn't she responded yet....is she talking to someone else? Why isn't she talking to me. I know she's talking to this guy does she like him?" I would go on her facebook and match up the times of when she last did something to when she last texted me. After a week of that extreme i ended it. I couldn't take what I was doing to myself or what i was doing to her in a sense. I told her what I was doing and she begged me to not end it because she wanted to work around it and regain my trust. But it wont ever happen its gone...like long gone now.

Oh but to be fair mine was more extreme she had sex with him and it was like 3 months later when we tried again after i found out. Then yeah craziness.

 

[Yosato]

This is probably the unpopular answer, but I'd break up with her. It's like you said, it's an issue of trust and I know that if I were in the same position I know it would just keep coming back to me to the point where I couldn't even look at her without picturing it. Call me insecure but whatever, that's my view.

And she said she'd date him if it weren't for you? . . That's kind of a weird thing to say don't you think? I mean I know she's being honest and all but even so, that must make you pretty uncomfortable.

 

[Cridhe]

I did nothing wrong. I've blown about $2000 on her the last 3 months, I drive her every where. She spent the last week at my place, went home for work and let the guy that gave her a lift home after work a kiss because she wanted it.

Also, if it wasn't for me she would date him but she wants me...

Yeah I've been down this road before it doesn't work out. It starts off with the anger of finding out, then its the calm of no she won't do that again but then what kills the relationship faster than Mario Lopez in a Porsche is the paranoia. I personally went crazy with thinking, "Why hasn't she responded yet....is she talking to someone else? Why isn't she talking to me. I know she's talking to this guy does she like him?" I would go on her facebook and match up the times of when she last did something to when she last texted me. After a week of that extreme i ended it. I couldn't take what I was doing to myself or what i was doing to her in a sense. I told her what I was doing and she begged me to not end it because she wanted to work around it and regain my trust. But it wont ever happen its gone...like long gone now.

He could just give up on the relationship now, because even if everything technically goes back to normal soon his insecurity will kill the relationship. He'll become too demanding, too clingy, and choke the life out of the girl to the point where he's only going to piss her off, when in his mind he'll be believing he's the innocent victim in all this. See my above post about testicles.

Or consider polyamourism.

 

[SpecklePattern]

...
He's a friend of hers from work. He kissed her, she told me she could of stopped it but didn't.
...
She told me specifically that she can't be his friend because she would date him if I wasn't her boyfriend and that she wanted the kiss.
...
I'm going to talk with her tonight. Try and sort it out...Who knows maybe I can get her to agree to a permanent leash?

Well I personally would not trust her after that, butI would be happy that she told that personally.

And looking those things you posted... I would might not really know what to do either.

... ... ...

Personally I would step aside. Not to be a total pussy about it, but with this knowledge I would not be able to trust her anymore. If she really said that she would date him if you weren't her boyfriend... I mean, that is harsh.

Even that leash thing was a joke (?), I would require dedication in a relationship. That is the only thing I would require. If that dedication and trust is broken, with a choice (she chose to kiss), I could not continue that relationship, but perhaps that is just me.

 

[Rayne870]

this is nothing, one of my exes had sex with 3 guys in mexico while i was away on basic training, and then 2 guys when she got home from her trip in mexico. that is something that cant be worked through, but a kiss and her guilt means you can work through it don't dwell on it tell her how you feel, and tell her you want to work through this and forgive her.

 

[Lyri]

*snip*

Just going to say that my girlfriend was in an unhappy relationship before she met me, I'm sure you can figure out how we met.
When it was discovered she went back to him in hopes of fixing it with him and being with him, we didn't see anything of one another for 5 months.
He continued to be an ass about it, she left him and has now been with me for 2 years.

Do yourself a favour, trust her. She went back to you, she told you straight up and she clearly feels bad about it.
Turning it on her will be a huge mistake.

 

[Jegsimmons]

Have you tried hitting her?
nah i'm just kidding, don't hit her.

talk to her about it and if that doesn't flow, find another.
plenty of fish in the sea all you have to do is lower the net.

 

[Lenin211]

Dump that *****!

No, don't do that. Try talking to her and don't be afraid to tell her how you feel.

 

[standokan]

Give her a second chance but hold a little back, show her that you're hurt, if she does it again, end it.

Edit: I don't know if he has appeared yet but if he hasn't, someone ought to call him. I'm talking about BonsaiK of course.

 

[Seives-Sliver]

I don't have much better advice than anyone else on the internet, all I can really say is that you should talk with her and try and stay together. If there was another slip up though, then you need to dump her, it's like that old saying goes 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...' I know it's just a kiss and all, and you made her seem really sorry for that act, but doing it a second time would probably mean she has loyalty issues, even if it's just a kiss, because that can turn into a lot more, jeeze, holding hands with a girl gave me a six month relationship with her breaking up with me and lying about why she did so -.-

 

[ultimateownage]

She told you, didn't she?
She didn't try to hide it. That alone should be enough to reinstate your trust.

 

[TheAmokz]

Reason number 8 why i don't have girlfriend.

Throw that ***** out.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well it's a pickle for sure, I don't know how deep the relationship is so it's hard to say one way or the other.
I was going to suggest telling her about the fragile trust state but a buddy of mine tried just that and it turned her vindictive (escalating the cheating).

So I'll say keep a close eye on her and tone down the relationship, make her see you aren't just there for all her shit, either you both contribute to the relationship or it doesn't work.