My Girlfriend Cheated on Me

[Katana314]

You need to convince yourself you don't need someone like that. That doesn't necessarily mean dumping her; just if you keep your relationship, do NOT make it a dependency; reorganize your life and your priorities such that you could easily spend weeks at a time without remembering that she's your girlfriend. Next time she calls to hang out, turn her down in favor of going out somewhere with your friends. Make yourself reluctant to make a commitment sometime with her.

Part of the reason for that is to make yourself feel happier; that this kind of thing doesn't have to control you, and you can be fine without a disloyal person like that.

The other side of it: Ultimately, make her the one that's working towards loving you, and make her WORK. She deserves that much. Guys have to buy flowers, presents, and chocolates to make up for their mistakes. I don't know what she plans to come up with, but she has to come up with something, and you don't have to help her or even offer suggestions to that end.

And obviously like many have said, if you think you'd feel okay with it, dump her entirely. You don't have to go easy on her whatsoever, but you also don't have to be angry. The "cool, controlled" one is the one who says the least. Example voicemail:

"Hi, it's me. I came to a decision. We're done. You know why. Don't call me again. *click*"

Yeah, I guess I love being a dick in a relationship a bit too much when it's deserved.

 

[fingerbang143]

The rational thing to do would be to talk to her and shit, but if that was me it would be dump city

 

[robert022614]

I have a rule about cheating. If my girl cheats or kisses another guy I cant stay with them. It is easier to break it off because obviously you are not what she wants and I personally would rather find a new love that is trust worthy then "fix" the relationship and worry about if she is cheating everytime she steps out. There is no way you can trust her 100% after that. There will always be that tiny glimmer of doubt that will inevitably lead to arguments and other problems down the road. Even if you dont show it and suck it all in the stess will have a negative affect the relationship. If you are really a good guy then you can find another better girl.

 

[PureChaos]

as it was a kiss and she was sorry, don't hold it against her. if she does it again, THEN you have a problem

 

[Genixma]

Don't ask the internet for advice.

He could of gone to /b/

 

[Smooth Operator]

It was just a kiss, doesn't even matter if she had sex with him. From what you wrote I would guess she loves you and that is all what matters.

Take her back, tell her it is no big deal and don't be an ass and go holding it over her head.

You do understand that crime without consequence is not a crime? I.E. if this isn't a big deal she is free to go at it again.

I understand some of people treat their relationships alot more openly but that sort of thing is not for everyone and should be discussed prior to entering a relationship.

 

[TheAceTheOne]

My ex girlfriend cheated on me. With sex. With two people. At the same time. Serious battle scars on my end.

Try to get back with your gal, be careful if she does it again. It's justifiable to be worried, so you should keep an eye on her. If you feel like it's a possiblity that she'll cheat again/more (In a way my ex did), you should step back, tell her you need some time. Just my opinion, based on my experiences.

 

[Lyri]

Boy did you take that lesson wrong, why the heck would you go back to an unhappy relationship?
If you or your partner feel unhappy then you should end it, if you are so unhappy that you feel the need to find someone new then you should have ended it ages ago, don't make each other miserable for old times sake, move on and find someone new.

Clearly that's the only way it worked out in your case, and it would have gone alot smoother if everyone was honest about it.

Which lesson did I learn?
I didn't, she chose to go back to her relationship in hopes of fixing it with her boyfriend. There's a lot more than what was said and it was more as example to the OP that if he holds something against her after she clearly feels guilt and is sorry about it, he'll lose her anyway.

Sure you can punish her for it but holding it against her like he clearly wants too, he's looking for some kind of justification that he can keep her away from other guys in general.
It's too far and too restrictive. I understand his reasoning for doing so but it's a pretty slippery slope from there if she agrees to it.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Which lesson did I learn?
I didn't, she chose to go back to her relationship in hopes of fixing it with her boyfriend. There's a lot more than what was said and it was more as example to the OP that if he holds something against her after she clearly feels guilt and is sorry about it, he'll lose her anyway.

Sure you can punish her for it but holding it against her like he clearly wants too, he's looking for some kind of justification that he can keep her away from other guys in general.
It's too far and too restrictive. I understand his reasoning for doing so but it's a pretty slippery slope from there if she agrees to it.

And why wouldn't you learn from that example, must everyone repeat that mistake to understand it?

The girl thinks it's ok to step out of the relationship limits, for chirst sakes she found a replacement and wanted him to kiss her... come on now, so yea he needs to hold that against her or she will do it again.
Now she has a clear choice if this is the relationship she actually wants to work for or it's time to move on.

 

[the spud]

Pop some ritalin and rock back and forth in the fetal position while crying.

....

What? That's what I do when something doesn't go well. If you ignore a problem long and vigorously enough, it will eventually go away.

 

[CODE-D]

Say you want to have a threesome with one of her girlfriends.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Since when was it a crime? She obviously regrets it so let it go. Will it matter in a few years? No it will not so there is no reason to make a big deal of something that is not.

And one thing, there are no pre-defined rules in a relationship, it doesn't matter if you are from the same culture. Stop acting like there are. You need to discuss everything first and if you do not well, there is nothing you can do but move on. Seriously... Open your minds and don't be stuck in the past.

Crime was a metaphor...
She cleared her conscious by telling him but that says nothing about her regretting it, which ofcourse isn't a big deal to any of us but there is an actual person out there that needs to live with this and any consequences that follow.

No predefined rules?
I do wonder about that because exclusivity always seems to be assumed in the relationships I've seen and breach of that undefined rule usually is a big deal, but ofcourse that would depend on the individuals social circle.
Maybe we need another thread on this matter because there is a good number of people suggesting solving this with an open relationship.

 

[Lyri]

The girl thinks it's ok to step out of the relationship limits, for chirst sakes she found a replacement and wanted him to kiss her... come on now, so yea he needs to hold that against her or she will do it again.
Now she has a clear choice if this is the relationship she actually wants to work for or it's time to move on.

Replaced him? lol

That's why she went back to him and fessed up about it? There's a clear sign of guilt and regret right there.
It's not a replacement because if it was she wouldn't have gone back to him.
There's setting rules and then there's setting bars around a woman. "You can't be around men" is just a step to far.
If you have to go to those extremes then it's a simple case of don't and ditch her.

 

[Still Life]

Sounds like OP is a sucker. Do you wash and bathe her? Feed her? Help her breathe? A leash was mentioned and I think I have a good idea of who holds it.