Oh no! You're falling in a black hole!

[LordWalter]

I fire up the engines and aim away from the black hole to give me as much time as possible and, assuming I have about 30mins left, I spend my last moments the way I've lived the rest of my life, playing video games in my underwear.

You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. I cannot even conceive of a more noble death.

 

[EchetusXe]

Have a nice cup of tea. Update my Facebook status. Avoid getting raped or slaughtered by the crew.

 

[JEBWrench]

Have a nice cup of tea. Update my Facebook status. Avoid getting raped or slaughtered by the crew.

I agree with this. Maybe a Tweet about it?

"holy shit black hole we're screwed"

Also: Play some Alpha Centauri on the ship's mainframe.

 

[Segadroid]

Get into the escape pod and fly into the black hole in my underpants and with a big cigar on my face. Considering I can't fly away from it, might as well go out in style.

 

[Psychic clownfish]

Turn on some heavy metal, drink myself stupid and gun it right into the heart of this thing.
Go down in a blaze of glory, Metallica and alcohol.

 

[Kursura]

Look out the window, preferably with a powerful telescope. According to general relativity you would see the rest of the universe speed up. You would see the entire future of the universe in a matter of minutes, it should be worth watching.

 

[vaderaider]

Run around the ship shouting Ohhhh fuck.

 

[Snarky Username]

I came hoping to find witty responses and posts on the last moments of a person's life.

I found mass rape on a scale that would make Patrick Bateman cry. And most of the posts that weren't about rape were about how they wished they could be the first to post about rape.


Oh well! I guess I'll go the conformist route and say rape everyone's brains out. Then rape the ship. Then rape myself.

 

[not_the_dm]

Lock myself on the bridge and the crew outside the bridge. Put Bon Jovi on loud. Pour myself a whiskey and watch the end.

 

[SpaceCop]

Hah, I love the sense of mock alarm in the title. It reminds me a little of that teacher at the beginning of Fallout 3. "Oh no! A mutated hand has grown out of your stomach!"

Anyway. I guess I'd go on about my daily business like it was no big thing. Read the space paper over space coffee. "Geeze, what's riling everybody up? We're falling into a what hole?"

 

[Link Kadeshi]

Well, first is to aim the ship away, fire the engines to max, tell everyone, and eject them into space as the watch from outside the bridge. I would then laugh, tie every ounce of power into the engines, and hope I could watch all those stupid jerks die first. THAT'S WHAT THEY GET! If only they didn't steal my yogurt, it could've all been avoided. Then, it's time to scuttle the ship. I don't give into intergalactic terrorists! That'll learn that stupid Black Hole!

Jump into hyperspace. Geez, by the time we get to a black hole, we'll be able to escape one.

Also, this would not work in the slightest. The massive gravitational effect the Black Hole creates would collapse any Hyperspace jump you'd try to make. At best, you die quicker, at work, you look like an idiot in-front of all the other corpses. Any other theorized form of FTL would be fragged as well, I'd imagine. Even Picard would run out of plans there.

 

[Calgetorix]

Email home, then mass rape.

EDIT: DAMN IT! He beat me!

That's assuming internet would work in space the same way it does on Earth. Considering that home is probably Earth, and there aren't any black holes anywhere near, it might take years for the signal to actually get to Earth if it ever does. Or it could simply get stuck in the black hole once you're past event horizon. Granted, once you're there, you probably won't care. You'll be spaghetti!

Also, loot, rape, and murder for the lulz. And full speed into the hole, since there's no point escaping it anyways.

Okay, the plan then turns into turn the ship around, shoot it at as fast a speed as possible, launch an escape pod with the fastest thrusters I can possibly get, and have that transmit the message. Hopefully the added velocity would allow the ray (whichever ray it is) to make it to a close satellite and the message will be sent before the mass rape begins. I don't need to hit Earth, I just need to assume that I'm not the only asshole floating around in space.

An electromagnetic ray. Which travels at the speed of light no matter what. You can't add any velocity to that ; )

 

[Striker501]

Play a relaxing song (most likely from silent hill series) grab a chair and enjoy the sight.

 

[Lt.Snuffles]

Guitar solo!!!!

 

[Plank of Wood]

Gangba-

Goddamnit.

 

[Rakkana]

Fire the lasers into it. Go down with a fight!

 

[kingmob]

If the black hole somehow mysteriously is not able to tear you to pieces due to tidal forces, you don't actually die. I for one would be really interested what is beyond the event horizon and more important, at the singularity...
Would be really silly if you go through the wormhole, arrive at earth on the other side and the other's would have to explain all their gangbang's, rape, murder and god knows what else i've seen posted here

 

[Ickorus]

Dance, i'd be the first man in history to have danced in front of a black hole.

 

[-IT-]

Try to paint it in a different colour, I mean, a pink hole sounds soooo much better doesn't it