If you think about it, if a girl loses trust in guys then they could turn to girls. It isn't as stupid as you may think. She said she felt more comfortable around girls too.Colour-Scientist said:
One of my best friend left me! please help!
- Thread starter laughinggod
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I'm going to side with the "we don't know the whole story" people on this thread, it entirely depends on how strong your friendship has been.
First of all, how long have you guys been best friends? Since last year? 5 years? Preschool? While I'm tempted to say "He's not a real friend if it bothers him!", it'd be perfectly understandable if he's just surprised and jarred by the whole situation.
If he's been your friend for a long time, just give him a few days to get over it. If he still won't talk to you, then you go talk to him. If he doesn't want to be friends anymore because you're gay, that's his problem, but if you talk to him it might come along easier for him.
Personally, if my friend of 16 years told me he was gay I'd be pretty stupified to.
First of all, how long have you guys been best friends? Since last year? 5 years? Preschool? While I'm tempted to say "He's not a real friend if it bothers him!", it'd be perfectly understandable if he's just surprised and jarred by the whole situation.
If he's been your friend for a long time, just give him a few days to get over it. If he still won't talk to you, then you go talk to him. If he doesn't want to be friends anymore because you're gay, that's his problem, but if you talk to him it might come along easier for him.
Personally, if my friend of 16 years told me he was gay I'd be pretty stupified to.
It probably took you a long time to decide you were gay, and an even longer time to admit it to people, so give your friend the same courtesy and give him some time to think about what it means to him personally.
I would also like some more details how this came about before really saying anything else. I've got several gay friends and one of the more memorable "coming outs" was when we decided to slip a gay magazine into his bag as a gag (before we knew he was gay) and he opened the bag, laughed and asked us, "Thanks guys! How did you know??!"... it took a few false starts and few repetitions of, "You're kidding, right?", before we realised he was serious and wasn't just taking the piss.
It didn't change much about our friendship apart from us officially "chaperoning" him to his first gay club because we didn't want him going alone, and us telling a few people who had a problem with it that if they so much as looked at him funny we'd beat the stuffing out of them.
I'm bi for the record so I don't see being gay as a big deal, and I'm entirely comfortable with my sexual identity, so perhaps it's easier for me. My straight friends did have to take a couple of days to adjust and they were much more prone to saying something then immediately apologising because it could be read as possible less than totally supportive. Personally I continue to tease and mock him as much as my other friends, because I treat my gay friends just like my straight friends... because anything else just isn't acceptable in my book.
I would also like some more details how this came about before really saying anything else. I've got several gay friends and one of the more memorable "coming outs" was when we decided to slip a gay magazine into his bag as a gag (before we knew he was gay) and he opened the bag, laughed and asked us, "Thanks guys! How did you know??!"... it took a few false starts and few repetitions of, "You're kidding, right?", before we realised he was serious and wasn't just taking the piss.
It didn't change much about our friendship apart from us officially "chaperoning" him to his first gay club because we didn't want him going alone, and us telling a few people who had a problem with it that if they so much as looked at him funny we'd beat the stuffing out of them.
I'm bi for the record so I don't see being gay as a big deal, and I'm entirely comfortable with my sexual identity, so perhaps it's easier for me. My straight friends did have to take a couple of days to adjust and they were much more prone to saying something then immediately apologising because it could be read as possible less than totally supportive. Personally I continue to tease and mock him as much as my other friends, because I treat my gay friends just like my straight friends... because anything else just isn't acceptable in my book.
He was a friend that left you merely because of sexuality.
He isn't worthy of being a friend anymore.
He isn't worthy of being a friend anymore.
If hes a really good friend he probably just needs some time. Give him some space and wait until hes had time to contemplate the idea in his head. When hes ready to talk then explain the reasons why you didn't tell him (even if they are obvious) and how you still want to be friends.
Thank the fuck Christ I'm not the only one annoyed at the increasing feel-good bigotry on display in this thread, and on this forum. Sorry for maybe driving this a little off-topic, but I'm really getting pissed at all these fucking "open-minded" asshole constantly bashing everyone who isn't like them.PayJ567 said:
While this flame isn't directed at anyone in particular(There are also too many offenders to list) I'm certain these people are sad fucking individuals for such an incredible display of hypocrisy.
"NOT A REAL FRIEND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE OF SEXUALITY, OMG! TELL HIM HE IS A PRICK!!!"
Oh my fucking God. What the hell!?
Everyone here is so stuck up being the best they can be. Such damn snobbery. Such damn bigotry. Everyone who doesn't fit the "open-minded nerdfreak" criteria is automatically devalued and is reminded in several posts that they should reevaluate their existence.
I once wrote in a "What is your stance on metrosexuals?" that I thought they looked gay. I never stated they were gay. I never say I didn't like gays. I never did anything except answer the question.
Do you have any idea how much I was flamed? This forum is turning really bad. Everyone is jumping the feel-good bandwagon.
Such an easy answer: "He is not a good friend"
Somebody offers you drugs. "He offered you drugs!? You should either call the police or simply just break all contact with him at once"
Somebody calls another person a paki in a heated discussion or fight. "Omg racist. Not a good friend"
Somebody smokes marijuana. "LOl marijuanana++?A lLOol Nice" or "Uhh... Get out of there, fast"
Somebody drinks alcohol at a party and gets really, really wasted to the point of throwing up several times. "You probably shouldn't associate with such people. They're fun but not really friends, get what I'm saying?"
Someone has their own opinions on matters(Political/Sexuality/Gay-Marriage/Whatever) that differ from your own. "Uhhh... You're against gay marriage? You're a bigot asshole bitchfaggot and should be shot"
FUCK ME THIS IS GETTING TIRING.
OT:
I've already answered the question.
My answer is the same, boiled down, as PayJ567's:
Give him some time. Surely he will come around.
Well, if he wasn't homophobic before he probably is now.laughinggod said:
You've just proved the homophobic belief that all gay people will try to hit on them to be true (even if it isn't)... why didn't just tell him you were gay first and ask whether he felt the same before hitting on him?
I'm sure that if I suddenly hit on of my female friends she'd be upset and angry with me, that wouldn't mean she was a man hating Feminist, it just means that I crossed a line and broke the inherent trust of the friendship.
Friends don't suddenly hit on one another, especially if they're the same gender, then respect each other and try to gauge their feelings before making a sexually aggressive move.
Give him some time to cool down, he's probably more pissed off that you didn't tell him your are gay before hitting on him, and feels that he can't trust you... really it's possibly the worst way to discover your friend is gay and he has a right to feel shocked, angry and disappointed.
Wait... so you tried hitting on your best friend that I assume you knew was straight? Yeah, I would probably avoid you for a month or so after that. He might even feel that you were only friends with him because you were trying to make a move... like you did. So even IF he was gay he still might have acted the same way, I can relate to that because I have been hit on by lasses that I didnt really have an interest in after a while of being friends and I felt awkward around them after that so I tried to avoid them when I could.
That or he is a homophobe, who knows.
That or he is a homophobe, who knows.
Well, you did hit on him... That kind of breaks the barrier between friends and more-than-friends and if he wasn't keen on it, could have damaged your friendship forever.
Also, think about it. Do you really want him as your friend if you are attracted to him and he's straight? Won't that be hard on you? Won't it drive you insane..? If I was you, I would see this as the perfect opportunity to cut ties with someone you have a crush on that won't ever return the feelings. It sucks to have to break the ties yourself.
Also, think about it. Do you really want him as your friend if you are attracted to him and he's straight? Won't that be hard on you? Won't it drive you insane..? If I was you, I would see this as the perfect opportunity to cut ties with someone you have a crush on that won't ever return the feelings. It sucks to have to break the ties yourself.
Either way it's not really the OP's fault, i think if he could sit his friend down and have a serious conversation it could be resolved.Hubilub said:
No-one can ignore their friend because of their sexual preference and not feel bad about it, at least if he is your real friend he's probably dealing with a lot of troubling emotions himself.
The best you can do is calmly tell him that nothing will change because of your sexuality, you're still the same person you always were.
As silly as it sounds the biggest fear for him is probably that you'll change, the image in a homophobes mind is that you'll suddenly become a stereotype, becoming feminine and wearing pink or whatever. You might not even need to talk to him to make him realise that isn't that case.