Other People's Sex Lives

[zelda2fanboy]

I've seen a lot of posts about how we need to stop calling women "sluts" and I've seen others about virgin shaming in men. On one of the myriad of dating sites I utilize (because I'm rocking so hard at life), I've seen a lot of profiles of women professing the sentiment that men who "just want sex" are "assholes" and "jerks." I was about to post something along those lines, when I realized that a whole lot of people have problems with the way people have sex with other people. Judgment isn't limited to homosexuals or women or men or any religion. It transcends demographic. Everyone has something to say about how others go about intercourse.

Why does everybody feel the need to provide input or have any ideas on the matter at all? It's a classic dilemma: why is Person A concerned with how Person B has sex when Person A doesn't want to have sex with Person B anyways?

I'll admit, I have to catch myself when I hear about some practice or choice someone made and my brain decides to form an opinion on it for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's a strange impulse to feel one way or another, yet some people thrive on it. Please let's not let this discussion veer towards rape (which is not consensual sex), STDs (because these are about the judgments formed by people not having sex), or pregnancy (other people having sex probably won't result in you having to raise a child, unless you really want to).

 

[Prosis]

That'd be fine, except often times, the deceiver hides what he/she truly wants. It's not until later on, after emotional/financial/time investment, that the sincere person learns that the deceiver was only in it for the sex or the money or whatever.
And thus, Person A doesn't know that Person B only wants one thing. Not until later.
But if Person A states occasionally what he/she dislikes in a relationship, then Person B knows to avoid.
Also, I think a lot of it is the mentality of "person only wants sex=opposite gender is a sex object." This is false for most individuals, but I believe it is true for more than a few.

But yeah, personally, I could care less what people actually do in the bedroom.

 

[Screamarie]

I've stated before on these forums I don't give a damn what others do in the bedroom. I just don't. I gave up caring about a lot of stuff a long time ago because it just doesn't fucking matter. As long as all parties involved aren't bother or hurt in any way they don't want to be, then fine.

Beat each other's genitals with frying pans in the kitchen for all I give a damn, just don't do it in my kitchen as I say.

I don't understand why other people care to be honest. If I hear about a sex act that I find distasteful I think "that is something that I would never do" not "because I wouldn't do it, NO ONE should do it!"

Whenever you find you don't like a movie you don't start a campaign to tell everyone that they shouldn't like it eith...oh...wait...I forgot about all the self-important people who think the whole world gives a damn about what they feel is good and bad. Silly me!

 

[Riku'sTwilight]

As people we naturally have an opinion on what others are doing, sexually especially. With this day and age of people doing all manner of things to get their rocks off and then discussing it with just about anyone who'd listen then I think it's perfectly acceptable to have an opinion on something like that.

Hearing about those types of things can either heighten your perception of that person, make you want to have sex with them more so than before (because they do things you're into too) or it could go the complete opposite way and you could never look at them in the same way again.

Personally I don't like hearing about what others do in the bedroom, it creeps me out, as I then subconsciously imagine my friends, or co-workers or whoever have sex and yeah it's just not an image I want to have in my head.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I have no idea why men are so eager to lose their virginity. In the other thread about virginity there were sixteen year olds acting as though they were too old to be virgins, which is just ridiculous. I would never judge a man on the basis of his being a virgin. Do people really care about that? I always thought virgin shaming was something that goes on among pubescent males. Although, seeing as you have done the research, have you seen many women perpetuating those ideas too?

 

[=y]

I am completely indifferent about what two consenting adults do in bed. I worry about my own (theoretical) performance. Thinking about how good other couples are is a waste of time. I don't know why so many people have such an obsession about finding out how/why others do the things they do in bed.

 

[Blobpie]

I have never given one crap about with who people have sex and how, and i will never give a crap because in my mind sex is just another action, no real difference from another.

 

[Don Savik]

Well, if they are looking to date these people, their lives ARE kind of important? Would you want to know if your future spouse was into BDSM? Or was in pornos? Or had several kids with several people? Or wanted an open relationship? or hated sluts? or liked sluts?

I think its pretty justified in the context of a dating site to be honest.

 

[righthead]

I read this thing. And I couldn't bring myself to care.

My question is: Given the complaint in the topic, is this a good thing?

 

[iseko]

To me it doesn't matter. I live by one rule: don't do onto others what you don't want done to yourself.

So I'll never try to get a girl into bed and the morning after say: well this was fun. I'll call you. And then never call her. No sir, I always tell them before we have sex that this is probably going to be a one night thing. And ask them if they are okay with that. Usually they are. Sometimes they aren't. But they are always happy about the honesty.

One thing that did seem FUBAR to me was this: a 23 year old couple who we're together already for 5 years. They have been having 'sex' that entire time. And it's always the same: Missionary, in the dark and she doesn't take her bra off. WTF? And the girl is friggin' hot too. It's not like: damn I love you but I don't want to look straight at you. No! She's HOT!

I don't get it. I'm sorry I cannot wrap my head around it.

Captcha: word for word

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

To clarify, the OP is asking the question wrong. No one gives a damn "how" people have sex. That is people's own business and it can stay that way. But to answer the question being asked, quite literally.

People who sleep around are sluts, that's what the term means. It's an unhealthy lifestyle that can and probably will lead to STDs, unwanted pregnancy and the rest. It's not attractive and many people would even be turned off by the idea of a partner who's already slept with everyone else. For centuries chastity and fidelity have been valued virtues and that is still the case.

To be an older man and a virgin implies inability to capture the attention of a woman, something by which people are judged. It implies social ineptness. It implies that the virgin is less desirable than other men.

I'm not going to touch on homosexuality. It's controversial and anything I say will be misunderstood.

Sex is a driving force of life and relationships are vital to both individuals and society as a whole. It's tragic perhaps that there are various stigmas associated with sex but to think it could ever be otherwise is foolhardy and naïve. Everyone measures themselves against others, competes for the attention of potential partners and has standards/preferences for who they would prefer to have sex with.

 

[Ultrajoe]

To me it doesn't matter. I live by one rule: don't do onto others what you don't want done to yourself.

I like being tied up and beaten, my partner doesn't. Just a technicality.

 

[Screamarie]

Beat each other's genitals with frying pans in the kitchen for all I give a damn

People do that? D=>

On Topic:
I understand that people like to judge and see who's having the "better sex," but I think that it's just a wasted mental exercise. People will continue to have sex in whatever way feels right to them and no amount of "tsking" is going to change how they do it. So why bother judging? Who knows, the way someone else is doing could actually be a better method of sexual enjoyment.

I haven't heard of such an act, it was just something I made up, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone somewhere enjoyed it.

 

[Mayhaps]

Beat each other's genitals with frying pans in the kitchen for all I give a damn

People do that? D=>

On Topic:
I understand that people like to judge and see who's having the "better sex," but I think that it's just a wasted mental exercise. People will continue to have sex in whatever way feels right to them and no amount of "tsking" is going to change how they do it. So why bother judging? Who knows, the way someone else is doing could actually be a better method of sexual enjoyment.

pansexuals dude.

OT: People pry into other peoples business all the time. I haven't met a single person yet that doesn't consider certain behaviour as bad or thinking what they do for fun as weird, or even damaging for no good reason.

 

[karcentric]

One of the last things I want to hear about is about someones sex life, I don't need the mental image.

 

[Bertylicious]

I want to know all about other people's sex lives because other people are generally fascinating. I think where people being judgemental about other's sex lives stems from the perverse desire some people have for everybody to be like them.

 

[Bitcoon]

Honestly, I'm never one to judge about sexual stuff.

I'm into some really out-there stuff. And sex doesn't really do much for me. I have no differing opinions on people based on their sex lives. The only judgment I tend to make is if someone hasn't had sex at an old age, or has had sex when they're still way too young. The former being more of a prejudice I watch out for, and general curiosity as to why the person hasn't had sex even once after such a long time.

But yeah, people can be into anything and doing whatever and I usually won't bat an eye. There's no reason for me to care unless they're hurting someone/something, or they're being obnoxious by boasting about their sex life. I've always hated that mentality that sex is the best thing ever and it should be every man's main priority around high school/early adulthood. It flavors every M/F interaction in a bad way, IMO.

 

[Strazdas]

Why does everybody feel the need to provide input or have any ideas on the matter at all? It's a classic dilemma: why is Person A concerned with how Person B has sex when Person A doesn't want to have sex with Person B anyways?

I'll admit, I have to catch myself when I hear about some practice or choice someone made and my brain decides to form an opinion on it for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's a strange impulse to feel one way or another, yet some people thrive on it.

The answer is simple. Our psychology is made that if person A is not like yourlself (have different opinion about sex in this case) he is automatically inferior, and since we made names for inferior people - assholes, ect - we call them that. The effect can easily be noticed in this site whenever a PC vs Console discussion rises.

My personal opnion: people should be able to have sex with whoever they want provided both parties agree. Sex is a simple act of satisfaction, that is not that different from, say, eating candy. You can live without both of them, but you chose not to. Boyfriend/marriadge should make no boundaries as far as sex life is concerned. "love"/partnership and sex are not tied up. The whole "he had sex with another woman so he must be an awful person" idea is stupid and unnecessary.

 

[Thaluikhain]

It's an unhealthy lifestyle that can and probably will lead to STDs, unwanted pregnancy and the rest.

Um, did you skip sex education in school?

It's not attractive

Value judgement there.

...

Anyway, I'd like to throw my hat in with the "I don't care" crowd already posting, but I think that's a bit ingenuous. We are all supposed not to judge people about stuff like that, that's not to say we don't.