Poll: Did your parents hit you?

[zombiesinc]

Never, my parents loved me.

That answer was the closest to the truth anyways. My parents didn't hit us when we were bad, except maybe when we were really young, and even then, maybe once or twice. I guess my parents didn't really believe in that as a punishment. And I'm sure that even if they did, we wouldn't have been hit, 'cause I always behaved.

 

[Kortney]

I used to get the shit flogged out of me. Still do sometimes.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Quite frankly, the "I'm in school" or "I do this for a living" argument... really isn't an argument at all. What I was trying to do was place myself on a pedestal, because that's what people do, sometimes, when their caught up in a morality debate (or any debate, for that matter).

We're all guilty of this are we not? It's normal for people to try and give credentials when they're talking to someone giving that the majority of people will call bull the moment someone presentes themselves as an expert without knowing jack about the subject.

"Moderate, controlled spanking is completely within acceptable bounds." All It should take is one or two firm whacks with your hand, open fist, on the behind. Enough to sting, but not enough to actually hurt. Parents who can't control their anger while spanking their children should not be spanking their children.

But why? Spanking denotes anger and insecurity from the part of the parent. It shows children a darker side of the parent who's unwiling to devote time and effort into raising their child and instead uses a "quick and cheap" tool to get rid of all the problems momentarely. If a parent cannot put the time and effort needed to raise their child (And trust me when I say raising a child is a full time job) then why even raise one at all?

I used to frequent 4chan and as such I'm not all about divulging personal information.

I understand.

Various reasons why I was spanked, but rest assured my parents never used spanking as an end all to bad behavior. For me, spankings were usually only the result of a particularly bad tantrum.

And wouldn't it have been better if the parents tried to understand why the tantrum happened and reach the core of the problem instead of just going for momentary relief?

However, I wasn't kidding when I said my brother has serious problems with his attitude. Hitting, spitting, bouncing off the wall, disrupting his class, swearing (this one is new.

Again, this is due to the environment he's growing up in. What you can do is sit and have a talk with the child. I've found that an approach which denotes equality works best since the child sees you respect him or her. For e.g., how does a person who respects you treat you? Exactly.

I personally believe that there is nothing wrong with swearing, but my little brother does it BECAUSE my parents tell him not to, and that is what causes the problem)

Make a deal with him? "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine". A "deal" shows you're willing to do something that's important for him as long as he does something important for you.

throwing killer tantrums, the whole nine yards

Without information on why the tantrums were being thrown there's nothing no one can do to help.

What's more, after my parents began implementing all kinds of new age remedies for child behavior, like changing his diet, rewarding good behavior, etc,

Why not have a talk with the child? Ask him what's his problem and something similar to that? Just don't do all the talking. It won't do no good since it will just bore the child. Let your brother do all the talking whilst you ask simple questions like "Why".

However... we have recently learned that this particular change in demeanor is an unexpectedly sophisticated ploy

Environment! Children are hugely influenced by the environment he grew up in. If his school behavior is as it is then it's most likely due to his group of friends. That's not not to say certain problems at home can't trigger this but I can't speak for this since I don't know anything about what happens at home.

Err... anyway, the point of this block of text is simply to point out that I am not suggesting hitting him to make him more social; just to explain that my parents have tried everything under the sun, save for a firm smack on the behind.

Spanking will do no good. Momentary relief? Yes. Long term relief? No. What the child will do is find ways around it and pretty much become more of the little bastard he is.

Again, hy not talk to him? Ask him what's happening to him and why his behavior is out of control. Just don't do all the talking. Children get bored easily.

Each child will respond differently to different types of discipline; some are more inclined to respond to a time out, while others will respond to physical punishment.

I have to disagree with this. Corporal punishment has never worked in the traditional sense that it made someone grow up a respectable member of society. What it does do is provide a momentary relief for the parent but nothing for the child. What will the child learn from spanking? That when a person doesn't do what you want him or her to do a beating is the way to go? You have no consider every implication of spanking before you can reach the conclusion that it's an OK method for raising a child.

Parents become afraid to punish their children less they face social scorn or legal reprisal.

Are you asuming that spanking is the only effective way to punish a child? Do you think the child has learned something the moment he's let go? Think about it like this. If I take away a child's computer instead of spanking him or her is the punishment not greater than momentary pain? Yes it is.

The thing with me is that I advocate a no punishment method. In my opinion, punishment does nothing. It's treating the symptoms instead of the underlying cause. Talking to the child and treating him or her like an equal denotes mutual respect and if a child respects you then that child won't become an uncontrollable brat.

. But, with a documented rise in Child Disobedience

It's documented? Care to provide?

and the understanding that not every parent is Super Nanny

You don't have to be Super Nanny to not punish your child using violence. If you cannot dedicated the time and effort needed to raise a child and resort to tactics like spanking then parenting is not for you.

Spanking our children, or coddling them when they misbehave?

Whilst there are people who advocate a no punishment method (me being one of them), punishing does not just disappear from the equation. Spanking is not the only tool to punish children.

 

[Charli]

A smack when I was really awful never did much harm to my psyche I find.

Though with the way people act about it nowadays I'm not surprised everyone's too scared to give their raging hellspawn a little whack.

And it does vary from child to child, some will respond better to the physical embodiment of their punishment, others will become reclusive damaged sociopathic nutjobs like mr Psychiatrist says so, you can't call these things well, tragically.

But I don't believe those few that do go nutters are helping those that respond to physical stimuli at all. It can be a seriously effective tool for behaviour problems in some kids. I'm not talking about excessive beating! But a smacked arse for a tantrum, never did any harm.

And I'm sorry for those harping on about it like this matters but there's a huge amount of evidence to suggest that physical punishment DOES work at a much more basic and primal level with a child mind, it's people who were abused throughourlly that have been the staple diet of those working to ban even so much as a smack. People with problems and a history of misbehavior have been the center study focus.

However when interviewing normal, productive, even friendly as hell people, I find they too are smacked as kids. Laughing about how they used to be such terrors.

There's not just a smack involved here, it's something deeper, socially and more ingrained. I find that people tend to damage other people alot more just by saying the wrong thing or mentally discounting that person from the group, goading others to isolate that person.

 

[Emperor Platypus]

Naaa didn't need it. I already have a natural respect for anyone who is older then me. So I never really did act out of order.

 

[tzimize]

Nope, my parents didnt and I believe it is not necessary. I do however believe that a LOT of parents today are too lax. They dont got high enough expectations of their kids, and they dont punish them in a significant way if they misbehave.

Too few kids have a real concept of whats right and whats wrong, and its the parents fault. I dont believe in hitting children, in that way we only teach them that violence is ok. But I do think that children need consequences for their actions, both good and bad.

If a child does something good he should be told right away so that he knows this is wanted/good behaviour, likewise if he does something bad. And the consequences should MATTER. None of that "oh you naughty boy". Take away privileges! Computer time, TV-time, weekly allowance, give them extra work, anything real that they can feel and that annoys them...so they learn if they misbehave it will also affect THEM in a negative way.

 

[tzimize]

-snip-
Whilst there are people who advocate a no punishment method (me being one of them), punishing does not just disappear from the equation. Spanking is not the only tool to punish children.

I am wondering about what you mean about no punishment. If you mean no physical punishment I am with you, but if you think you can always talk children down I think you are deluding yourself. I believe misbehaving should have consequences greater than parents sitting down and trying to analyze the child and why it misbehaved. They should know that there is a risk to misbehaving. Why is NOT always most important in raising a child. Often it is, but not always. Sometimes the lesson should be that if you misbehave it WILL have consequences no matter the reason. Thats the society they will live in, and thats the one we should prepare them for.

I believe we are all born as a blank slate. We dont know right from wrong, and its the parents responsibility to teach this difference. The greatest way to teach is through example. If you hit children you teach them that violence is ok, if you love and support your children you will give them security. But I DO think that children need to know that there IS such a thing as wrong and right (traditionally speaking, not philosophically) and that breaking the rules has consequences. If all they get when they misbehave is a few calm words and a pat on the back you are deluding yourself as well as the child.

 

[Mr0llivand3r]

kicked my ass as a kid. straightened my act out pretty fucking quick

 

[Jiggabyte]

My parents didn't, my grandparents did. I guess it was the only punishment that worked, since when I was little I was a little shit. Did me far more good than bad in the long run.
Were some unnecessary ones though. I got slapped for accidents more than once, and sometimes the telling off was foregone for a slipper. I did get straightened out, though, so I'm not complaining.

 

[Kortney]

What age is it usually stopped at?

For those of you that were hit, how old were you when they stopped?

 

[MetalMonkey74]

First of all, i was born in 1980, before people started suing other people at the drop of a dime. My parents were strict, and when i wwould misbehave, i'd often get slapped/smacked. I obviously hated it back then, and wished many a hurtful thought on them for doing it, but in retrospect, i'm glad they did.

Looking at today's "untouchable" children, they could really use a smack every now and then to get them in line. Beating a child sensless for no reason at all, is a VERY BAD THING, but some discipline when needed should be allowed.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Nice bias to the poll...Did your parents hit you or did they love you? o.0

If you hit children you teach them that violence is ok, if you love and support your children you will give them security.

And violent videogames turn people into murderers, right?

*rolls eyes*

Striking a child when they've committed a real "wrong" is WAY different to when they've just been naughty. Former is moral reinforcement, latter is bullying.
Violence HAS to be ok in exceptional circumstances, or you've set a limit for when you have no punishment.

 

[Hucket]

My parents never hit me, but there was always tha air of violence whenever my brother or I messed up. Like when we did, my parents would give us a stern talking to, and when we saw that look and heard that tone, any thoughts of miss behaving again quickly disappeared.

People have said that the difference between disciplining a child and abusing a child is anger, but usually when a parent hits their child, its not out of tender, loving, understanding. To hit someone with enough force to make them not want to do the act anymore basically cries of anger. I have never seen a parent smiling when they hit their child. In any act of violence, anger is involved. So therefore, there is no difference between hitting your child for disciplinary reasons and hitting them for no reason. it just makes it easier to justify it in your head.

 

[Summerstorm]

Only when i did REALLY stupid/bad things. Which would have been twice in my whole life (all the other times i covered it up good enough *g*)

And i remember both times VERY well and learned my lesson. Less is sometimes more.

 

[Sleepingzombie]

I newer got hit, and i strongly beliave the practise to "discipline" your child physically is very wrong. But doesn´t that just leave legions of snotty brats?

No, there are other and better ways to make your child cease to have behaeveral problems, you dont need to hit someone to make it clear that what you say goes. . . .it is like with dogs be calm and shure in yourself and they listen and follow you but, if you are violent and angry you just intimidate them. It works even better if your´e nice then they trust you.

One way is to make agreements: if you dont do these things and behave nicely you wont get xxx, treat them like adults and they feel pride and start to take responsebility.

I agree with one point though, you dont let them do whatever they want and your´e in charge, not them. But I think that the people that think this practise is ok is just conditioned so, since they were as well.

I know that if my parenst had hit me I would hate them and someday take revenge, and I woulden´t want my kids to hate me.

 

[Steppin Razor]

Eh, I got hit a few times as a child. Each time it happened I well and truly deserved it and I rarely, if ever, did it again.

Nowadays you have those little shits in shopping centers chucking a tantrum because their parents won't buy them two of the latest games, a bar of chocolate, a bottle of drink and a new phone. They hit their parents and swear at them while grabbing stuff off shelves and chucking it around until they get what they want because they know that their parents will fold and give in rather than bending them over a knee and smacking them in front of everone.

 

[Stormz]

Not being able to hit your kids anymore is the reason that these little brats are the way they are. It should be legal to beat the shit out of your kid if they do something really bad.

Ontopic though. I never needed to be hit. I punished myself when I did bad things because I was a little angel and didn't want to get in trouble with my parents.

 

[TheDuckbunny]

Damn, am I near the only one who never got spanked, slapped or hit by my parents? That's insane.

I think beating your kid, if only by spanking them, is just a sign of bad parenting and it shows that you're not being able to control your kid.

Personally, I see it as a sign of good parenting as long as it isn't done in anger. It teaches children that doing what their parents told them not to do will result in pain. Therefore, they learn to be obediant. Therefore you are in control of them. It teaches them respect for authority and a good life leason in the consquences for breaking 'the law' so to speak.

Not beating your kids = never learning the consequences for doing something wrong = out of control kid (not in all cases, I imagine you're quite normal).

The idea that you can reason with young children is often laughably naive.

Sure, I'm not saying you've got to reason with them. Go ahead and punish them, but not physically I'd say. I hope that with the right parenting mostly any child can be taught good without physical punishment, but that's just from my experience (which isn't much).
I think kids that get hit or spanked or whatever are probably more likely to respond in violence later in life as it is their way of showing consequences. But then again, we're probably all well functioning people out here, so it mostly bears no grand consequences either way.