OT: No, but I'm bi, so (insert joke about hypocrisy.)
Also, all y'all saying things like "No, except for the really *~*~fruity*~*~ gays," oh puh-leeze. Grow up.
Catrixa said:
Not in the "eww, gross gay people!" sense, but I'll get uncomfortable if I know I have a bad habit of saying something offensive and worry that I'll accidentally say it in front of my gay friends. That, and I worry I have way too strong of an opinion on gay rights and whatnot (I've seen a lot of people say "if it's not happening to you, you shouldn't have a say in it." Then I over-analyze everything and feel weird just talking about it). Then again, I worry about having a strong opinion about anything with my friends who might be offended by it, so I guess any uncomfortableness stems from me having literally no self confidence or social skills. And I really only get uncomfortable when someone brings it up or I think about it too hard (I think about everything too hard, honestly)...
(I assume you mean pro- rather than anti-gay rights when you say you have "really strong opinions." Also I assume you mean "a lot of people" = LGBT folks. Honestly, if straight/cis people are criticizing you for standing up for gay/trans rights, they almost never have a legitimate issue.)
W/r/t "shouldn't have a say in it," I think the main thing to be aware of is whether you're unintentionally crowding out other voices or steering the conversation toward yourself. Heavy emphasis on "unintentionally"... I don't doubt that your heart's in the right place, and having struggled with a lot of self-confidence/social anxiety issues in the past myself, I can empathize with where you're coming from on that front.
There are some people in any circle meant for marginalized groups (women, PoC, LGBT, etc) who would prefer to completely exclude people from outside their group. Outsiders should respect their view if that's the case. But they're almost always a very small minority within their circle. The issue with straight/cis folks in LGBT circles (or men in feminist spaces, or white folks in PoC spaces) is often that some of them tend to dominate conversations, speak when they should listen, or assume their viewpoints are as valid or important as those from members of the marginalized group.
(Really, that last one is usually the biggest sticking point among well-meaning pro-equality people. In an LGBT space, straight/cis voices are
not as important. The reason these spaces exist is because LGBT voices are constantly and systematically excluded from popular discourse in general society. It would be wonderful if everyone had an equal say regardless of identity, but that just isn't world we live in.)
Anyway... I'm not saying you necessarily do any of this, just trying to explain what might be causing they reaction you say you get. Most of us would love to have more straight folks on our side and understanding our concerns. We're just sensitive to when people from the mainstream identity... miss the point, basically.
Also I feel like a lot of what I thought of as "over-analyzing" in the past was basically... trying to do analysis without much data, to make a crude analogy. "Accidentally saying something offensive" typically comes from just not understanding why certain things may cause offense. I know it can be tough when confronted because I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, but it's really important to try and become educated on the issues. (Speaking from experience, it's a
huge confidence-booster in the social skills dept to be able to judge how people might react to the things you say.)
