Honestly girls who game sometimes have the same problem about finding someone who respects them as gamers not merely as the novelty of being a female who games. I'm not one of those "rah, I am woman, see me game!" I didn't start dating til I was in University, and now I'm engaged, granted I'm picky and really didn't feel like bothering with dating in high school.
My fiancé and I are about equal with gaming tastes, we prefer co-op games to play together, doesn't really matter what type of game, as long as there is co-op campaign. We'll sometimes foray into multiplayer, mostly if my brother in-law is playing (that's the FPS types). And we'll do team based PVP with friends.
I don't know if I would say that it would be vital that I was dating someone that gamed, but it's helpful mostly because I'm a pretty big junkie (my collection is around 500 games, and I'm only about a third complete?). So it was just really important that I had someone that understood my love of video games, and the fact that he plays games with me, and WANTS to play with me is just icing on the cake.
My word of advice to anyone really is, don't be creepy. Don't be one of those people that try to flex their virtual muscle by saying "I bet I can beat you at x" I work part-time at a LAN centre, and I get all kinds of gamers coming in, it doesn't matter what gender, you get all types. If you're interested in a gamer, just try to find out what kind of games they like, or suggest some easy type co-op games to play together if they're not a gamer but are kinda interested in at least trying. And most importantly, don't ignore your significant other for a game, I have a wonderful story of how this guy lost his wife because of Gears of War 2, which I won't elaborate unless someone wants to hear it.
Some of my friends also play games.
