Poll: Girls love a bad boy
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I just wish these self labeled "nice guys" didn't victimize themselves.
I dont believe I'm a bad boy, but I'm confident, attractive, strong willed and well spoken.
I drink and smoke but I would NEVER harm a woman. I love my fiancée with all my heart.
I party, play in bands and stick to my guns on what I believe in. This is why girls like me.
Not because I'm some piece of shit alcoholic who just wants to cheat and be rude to women.
There really is such a thing as to nice.
I dont believe I'm a bad boy, but I'm confident, attractive, strong willed and well spoken.
I drink and smoke but I would NEVER harm a woman. I love my fiancée with all my heart.
I party, play in bands and stick to my guns on what I believe in. This is why girls like me.
Not because I'm some piece of shit alcoholic who just wants to cheat and be rude to women.
There really is such a thing as to nice.
Most women I know wouldn't want to date a military guy because he'd be away a lot. Also a lot of women find the whole "my boyfriend kills people for a job" as well as the "my boyfriend could potentially arrive home in a body bag" thing a bit hard to deal with. Some girls like it though, but they'd be a minority. A lot of guys in the military get cheated on back at home - it's a movie cliche because it happens a hell of a lot in real life. Joining the military to get girls is a bit like starting a rock band to get money. Things will pan out pretty differently to what you think if you try this route.DoomyMcDoom said:
Politics is fine but not on the first date.
Girls don't care too much about the superficial stuff, like how you look. Even money is overrated as far as this goes. I've been both extremely broke and extremely rich in my life, and never once has it affected my dateability in any way that I've noticed.
Bottom line, I think: you need to move somewhere else!
I totally get the "I can get any" vibe of this thread. The biggest thing that affects guys being dateable is confidence, personality traits, and not acting like a fratboy dick. Confidence comes with maturity, but maturity doesn't always come with age. Sure some girls like the "bad boy" but what they really like is the IDEA of the bad boy. They might like it if you're "bad", but what they DON'T want is for you to be "bad to THEM" (except perhaps in certain controlled situations). The idea that a girl can control and tame a "bad" boy is a bit of a kick for some girls, just like being able to tame and ride a wild horse or something (no jokes please). Girls are programmed to do this a bit like guys are programmed to go out and 'conquer the fayre maiden' or whatever. Some people are better at resisting the programming than others. But the good news is: you don't have to worry about this, guys. Just be yourself and be confident and enjoy your life doing what you love and try and be at least SOMEWHAT visible (like, either go out, or get a hobby that puts you in front of girls a bit occasionally - being in a band worked pretty well for me) and girls will be attracted to you because you will seem like a fun person to be with. The guy who has a chip on his shoulder about "bad boys get laid and I don't" is on the other hand, not projecting much of a confident, fun vibe and is somewhat of a turn-off to the ladies.
This "bad boy" image is just a misperception on the "nice guys" behalf, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a group of them who were sick of not getting girls that they decided to coin the phrase.
This simple "dilemma" can be summed up as follows:
Nice guy: Buys gifts, drinks, takes girls out to restaurants, cinemas, does every little thing for a girl at their beck and call in the hope that'll they come as showing that they're the "nicest", when instead it's all a deceitful ploy to get them into bed. And then you wonder why girls don't like them, if it wasn't bad enough that they have no backbone, they also are going about being underhanded and decieving to bed them.
"Bad boys": retains an air of mystery about himself, there's never telling what he'll do next, he'll take a girl out when he feels like it, knows how to say "no", doesn't take a girls crap cause he knows he can get another girl if that one leaves, if he wants to bed them then he'll just go about doing it, no asking, begging or delaying. Some of these aspects I may have taken to the extreme but a "bad boy" is unpredictable, can't be tied down and hates to be told what to do.
I myself used to be a PUA until recently when I realised it wasn't for me, the values, the confidence talking to women it instilled in you yes, the sleeping with them, not so much since that's just not me. Nice guys don't want to change and will tell you the age old adage "If a girl can't like me for who I am then she's not worth knowing", which is an understandable(albeit weak)thing to say. If you had plastic surgery, got new lips, ears, eyes, etc then you would be a different person. All you're doing is being the best you can be, everyone has that potential, it shows in other things in their life when they excel at work, at their hobbies, careers, etc, you can be the best you can be, that doesn't require that you "change" yourself, it just means you stop wearing your trousers upto your chest, get a decent haircut, go to the gym every so often and just generally groom and look fter yourself better. Your body is a gift to everyone to see, no one wants to see an obese person, nor do they want to see someone who doesn't take care of their body, it says alot about their personality before that person even speaks.
And so it goes with women, if you can't "change" yourself, get abit of confidence, grow a backbone then women will(rightfully so)walk all over you, cause you're not going to do anything about it now are you? You're having standards, you're being selective, you don't tolerate crap. I can say that all these characteristics hold true for myself cause I've learnt all this and instilled these values in myself, I know I can go out and get any girl, I have that confidence, I've removed all the negative people from my life that used to inhabit it, if you allow negative people in your life then they will only hold you back and their negative attributes will rub off on you. It's not being cocky, it's being confident in your abilities and in yourself. If you believe in this "bad boy" crap then you must be a nice guy, just change, if not for the sake of women walking all over you then do it at least for yourself.
This simple "dilemma" can be summed up as follows:
Nice guy: Buys gifts, drinks, takes girls out to restaurants, cinemas, does every little thing for a girl at their beck and call in the hope that'll they come as showing that they're the "nicest", when instead it's all a deceitful ploy to get them into bed. And then you wonder why girls don't like them, if it wasn't bad enough that they have no backbone, they also are going about being underhanded and decieving to bed them.
"Bad boys": retains an air of mystery about himself, there's never telling what he'll do next, he'll take a girl out when he feels like it, knows how to say "no", doesn't take a girls crap cause he knows he can get another girl if that one leaves, if he wants to bed them then he'll just go about doing it, no asking, begging or delaying. Some of these aspects I may have taken to the extreme but a "bad boy" is unpredictable, can't be tied down and hates to be told what to do.
I myself used to be a PUA until recently when I realised it wasn't for me, the values, the confidence talking to women it instilled in you yes, the sleeping with them, not so much since that's just not me. Nice guys don't want to change and will tell you the age old adage "If a girl can't like me for who I am then she's not worth knowing", which is an understandable(albeit weak)thing to say. If you had plastic surgery, got new lips, ears, eyes, etc then you would be a different person. All you're doing is being the best you can be, everyone has that potential, it shows in other things in their life when they excel at work, at their hobbies, careers, etc, you can be the best you can be, that doesn't require that you "change" yourself, it just means you stop wearing your trousers upto your chest, get a decent haircut, go to the gym every so often and just generally groom and look fter yourself better. Your body is a gift to everyone to see, no one wants to see an obese person, nor do they want to see someone who doesn't take care of their body, it says alot about their personality before that person even speaks.
And so it goes with women, if you can't "change" yourself, get abit of confidence, grow a backbone then women will(rightfully so)walk all over you, cause you're not going to do anything about it now are you? You're having standards, you're being selective, you don't tolerate crap. I can say that all these characteristics hold true for myself cause I've learnt all this and instilled these values in myself, I know I can go out and get any girl, I have that confidence, I've removed all the negative people from my life that used to inhabit it, if you allow negative people in your life then they will only hold you back and their negative attributes will rub off on you. It's not being cocky, it's being confident in your abilities and in yourself. If you believe in this "bad boy" crap then you must be a nice guy, just change, if not for the sake of women walking all over you then do it at least for yourself.
I didn't say being polite and caring was. You're a self-proclaimed "wuss". A "wuss", by definition, is not aggressive and is either a doormat or passive-aggressive. Sorry to say, neither is particularly attractive. Tangentially, being patronizing is not attractive either.Flying-Emu said:
In case you couldn't tell, I now think you're a complete tool.
Ryu me and you have been saying the same thing all day on this thread, were just trying to help these kids but they don't want to hear the truth of the matter. They asked why it happens, we explained, they got defensive and took it as a personal attack.ryuutchi said:
............I hate it when escapist threads destroy my confidence :<
Now I'm thinking since I am particularly into nerdy things and not that social I will never ever have a girlfriend. Thanks escapist your the best D:
I'm a sad panda.....
Now I'm thinking since I am particularly into nerdy things and not that social I will never ever have a girlfriend. Thanks escapist your the best D:
I'm a sad panda.....
Prime example of the confidence issues I'm talking about.o0pwnman0o said:
If a fucking Internet forum can "ruin your self confidence" you honestly need psychological help. I post here to, I have nerdy passions, yet no problems with girls.
Nope. I have no issues with the male gender. In fact, some of my best friends are men! I do, however, have issues with people acting like martyrs because they are so NICE and MISUNDERSTOOD. Also, with being talked down to.hailmagus said:
Truth.VitalSigns said:
I think I'll leave it at "women assume niceness in their partners-- it's like assuming your car will come with wheels."
TBF, there's a lot of interesting psychological and patriarchal baggage with the whole "Bad Boy" thing as it gets marketed to, for, and about women. But I get the feeling that this thread is more of a "why do women like jerks instead of me?" and not really the place for a sensitive discussion of how the smog of sexism pervades our lives and alters our perceptions of gender roles.
That quote got all gibbered up. I can offer you not statistics other than when I worked in the lobby for a month and the more experianced officers (who have worked in the lobby for 10 years) said "there's always at least two guys here at any given time that have this many girlfriends no matter what" and IN the month I was there I saw 7 different men with this situation going on. To which the Sgt. In charge of the lobby for the last 11 years said "Yeah, that's about average." I certainly can't scan and post the forms as that would be ya know, stealing.Silva said:
